Does she really want MFM?

[rawdog]

My girlfriend (25) and I (26) have been together for just over 5 years now. Prior to getting together, I had been been with several ladies and had a very active sex life. She - on the other hand - had never been with another man before me.

Our sex life is what I'd consider "average." Things sometimes get a bit boring.

About two years ago, she started roleplaying a bit in bed. She liked to pretend I was an older man, sometimes a professor of hers, and that she was bad and needed to be fucked. I asked her (during sex) if she'd really like some older cock, and she got even more turned on and hit orgasm so fast...all while saying "yes!"

Other times, we will be fucking and she tells me to fuck her harder. I ask her if my cock is enough, or if she needs more - she says she wants more men, and of course, it triggers a huge argasm.

The other day at dinner, the waiter sort of hit on her. On the way home, she asked if I picked up on it, and she couldn't get off of that topic for about the next two hours. Later that night, we started banging. She kept saying things like "come on...give it to me...when I am done with you I should call Jerry (the waiter) and have him come give me some more thick dick!"

I recently ordered a 9" vibrator and a small jelly buttplug for her. While fucking on our anniversary, I mentioned the sexy items that were on their way, and that I know she has always wanted more cock other than mine, so I am going to give her a taste of that...explained she can have the plug in, while riding the vibe and sucking me off all at the same time. She exploded into orgasm instantly and said "really? really? yes please...i can't wait...i need it..."

We never talk about this stuff outside of bed. She is verrrrrry conservative (though she doesn't like to think so...trust me...she is). I know that there is some deep, inner freak in there waiting to come out in the bedroom. I think the toys will be a step toward that, but I just need some help understanding (maybe a female can chime in)...do the things above sound more like a fantasy that she would never want to consider in real life?

I know that ultimately everyone is going to say "ask her!!!" But I'd rather spare myself that conversation if it is worth avoiding in the first place. If you do think she might be seriously interested and not just caught up in the heat of the moment, what approach should I take? Maybe let her have the toys first...do some pillow talk and pretend like they are other guys...see how she reacts? How have others even brought this up? I mean...do you do it over dinner? Do you do it while watching the news? It isn't something normal like "how was your day???"...you know what I mean?

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by rawdog

I know that ultimately everyone is going to say "ask her!!!" But I'd rather spare myself that conversation if it is worth avoiding in the first place. If you do think she might be seriously interested and not just caught up in the heat of the moment, what approach should I take? Maybe let her have the toys first...do some pillow talk and pretend like they are other guys...see how she reacts? How have others even brought this up? I mean...do you do it over dinner? Do you do it while watching the news? It isn't something normal like "how was your day???"...you know what I mean?

If your relationship is not that to where you can feel comfortable having an open and honest conversation about anything (including sex) then your relationship is not ready to add another partners into it.

Use the toys as a step in the right direction. Continue to talk to her about sex and try to take it further (the discussion) in the bedroom and then work your way to discussing it out of the bedroom. To work on the latter a good step would be take her to an adult toy store (or shopping online) and look at toys together and talk about what turns her on and what she might like to find in her Christmas stalking. Take little steps towards increasing your out of the bedroom conversation about bedroom topics. Before you know it you will find that you will even be able to discuss the bigger topics (like whether or not she'd really like to bring that waiter home).

[rawdog]

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

If your relationship is not that to where you can feel comfortable having an open and honest conversation about anything (including sex) then your relationship is not ready to add another partners into it.

Use the toys as a step in the right direction. Continue to talk to her about sex and try to take it further (the discussion) in the bedroom and then work your way to discussing it out of the bedroom. To work on the latter a good step would be take her to an adult toy store (or shopping online) and look at toys together and talk about what turns her on and what she might like to find in her Christmas stalking. Take little steps towards increasing your out of the bedroom conversation about bedroom topics. Before you know it you will find that you will even be able to discuss the bigger topics (like whether or not she'd really like to bring that waiter home).

We definitely are strong enough to talk about anything - it is just a personal thing with me where I am a bit shy/reserved and don't know how to approach it without looking like I am coming out of left field. I like your suggestions on bringing up sexual conversation outside of the bedroom using toy shopping, etc., and maybe building up to mentioning the idea of others in the bedroom.

Thank you for your input - much appreciated.

[gnb4u]

Is your primary question, "does she want to have an MFM?" or is your question, "how do I get her to do an MFM or how do I bring up a real life MFM?

If your question is 'does she really want one in real life?' you have no other choice than to break down and ask her. Men live in a nuts and bolts world and when our wives/GFs/SOs say they want another cock while in the throes of passion we take them for their word and think of it as real life fact and feel it is our duty to make them happy. Women on the other hand are more adept at bringing fantasy into the bedroom and having fun with a fantasy world while not really having any actual interest or intent on living it out in the real world.

When you are saying it while engaged in sex and the hormones are flowing, that is enjoying a fantasy. If you want to bring up the idea of actually inviting a 3rd party into your bed, that needs to be brought up when you are stone-cold sober and in a completely nonsexual and nonstimulated state. Untill you two can discuss it while you are cleaning out the garage or in the car on the way home from taking the dog to the vet it is not a valid conversation.

At some point when you are in a nonstimulated state just ask her in an open and nonjudgemental yet serious manner if she is just having fun with fantasy or is she really interested bringing another party into your sexlife. Be willing to accept judgement and discuss whatever way she goes with that.

[gnb4u]

Here is another import point to keep in mind as well. Role playing, fantasy, dirty talk, toys, XXX movies etc etc are all perfectly valid and enjoyable forms of sexual fun and have intrinsic value on their own merits. If you two are enjoying the fun and extra stimulation of talking dirty and role playing in your sexlife go for it and enjoy it to it's fullest.

If after a hot session of dirty talk she goes back to her normal daily routine and doesn't seem like she has anything more she wants to talk about and she never brings up swinging on her own she may just be having fun with the fantasy and dirty talk and if you push her on this MFM thing too much she may think you are taking her too seriously with the dirty talk and she may become inhibited in the dirty talk and afraid to say anything for fear of you taking it too seriously and taking it at face value.

If you two are enjoying the fantasy and dirty talk and she doesn't seem interested in real life stuff at any other time she may just be enjoying the dirty talk and you don't want to ruin a good time by taking it at more than what it is.

It all goes back to that Men are from Mars, women from Venus thing. Men think in nuts and bolts terms. If a woman says she wants another cock while having hot and nasty sex, a man will think she is telling him factual information and that he should do something about it. Women think in terms of relationship, context and interrelation. If you are engaged in sex and doing dirty talk and sharing fantasy, she may just think it is how you relate to each other while having sex and it is all in the context of your sexlife and she has no real interest in a real life MFM at all.

[graygo98]

Can I ask you a related question: do you really want an MFM? If you do, could you tell my why you are interested?

Not really... I don't need or want to know. But if you answer the first question "yes" and can articulate why, then that is the conversation you should have with your wife. And don't do it in the throes of passion.... sometime after the breakfast dishes are cleared away on a Saturday morning is more the time and place.

Our story was pretty much like yours (except for the boring sex bit). One day (yes, a Saturday morning) I told Ms G that our role playing really turned me on. That it surprised me that those thoughts excited me rather than made me jealous or insecure, and that I had been cruising the 'net to learn more. Ask her what she thinks.

Her first answer might just be: "I'm not wired that way." And that might turn out to be her final answer. Or, the seed you plant that day might take root. Either way, if you don't ask will never find out. We certainly can't give you the answer.

[rawdog]

Update:
We talked last night. She said that she has been curious what another man would feel like inside of her, and that she is interested in trying...she just doesn't want me to be upset or use it as a reason to try and bring another girl into the bedroom.

The small problem is that she mentioned something about possibly taking a break so she can experience 2-3 other guys, and then get back together and resume our relationship.

I mentioned that I'd only be open to it if I was there to share her experience and she said she didn't know that she'd like having me there at all.

Sooo...I got my answer - she meant what she said during the pillow talk. But our approaches at exploring it are pointing in opposite directions.

I am very confused.

[LFM2]

Well, from what I've read so far, this isn't swinging in anyway shape or form. Swinging is something that you do together and both agree to. There is also a big heaping pile of respect and trust mixed in as well. When she doesn't want you there but just to experience this herself, I'm thinking she just might want your permission to cheat. In a committed relationship, this is something that could be experienced together.

I'm not saying what she's wanting to do is wrong. I don't really know what you're thinking is on swinging separately are, and this might be right up both of your alleys, but this wouldn't fly in my house. It's the "taking a break" thing that sends up big red flags.

Both your thoughts are complete opposites. She doesn't want you to have a different relationship while she's out experiencing other guys, but would just like to have different sex from different men to gain that experience. Like I said, in a committed relationship, that is something that can be done together.

Now, my thinking could be totally off. I just woke up from two days of work and I'm not really all here. Maybe someone else can give a clearer thought.

[slevin]

It sounds to me like she likes the stability of her relationship with you. You are the nice guy who would make a good husband and father; what she is looking for is the fun and excitement of someone who is a lover and not a provider. Very interesting that she has verbalized this with you.

How is your relationship with her in general? Do you guys have sex often? Aside from the fantasizing in the bedroom do you guys explore and try new things together? Does she always cum when you fuck her? Outside of sex and the relationship do you lead an exciting life? Do you have friends and hobbies that you pursue aside from your relationship with her?

[Chicup]

Originally Posted by rawdog

The small problem is that she mentioned something about possibly taking a break so she can experience 2-3 other guys, and then get back together and resume our relationship.

I'd put that one in as 'letting you down easy'.

[iapr]

Originally Posted by rawdog

Update:
We talked last night. She said that she has been curious what another man would feel like inside of her, and that she is interested in trying...she just doesn't want me to be upset or use it as a reason to try and bring another girl into the bedroom.

The small problem is that she mentioned something about possibly taking a break so she can experience 2-3 other guys, and then get back together and resume our relationship.

I mentioned that I'd only be open to it if I was there to share her experience and she said she didn't know that she'd like having me there at all.

Sooo...I got my answer - she meant what she said during the pillow talk. But our approaches at exploring it are pointing in opposite directions.

I am very confused.

I do not think you are confused. I think you do not agree with or are comfortable with what she is wanting to do and I think you are rightly concerned and I think you have just cause to not want to condone this.

What she is talking about is NOT swinging and it is NOT condusive to a healthy happy relationship. When women talk about "taking a break" what they are saying is they want to go back onto the market and date and fuck other men but if they can't find another man better than you then they want to come home to you and take up where they left off.

Basically what she is saying is she wants to screw other guys and wants you out of the picture and out of her way when she does it. What she is saying between the lines is she wants to try out some other guys for size and if none of them fit then she wants to come home to you and she wants you waiting there for her and she doesn't want you finding anyone else in the mean time.

In other words she wants to see other people, keep her options open about finding someone else that she likes better but in the mean time keep you as her backup plan or "fall-back" guy.

The real tough part here is you are both young, you have been together since you were very young and it is within her right to keep looking at this point. What she is saying is she is not convinced that you are "THE ONE" and she wants to play the field a bit and see if he is out there.

If she wants to date and fuck other men you really are not in any position to stop that. You can not control her, you only have control over what your actions are. If you are not ok with her little scheme you have to say so. You can be a doormat and get walked on or you can stand up for your own interest and continue to try and negotiate a fair solution that you can live with. Or you can use this as an opportunity to get back into the market yourself and start dating others as well.


This is not a swinging issue. This is a relationship and dating issue. By her saying she does not want you present when she fucks these guys that means she is not interested in swinging but rather she is interested in potentially looking for a new man.

Your challenge in this is deciding which course of action is in YOUR best interests.

[arvcpl]

Originally Posted by rawdog

Update:

The small problem is that she mentioned something about possibly taking a break so she can experience 2-3 other guys, and then get back together and resume our relationship.

RED FLAG ALERT! RED FLAG ALERT! Scotty get the deflector shields up and charge up the main phazer banks, we're going into battle!!

Whenever a woman talks about breaks she is just not finishing the term BREAKING UP.

I agree with the others that have said this not about swinging and that this is a big warning sign that she is just plain wanting to graze in some greener pastures and just hasn't got her courage up to break up yet. Women in relationships they are satisfied with don't take breaks, they are there day and day out and want you to be as well. In the case of young unmarried women they are usually pushing for MORE committment and not less.

She is wanting to look around some more and quite frankly, at your ages that is not an unreasonable thing. I agree with Iapr, you cannot control her but you can do whats best for you. The way I see it you have some options here. You can stay and fight in which case she will see you as an asshole that is trying to "control" her and will give her the ammunition she needs to dump you and tell her all her friends what a puke you are.

You can try and work out what she feels she is needing and see if you can mend things which maybe you can and maybe you can't. Or if a break up is inevitable go ahead and negotiate out as peacefull and amicable breakup as possible and then if your paths cross again in 5 years maybe you can work something out.

If you split up however don't be a pussy and go along with this fucking a handfull of guys and coming back crap. If she wants to go onto the dating market that is fine and that is her right but it is your right as well. There is someone out there for her and there is somone out there for you. If she can look for Mr Right you can look for Ms Right and if she tells you to "wait" for her tell her you need to get to the drug store to buy condoms before it closes then reposes her keys to your place and shew her out of the house before you lock the door and drive away.

[turnuptheheat]

Uh yeah. She is breaking up with you.
Is that not obvious?
Either there is major denial here or much more than the post shows.

[lovinher]

This gives "love is blind" a new meaning.

Imagine a friend of yours telling you this. What would you think?

[ncmd_couple]

God, I'm glad that I'm old and don't have to deal with this anymore, Amen....