Does she really want MFM?

[fun4Ds]

Originally Posted by rawdog

Update:
We talked last night. She said that she has been curious what another man would feel like inside of her, and that she is interested in trying...she just doesn't want me to be upset or use it as a reason to try and bring another girl into the bedroom.

The small problem is that she mentioned something about possibly taking a break so she can experience 2-3 other guys, and then get back together and resume our relationship.

I mentioned that I'd only be open to it if I was there to share her experience and she said she didn't know that she'd like having me there at all.

Sooo...I got my answer - she meant what she said during the pillow talk. But our approaches at exploring it are pointing in opposite directions.

I am very confused.

Dont feel bad about being confused. Been there a few times myself

Sometimes, it's hard enough to explain what we are thinking to our partners. Add sex with other people to the mix, and it get's even harder to listen and understand. I feel like she has a right to feel the way she does. Everyone is entitled.

I can't help think you brought up this fantasy sex talk and playing. Now she is considering having sex with another man, in reality, probably the only way she understands. She has that right ya know. I mean what is she supposed to think ? Not understanding the total concept of swinging.

I think your taking a few short jabs at the conversation and this post, is more of the things you may not have wanted to hear. She deserves credit for telling you this. Would you have rather her told you, what she thought you wanted to hear ?

I have to ask, how much of an informed decision is she able to make about swinging ?

How much experiance could she have had with couples or women that she could talk with ?

Has she had a chance to overview the lifestyle concept, other than what you are putting on the table ?

[knb2004]

I think most of what needs to be said has been said, except for one point.

You said that she was somewhat open to the idea of bringing another man in, but that she didn't want you to use that as an excuse to bring in another woman. You are free to have whatever boundaries and rules you wish to have amongst yourselves, of course, and I'm sure some here would disagree with my take on this, but I feel like when it comes to swinging, what's good for the goose is good for the gander. "I can fuck other men, but you can't fuck other women" (or vice versa) is selfish, and I suspect will eventually lead to resentment.

Of course, virtually all of our play is with other couples, which is a bit different, but if someone came to me and said "I'm going to fuck your wife but you can't touch mine", let's just say we'd be moving on.

[BiloxiCouple]

Here's an oldie but goodie ... Show her this thread and website.

[couplers]

This is Petra. One great piece of advice given in this thread is to explain and confirm (or deny) things said in the heat of passion. When I finally came around to wanting hubby to play with another woman I would tell him while we were screwing and all revved up. He thought it was fantasy only and he didn't discuss it further. After I told him a couple of times (sort of out of the blue) while we were in the car going shopping or working in the yard, we got the reality side engaged to make the fantasy side happen to both (I should say ALL) our satisaction.

[Edison Carter]

Ed here-- She needs to go and get this out of her system. She has plans and they do not include you. Sir, you may not be out of the room, yet you are certainly being handed your hat.

Alternatively, she wants to sexually explore without you. There is no way to predict what that means for your long term relationship. Only you can decide what you want. Yet, I do recommend that if she goes out in the 'wild' and she comes back to you, you make certain she is tested for STD's and yourself too, if you have engaged other people.

However, in situations like this, I tend to take gentlemanly control: "I think you are right about us not seeing each other as you explore the world of other sexual partners. Give me a call in three months or so if you like."

And then you go. You don't call, email or text her. You have had other women, you know what you have, perhaps she needs to learn what she has with you. If she calls you before three months explain,"Your three months aren't up yet. Call me then," and end the call.

I had this happen under similar circumstances when I was 25. And while it nearly killed me to let her go, I really 'dodged a bullet'. She went out and had her fun and we never did connect again. Well, time is the great equalizer. She's been married and divorced three times and has three kids, etc. Not that there's anything wrong with that, I'm just happy to not be in the debris field of a lot of drama.

Ultimately, as the song goes, the hotel of lost companions waits with heated pool and bar.