Trying to talk my wife into swinging

[lhtss]

hi trying to talk the wife into meeting some people but no luck so far what do i do ?

[JustAskJulie]

How have your conversations with her gone so far?

[fun4Ds]

I think you can talk to your wife about Swinging, or how you feel it might be something enjoyable for the both of you.

I wouldn't think you could talk her into it though. Not in that aspect at least.

It would be like talking someone into, jumping off a cliff.

That may sound silly to some, but swinging without the assurance of everything turning out fine... is scary.

How have you talked to her so far ?

What are her reactions or feelings ?

[rudrjunk]

Hi,

Swinging is and has been a topic of conversation for me and my wife for a very long time. Everyone will advise you that communication is a must. And I completely agree with that.

Swinging is a mindset that has to be nurtured and let mature. I have made mistakes in introducing my wife to others with the intent of swinging and we had even spoken about it. But then everything never happens as planned.

Keep your communication channels all open, but try not to badger her into taking over a swinging mindset. She will be ready when she will be ready.

My communication channels opened with my wife on the day after we got married. And it took her 18 years to have her breast massaged for 3 minutes by another person. This happened 3 weeks ago. Today, she wants to try being BI...Am I surprised? Hell yeah!. But it is upto her when she really wants to do something different.

So keep communicating with her and introduce her to this forum. Lots of experienced people/couples and tons of friendly advice.

Keep the fun going -

[2inSanDiego4u]

Originally Posted by lhtss

what do i do ?

See if you can get her to sign up here and talk about it. That is a good first step. If she has issues about swinging that she wants to discuss openly, this is THE place.

[realcplub2]

Swinging is, for couples, a partnership between BOTH people.

What do I mean by that, well, if BOTH parties are willing,m its all good, If both parties are honest with each other, its all good, and if they TALK about what they want, what they feel, or felt during whatever activity they pursue, then Its all good..

On the other hand, if one partner wants to do something, try something and the other isnt into it, or flat out doesnt want to.. its GAME OVER.. Both people need to be on the same page at all times.

Swinging by AMBUSH, is a perfect receipe for destruction.

Now as far as bringing a spouse to the idea of swinging, it can be as simple as discussing thier fantasies. Most people harbor fantasies that involve faceless other people, as in multiple people. Ask Any guy, and they will tell you they have all had a moment or two where the idea of being with 2, 3, or however many more women at the same time appealed to him.. And women, according to studies, have the same in reverse, meaning entertaining multiple men.. perhaps at the same time, or one after the other..

Discussing your fatnasies as a couple can be cathardic, in that even though you have been with that person for many years, you may learn things you never knew.. and they can learn things they never knew about you..

Jeez, I didnt know you were always wanted to have sex at the top of a lighthouse...

So, our suggestion would be to start there.. once you get her to open up about what SHE wants.. then see where that leads..

For more ideas you can always take a look at our blog.. getting started

[az469]

look if your wife is not interested in swinging ,well thats it
you cannot force or concere her into it.
so it must stay a fanasty for now

[Willing29]

Can't be done! You can bring here to read postings on this board and you can talk to her about it but you cant "talk her into it". Maybe the first step is to get both of you to talk about your fantasies. Just like another post I made yesterday the word TALK keeps popping up. That's all you can do, is talk, talk talk. It's a start.

[midnightplayer]

I am pleased with this post and I agree with everyone on here that indicated you can't force anyone into swinging. The dilima I am in is that my wife seems to have shut down all of her sexual interest. I can not get her to discuss our own sexual play in the bedroom the next day. I can't get her to discuss any of her sexual fantacies, or anything about her sexual needs. Seems she doesn't have any. All that being said I respect her lack of interest, some women just loose sexual interests as they go through menopause and some women go the other way and become raging nymphs. Most of my male friends accept the lack of sexual play as a normal aging process. Not me I am going to the nursing home kicking and screaming no not yet.
I will respect her desire to not play or to play only when "she" thinks I need to get my nuts off. But that is not going to be how I want to lead my life. I want to have a very active and sensual sex life. So we have only a limited number of choices. 1. Remain this way and she is happy and I am miserable. 2. She accepts the chance of swinging with me and opening up her horizons to new sexual play. It is just sex. 3. We remain married and we morph into an open marriage and she has her vanilla friends, we have our mutual vanilla friends, we muturally socialize my swinging friends that she might enjoy without sex, and I have my swinging friends that I get naked with. Oh I am into couples not looking for a gf. 4. Lastly, we need to separate and have an orderly divorce and we go our separate ways and lead our lives as we see fit.
This is what I and many many husbands have to deal with when the wife is in a position that limits our enjoyment of life. Thanks for the post very thought provoking

[pervgeeks]

Originally Posted by midnightplayer

I am pleased with this post and I agree with everyone on here that indicated you can't force anyone into swinging. The dilima I am in is that my wife seems to have shut down all of her sexual interest. I can not get her to discuss our own sexual play in the bedroom the next day. I can't get her to discuss any of her sexual fantacies, or anything about her sexual needs. Seems she doesn't have any. All that being said I respect her lack of interest, some women just loose sexual interests as they go through menopause and some women go the other way and become raging nymphs. Most of my male friends accept the lack of sexual play as a normal aging process. Not me I am going to the nursing home kicking and screaming no not yet.
I will respect her desire to not play or to play only when "she" thinks I need to get my nuts off. But that is not going to be how I want to lead my life. I want to have a very active and sensual sex life. So we have only a limited number of choices. 1. Remain this way and she is happy and I am miserable. 2. She accepts the chance of swinging with me and opening up her horizons to new sexual play. It is just sex. 3. We remain married and we morph into an open marriage and she has her vanilla friends, we have our mutual vanilla friends, we muturally socialize my swinging friends that she might enjoy without sex, and I have my swinging friends that I get naked with. Oh I am into couples not looking for a gf. 4. Lastly, we need to separate and have an orderly divorce and we go our separate ways and lead our lives as we see fit.
This is what I and many many husbands have to deal with when the wife is in a position that limits our enjoyment of life. Thanks for the post very thought provoking

From the sound of your issue, it's not a swinging type of problem. Is your wife willing to go to her doctor and perhaps do something to adjust her hormone levels? If it's physiological, things can be done. If it's emotional or some combination thereof, is she willing to go to couples counseling or sex therapy?

In all honesty, what would be in this for another couple? My husband brings his wife to the table (me) who's sexually enthusiastic and fun (whom we are both happily in love) and in return we get....

Marital discord and no female partner in return.

Swinging is a couples thing for secure, in love couples to enhance our sex lives (and perhaps meet some new, like-minded friends in the process). It's not a gift to the the guys out there who "aren't getting any". We empathize with your problem as we were both in prior marriages with people we weren't sexually compatible with, but step outside of your issue a little and understand that what you are seeking isn't what the lifestyle is about.

[iapr]

Originally Posted by midnightplayer

I am pleased with this post and I agree with everyone on here that indicated you can't force anyone into swinging. The dilima I am in is that my wife seems to have shut down all of her sexual interest. I can not get her to discuss our own sexual play in the bedroom the next day. I can't get her to discuss any of her sexual fantacies, or anything about her sexual needs. Seems she doesn't have any. All that being said I respect her lack of interest, some women just loose sexual interests as they go through menopause and some women go the other way and become raging nymphs. Most of my male friends accept the lack of sexual play as a normal aging process. Not me I am going to the nursing home kicking and screaming no not yet.
I will respect her desire to not play or to play only when "she" thinks I need to get my nuts off. But that is not going to be how I want to lead my life. I want to have a very active and sensual sex life. So we have only a limited number of choices. 1. Remain this way and she is happy and I am miserable. 2. She accepts the chance of swinging with me and opening up her horizons to new sexual play. It is just sex. 3. We remain married and we morph into an open marriage and she has her vanilla friends, we have our mutual vanilla friends, we muturally socialize my swinging friends that she might enjoy without sex, and I have my swinging friends that I get naked with. Oh I am into couples not looking for a gf. 4. Lastly, we need to separate and have an orderly divorce and we go our separate ways and lead our lives as we see fit.
This is what I and many many husbands have to deal with when the wife is in a position that limits our enjoyment of life. Thanks for the post very thought provoking

I agree with pervgeeks in that this is not a swinging issue but rather a relationship issue and may or may not be at all related to the OP.

Menopause and the aging process may affect the libido in a number of ways but a lack of desire for love, closeness, warmth, affection, companionship and even sexual contact is NOT a normal part of the aging process. The desire for those things are taken to the grave.

What you are describing is probably a relationship issue and if there are problems within the relationship even bringing up the topic of swinging will have a profoundly negative impact.

She surely already knows you are dissatisfied with your sexlife at home (it may even be intentional) and if you start suggesting you bring other people into your bedroom to satisfy your needs it will be like throwing gas on the fire.

During problems in the relationship you need to turn inward into the relationship for resolution and not turn outwards to look for quick fixes on the outside.

[iapr]

Originally Posted by pervgeeks

Swinging is a couples thing for secure, in love couples to enhance our sex lives (and perhaps meet some new, like-minded friends in the process). It's not a gift to the the guys out there who "aren't getting any". .

This is one of the greatest quotes about swinging that I've heard in a long time! So true in many ways.

[slevin]

Excellent advice, as always, from iapr and also from pervgeeks.

To build on that, since I totally agree this is a relationship issue; what are you doing to make her sexually excited? Are you active outside of the house and your marriage? Are you going to the gym, pursuing hobbies, playing sports, trying new activities, having time out with friends, doing things with your kids, inviting her to try new (non-sexual) things with you? Are you living an exciting life? Are you seducing her, flirting with her?

Or are you sitting at home, watching TV and hoping she'll be a horny slut that wants to fuck when you're done with football? (Bad stereotype, not suggesting this is actually you, just making a point).

The thing about a relationship is that often times most problems can be solved by one of the two people taking a leadership role.

[tankman101]

Originally Posted by lhtss

hi trying to talk the wife into meeting some people but no luck so far what do i do ?

Your going to have to give people a little more info to work with. How the heck should we know?

What have you done? Whats your relationship like? What does she say then you bring it up?

[celtic239]

midnight - about three years ago my wife told me that she would be perfectly happy if she never had sex again. I for one was not amused. We are both in our fifty's. I hit the internet hard and became way too familar with female sexual dysfuntion websites. After several months of research I typed a letter to my wife and read it to her. In it I told her how much I loved her and how I believed that her having a fulfilling sex life was important. I stated that her lack of desire could be due to (a) a chemical/hormonal imbalance and that she could be a candidate for HRT, (b) that her lack of interest in sex could be because of her lack of wanting to have sex with me and I told her that she could take on a lover and I wouldn't be jealous and (c) that we go to a clothing optional resort to try to expand our sexual boundaries.
Bottom line is that we have been to Desires three times and just visited our first swingers clob. We have not swung but then again my original intention was to get the spice back into our lives. Unfortunately for me the thought of the Lifestyle does appeal to me and for some strange reason MFM is a fantasy that, I for one, would love to have with the Mrs. She on the other hand, after three years and thousands of dollars spent on vacations and almost every Black Lace book ever written, still won't even tell me what her fantasies are. I should add that we have been married for almost 28 years.
The only advice I can give you is to treat her with respect and dignity, be prepared to take a few more cold showers than you would expect and "give time time".