Trying to talk my wife into swinging

[pervgeeks]

Originally Posted by iapr

This is one of the greatest quotes about swinging that I've heard in a long time! So true in many ways.

Why thank you! I try.

[jalmay]

Originally Posted by lhtss

hi trying to talk the wife into meeting some people but no luck so far what do i do ?

Sometimes, this is a sign that the wife has her own extramarital affair, that is how she is satisfied, and likes to play the honest way infront of her husband,

[want2knowmore]

Several times in this, and other threads, I noticed that the women are not willing to share thier fantasy. As this is part of the theme of my own story, why is it that women feel they must bury thier fantasy? Could this habit have some sort of adverse effects that lead to the lack of desire for sex?

[PB&J]

As I've said before in another thread, I personally don't have sexual fantasies. I live in the moment, enjoy myself immensely, and then move on.
This does not make me frigid, passive, unadventurous, or without interest in sex. Just ask my husband or playmates. Or listen outside the door while I scream.

[want2knowmore]

Didn't mean to make it statement with out variations or offend.
I think that when someone represses a thought or desire it effects them in ways they may not be aware of. A previous poster was talking about his wifes lack of desire. It was simply something I noticed in the post and in my own life. So the jist was if some one buries thier sexual desires CAN it also shut down thier sex drive. (which is what I think maybe happening in my sitituation) My wife will make very vague remarks, and when I ask for a little more information she refuses and shut right down. I have approached this in diffrent ways and guessing what she is trying to communicate has been about 50/50.

While I do not deny you have no fantasy you are also living in a lifestyle that offers more than what is availible to the "vanilla" world. Besides I doubt anyone in the SL can be called frigid, passive, unadventurous, or without interest in sex.

I have been with other women, before being married, that were not comfortable talking about thier sexual desires or wants. ( One of the reasons I enjoy this board is because people tend to be more willing to share thoughts, and I have learned a thing or two)

There is also the possiblity that I miss read your post, I don't always catch tone. If I upset you I apologize.

[PB&J]

No, that's ok, I wasn't offended. Just don't assume that in the case of your wife, or others, that the fantasies are there but there's something holding her back. It could be any number of factors that have contributed to a lack of sexual desire.

As well, pushing too hard to find those fantasies could scare her off, instead of relaxing her to the point where she's comfortable sharing. If she sees your no doubt honest efforts to establish better communication as a sort of criticism, as in, "Why can't you tell me your fantasies? What's wrong with you?" I'm not implying that's what you've actually said, but that might be what she thinks she's hearing. If she feels that you're not happy with the sexual relationship that the two of you share, a misreading of your efforts could decrease her sexual self-esteem and lead to a downward spiral.

[want2knowmore]

Nah, I get what you are saying and to some extent that was probly the case early on. We have been together for a long time, nearly 2 decades. I don't push it, something I learned here, I try to communicate my sincerest feelings. (Something I was never good at) I still try though. It will be like some comment she makes and I'll ask her to explain, and she just flat out refuses. Go figure. Any ways that is why I asked. I have no interest in leaving her. I know her so well, but she seems to have a wall when it comes to sex.

Anyways my question was a bit pyscological more than anything else. I got to stop hijacking threads.

it might be awhile before I get back, so thanks....

[PB&J]

That sounds like what my husband might have said a couple of years ago. Hey, people change.

[lhtss]

I want to thank you all for your input

[Sonja&Brett]

My wife also refuses to share her fantasies. She regularly uses her vibrator when I'm not around. I've asked her what she fantasizes about when she is masturbating. Nothing, she says. "I just get into the feeling." Maybe so. I just need to get a vision in my head to cum. I'd thought that if she did have a fantasy, we might get to the point where she welcomed acting it out at a swing club. We do go to swing clubs. Both of us love the erotic atmosphere, and have great sex in the private rooms. When I've suggested having sex in the more open areas, she has said no. This is interesting to me because she loves to cum on the jacuzzi jets, and doesn't care how many people are in the hot tub. This situation changed on our last visit to the Sea Mountain Nude Spa in Desert Hot Springs. There were 8 couples in the spa pool. We had been drinking for several hours. My wife switched from sitting on my lap to facing the jet. She positioned herself on the jet and told me to play with her ass. While she worked the jet on her clit she looked around to see if people were watching. When she began to cum, I fucked her ass with my finger. After several powerful orgasms, she turned to me and said,"Did my ass like your finger?" "Oh yes," I said. Next she said,"All the guys were watching and smiling."

She saw that the DJ was playing some club music in the playroom. "Let's go in there and dance," she said. As the beat became hotter, 3 couples laid down on the round bed. My wife pulled me down on the bed and pushed my head down between her legs. All of the other women were being eaten by their their partners. My wife was worked into a frenzy, and said, to my complete surprise, "Fuck me!" I quickly entered her. Looking at the other couples on the bed, I saw that all were fucking. What a turn on. My wife loved it. We went back to our room where she gave me a great blow job.

We haven''t talked about this experience. She apparently likes to separate the reality of what she likes to do when she has a buzz from how she feels when sober. I just hope that our next trip to the Sea Mountain will bring us even more adventure.

[swingingnites]

Wow! You are a great story teller...

[lhtss]

Boy i really started some thing here.
All of your in put and ideas where and are greatly appreciated.
Yes I agree communication is the key but some times I'm afraid to let her know how I feel.
I love her very much and she doesn't do any thing sexual unless I 'm involve (no she doesn't masturbate) I just introduced a vibrator to our bed and she really got off and recently


she went to a ladies party and bought some more toys so I might be making progress.I really want to thank you all for your comments you people are the reason I want us to be involved with the life style thank you again

[My Next 65]

I have said this before. Everyone has a persona, the person that others see us as being. We configure our thoughts and feelings to conform ourselves to that image. We become that person. We may actually have a different view of what we want, who we see ourselves as being buried deep beneath the expectations, the inhibitions and the social correctness of our environment. I think perhaps buried in all of us is a natural desire for sex that would not limit us to one partner or even one gender if it were not for all the reasons amassed over tens of thousands of years that has made marriage and fidelity and gender the norm. In todays world it is within our ability to protect all these reasons in our social life and let loose our inner desires with controlled abandon.
Those who swing find other swingers. They do not reveal themselves to vanilla friends who see them in their own image. Our wives would not strip naked before one of our vanilla friends because it is totally out of charachter and unexceptable behavior. Yet with the inhibitions lifted amoung other swingers who do not expect differently. she may strip, seduce and engage in sex with a number of men without an inhibition. I think there is a naturally born gene for sex. I think that the first step in releasing it is to find there is no sin of the flesh, no sin in the natural desire for sex. In marriage this has to be understood by both, that in a secure loving marriage of trust and dedication, it must be understood that nothing is lost or given away. It is part of life to be experienced as playtime, a passion to be felt with all the chemistry of pleasures it brings. The exhileration of running naked on a beach. A relationship between husband and wife is what each expects the other to be.
When a man and a wife can see that light, only then can it be. It cannot be coerced, it must come to light from the inner realization that it is nothing more than adults at play. How you show her that, I think, is to come to know each other beneath the inhibitations of persona.


I am not an advisor, I just play one on Swingers Board.