Can Swinging, really spice it up?

[NymphoWind]

Well i haven't been on here lately, but with some new found time, I'm glad to come back and check things out..

ANYWAYS!
For anyone who hasn't read any of my past threads, I'm part of a couple, and we're very new to the lifestyle, or more over still in the place of possibilities..
We're both interested in the lifestyle, and for sure there is one side of us that wants to really check it out, and another side still wavering..
Well more so wavering on the female half of this couple anyways.. lol

The thing is, I personally have a massive sex drive, I'm a free spirit, always in seek of adventure and fun, and feel life's just way too short to sit around especially without a someone on top..
Anyways like I said, I'm very adventurous, when it comes down to it, I even love having the conversations about sex, swinging, threesome, group sex and all that good stuff.. The only issues i have inside is a small wonder if anyone could be a threat to my relationship, or if i may get jealous at all..
But then again, in a way I realize that weeding out the threat is in high chance if i really take my time in finding the right person, and staying on top of the rules, as for the jealous part, it somewhat stands in contradiction with the very fact that i know the very idea of my partner being please turns me on and sets me into a very aroused mood..
Anyways to the point, I'm pretty comfortable talking and looking into the whole world of sex, but my partner is understandably not as comfortable as i am, and a little more on the shy side..

But i have to admit, over the time we have been together, i have gotten her to open up to me on a sexual level, and from what i have seen i can tell there is without a doubt a sexual freak inside!! *YES!!* lol

Unfortunately her sex drive isn't as high as mine is, even fantasies that I would have never accepted before, hearing it from her, really makes me smash through those old restrictions in myself and makes me curious to check it out.. Example:I never use to be open to inviting another man into the bed room, but ever since i have been with the female half of myself, the very idea of her taking two rock hard penises drives me crazy..

Actually the thing is, our sex was just great, and hot, and then it slowed down, we decided that we should try different things to heat things up, and boy did toys, new odd positions, adult movies, and straight fantasizing really spice up some aspects of our breaking set sex..

She has opened that fantasy of having two guys with me, and isn't too interested in having another girl join, but is up for it if i really want to give it a shot, but when i ask if she wants to have the MFM thing first and say how about i plan one this weekend she'll seem excited but at the same time waver one whether she wants it or not, saying she does want it, but may want to wait before giving it a shot, which is why we haven't dived into anything yet..

But with it clear how much it turns her one to have two to play with, the problem is our sex life just kind of changed out of no where, we stop doing it as often as we did, she started to stop doing things she use to do, which eventually led to me, not doing things so often as well, from here it went from "Oh my god I think I'm over sexed" to almost never having it..

I have asked whats up, and why we don't do things like wild bunnies anymore, and she simply says "I don't know.."
And when i suggest "How about we kick it up again? maybe see if we can break any records.. *Wink*Wink*" She just kinds of laughs..
But again things haven't gotten as great as they once were..
Maybe at best we have sex once every 2 weeks now..
(Which is so not good for my inner wildness..) haha..

Anyways I've been curious to see how i can really turn her on, and even bring her to my level of things..

Would Setting up a MFM something of her wildest fantasies be a good way to open that door to her naughty drive?

We talk often, but it seems our conversations lead to good ideas, talks about how we do want to try these things pretty bad..
Sometimes it comes down to her saying.. "I guess I'll be up for anything depending on my mood, if i feel horny enough.."
Or "If you do set something up, i guess we'll have to give it a try.."

What do you think i should do? Should i fulfill her fantasy?
Will that make her more open and, comfortable with the whole thing revolving sex?
Is there anything i can do, to really kick our sex life back to the way it use to be.. I mean we are a young couple, not one of those that has been married to each other for years, sick and tired and waiting for the other to die.. haha So I do feel we should still be having fun in the bed room and out of it, only the fun in the room seems to be suffering..
I hope i can find ways to have her on my level, i love her a lot, but having play alone is all that fun anymore.. And with all this locked down wildness inside, i think i may just explode.. haha

Anyways i had another question but I've suddenly lost my train of thought..

Hope to hear what the board as to say.. thanks

[ncmd_couple]

Wind,

Well, there are a lot of things that can affect someone’s sex drive. Life’s pressures, work, kids, and medical conditions or medications. There is no telling what is causing her to be less interested than in the past. Those are things that the two of you need to talk about. If you do set up a MFM, make sure that you don’t surprise her with it. But I think the two of you have a lot of talking in front of you before you go there. Good luck!

S

[iapr]

Multiple issues taking place here.

First and foremost before you even consider inviting someone else into your bedroom you MUST have a rock solid marraige and completely clear channels of communication.

In people with excellent communication, a good and satisfying sex life and a rock solid marriage with no hidden agendas or cracks in the foundation, swinging can make the flames burn hotter. If there are any problems in the marriage swinging will bring everything crashing down in a ball of flames.

From what you have written I am kind of on the fence as to where you fall at present. I am kind of concerned that it sounds like you have a very mismatched level of sex drive and there is a possibility for some problems there.

It would come down to your reason for wanting to get into swinging. If you are wanting to swing because your needs aren't being met at home and you are wanting to screw other chicks, that will bring things crashing down pretty fast.

If that is a concern of mine as a total stranger, it is a fair assumption that your wife may be concerned about the same thing. If she is feeling inadaquate and that she isn't taking care of you the last thing she is going to want to do is put you in an environment where you may start looking to meet your needs elsewhere.

Doing some serious soul-searching and addressing that and coming face to face with your own demons may be the first step you need to take. If you are having some maritial or relationship issues those will HAVE repeat HAVE! to be addressed and corrected completely before giving any real consideration to swinging.

[iapr]

Oh and this is REALLY important, do NOT under any circumstances try and set up any kind of meeting with another man/men without her full knowledge and consent....EVER! She will need to have complete buy-in with the whole process from start to finish in order for this to work. If you do not have her complete buy-in, you are dead in the water.

Making arraingements with someone to suprise your wife makes a good fantasy and it makes good porn but in real life it blows up in your face fast.

In order for anything to happen whether it is a couple, single fem or single male, she needs to have buy-in and be an active and involved participant otherwise it just won't work.

Address the issues at home before you start sniffing around the neighborhood.

[dnmnms]

If my marriage/relationship was in a situation where I felt we needed to go outside of marriage for something missing at home I would trend very carefully.
Now, while we all experience "spice and excitement" in the LS, I feel it isnt something we search for due to it lacking at home. IMHO thats a disaster coming your way. Now, thats just my opinion but to really cut loose and experience all that the LS brings you need to have a solid marriage.
This isnt going to fix any area.....Its something that is mutually satisfying to both.

Melody

[prettylady]

Sex life comes in waves, sometimes up, sometimes down. Don't fret over not getting enough right now. You stated that your rekindled before, you will rekindlle again.

Dog and I are pretty much on the plane as you and your wife. Dog is all over the idea of swinging and threesomes and house parties. I tend to take up the rear on that train ride.
Don't get me wrong, I love the lifestyle, but I need more time with the idea of meeting up with a couple then he does.

A good place to start would be dirty talk in bed, let the fantasies fly. I believe you have already took that step...good for you.

Another step that worked for me was going to a club and meeting some swingers. Go with the intention that there will be NO playing that night. Plus be fully aware that a swing club is NOTHING like you have ever seen before. Mine and Dogs first time in a swing club I spent most of the time holding so tight to Dog that I am surpised his arm did fall off from lack of blood.
I have NEVER up until then seen two women making out. WOW what an experience that was, and as a straight female it was hard to adjust the first time. The second and everytime after has gotten better. I now dance with the women, but nothing else not sure if the day will come where I ever take it farther then just dancing.

Something that surpised me about a threesome either way is that the women don't HAVE to make out. Dog had a wonderful time with myself and another women and we didn't even kiss the entire time. It was all about Dog.

Please be patient with your lovely lady. If the lifestyle is for you as a couple the day will come when she can break through the barriers and have fun with it. If you support and not push her you will have a fantastic time. If she does this for you......she will never forgive herself or you for that night.

Shyness does not have to be an issue in the lifestyle either. I am painfully shy when I am out of my element. I find making eyes at the people I am intrested in helps because I don't have to talk so much.

Best of luck
Your friend,
Prettylady

[screaminggood]

Prettylady has said it all!

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by NymphoWind

I have asked whats up, and why we don't do things like wild bunnies anymore, and she simply says "I don't know.."
And when i suggest "How about we kick it up again? maybe see if we can break any records.. *Wink*Wink*" She just kinds of laughs..
But again things haven't gotten as great as they once were..
Maybe at best we have sex once every 2 weeks now..
(Which is so not good for my inner wildness..) haha..

Anyways I've been curious to see how i can really turn her on, and even bring her to my level of things..

This happens, it's a normal part of relationships. Things in life sometimes get in the way (because we let them), and also the things that really turn us on sometimes we overdo them. The new toys, the new positions, eventually even those become routine... so that sex then becomes routine all over again.

How do you increase sex? In our house it's by increasing sex. By setting a premeditated plan to do just that. The needs of women and men are different. For most guys it's just a matter of sex, this makes it easier for the woman to be the ones to re-invigorate things. However, if it's the guy trying to increase things, he's got more work on his hands. Because what most women want is more than just the sex, and it takes us (women) more to be ready for sex than it does most guys. So what do you have to do? Romance, massages, bubble baths, etc.

Originally Posted by NymphoWind

Would Setting up a MFM something of her wildest fantasies be a good way to open that door to her naughty drive?

It might work, but it might not.

Originally Posted by NymphoWind

We talk often, but it seems our conversations lead to good ideas, talks about how we do want to try these things pretty bad..
Sometimes it comes down to her saying.. "I guess I'll be up for anything depending on my mood, if i feel horny enough.."
Or "If you do set something up, i guess we'll have to give it a try.."

She definately wants you to DO SOMETHING! to get things going again, but I don't know if setting up a threesome is that something you need to do (at least not at first).

Perhaps instead of just jumping into that, you should plan a romantic night with her, tie her to the bed and attack her with a dildo and pretend it's a threesome, giving her a play by play of what "he" is doing to her and what you are doing at the same time. Get that whole fantasy thing going in her mind again and get the sex going in your house again.