I'm interested, hubby maybe not....

Ok...so.... I am very, very interested in swinging, specifically with another girl. I have been married for 8 years, we are very happy, have kids....the whole thing. A few years ago I told him I wanted to have a threesome. He told me he didn't want it in fear emotions would develop. So, I dropped it. But...I am very interested. What is a good way to ask, explain, etc. that my chances would be better for him saying yes!

[dnmnms]

Well, forums where he can read and get educated about what the LS is really like. People have a misconception sometimes as to what the LS really is/can be. Dont try to rush anything...take things slow and that way he can get adjusted to the idea of whats real and what isnt.
Then again, he may never be comfortable with this but for sure if it is to be a positive experience then both people have to be interested/comfortable and not just doing it to please theother.
Now, a question for you....What if he decides he is interested in exploring this then after a little experience he decides he wants to get into it a little farther...Say he wants a MFMF experience. Would you be confortable with that? Make sure you know what you want out of this before opening that door as it would be very unfair to him if you opened him up to the LS then put the brakes on him if he wanted to venture out a little more IMHO.

Melody

[cplnuswing]

First, make sure you and he both have realistic expectations of what swinging is so when you communicate about it, you are talking about something is real, and not something hypothetical. Then just verbally explore what each believes may be good, bad, or neutral about it for each of you and more importantly for your marriage. Getting good information will probably do more to allay his fears than anything.

An in-depth conversation doesn't have to happen all at once, and doesn't have to happen today, but it must happen. After some honest talk about it, you'll both just have to evaluate whether it's right for you to even continue talking about it and maybe eventually give it a try.

There isn't any magic way of presenting it that will result in a yes, and even after having good communication based on sound information the answer may very well still be no, but at least you will know that the subject got a serious discussion, just like any other serious decision than can affect your relationship should.

[SW_PA_Couple]

Originally Posted by cplnuswing

There isn't any magic way of presenting it that will result in a yes, and even after having good communication based on sound information the answer may very well still be no, but at least you will know that the subject got a serious discussion, just like any other serious decision than can affect your relationship should.

To this, cplnuswing, I might add that my wife, JoAnn, is the one who brought the idea to me. The barrier over which I had to climb was my male ego. I had to find my own reason to think it was my idea. I offer this as a hint about the way that some men think.

[fifty4x2]

Ironic it's usually the male who is asking this question. Be honest and forth comming, he might change his mind.

[fun4Ds]

Originally Posted by Jbalogna

Ok...so.... I am very, very interested in swinging, specifically with another girl. I have been married for 8 years, we are very happy, have kids....the whole thing. A few years ago I told him I wanted to have a threesome. He told me he didn't want it in fear emotions would develop. So, I dropped it. But...I am very interested. What is a good way to ask, explain, etc. that my chances would be better for him saying yes!

Tell him you found a great site called the Swingers Board

Let him have a look.....

Then, talk about what we do and how you feel

[ViSexual]

Men are, on the whole, more visually stimulated than women.

Have you thought about finding videos that include scenes that fit your desires in swinging?

This might be a way of turning him onto it and open up discussions.

[LFM2]

Originally Posted by fun4Ds

Tell him you found a great site called the Swingers Board

Let him have a look.....

Then, talk about what we do and how you feel

My answer exactly. Since it's been a few years since you've mentioned it, maybe he'd be more open to the idea of bringing another woman into the mix. He could even read threads on here regarding emotions. Easy enough to do a search.

Good luck!

[ownerspet]

You didn't clarify whether he has the fear of you developing feeling or him developing feelings. If it is about you developing feelings, you need to address this not only with him, but also with yourself. Keep in mind the most important things to you (I'm assuming it's your relationship with him), and if you two do this, it should be about both of you.

So talk to him about it, and try to get deeper into his feelings and fears. However, this is going to be a balancing act of progressing to this depth of conversation, because you don't want to upset him. So you can always ask a question in a positive way, and just brush it off if he doesn't respond and wait until a better time to talk. Who knows he may open up? If he persistently doesn't open up, I lean toward thinking you may need to work on your level of communication between the two of you. If you get to a deeper level of communication, you may surprise yourself as an individual and as a couple. Focus on him and his needs, and he will be more likely to open up to you.

What ever happens though keep in mind the relationship is about more than you, and you need to be prepared to accept that he may never want the same things you do. It might happen or it might not, but you never know till you talk.