Have a Male (Long-time) Friend Join Us

[slowride]

My wife and I have talked about having a long time (single) male friend join us in an mfm. She is interested in preforming oral on another and thinks this friend will make it easier for her to join into the lifestyle. We are new and want to join the lifestyle and spice things up.

Should we have a longtime friend join us in some oral sex?

[iapr]

Take some time and look around through as many threads on here as you can to gather information as well as to stimulate some indepth conversations between you and your spouse.

One of the things you will hear repeatedly is that it is almost always a bad idea to bring traditional friends into your bedroom. It is very common when people are first thinking about bringing other people into their bedrom to look into their current pool of friends but it is almost always a real bad idea.

-First off you don't know for sure what the friends reaction will be. He may be shocked or offended or just the opposite he may jump at the chance and then will you be left wondering if you buddy is putting his sights on your wife.

- It is a very real danger that your friendship could be jepordized.

- What if your friend decides he wants this to be a regular occurance? If he gets jealous or feels slighted he may blab to all your other friends that you screw buddies.

- What if he decides to stop in for piece one day when you're not there?

- Since your wife and him already have a rapport, what if the emotions get a little out of hand?

- What if he gets drunk up at the bar and brings some bar buddies over so they can try her on for size too?

I could go on and on but I bet you see my point.


If you want to try swinging, then look into the swinger community for sex partners and keep your golf buddies confined to the golf course.

[talltim123]

I am sure you will receive both affirmative and negative advice about pursuing such a relationship but here are my observations.

First of all it is largely dependent on yours and your wifes relationship. (true for all lifestyle encounters) as well as each of your individual current relationship with the friend as well as the status of any other relationships he may be currently in.

If the friendship with him is solid and there is not a "hidden agenda" between he and your wife it could work quite well and it is likely you know much more about his character, reliability and discretion than someone you meet on the WWW or at a "social." Thus the intimacy may be more meaningful to all of you. Dinner out with friends is often more satisfying and enjoyable than with relative strangers to use an analogy!

I personally know of some friends (a couple and single male friend) who had a long term such relationship that became intimate after years of a platonic friendship and it continued for several years with no real complications.

Many such threesomes often occur spontaneously and perhaps under the influence of alcohol or other mode altering substances. On the other hand if lines of communication are good, it is something all could freely discuss as a possibility and mutually and individually weigh the pros and cons, develop ground rules and proceed cautiously if all are in agreement. As in many relationships, it depends on the honesty and good will of the persons involved. Dealing with a known quantity seems like it has a better chance of success than buying "a pig in a poke" which is most often the case in meeting and becoming involved with relative strangers.

[fun4Ds]

Welcome to the Swingers Board

What does he (the long time friend ) know about the lifestyle ?

[cplnuswing]

This is a common question when first considering swinging, perhaps because the going with a known is a little less scary than the unknown, and I suppose there are some valid arguments to be made in that regard. Another aspect may be realizing a fantasy that has been there for some time regarding that person or couple. From the platonic friendship, already know they aren't some unhinged stalker, already know there is chemistry at least going one direction, etc. Just seems to make taking the leap a little less frightening.

But, and it's a huge but, once you get ok with the swinging idea to the point you are able to think through that initial security blanket, then it switches around and the potential downsides start looming large. Very real potential loss of friendship, emotional entanglement, lack of discretion from someone already in your circle, clinginess, etc, etc, etc. It just doesn't seem worth it - the little bit of comfort up front isn't worth what may come after, compared to the much lower probability of those bad things happening if you swing with swingers and be a friend to existing friends.

[Trace Ekies]

Our attitude is this...Try to make friends of swingers, not swingers of friends.

Most males, me included, would jump at the chance to get a blow job from a guy's wife while he bangs her. I just prefer that the guy and his wife be swingers who have some understanding of what we do and why.

I must agree with iapr...too much of a downside to warrant the risk.

Join a swinger's site, meet some people, have a few dates and pick a partner or partners. With this done you'll be in the right group that's in the right frame of mind to help you with your fantasy.

Trace

[TNT]

Originally Posted by slowride

Should we have a longtime friend join us in some oral sex?

Short answer....NO.

Long answer...In some incidents it works out great. We have invited long time friends to join us and had no problems whatsoever. It's not something we'd recommend to anyone, especially newbies.

Being new, neither of you know how you will react in a group situation. If it goes bad between the two of you, do you really want to have a friend see that? And/or feel as if they are the cause of it?

When you bring a friend into your bedroom, the relationship WILL change. Sometimes it's for the good but most times it's for the worst.



Teresa

[LFM2]

Have to agree with all the others here. We would say no as well.

We have a strict policy to only play with our swing friends and not to try to bring in others who think we'd have a great time. In all actuality, it would probably be a disaster and we'd lose their friendship forever. Not worth it for a little sex.