How to explain to my wife that I really want to try swinging...

[John1]

Hello.

I am new to this forum and I hope you can provide me some pointers on how to proceed.
Few days ago I was kidding with a on line friend about MFM threesome.
It all was like kidding but with “plans” involved. My wife was with me all the time.
And tomorrow she texts me from work asking if I was kidding or is it something I would like to try. I was like wow. I know we have MFM fantasies, like to watch movies about that and talk during sex like there is a another male with us. I have told her that I am interested in MFM threesome, and she is also. Both of us would like to make it happen.
We are in stable long term relationship and we are very happy.
I know I would not be jealous if the other guy is good company, good and gentile to her.
But she is worried what if I do not like it and then start to resent her.
I know talking is important here, but it is not easy to explain that you are ok with it and that you want it as much as her.
How to explain it to her that I am ok with this, as long as we find a guy with who we are comfortable.

Any advice is welcomed.

[jjtrindc]

To your credit, you already know the answer - talking about it! Key is to find some time outside of your busy day where you can be alone and have some quiet time to talk without distraction. Perhaps take her out for drinks. Perhaps just after you get into bed at night. There is no doubt that talking about it for the first time where its a serious possibility is a bit nerve racking. Most of us on this board have been there.

Talk it out. Assure her that you are comfortable. Lay down some ground rules, etc. Also, don't necessarily consider the first conversation the "decision" maker. Talk over a few days so that it begins to settle in and you can discuss any other questions, thoughts, concerns that pop up.

As to the potential playmate, some may caution about playing with friends. Hard to know what your relationship is with this particular person by your description, but something to consider. Don't want to ruin a good friendship over a lifestyle experience.

Most of all, have fun!

[slevin]

Well I'm not sure you need any advice, sounds like you are both talking openly and both are excited about what is going to happen.

The way that Katrina and I handled that together was to agree that if either of us were uncomfortable with anything, at anytime, we would stop what we were doing right away. Even if that meant stopping the sex right in the middle, we would stop if either of us became uncomfortable. I also let her know that I was excited about what was going to happen, but that no matter what happened my relationship with her was more important.

[John1]

Originally Posted by jjtrindc

To your credit, you already know the answer - talking about it! Key is to find some time outside of your busy day where you can be alone and have some quiet time to talk without distraction. Perhaps take her out for drinks. Perhaps just after you get into bed at night. There is no doubt that talking about it for the first time where its a serious possibility is a bit nerve racking. Most of us on this board have been there.

Talk it out. Assure her that you are comfortable. Lay down some ground rules, etc. Also, don't necessarily consider the first conversation the "decision" maker. Talk over a few days so that it begins to settle in and you can discuss any other questions, thoughts, concerns that pop up.

As to the potential playmate, some may caution about playing with friends. Hard to know what your relationship is with this particular person by your description, but something to consider. Don't want to ruin a good friendship over a lifestyle experience.

Most of all, have fun!

Talking when we are out is a good idea. We have had some pillow talks.
And we know not to involve friends in this.
But ideal would be to find a guy who is ok with us as we are with him.
So we could talk and hang, not only have sex. I think my wife would prefer this as would I.

[John1]

Originally Posted by slevin

Well I'm not sure you need any advice, sounds like you are both talking openly and both are excited about what is going to happen.

The way that Katrina and I handled that together was to agree that if either of us were uncomfortable with anything, at anytime, we would stop what we were doing right away. Even if that meant stopping the sex right in the middle, we would stop if either of us became uncomfortable. I also let her know that I was excited about what was going to happen, but that no matter what happened my relationship with her was more important.

I love that we can talk about everything. That is a big plus.

And this is a great idea. Knowing that if you are not ok with some things you can stop.

[cplnuswing]

Originally Posted by John1

But she is worried what if I do not like it and then start to resent her.
I know talking is important here, but it is not easy to explain that you are ok with it and that you want it as much as her.
How to explain it to her that I am ok with this, as long as we find a guy with who we are comfortable.

Sounds like you are on the right track to making the best decision for you as a couple, whichever way it ends up going.

There can't be good communication without trust - if the other person doesn't completely trust that what you saying is true and you truly mean it and aren't saying it just to achieve your own ends, then you aren't truly communicating. Things may go along fine for a while, but when some issue occurs, those nagging doubts will come to the surface and there will be a problem, resentment or whatever. If you have that trust, which it sounds like you probably do, then everything will work out fine.

[Alura]

John 1 asked:

How to explain it to her that I am ok with this, as long as we find a guy with who we are comfortable.

Judging from your posts, your communication is good enough that you needn't fear reprisals if you bring up the subject. Here's how I'd do it:

"Sweetheart, we've talked a lot about having group sex. If we were to find a man both of us liked, what rules would you like for us to have established before we do it?"

Have pencil and paper ready to write them down.

Next I'd ask:

"What specific sex acts would you like to try?"

Once y'all decide to go ahead, the partner search can begin. Be just as communicative when y'all do.

Mr. Alura