An Issue of Understanding

[2 4 1]

If you have been following the "How to Use and Escort Service?" thread, you've seen quite a bit of banter tossed back and forth over the past week. I've learned more in this thread alone than I have in the previous 10 months of beating my head gainst a wall, trying to make mine and my wife's fantasy come true. I'm grateful for the good advice and sincere sentiments from nice people.

However, some of the reactions were not so nice, and not so understanding, which draws me to the purpose of this thread/post.

I know a thing or two about being part of an "alternative lifestyle". I've been a bodybuilder/powerlifter (off and on) since I was 14, and even after all these years, I am completely amazed at the ignorance of the general public about what it is and what it isn't. "If you stop working out, doesn't the muscle turn into fat?" "You take creatine? Isn't that that steroids?" "So do you, like, live at the gym?" And that's just off the top of my head. They get better, just ask me.

I came up at a hole-in-the-wall gym; very small, all free weights, no machines except some cable pulleys, a very hardcore atmosphere that few outsiders could abide. Today, places like these are virtually gone where I live, so I have to work out in one of the yuppified "fitness centers" close to where I work. I see the dirty looks I get when I grunt under a max load while squatting, deadlifting, etc. The youthful, more contentious side of me would like to grab them by the collar and yell "it's called effort, you pasty little twink! Try it some time!" But, of course, being a mature adult, I would never do that in real life.

On the other hand, anyone who has come to me with genuine interest in working out, I treat with kid gloves and patience, always reminding myself when they ask inane questions that, hell, with all of the ads for diet products and goofy exercise equipment out there, who can blame them? When I explain that looking like the guy in the Hydroxycut ad involves a lot more than just doing some crunches, that it involves gaining and maintaining muscle and shedding fat through a planned diet, supplementation, and workout routine, most of them turn off completely. When they find out that, no, it's not just one more thing you can add to your to-do list, that it is, in fact, a lifestyle they head for the hills.

The point of this anecdote? I have become what I most despise.

I came onto this board like a bull in a china shop. I read the "Newbies Read This First" stickies, but never bothered to run a search on the questions I had before begining a thread. I've always prided myself about getting informed about endeavors before I undertake them, but in this case my desire and frustration at not being able to fulfill a fantasy made me rush in.

Here, on this board, I am not the renegade with the intense lifestyle/hobby. Here, I am a drooling, mouth-breathing member of the lay public . I am the guy who wants the Hydroxcut model's body without having to put in the time and work for it.

You see, being ignorant of even the basics of the swinging lifestyle, I, and I'm quite sure most of the lay public, saw no distinction between a call girl and swinging. Extramarital sex is extramarital sex; it's freaky, it's 'out there', it's alternative to what polite society deems normal.

I get now why a few replies in the previous thread were somewhat hostile and dismissive. All I'm asking is that some of you take the time to understand why someone from the outside doesn't understand such a distinction and cut him some slack.

The bottom line for me is I should have done my homework. I didn't, and I perhaps got what I deserved.

[ncmd_couple]

2_4_1

Life is a journey. As you are discovering, swinging is not just bopping everyone that you meet. In reality, from my viewpoint anyway, swingers are just like everyone else. The difference is that we do share sex with our partners and others openly and honestly. The problem is that just like everyone else, we have our likes, dislikes, and boundaries. You bounced into some of those boundaries. Honestly, compared to some of the other BBSs that I participate in, Swinger’s Board is a marshmallow site.

I fully understand your excitement and desire to fulfill your fantasy. But like everything else in life, things rarely happen the way that we would like them to happen. Hang around here a bit longer, take your running shoes off, relax, you will get there eventually, and it will be worth the wait!

S

[jjmcd]

Swingers board is one of the Good Places. People cut you slack, and the SO seems to want everyone to play nice in the sandbox.
for the most part, everyone does.
Swinging is about the relationship you have with your significant other. And how you feel about them and the rest of the world around you.
that is probably the biggest single jump that Verticals have to make about horizontals.

[dnmnms]

Boy dont I understand what you mean. When hubby and I decided we were actually jump into the lifestyle (for real) instead of talking about it we went running.
Then skidded to a halt as we hadnt discussed even the basics with exception of...I want to see you _____ and I wanna see you_______.
Hell, we just wanted to...... Well let me tell ya after that first JUMP we reverted to a snail pace LMAO.
Then just as we began picking speed up I was out of commission for a bit getting new boobies (yes I know most ppl in the LS dont really like fake ones but after losing 100 plus pounds they kinda looked like a tube sock with a golf ball in the end of it) so again we are haivng to get back into the swing of things so to speak.

So....breathe....relax.....it will happen if its something both of you want.

Melody

[iapr]

I actually came across this thread first and I am glad that I did. Your powerlifting analogy makes sense and I see your point. I do agree with those that say that swinging and prostitution are two completely different things however I think in your case that a professional may meet your needs better than what you may find in the swinging community. I have posted my thoughts on that in your escort thread.

I think your "homework" time and energies may be better spent on a forum dealing with legal Nevada brothels as well as doing a search of such brothels.

I'm not saying that to diss you at all for posting your questions here because I can see that you have seen the light yourself. The problem is that you may not necessarily find the answers you seek here.

In time if you and your wife decide that you are in fact interested in the lifestyle then this is definately the place to be. If on the otherhand all you seek is a single fem for an FMF encounter then the swinging community may not be the best place to look for that. Personally I think the lounge at a Holiday Inn is a better place to find a single fem than any kind of swingers venue but that is just my bias.

Good luck and enjoy your journey.

[JustMrJ]

2_4_1,

I skimmed the other thread and I'd have to agree with all that you've said in your first post.

That being said, I agree that this is one of the most forgiving sites on the net for this particular subject matter.

If you really wish to fulfill just one fantasy and are not looking into the Lifestyle as ... well, a Lifestyle, then agree with iapr, that you may be better off checking the legal brothels in Nevada and planning a vacation to take care of your fantasy.

If, however, you discuss this (over and over and over) with your partner/wife/SO and find that you both may want to get into the Lifestyle, then there is a way for you to develop a relationship with both couples and single females so you can not only have that FMF encounter... but repeat it and vary it over time so that it truly is an experience to relish. I mean, how much better could it be for the following reasons.

1. Free (other than time and effort)
2. You have a friendship with benefits with several different women that can help you fulfill your fantasy.
3. You can have your fantasy over and over in different venues so that you can keep dreaming fantasies and also live them.

Either way you choose, we will be here to help you with any questions you may have. Situational or just a nod of experience.