Have been curious but afraid

[lookingforlady]

My boyfriend and I have been talking about experiencing with another woman. My boyfriend has no qualms but I am a little skiddish. Has anyone ever had an experience that they have regretted? I think I'm just nervous but I have never been anywhere I think people would understand my curiosity. I guess my biggest fear is being judged on my private life. Is this normal? Any advice would be helpful and appreciated!

Thanks!
Looking

[screaminggood]

Welcome to the Board. Yes, being nervous is a normal reaction. My suggestion is that y'all talk about the possibilities, discuss your limits, and take baby steps. You're welcome to tell us more about your concerns and we can address them more specifically as well.

[ncmd_couple]

Welcome to the board! We all go through stages as we enter the swinging lifestyle, so your concerns are very normal. You will find here on the board that many of us have, or had, those same concerns!

[lookingforlady]

Thanks. That makes me feel a little better knowing others have felt the same way

[lookingforlady]

I think what I am most afraid of is not finding the right person for a first experience. The kind of person I will really need is someone patient since I have never done anything like this before. I don't want one bad experience to keep me from exploring possibilities. I am always nervous around people until I get to know them and sometimes I am at a loss for words. I'm sure all of this is normal and once I meet the right people, it will be ok.

[screaminggood]

You just need to be upfront about "being a newbie" and let the women know that you're going at a slower pace. You might feel most comfortable at an off-premise club where you could dance and flirt with other women but not feel the pressure to go past that if you're not ready.

[JustAskJulie]

Anyone who has lived for a while has had experiences they have regretted (or wished had turned out differently) and swinging is no different. The important thing is to be able to understand that those experiences are not representitive of all experiences and if you can examine each experience you have and think about what you would like to have turned out differently and how it may have done so, you can learn from those experiences and the next one will be different and hopefully better.

There is no way to ENSURE that your first experience will turn out well and that nothing will go wrong. However, through strong communication and taking the time to get to know the person ahead of time, letting them know your needs and paying attention to any red flags that might appear you will be less likely to have a bad experience. Trust your instincts.

[MRSfun]

Hi lookingforlady, Welcome to the Swingers Board we have been so caught up with things lately we didnt see you guys come in.

Originally Posted by lookingforlady

My boyfriend and I have been talking about experiencing with another woman. My boyfriend has no qualms but I am a little skiddish. Has anyone ever had an experience that they have regretted?

I think Julie has said so much on this subject I can't add anything. I am going to read it again myself. This is good advice I may need again in life. There will always be regrets.

I think I'm just nervous but I have never been anywhere I think people would understand my curiosity.

I understand, and as I sit here with fun4ds we understand together. There are allot of people we have met here in Indiana, we are sure would understand. Across the world just like here on the Swingers Board there are just so many people who really do understand.

I guess my biggest fear is being judged on my private life. Is this normal? Any advice would be helpful and appreciated!

Fun4ds and I sat this evening talking about this and we have to ask about your fears. Do you worry about the people in the lifestyle knowing your private intimate desires ? We do encounter an openness about sex sometimes.

Or being exposed as someone in the lifestyle by vanilla people ?

We are very discrete with other peoples friendships in any vanilla situation. We dont mind if people know we are swingers. We can handle the situations. We have no intentions of exploiting ourselves to others outside the lifestyle. It works for us. It works with allot of others we know.

Let us know about any questions you may have anytime. There are allot of good people here on the board, always

[fun4Ds]

I'm a little behind as usual, but I would like to welcome you both to the Swingers Board

[lookingforlady]

I mean having my lifestyle exposed to vanilla people. We live in a very small town where everyone knows everyone else and they know more of your business before you do. I love living here but everyone is too nosey!

Everyone we have chatted with here have been wonderful! No one has been judgemental and have offered some great advice. If we could get all the board members to live in the same place, that would be phenomenal.

Thanks to everyone for their great advice!
E&J

[ncmd_couple]

E&J,

Sigh, the joys and challenges in living in a small town. Having grown up in a small town in N. E. Texas, I know how that goes. As you know, a lot of the gossip is looking for the “deer in the headlights” look of the victim. If anyone ever says something, say, “Oh, we love to dance… have you been to {insert dance place here}? We love swing dancing!!”

They will be pissed that their gossip was bad and attack the provider. Look to play outside of your small town. You just might find swingers with the same problem next door that went to the club hours away to avoid the same problem. In fact, we had dinner with them this evening .

S

[lookingforlady]

Good idea! Thank you. I would never thought of something that clever. I am sure there are others close to us with the same problem. We are hoping that we can make a connection with people who will not judge us. So far, everyone we have chatted with has been great!
Again thank you for you advice, I will have to remember that one!

E&J

[fun4Ds]

Originally Posted by lookingforlady

I mean having my lifestyle exposed to vanilla people. We live in a very small town where everyone knows everyone else and they know more of your business before you do. I love living here but everyone is too nosey!

I can see that and understand how you guys feel. If you notice using Swing Lifestyle. Most of the random profiles you see on your screen probably appear at least 50 miles away. They do that for a reason. Most people starting out, and getting out, kind of like that distance. The search feature allows you to get a closer look at your location at your comfort. Traveling a little distance is required unless you want to meet your neighbors. We have done both. But when we started, we were thinking maybe the next state over, would be the safe distance. Then we narrowed it down to convenient distances. 99 % of everyone we know personally, wants to keep this under their hat.

Everyone we have chatted with here have been wonderful! No one has been judgemental and have offered some great advice. If we could get all the board members to live in the same place, that would be phenomenal.

Well.... A swingers Board meet up in Indiana is not out of the question.... Thats a different topic though

[lookingforlady]

Yes, we thought about going to Ohio. Michigan, Kentuck and Illinois are also travelable. I couldn't imaging running smack dab into my neighbor! EEK! I wouldn't know what to say. I wouldn't want to sound like a jackass and say something like "Fancy meeting you hear" that would be horrible. But afterall, we would all be there for the same reason and that would take the sharpness off the blade a little bit! A swingerboard hook up in Indy woiuld be great. You will have to keep me posted on that!


Thanks!
E&J

[strathmore]

Originally Posted by lookingforlady

My boyfriend and I have been talking about experiencing with another woman. My boyfriend has no qualms but I am a little skiddish. Has anyone ever had an experience that they have regretted? I think I'm just nervous but I have never been anywhere I think people would understand my curiosity. I guess my biggest fear is being judged on my private life. Is this normal? Any advice would be helpful and appreciated!

Thanks!
Looking

I believe we have all been nervous before stepping out for the first time. Fear of the unknown is quite normal. I certainly vacillated for quite a while before finally taking the plunge and setting up a date. It turned out to be a good experience and things have just rolled from there. Looking back I wonder what all the hesitation was about.
That's not to say that there aren't bad experiences along the way. I've never had any disastrous or dangerous situations, but definitely a few time-wasters. It's mostly good though, with the odd sensational.
There will be many people willing and eager to help you take the first step in a patient and sensitive way. Personally, I find the idea of helping newbies along very satisfying — kinda like deflowering a virgin.