Desire and more Desire

[westcan]

We got back from Desire a short time ago and found it quite erotic. It was the first time either of us saw others fucking in real life. We watched three couples fuck like crazy only a few feet from where we were sitting in the hot tub. We both found it quite arousing, me moreso. my wife was raised in a culture where sex is quite private but she is coming around.

I want to get her involved in other sexually stimulating events but I don't think we could do it in this town. Maybe a convention out of town? She did go along with me fucking her on the bed near the hottub at Desire (where others were able to watch us) and on the beach, so the trip was a great step forward. she was even willing to go to the playroom but we never did because we ran out of nights.

One tall good looking guy approached us while we were sitting at the Desire disco on our last night and told her that she "was beautiful". I think I could have talked her into fucking him if we had another night or two (we had a late start because she was ill for the first few days). Later that night she told me that she might have been willing to let him fuck her if I had suggested it or encouraged it more (she knows that it is my fantasy to see her get fucked in a swapping situation). I was not sure where this guy's wife was, though.

So I want to do something, but am not really sure. Maybe another trip earlly next year?

My wife is not really interested in women though and it seems to be prevalent in the lifestyle. How do we get around that??

I'm not sure how ready we are, but I would like to take some slow steps to spice things up.

[BiloxiCouple]

You may be on the right road. Communication before you do anything is the key.

You are about to find out that woman typically control what goes on in the lifestyle.

And about bi women in the lifestyle. Not all of them are bi and they are still respected for that. Just let the other woman know that she's not interested in bi activities. Mine typically isn't interested.

The big rule is "No means No". No one has to do anything they are not comfortable with even if they agreed to it prior.

And take it slow like you said. I remember when we were first getting into swinging, Elaine had to hold me back like a race horse at the starting line At times I would drive her completely nuts and sometimes still do.

[jjtrindc]

First off, welcome to the boards. More importantly, welcome to the wonderful world of Desire! We know exactly how you feel. We had previously visited many on-premise events but Desire was in a whole other league and really helped up get over that hump (no pun intended) from just being voyeurs and exhibitionists to playing well with others

Sounds like your wife is interested in proceeding, but still getting over some issues. That's pretty common. Keep taking things slow. Research clubs in your area or region and check them out. It might even be easier to go with the basic ground rule that you will only play with each other. That will take the pressure off. Remember, what's special for Desire is that it is like fantasyland...away from all the pressures of daily life. It's hard to recreate that same feeling at home.

Once she gets more used to being around the lifestyle and is more comfortable then you should definitely have a long talk (actually start now) about what you are both interested in in terms of swapping. It sounds as if you really didn't talk about that at Desire until after the situation presented itself. That can be a recipe for disaster. It's critical for both of you to be pretty clear on what expectations are and where things need to stop.

Actually getting to that next step may take one visit to a club or several...but remember it's a marathon not a sprint!

Lastly, don't let the fact that your wife is straight deter you. My wife is straight as well. Do I think it limits our options? Sure. But there are plenty of couples with straight females. There are also plenty of couples with bi-females who don't always want to play with another female. As you need to communicate with your wife, you also need to communicate with the other couple so there are no mistakes or hard feelings.

Good luck!

[westcan]

I have discussed with my wife the possibility of attending some sort of swingers convention. The one I found is on the Swingfest.com website next summer in Florida.

Any experience with these types of conventions? Is that a good place for beginners to start. Would it be fun for beginners or are these conventions geared more toward the die-hard swingers.

[gnb4u]

Originally Posted by westcan

I have discussed with my wife the possibility of attending some sort of swingers convention. The one I found is on the Swingfest.com website next summer in Florida.

Any experience with these types of conventions? Is that a good place for beginners to start. Would it be fun for beginners or are these conventions geared more toward the die-hard swingers.

We went to the Show ME Convention in Mo this summer and I would say it is an excellent place to go. There are seminars during the day where people people can learn and discuss various lifestyle topics. There was even a newbie and an intermediate swinger class.

There was a theme party every night where people could meet and mingle and everything was well run and the rules of the convention were crystal clear that no means no and that any rude or aggressive behaviour would not be tolerated.

There was security staff on hand at all venues and the convention staff all worked hard to insure that every felt welcome and comfortable.


We met a number of couples there where it was their first step ever into the lifestyle and they all had a great time and were never uncomfortable. It is a three day on-site convention so they may have been green newbies when they arrived Wed evening but they were competent and experienced swingers by the time they left Sunday morning

[ncmd_couple]

Westcan,

We went to Swingerfest 08, you can find a link to our experience that weekend here.

As a single couple, not part of a group that traveled together, and there were a lot of groups, we had fun, but it was virtually impossible to have any play time. Also, there is no public sex or nudity either in the hotel, at the pool, or on the beach. Some of the more daring ladies bared all briefly. So if you are looking for a Desires type experience, Swingfest would be a very expensive disapointment. I'm guessing that any convention is going to be about the same.

Not knowing exactly where you are, it is hard to advise you on your next step. If there are any on-premise clubs within range of you, that might be a good option. It is much less expensive. You have a safe and sexy environment. You can choose how far you want to go. And you will not be pressured to do anything that you don't want to do.

S

[JustAskJulie]

There are quite a few small conventions all over the country. Just do a search for Swinger Convention. We went to Splash in Orlando FL last spring (and it's currently going this weekend) and had a great time. Most of the small events are great for first-timers and can often be much better for actually meeting people than some of the larger ones.

The Show Me Convention looks quite good, we just added it to our possibilities for next year.

[westcan]

Wonderful advise. Thankyou all . As a member of Toastmasters for several years, I have been to many conventions all over North America. I can see how a convention could be a little dry at times. Although this is all pretty new to us, both my wife and I are very comfortable naked and it hadn't really occured to me that there may be little or no opportunities to be naked at a convention. But that being said, there may be lots of other equally fun activities that more than make up for it.

I am pretty sure that we will attend at least one or maybe two events in 2009. I think we are just trying to figure which will be the most fun. Time is the biggest impediment for us [to attending more events] with kids and work committments but we really really enjoyed the people that we met at Desire. Truly decent personable individuals and it was obvious that the couples had good solid marriages and relationships, which I know we have also.

We do not have any friends locally that are involved in nudism or swinging [to our knowledge] so we reallly don't have anyone else to talk to about this. One long time friend in his early 40's has been married for almost 20 years and really itching for something [if you know what I mean] but would never do anything [that she could possibly find out about] to jeapardize his marriage. I think he and his wife would be perfect for the lifestyle as his wife is very outgoing, but I have never discussed our interest in the lifestyle with him - only brought up the topic occasionally in the context of .." did you see the news article about the swingers....? ." You just never know how someone might react.

[slevin]

Have you looked into swinger clubs locally? Probably more convenient as you can go whenever you're free!

[westcan]

I think that I could be talked into taking a look at a locak club -there are several - but my lovely wife is extremely concerned about running into someone we or either of us knows. Unfortunately or fortunately, we know waaay too many people in this town, given our type of employment and involvement in the community.

[slevin]

Yeah we were concerned about the same thing, but then we figured that anyone who is at the club is there for the same reason we are

[shy_tn_gal]

Originally Posted by westcan

I think that I could be talked into taking a look at a locak club -there are several - but my lovely wife is extremely concerned about running into someone we or either of us knows. Unfortunately or fortunately, we know waaay too many people in this town, given our type of employment and involvement in the community.

I had the same apprehension - and the same situation as you. My job is rather high profile, in a very large company....

But hey - if I run into my boss INSIDE the club, it's a safe bet that she'll be ok with it.... I mean, aren't we all there for the same reason?

Still, I do understand your feelings - but give it some thought... it (local clubs) could be worth a try.

[ncmd_couple]

Wonderful advise. Thankyou all . As a member of Toastmasters for several years, I have been to many conventions all over North America. I can see how a convention could be a little dry at times. Although this is all pretty new to us, both my wife and I are very comfortable naked and it hadn't really occured to me that there may be little or no opportunities to be naked at a convention. But that being said, there may be lots of other equally fun activities that more than make up for it.

Swinging is like life, every experience is very different. Look forward, not backwards.

I am pretty sure that we will attend at least one or maybe two events in 2009. I think we are just trying to figure which will be the most fun. Time is the biggest impediment for us [to attending more events] with kids and work committments but we really really enjoyed the people that we met at Desire. Truly decent personable individuals and it was obvious that the couples had good solid marriages and relationships, which I know we have also.

All of the Swingers that we have met have been very confident, though each in their own unique way. The key is to find the path that is right for the two of you!!!

One long time friend in his early 40's has been married for almost 20 years and really itching for something [if you know what I mean] but would never do anything [that she could possibly find out about] to jeapardize his marriage.

Well, then he isn’t talking to his wife. And she probably isn’t talking to him. You know both of them, but don’t try to look to them as a template for you and your wife’s relationship and future. We have all been told here, you can make friends of Swingers, but it is fraught with danger trying to make friends Swingers.

I think he and his wife would be perfect for the lifestyle as his wife is very outgoing, but I have never discussed our interest in the lifestyle with him - only brought up the topic occasionally in the context of .." did you see the news article about the swingers....? ." You just never know how someone might react.

Well, you are trolling. I think a lot of us do that. You are only seeing his desires, not hers. Best left alone and concentrate on the desires of you and your wife. If you do more than that, you can inject a lot of drama into your life.

S

[westcan]

Yes I believe that you are correct about the friend. Maybe we just have less attractive friends (not really true but certainly nothing that interests me-although I can't speak for the two of us), but I have never really even considered swinging with friends. It seems that the friendship would be at considerable risk, I suspect (although I have no experience to back that up). We are both quite introverted socially until we get comfortable and I wonder if that is suitable for the lifestyle - although we got along great with the people we met at Desire. I think that a social place like Desire or a convention or a club (somewhere) is a better place to start as opposed to meeting a couple online because I think I would feel bad if it didn't work out and we or they weren't interested. but in a larger group, it is easier to mingle around until things click (I assume) rather than hope for the best with one couple. Does this make sense or is that not really how things go? I did bring up the idea of checking out a local club just to look and she didn't say no.....