Advice for larger couples on getting started

[dnmnms]

Another thing I thought of...
Explain to your wife that alot of it is about attitude. Tell her to get prettied up, head out the door to a club and walk in with a confident attitude. To most people a confident good attitude is an attraction. When hubby and I first married I wouldnt wear heels. I am 5'8/5'9 and weigh 150ish where he is 5'6/5'7 about 145. Now add heels and I really tower him but that was my mental thing not his.

I know in some of our Swing Lifestyle pics u can tell I am kinda slouching LOL. Tell her if she needs to chat with any of us chics, give us a holla. Most of us understand how she feels.

Melody

[realcplub2]

Hello and

Now then, Of course they commercial sites are gonna put the super models on the main page, and any advert you see, they want you to spend money and give it to them..

Its a true paradox, because while yes they maybe members, the members on whole, much like anywhere you go, arent super models, or as was already said, more wal mart folk..

As far as your wife goes.. the best thing she can plant firmly in her mind is.. She is a desireable woman, and trust me there are plenty of people that will find her attractive. As was already pointed out, Attitude is everything..

Point her two places, before you step out the door, the first to Swing Lifestyle and have her just browse ANYWHERE and look at the profile place holders.. The second is RIGHT HERE..

The members here are possibly the best sourse of information ANYWHERE, and the positive re-enforcement she can get here will work wonders as well

[NWGA_Couple]

Originally Posted by Spokaneman

So me and my wife are new to this, very new, in fact we have not acted yet really. we have a personal add on Swing Lifestyle but have not paid for the service yet. we have talked about geting into swinging for a few years now, we want to start making steps into the life style slowly but not really sure how. one of the biggest problems for us, is that we are a bigger couple. he is 6' 0" 300 and she is 5' 9" 240. seems like all we see is fit people and we feel out of place due to that. we are attending YMCA 2x a week to start getting more fit, but that may take a while. so I guess what I am asking is.... any advice on getting into this life style for a larger couple ? if any advice at all hehe

I know where you are coming from of this. We had these same fears/issuses when we first started looking into this. We were at our heaviest when we 1st started. I was just shy of 6' and north of 400, she was 5'8 and around 280. We even went one further and went to a nudist/swingers resort. We were expecting a cold reception because we had seen all the same sites you've seen. We both also had our personal history of how we'd been treated due to weight. Well, we were in for a surprise. We have never felt as welcome and appreciated as we did that weekend. We just fit in. Most people were smaller than us, but there wasn't any of the stereotypical Ken and Barbie's. Everyone was just normal people like you see in everyday life. There were hairy hippies, average soccer moms, old people, people with scars, and even a couple larger than us. Once the clothes came off and everyone was around the pool everyone was equal. We had people introducing themselves and welcoming us all weekend, and that carried over to the party, and on premises house that night.

LINK

This is a link to a post I'd done before describing how this affected my wife who was very shy. I will also tell you don't discouraged with going to the "Y" it will take time, but it will be worth it. Not for how others feel about you, but how you physically feel yourself. We used swinging and our health as a motivator to start loosing weight this last January. I've dropped from 410 to 350 and she lost from 280 to the mid 230's. So it can be done, just keep working at it, it takes time. It seems we had a complication though. Loosing the weight and getting in shape gave us more energy and that led to too much time in the bedroom and we seem to now be knocked up. I wonder how that happened.

[fun4Ds]

Glad to have you and maybeforus on the board now

[LOL_OMG]

I am not posting this address for any reason other than to make a point.
the FreakDaddy Thumbpost

Spokaneman, have your wife check out this site. After doing so i think she might just relax a bit. All of the larger women, as well as the others have their own websites and it appears to me that they make money off of them. As you can see on all types have websites, just like there is someone for everyone, there is a couple for every couple. Hope this helps.

Mr. Omg

[spvcouple]

Frankly, we have found that most people really don't care about size. There are some limitations, of course. We are a larger couple too and have friends of all sizes.
Your wife should not worry. It seems to us that 95% of the men are okay with larger women. Given a choice between Christie Brinkley or Roaeanne Barr do you know who they would have sex with? BOTH!!! (I guess I am showing my age here, huh?)
To us the "life-style" is SO MUCH MORE than just sex. It is a common denominator between us and people who have become really good friends. We like to enjoy their company before we hop in the sack.
Our advice is to go to a function of some kind. A group get-together or a swing club. Don't dress like a slob or a snob. Be polite, cordial and friendly. Many times the conversations begin much as you would have with a new neighbor down the block. Let some folks know that you are testing the waters. I'll bet many of her fears fall by the wayside.
Oh yeah, needless to say...don't try to talk her INTO anything. That is the surest way to create problems.

K and D

[riprat]

Our experience has been a little different than most of you. It seems like the "skinny minis" as my wife calls them, won't have anything to do with people that are larger than them. We aren't huge, I'm 5'11" and 200 lbs, and shes 5'3" and 200 lbs, give or take 5 lbs. Our best luck has been with people around our size, or just a little larger. It might also be that we're 49 and 48, and the younger ones don't want anything to do with us "old folks". When we look at profiles, if the female doesn't weigh close to 200, we don't even mail them anymore, but if they contact us first, we will talk with them. Sure, I'd love to fuck a 98 lb woman once or twice, but the ladies with a few extra pounds look good to us, too.

[Chicup]

I know I've been on the swingers board too long when every thread seems like a repeat of a repeat of a repeat. Obviously I don't blame the posters, but I think I could reply to threads without typing anything more than the old thread link just as well as making a new post

I suppose its good that the answers are almost always the same, so at least we are consistent.

First, welcome. I'm going to cut through the usual on this one and get to the important bits.

The way to look at this is like anything else in life, though there is one key detail, you CAN change your weight, but beyond that it doesn't change. If you have red hair, are very short, are very tall, talk funny, have one eye higher than the other, bad teeth, good teeth, B.O., perfume, small tits, big tits, *insert race* here, etc etc SOMEONE will reject you for that reason. Likewise someone would play with you, perhaps for that reason. Its a cliche but there is someone for everyone out there, even in swinging.

Now lets go a bit further. Clubs often get a bit stereotyped. Some are known for people being more fat, others for more skinny people, some seem to attract an interracial crowd, etc. In my area, you would have no problem with your weight with one club we know of, and would be completely rejected by another. Its going to be up to you to explore where you fit in best. As a rule, you will be limited to couples in your same weight range, and before someone tells me otherwise, its not universal, tastes always vary.

As long as you go in with the attitude that not everyone will want to play with you (and this applies to ALL couples regardless of looks) you will find people willing. The question is of course, are you attracted to them as well.

My wife and my weight have yo-yoed quite a bit since we started swinging. Interesting to us, was a few years ago after the birth of a child we got back into swinging and at the time we had both let ourselves 'go'. New baby, lack of motivation, playing computer games (for me) made us heavier than we had ever been. We STARTED to get back into shape and thought we were 'pretty good' to put an add up. Well fast forward another year of mild work outs and better diet. I happened to be going through an old computer folder and found those original pictures. I showed them to my wife and we both had the same conclusion, we would not have have swung with OURSELVES the way we looked the year before. Perceptions can change as you are happier with your own looks.

Now the one good thing you can do that others can't for their potential looks issues is lose weight. Its worth it on so many levels beyond just swinging. You can prevent a bevy of long term health issues which you could be on a collision course for as well as feel better with how you look so you don't need to wonder if you are too fat. You are both, give or take 20 lbs, almost 100 lbs over weight, this WILL get you with time. Its hard but it only gets harder with time. Swinging can be a GREAT motivation for working out and dieting, so run with it and help yourself beyond making it easier to find play partners.

[CPL4XTCY]

Being overweight does not mean you can't be good looking and have a great personality, two things that carry a lot of weight with who we choose to interact with.

When heading out to the clubs be sure to shave, get your nails done, get a haircut, use makeup, a little cologne/perfume, dress to impress, have clean shoes. Basically don't look like a slob.

[The Fuse]

Originally Posted by Chicup

I know I've been on the swingers board too long when every thread seems like a repeat of a repeat of a repeat. Obviously I don't blame the posters, but I think I could reply to threads without typing anything more than the old thread link just as well as making a new post

I suppose its good that the answers are almost always the same, so at least we are consistent.

I'm a bit torn on this one. Yes, we are beating a dead horse in that soooo many new people have the same question, and the answer is usually the same each time. So from the point of view of those of us who've been here a while, a link to some old answers suffices just as well as supplying a new set in response to a fresh thread.

On the other hand, when I first signed up I started my very first thread on my body image issues. People responded in their usual reassuring way. And I'll tell ya, it made me feel sooooo comfortable and lessened my anxiety very much. If the answer had been a link to two or three other threads on the same subject, my relief might not have been as palpable. Who knows. The fact that people were responding to me, and not giving me some template of an answer, I'll bet made a difference.

Originally Posted by Chicup

Now the one good thing you can do that others can't for their potential looks issues is lose weight. Its worth it on so many levels beyond just swinging. You can prevent a bevy of long term health issues which you could be on a collision course for as well as feel better with how you look so you don't need to wonder if you are too fat. You are both, give or take 20 lbs, almost 100 lbs over weight, this WILL get you with time. Its hard but it only gets harder with time. Swinging can be a GREAT motivation for working out and dieting, so run with it and help yourself beyond making it easier to find play partners.

After my husband and I decided to start swinging, I lost over 20 pounds and have kept it off ever since. Harsh as it sounds, I figured if I wanted a certain type, I better do my best to be that type myself. It's made a huge difference in the way I look (I'm a size 10 vs. a 14 or 16). Chicup is right about the motivation! The health benefits are great too, but that's not why I keep it off (sheepish grin).

CPL4XTCY noted that if you make a good effort to look your best when you go out, you will make a better impression on potential play partners. That is true too.

When it comes down to it, your size will matter to some people and not to others. Period. Find the ones who either don't make it an issue, or who like people of whatever size you are.

[jdavisauto]

Originally Posted by Spokaneman

So me and my wife are new to this, very new, in fact we have not acted yet really. we have a personal add on Swing Lifestyle but have not paid for the service yet. we have talked about geting into swinging for a few years now, we want to start making steps into the life style slowly but not really sure how. one of the biggest problems for us, is that we are a bigger couple. he is 6' 0" 300 and she is 5' 9" 240. seems like all we see is fit people and we feel out of place due to that. we are attending YMCA 2x a week to start getting more fit, but that may take a while. so I guess what I am asking is.... any advice on getting into this life style for a larger couple ? if any advice at all hehe

Don't worry about the size of things how big, how small, how tall or how short. That's what so great about this life style. It's made up of all different kinds of people. Swingers do not judge!
Hell if you like standing in a bucket of chocolate pudding singing I'm a little tea pot as your wife is pouring strawberry syrup all over your body you will still be accepted. Just make sure you bring enough pudding and syrup for us all.
Come on out to a swingers club of your choice, have a couple of drinks and have fun. Just to let you know I'm a large man pushing 300 + lbs 6' tall and That don't stop me.

[dnmnms]

Originally Posted by jdavisauto

Hell if you like standing in a bucket of chocolate pudding singing I'm a little tea pot as your wife is pouring strawberry syrup all over your body you will still be accepted. Just make sure you bring enough pudding and syrup for us all.

HEHEHE.....Sorry but I can see that happening . I have to make sure and bring sugar free tho for us that cant/dont eat sugar!

Melody

[jdavisauto]

Originally Posted by dnmnms

HEHEHE.....Sorry but I can see that happening . I have to make sure and bring sugar free tho for us that cant/dont eat sugar!

Melody

Being type 2 diabetic we will bring splenda sweeten pudding and a bucket big enough for at least 5 couples and a bunch of towels.

[maybeforus]

Thank you Fuse for your point of view. Even as a newbie I understand the plight of the veteran and the broken record. There is wonderful information in the archives and I've read many posts related to all of my concerns. It's great to see that most people all have the same reservations about plunging into swinging. And it's even better to feel so welcomed by so many, thank you all again for your encouragement and honest answers. Having people response to your own questions, (as redundant as they are) does add a more personal level to the interaction. Thank you all again for your responses

Fuse I want to thank you for your statement about "being" what you want. My husband is more open and accepting of my physical appearance, I on the other hand feel the way you do. I want to feel more comfortable with sharing my body with someone new. He's worried that it's my way of "finding" an excuse not to take any actions, not that he is pushing in anyway, just that he loves my body the way it is and believes others will too. He thinks I have an unrealistic idea of what other swingers want, and from the posts I've read here perhaps I do have an a skewed view of what the swinger clubs are like. Guess there is only one way to find out,

[The Fuse]

Originally Posted by maybeforus

Thank you Fuse for your point of view. Even as a newbie I understand the plight of the veteran and the broken record. There is wonderful information in the archives and I've read many posts related to all of my concerns. It's great to see that most people all have the same reservations about plunging into swinging. And it's even better to feel so welcomed by so many, thank you all again for your encouragement and honest answers. Having people response to your own questions, (as redundant as they are) does add a more personal level to the interaction. Thank you all again for your responses

Fuse I want to thank you for your statement about "being" what you want. My husband is more open and accepting of my physical appearance, I on the other hand feel the way you do. I want to feel more comfortable with sharing my body with someone new. He's worried that it's my way of "finding" an excuse not to take any actions, not that he is pushing in anyway, just that he loves my body the way it is and believes others will too. He thinks I have an unrealistic idea of what other swingers want, and from the posts I've read here perhaps I do have an a skewed view of what the swinger clubs are like. Guess there is only one way to find out,

I think there's a lot of truth to what your husband says. Many men are much more forgiving of some extra padding, and in fact enjoy it. I think there is a big difference in the way we all look at people on TV, and the way we look at them in a swing club.

I'm glad you feel encouraged to improve your body (and get the health benefits too), but please don't put off going out and having fun "until I lose 20 pounds". Life is too short! Your swing partners are going to be with you because they like your body. They will not be playing with you and preparing a list of what's wrong with you, I guarantee it.