Approaches: is there such a thing as too blunt?

[tcphoenix]

So now that we're on Swing Lifestyle and AFF as a couple, the wife and I are being contacted by some great and real promising couples. That said, we're also being contacted by a lot of other folks as well that don't fit our parameters of what we're looking for based on what we wrote in our profile.

Now I'm making absolutely no judgements and i know the answer is always no if you don't ask. I was just curious if it's normal for folks to be this blunt. We flat out don't know because we've never done this before.

Example:

Chatted with a fellow about a hundred miles away from me who said he (alone) was going to be in my town for the next two days. It went from introductions to I'm going to be in town, how about you and your wife come over to my motel room and have sex while I watch? (in more blunt language).

Now I'm not personally ready to do something like that and probably never will (performing for a solo person other than my wife). That said, I'm sure there are some folks out there who would dig that. No sweat off my back. There have been a lot of folks like that contacting us over the last week. Is that normal? If we want to play with another couple, are we supposed to be as blunt? Are folks at houseparties and clubs this open? Just curious, could use some insight.

Thanks!

T

[sweet_tna]

I tend to be pretty blunt myself, which often gets me in trouble. A little tact can go a long way here.

If you're not into someone, a simple, "I/we're not interested, thanks," should be enough. It's direct but polite.

If you do want to play, it does help to make your interest clear. Simply asking them to join you works really well.

=)

[amid]

Also you might want to take another look at your profile from afar. Are you conveying what you are interested in as well as what you aren't interested in? Being a little more blunt in the profile regarding this might lessen the need to be blunt in a reply.

[wegetaround]

I have not been on the board in a while but this post got to me. My wife and I had our first experience in the lifestyle recently. We really wanted to but never really talked about it until we went to hedo.

It was rather frustrating trying to work up the courage to ask someone to join, but eventually thats what I did. There was a guy that we both agreed that we would have like to join us, so I went up to him and asked if he was willing. He in turn invited another couple and we had a wonderful fivesome.

Now we are looking for other experiences. We went from never having anthing like this to full swap and OMG it has done wonders.

[slevin]

I think your approach to talking with others has a lot to do with the type of people that you're looking for. If you want to find other new couples who want to take things slow and get comfortable with things then a more casual introduction and buildup makes more sense. If you are looking for people who want to chat enough to make sure you are all looking for the same thing, then meet to get naked; well a more direct approach makes more sense. Being blunt quickly has the advantage of weeding out people who aren't what you're looking for if what you want is other blunt couples who know what they want and are willing to jump at it when it comes up. If that isn't you and isn't what you're looking for then take a different approach and be more casual about it; just don't be afraid to be blunt or to make the move when the time comes for it.

We dont mind people being that blunt that quickly with us, for us it weeds out the people we arent interested in. While we arent looking to make lifelong friends, we also aren't into the exchange a couple of emails then fuck thing either.

[Dynamar]

I use a static "not interested" message that I've actually set as one of my standard responses on Swappernet, and use pretty much verbatim on all other sites as well... "Thank you for writing, however, I am not interested. All the best in your quest."

It's direct, but polite... (I always answer all mail), and I rarely have any pushback on it from the rejected party.

[fun4Ds]

I think I was a little taken back also with the bluntness, of some when we started getting acquainted with people. However, you will find those that like to take a subtle approach also. I think it boarders on rudeness and bluntness sometimes. I know I have heard some say something that seems blunt to me, that turns Mrs.fun away seeming rude.

I've heard it both ways from men and women alike. Sometimes flirting can even seem scary when I'm asked certain questions. I like to think I can talk about anything. Then its like, WOW you want to do what ..... Uhh, O.k. ill give it my best.

E-mails and chat have to be taken as just a form of getting acquainted. I was surprised a few times when we chatted with people and then met them. How things spoken and typed, had a total different context. People are a little more brave or BLUNT on the INTERNET. Most aren't the same when we meet. But even then, sooner or later, someone has to say "you wanna get naked " or what ever it takes to get to where we want to go. I for one, can do that. I feel like I can talk about anything, but there are some who get me to step back a bit occasionally.

I find other red flags in this conversation you had with this guy though . Without seeing your profile I cant say if you are looking for some exhibition play to begin with. It would appear this guy wants to get a free show or take this one notch above web camming ? If your not into either of those, I would be thinking WTF ?? Chester the molester comes to mind.

As for me, I would love to have company in a hotel (fantasy wise) we don't play alone. I wouldn't want to just watch though, I like MFM's Well, what can I say, I like everything.
Am I being Blunt ?.... Not really, just being honest.

[jjtrindc]

I think their is bluntness, and then there is tact or politeness. A certain amount of bluntness is necessary in the lifestlyle just considering the types of activities we are engaged in. I'd much rather have an "awkward" conversation than a situation where something happens that we are not comfortable with due to the fact that we didn't fully discuss it with the other couple.

That being said, to use the original example, that fellow could have asked the same question many different ways that were much more tactful (at least to our ears). To us, how a person ask questions, the focus of the conversation (do he/she always turn the chat to sex), etc, says a lot to us about compatibility. For us, ultimately, if we can't talk with them then we aren't going to get in bed with them.

[JustAskJulie]

There is no real "normal". You'll encounter all kinds online and in the lifestyle. We've encountered some pretty blunt/ rude people in person in the lifestyle. If they don't float your boat move on is the best answer. The answer to a guy like the one you encountered online from us would be a "thanks but we don't play that way". I realize meeting up with a couple at a club and having sex 20 minutes later isn't a far cry but to me it feels safer than showing up at some strangers hotel room that we've never even had so much as a conversation with. As you said, there are others who would be all over that offer.

[BiloxiCouple]

Bluntness on the internet is becoming a real problem.

They even have a commercial on TV about this for teenagers and saying harmful things on the net.

It's easier to say on the internet, "I want to spread my man juice on your tits and have your man lick it off" than it is to say the same thing at a bar. Say that at ANY bar and watch out for the reaction.

[red96]

We are still new to this and have had few Rude/ Blunt replies to our ads. At first
we would try and explain the error of their ways which sometimes pissed them off.
So now if we get a rude , blunt or disrespectful message we usually just block them from
further contact. We think a first contact message should be an introduction of some sort.

[Mr.Essex]

Of course. Most women don't take kindly to the "I'm gonna put your ankles behind your head and fuck you like a jackhammer.", approach. Likewise (despite the barrage of media images of men as rutting perverts) we aren't as amenable to the idea of hearing a woman say, "Your cock, my ass, as soon as possible. Here's the hotel address and a spare key.". Swinging is like dating, but with a better chance of sex at the end. IOW, don't say anything that's going to turn your advantage into a defecit. Unless, of course, you've been sitting in that gynecologist's chair for the past hour and your husband is handing out condoms like Tic Tacs. Or, conversely, your third partner for the night is telling potential Partner No. 4 about "that thing he does with the heel of his hand, his tongue and your taint."