Swinging for the wrong reasons

[tradeja36]

okay i recently posted a scenario about my husband and i considering a threesome with a good friend of his. Well i also found out that this friend and my husband have done a threesome before in the past. i asked my husband how he felt afterward and he said he was fine.. i must mention that i think that his friend is VERY attractive and i've expressed this to my husband as well.. i get excited just thinking about his friend touching me in any sexual way my husband has mentioned that his friend has an attractive girlfriend that he'd like to have sex with also. what i want to know has there ever been an issue with outside partners developing a deeper level of emotions when it comes to swinging with a married couple? and should i feel bad knowing that my husband and his friend have had their way with females before and i'm no different? my husband says not to worry, and should i feel bad that i get horny just thinking about his friend already?

[sexcupid]

Well...the only thing that sticks out about what you are describing is the fact that your hubby's friend has a girlfriend. Will she be informed of what is going on? As in you actually speaking to her face to face and confirming that all is ok?

Just because your hubby and his buddy previously tag teamed a girl (girls?), does not mean this guy's current GF is open to the idea.


To address some of your other questions:

Being excited is a good thing. We all like to feel special, just because they have done this before, doesn't make it any less special to you does it? To get your hubby's mindset on this, ask him.

Also, there is always a potential risk of someone developing feelings...married or single (getting overly attached to a swing partner is not just the providence of singles).

[ncmd_couple]

tradeja,

SexCupid has a good point. I think that is I was in your position I would want to have dinner out with your husband's buddy and his girlfriend. That will give you a chance to meet her and find out what the real situation is. If there is any drama with her, then I would stay away from them.

S

[bbarnsworth]

Originally Posted by tradeja36

what i want to know has there ever been an issue with outside partners developing a deeper level of emotions when it comes to swinging with a married couple?

Sure, but as others have said married people are not immune to this either. For our part, we have a rule of not playing with a couple again if we start to develop romantic emotions for them, or they for us. It's a deal breaker. We're married to each other, and not looking for replacements. This is something you have to monitor, though it's really not a big deal to do so.

Originally Posted by tradeja36

and should i feel bad knowing that my husband and his friend have had their way with females before and i'm no different?
my husband says not to worry,

Let's paraphrase and ask this question: Should you feel bad knowing your husband has had sex with other people before you and you're no different?

See the problem with your concern? What your husband has done in the past doesn't make what you do with him now any less special, whether other people are involved or no. There's nothing to worry about here.

Originally Posted by tradeja36

and should i feel bad that i get horny just thinking about his friend already?

Hell no! That's a GOOD thing! Like I told my wife, I'd prefer if every guy she had sex with turned her into a puddle and gave her a fantastic orgasm.

There's a disney-esque thing in our society of finding one's one and only true love. The reality is that if there was only *one* person you could truly be in love with in this world, you'd never find them. Your chances are 1 in 3 billion. The same applies to being sexually attracted to people. There's literally millions of people who could turn you on in this world. That you found another one besides your husband is no great surprise. That your husband not only acknowledges this, but would be happy to have you have sex with him is wonderful!

[good times]

Originally Posted by tradeja36

what i want to know has there ever been an issue with outside partners developing a deeper level of emotions when it comes to swinging with a married couple?

Unfortunately, it happens more often than people admit. Like someone else said above, for us it is an instant deal breaker if this happens.

By the way, this happens much more often with friends than with folks you hook up with that are already swingers. That is one of the reasons you will see so many people recommend not to play with your vanilla friends.

Originally Posted by tradeja36

and should i feel bad knowing that my husband and his friend have had their way with females before and i'm no different? my husband says not to worry,

I don't know, do you? This is one of those questions only you can answer, as it either bothers you or not.

I can tell you though that we have a rule against playing with vanilla friends for this reason, it just is weird and bothers us. It also changes the friendship, which we would just as soon not do. Finding other swingers to play with just isn't hard enough to justify messing up a good friendship to have a little sex.

Originally Posted by tradeja36

and should i feel bad that i get horny just thinking about his friend already?

No, we have several friends that I have horny fantasies about all the time. Some things are best left as a fantasy though.

[realcplub2]

Tradeja, Don't put the cart before the horse..

If you are feeling attraction to the friend, ok.. Dont jump from lust to love..

If after you have a expereince with this person and they FEEL the same as you, fine.. then its time to look in another catagory on here, POLYMORY.. Til then, dont jump ahead..

As far as including the guys GF, again, cross that bridge when you get to it.. If you are going for the 3some thing, go for it.. If on the other hand this has evolved into a possible foursome, new things need to be discussed between your husband and you, such as what is acceptable and whats not..

Dont over complicate yourself, or your life til you really HAVE TO.. know what I mean?

[PB&J]

Originally Posted by tradeja36

i must mention that i think that his friend is VERY attractive and i've expressed this to my husband as well.. i get excited just thinking about his friend touching me in any sexual way...should i feel bad that i get horny just thinking about his friend already?

No, of course you shouldn't feel bad about getting horny. HOWEVER, before you decide to jump into bed with your husband's friend, realize that there are LOTS of other attractive men out there who you will be equally attracted to, without the pesky complication of being a friend as well. Fantasies are great... they don't have to be acted upon to be satisfying. Look around, take in a singles men night at a lifestyle club... you'll have NO trouble finding someone to try a 3some with.

[JustAskJulie]

Keep in mind that the previous situation was a different situation. Was the female in question your husband's wife? Was she in a committed relationship with either of the guys for that matter? How your husband would feel now can not be measured by how he felt then. The situation is not the same.

If you are open to a full swap, and the guy has a girlfriend that is open to it at well, then that might be an option worth pursuing. However, I would still suggest that you take a look at the questions I posed to you in your other thread.