How do you feel watching your partner with someone else? (Was:The other person.)

[NymphoWind]

Hey everyone,

We're pretty new to this whole lifestyle, but have taken a interest, we have talked about it much, and have both come to terms with the changes it could possibly bring about..
And as time has passed we both have become to some extent excited to learn more maybe even to take the dive sooner then later..
We have already spend hours talking over it, and have set rules of what we each feel is reasonable, we've even taking the time to get to know some swingers, and have posted our erotic pictures up for the fun of knowing that some people out there are going wild over it..

Anyways the to get to the point a little bit more..
For some time now i have put up i guess you can say ad's looking for a 3rd person, of course moments of posting these ad's we get like 20 new emails ever half hour..
As we know looking for the right person is a very important thing, so we have been taking our time, talking about what we think, and letting the people know that if we do let them join this will be how it'll be etc..

Anyways the other night, i got into talking to someone that was interested in joining, although with a lot of the things he said, chances show he isn't what we are looking for, but he did bring up a point that gave me some thought..

He said/asked "It's cool that you are doing what you're doing, and i'm not judging, but why would you want to see another guy fuck your partner? I mean how does that make you feel? Don't you feel any jealous feelings? I know if it was me, i wouldn't want anyone to fuck my girl, and if she brought it up that she wanted to fuck another guy with me there, i wouldn't want to stay with her, yeah it does make her happy, but its not love if you're doing with others is it?" etc etc..

I explained that "when you care for someone enough you want to make them happy, and that you want to expand your bond, and to do that you have to know or learn about even the deep dark secrets that they keep..
Many people have fantasies, that even they may not admit to themselves but like the saying goes "It takes a life time to know who someone really is.." but if you don't take the time, how will you really know the person how will you grow, the more you can talk to each other the more open you can be, the more comfortable you are with each other the more you grow.. Now the deep dark fantasies that someone has is just part of who they are, and think about it, if you can hear it, and even except it, maybe even you will come to like it, and when that happens, just look back at how much the relationship has grown..
Yeah the normal me, wouldn't have ever considered this lifestyle, but i was the one who brought it up, because the adventurous side of me wanted growth, lets face it, in truth if you can openly share things with your partner with no lies no secrets, just straight honesty the relationship itself is just healthier all around..
How would i feel to see another guy doing my girl? Turned on, i mean i love to see her getting pleased, i love when she moans it makes me so wild, but the idea of her having double that joy, double that moan, wow! haha"

Pretty much what i said, and he went on, saying pretty much the same thing, about how he wouldn't be able to handle it, and whatnot asking how can i not have any jealous feelings inside over the matter..
That the relationship couldn't possibly be based on love if we can freely sleep with others blahblahblah..
And i pretty much left it with saying "Everyone sees love in different ways.."


Now my question for everyone is, what is your take on this?
How do you personally feel with the idea of your partner doing someone else, or if you are in the lifestyle how did you feel?
I have understanding that there are many people out there that on a normal level, that are very protective, and even dislike when people look at their partners, so how is having someone join their sex life better from that?
What has this all done for your relationship, has it changed it for the better?
For those of you that weren't ready, diving head first into the lifestyle, did it leave any bad taste in some aspect?

I understand that this lifestyle can either make or break a relationship, for those that are stable and good, it usually makes it better, for those that already have problems, it tends to shatter it at a faster pace.. Or so i have gathered..

For those that had a partner in this lifestyle, that didn't work out, can you tell me what was things you wish you could have done, to avoid it not working out?
Tips for what in your experience is the good things to do when heading into this lifestyle, and tips for things to keep away from..


Anyways other then those questions, if anyone can share with me any good points that i should know, that would be great..

Thanks for your time..
And i hope that all made sense.. haha

[Greg & Sheryl]

Originally Posted by NymphoWind

How do you personally feel with the idea of your partner doing someone else, or if you are in the lifestyle how did you feel?

It turns us on.

I have understanding that there are many people out there that on a normal level, that are very protective, and even dislike when people look at their partners, so how is having someone join their sex life better from that?

If you are the type of person that is okay with the idea of sharing your sex life with others, then you are likely the type of person that won't be threatened by having others look at your partner. We regard it as a complement when others take a look.

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by NymphoWind

For some time now i have put up i guess you can say ad's looking for a 3rd person, of course moments of posting these ad's we get like 20 new emails ever half hour..
As we know looking for the right person is a very important thing, so we have been taking our time, talking about what we think, and letting the people know that if we do let them join this will be how it'll be etc..

Anyways the other night, i got into talking to someone that was interested in joining, although with a lot of the things he said, chances show he isn't what we are looking for, but he did bring up a point that gave me some thought..

He said/asked "It's cool that you are doing what you're doing, and i'm not judging, but why would you want to see another guy fuck your partner? I mean how does that make you feel? Don't you feel any jealous feelings? I know if it was me, i wouldn't want anyone to fuck my girl, and if she brought it up that she wanted to fuck another guy with me there, i wouldn't want to stay with her, yeah it does make her happy, but its not love if you're doing with others is it?" etc etc..

I feel the need to address this part of your post.

Any single guy or gal with this view is someone you should stay far, far away from. They don't have a clue about swinging and it isn't your job to try and prep them for an encounter with you and your gal. Lucky for you that this single male hasn't yet learned how to hide his ignorance about swinging, he's made himself known as a guy who has no respect for you - since you will let other guys fuck your girl.

You can bet that most of the guys who have e-mailed you on your ad site are as ignorant and clueless as this guy. All the more reason to be very picky when choosing your men.

LM

[slevin]

LikeMinds totally nailed the important part of your whole post. We completely agree. Every single guy who we've talked to that has asked a question like this has tried to talk Katrina in to meeting them secretly behind my back. Not some, not most....every single one of them. It shows a total lack of respect on their part and it shows me that they aren't interested in swinging, threesomes or respecting a couples relationship. They are horny and figure that the female in a swinging couple is going to be easy to get into bed and will sneak behind their husbands back. The irony is that it couldn't be further from the truth.

Katrina and I have a good laugh about it whenever it happens. We're also thankful when someone brings it up, makes it easy to just write them off and block them.

[socolais]

Originally Posted by NymphoWind

Tips for what in your experience is the good things to do when heading into this lifestyle, and tips for things to keep away from..

We felt it was very comforting to have our first encounter with other couples and that they were very experienced in the lifestyle. It was actually at a house party. It's easy to observe the mutual respect in personal interactions in a group setting. They knew how we felt because they were beginners once too. It's certainly not the only path into swingville, but it worked well for us.

[joaninla]

Just agreeing with the comments already posted. If a guy doesn't get why both of you would find it erotic for another man to join you, then the guy in question really "doesn't get it". In my opinion, he would be a poor choice for your threesome (particularly your first one).
I've posted previously that my experience has been much more positive and less anxiety provoking when the 'other guy' that has joined us has been someone I know and like. Good luck!

[iapr]

First off I agree completely with Likeminds, Slevin and Joaninla. Anyone that says anything even remotely like what that person did, doesn't "get it" at all and will just cause problems. Run, don't walk away from people that have an attitude like that in any manner.

Now to address what I think your underlying dilema is in all of this, if you are going to explore the world of swinging you need to approach it from the aspect of going into together as a couple to experience new adventures and different levels of intimacy and excitement as a couple.

In other words you are not , "doing other people" you are introducing a different level of excitment and pleasure into your pre-existing sexual dynamic as a couple.

To put it another way, your wife is not "doing" another dude and you are not "doing" another chick. You are inviting highly select people into your bedroom to help provide you and your wife with a greater level of sexual excitement and stimulation and you two are doing the same thing for them. Everyone comes out a winner.

I agree with LikeMinds it is not your job to "educate" people or try to enlighten them. they have shown you their true colors and you should be thankfull for that. Steer clear of anyone, male, female, single or couple that thinks in a manner like the person you mentioned. Either they get it or they don't. And most singles (and quite a few couples for that matter) don't get it at all and think that couples who swing are ammoral, oversexed, or that the husband can't get it up or can't satisfy the female and that is why she has to get sex outside of the marriage.

The truth is that swinging is not sex outside of the marriage but is in fact just more sex within the marriage.

My recommendation is seek out other couples that are in solid and happy marriages and stay away from singles untill you and your wife have a better grasp of what you are looking for and what swinging means to you in your marriage.

[ViSexual]

OK, first of all, the first time I saw my wife having sex with a the husband of another couple was my all time favorite sexual experience. Bar none!

This guy just doesn't get it!

And, he doesn't get it about what a 'third' is suppose to be either.

A 'third' isn't a boyfriend or lover. He's the instrument of fantasy fullfillment for the couple. Now he needs to be 'hot', at least in the wife's eyes, or it won't work, but you can think someone's 'hot' without loving, or falling for, them.

After I became really good friends with a couple, as well as their 'third', I used to joke about being their marital aid.

Keep looking. There are guys out there who know their place as a 'third'. And don't settle for any that don't know it either.

[cpl4funindel]

Originally Posted by iapr

Now to address what I think your underlying dilema is in all of this, if you are going to explore the world of swinging you need to approach it from the aspect of going into together as a couple to experience new adventures and different levels of intimacy and excitement as a couple.

In other words you are not , "doing other people" you are introducing a different level of excitment and pleasure into your pre-existing sexual dynamic as a couple.

To put it another way, your wife is not "doing" another dude and you are not "doing" another chick. You are inviting highly select people into your bedroom to help provide you and your wife with a greater level of sexual excitement and stimulation and you two are doing the same thing for them. Everyone comes out a winner.

Wow... Thank you for this. My wife and I had our first couples experience this last weekend and afterward I had some mixed feelings about seeing her intimate with the other man... This puts everything in perspective for me. Thank you!

[realcplub2]

Originally Posted by NymphoWind

He said/asked "It's cool that you etc etc..

First off, this guy already showed you his true colors.. he is either a complete asshole or a flat out novice

Originally Posted by NymphoWind

How would i feel to see another guy doing my girl? Turned on, i mean i love to see her getting pleased, i love when she moans it makes me so wild, but the idea of her having double that joy, double that moan, wow! haha"

Pretty much what i said, and he went on, saying pretty much the same thing, about how he wouldn't be able to handle it, and whatnot asking how can i not have any jealous feelings inside over the matter..
That the relationship couldn't possibly be based on love if we can freely sleep with others blahblahblah..

And i pretty much left it with saying "Everyone sees love in different ways.."

I wouldnt have bothered to answer the rest of the conversation and clicked the ignore button, for two reasons as I said before the guy is a douche, and really, would you want him to IM when you arent at the keys.. all it takes is one moment of self doubt to change anyones mind.. and it sounds just like the type that would say stupid shit, or try to set up meetings without you there.

Now my question for everyone is, what is your take on this?

Already explained..

How do you personally feel with the idea of your partner doing someone else, or if you are in the lifestyle how did you feel?

Ok, first off, as you told the idiot you were talking to, its an immense turn on, and to be able to partake of the excitement being enjoyed, or play tag team fucking.. its a blast..

I have understanding that there are many people out there that on a normal level, that are very protective, and even dislike when people look at their partners, so how is having someone join their sex life better from that?

First off, those are the ones with the mindset of the same low brow you were talking to, where the fantasy CAN'T meet the reality, jealousy won't let them, And lets be clear its completely normal to feel those pangs yourself, even in the moment.. However how you deal with it, depends on you, in our case and in most cases, the pleasure that she is feeling, and knowing that, at the end of the night, she is still coming home with you, is usually enough to off set those feelings.

What has this all done for your relationship, has it changed it for the better?
For those of you that weren't ready, diving head first into the lifestyle, did it leave any bad taste in some aspect?

In our case, initially, we had a great experience, but the person we chose wasnt the best choice, a friend of ours, and he overstepped the boundaires, and ruined any chance of more fun.. We explained before and after there was a time and place, adn that it wouldnt happen unless we all played, and instead he took every chance to grab ass, boob, or worse, tried to set up private time.. We stopped for the better part of 5 years, so technically, when we tell everyone we have been in this for over 13 years its not true its actually closer to 18..

The reason we stopped was for the reasons above, and she was worried that because she enjoyed it, that she was "cheap" her word.. I explained that it was anything from that.. rather she had for the first time, relaxed and let go, and enjoyed herself.. thats not cheap.. And the same discussion is why we re started..


Now as to why those that the whole thing didnt work out, I can tell you from conversations I have had with a few..

1. Didnt talk about what EACH really wanted/expected - In as much as we all have read the success stories there are also horror stories, and the bad expereinces thread on here touches on a few..

This has been a issue that when I spoke to the person, I recognised as being jealousy as well as a bit of surprise, when one partner ends up enjoying themselves and moving much quicker than the other is ready

2. Doing it for the other person.. We all have heard of this, and honestly when you hear from someone that sounds like this, they usually feel guilty for having gone thru with it, then later that they didnt seize the moment and take advantage of the situation.. sometimes it leads them back to the lifestyle, sometimes they re gret not having just said no from the start


3. It evolved into something else and they really didnt recognise the person they were with any more.. It happens..

[wegetaround]

The whole idea of another guy entering my wife doesnt bother me, once he knows the rules that we both have for this lifestyle. We both established that we prefer to keep our lives confidential and its all about the experience.

I must say its better to have fun with a couple because there is a mutual respect rather than some single guy banging some guys wife.

[sweet_tna]

Originally Posted by NymphoWind

He said/asked "It's cool that you are doing what you're doing, and i'm not judging, but why would you want to see another guy fuck your partner? I mean how does that make you feel? Don't you feel any jealous feelings? I know if it was me, i wouldn't want anyone to fuck my girl, and if she brought it up that she wanted to fuck another guy with me there, i wouldn't want to stay with her, yeah it does make her happy, but its not love if you're doing with others is it?" etc etc..

As the others have said, this guy just doesn't get it. He's either trying to stir up trouble, or he's just that ignorant. He's definitely not someone you should consider playing with.

I explained that "when you care for someone enough you want to make them happy, and that you want to expand your bond, and to do that you have to know or learn about even the deep dark secrets that they keep..

You don't need to explain yourselves to anyone . . . at least not someone you find trolling on one of the ad sites. Just ignore him.

Now my question for everyone is, what is your take on this?
How do you personally feel with the idea of your partner doing someone else, or if you are in the lifestyle how did you feel?

I love Mr. Sweet and want to see him pleased. It turns me on to see him excited. Even from our first experience (which happened to be with friends), I loved seeing him having fun.

I have understanding that there are many people out there that on a normal level, that are very protective, and even dislike when people look at their partners, so how is having someone join their sex life better from that?

By "normal level", I'm going to assume you mean vanilla folks. Even early in in our relationship, neither Mr. Sweet nor I have ever been jealous. So having someone join our sex life didn't help us to feel less of something we never felt to begin with.

What has this all done for your relationship, has it changed it for the better?

Swinging has most definitely changed our relationship for the better. We have sex more often--and with other people! That actually means something for us, since neither of us had much experience before we met. It makes things a little more fun because we've learned new tricks to try out on each other. We communicate so much better, and Mr. Sweet has learned to open up and deal with his feelings more often.

For those of you that weren't ready, diving head first into the lifestyle, did it leave any bad taste in some aspect?

Thankfully, this doesn't apply.

[quote]I understand that this lifestyle can either make or break a relationship, for those that are stable and good, it usually makes it better, for those that already have problems, it tends to shatter it at a faster pace.. Or so i have gathered..

The lifestyle itself isn't what makes or breaks a relationship. It merely magnifies the strength or weakness of the relationship. The rest you have right.

Again, this thankfully does not apply to us.

It cannot be emphasized enough: COMMUNICATE! Make sure you and your partner can talk (and listen) to each other openly about everything.

Read this board, and don't hesitate to ask questions when you have them.

And trust your instincts. If something feels wonky, it probably is.

=)


Anyways other then those questions, if anyone can share with me any good points that i should know, that would be great..

Thanks for your time..
And i hope that all made sense.. haha

[hbmanandgigi]

My girlfriend and I have discussed this topic. We both have had threesomes before we met. Her threesome was with a friend and a lover. She said it didn't go over too well. He did get jealous. My thought is a foursome would be better for us. We both still wonder how it would be to see the other with the other half of a couple. It would turn me on to see someone else with her. I think I would have a slight, very slight bit of jealousy if she were to moan a certain way or if he had a bigger penis than mine. But that's my bullshit to deal with. I think I would be ok just as long as we were right there together and I had someone to occupy my mouth and member. I have stressed that we just have to keep talking about it before we get there. Make rules and stick to them. Honesty is also key.

[nice_cpl_n_bama]

When I see Laurie with someone else I feel very happy that she's having a good time, very turned on by the erotic sight, and every now and then when her excitement reaches a certain pitch, intrigued and curious. (WAIT! Tell me what you just did and show me how to do it!)
As for the "relationship based on love" comment....OH PLEASE!
Laurie and I have been married 21 happy years with an open marriage. Sex is not love. Love is not sex.

[ourrockstarlife]

Originally Posted by LikeMinds321

I feel the need to address this part of your post.

Any single guy or gal with this view is someone you should stay far, far away from. They don't have a clue about swinging and it isn't your job to try and prep them for an encounter with you and your gal. Lucky for you that this single male hasn't yet learned how to hide his ignorance about swinging, he's made himself known as a guy who has no respect for you - since you will let other guys fuck your girl.

You can bet that most of the guys who have e-mailed you on your ad site are as ignorant and clueless as this guy. All the more reason to be very picky when choosing your men.

LM

Well said! Run far away!