MFM threesome -friend for first time experience? (was: Something to break the ice...)

[tradeja36]

Okay this is the scenario: my husband and i have decided to go ahead and dabble in the swinging community, but because we have gotten limited info so far we have decided to do a threesome first. I am very self conscious about my body first and foremost and i am very apprehensive about someone rejecting me because of it. My husband on the other hand is very confident and he has actually participated in a threesome before so he mentioned one of his friends to do our threesome with. Since i am the (virgin) so to speak is this the best way to introduce ourselves to the swinging lifestyle? My husband has been friends with this person for over 5 years, and we haven't even discussed this with him as of yet.

[PB&J]

I would think that starting off with your husband's friend would not be a wise move. My husband actually suggested something similar when we first started talking about swinging a year ago, and I said no, and I'm glad that I did. While he doesn't have the same reservations about bringing his friends into the bedroom, I think that it's best to avoid someone whom you have a vanilla history with. We now have an MFM friend (among others), but he's a lifestyle friend whom we met through a site. No baggage, no history, and if it doesn't work out, you don't have to worry about dealing with the potential embarrassment of him continuing to be a part of your life as your husband's friend.

I'm beginning to think, though, that for men it's some sort of peculiar male bonding thing.

[tcphoenix]

Originally Posted by PB&J

I'm beginning to think, though, that for men it's some sort of peculiar male bonding thing.

Hmmm... I don't know about that.... My wife and I have talked about a MFM threesome and the one thing I WOULDN'T do is bring a friend into our bedroom. Way too weird! Lol.... Just my thoughts.

[iapr]

Keep your friends out of your bedroom!!
And while you're at it keep your coworkers, neighbors, bowling teammates and fellow members of the Loyal Order of Waterbuffaloes out of your bedroom as well.

It is very common for people just starting to consider swinging to start looking through their lists of friends, coworkers and other people they know to invite into their bedroom and it is always a bad idea and recipe for disaster.

If you were going to take up golf would you start hitting up your friends that have never picked up a set of golf clubs in their life to go golfing with you or would you seek out someone that at least has an interest in golfing themselves to do it with? Same thing here. Find people that also have an interest and experience in swinging.

All of us at one time or another has said, "I couldn't have sex with someone I don't know" and yet here we are. If you need to "know" someone before you have sex with them, that's fine, get to know them to whatever degree it takes but make some new friends in the swinger community rather than trying to seduce your vanilla friends into becoming swingers.

When swingers meet they often discuss personal topics and avoid conversational topics like kids, work, home repairs, politics, the economy etc etc etc and all the other things that vanillas talk about and so the whole process of "getting to know" someone is often quite streamlined.

[iapr]

Now as far as your body image issue, unless you are actually truly disfigured and deformed from an accident or disease the issue is in your own insecurities and the chances are that most guys won't really care. And even if you are disfigured there are probably guys out there that have some kind of fetish for that particular type of disfigurement.

What you will find in reality is that men are not rejecting you but rather you will be rejecting them. Especially if your husband is the one trying to pick them out and bring them home to you. You need to be the one picking out who you will hit up about this and your husband should have some kind of veto authority in case he is picking up some kind of bad vibes or red flags.

When it comes to recreational sex women are a million times more picky than men so the reality is that you are going to find yourself in the position of the rejector wwaaaaayyyy more often than the rejectee.

[realcplub2]

First off.. lets clear up one thing right now... Size, Shape, really arent issues in this lifestyle or as a friend sent to me...

http://i390.photobucket.com/albums/o...e_7430134d.gif

Next, please, choose a non friend, prefferably one that, has a bit of experience, in the lifestyle and understand the concept of boundairies

Choosing a friend, or one of your husbands friends, can be a open door to issues no one wants to deal with, from friends with BIG MOUTHS, to assholes who expect this to be the new friday night thing..

[ViSexual]

Hey Sweetie,

I agree with the others about the friend. Too risky and too much potential for drama.

And, besides, you would be missing out on the best part. Well, almost best.

The hunt!

You and your husband have decided to do it so now enjoy the foreplay, which is the search.

You do like foreplay before intercourse, don't you?

Place an ad on Swing Lifestyle or on craigslist and then begin interviewing the candidates together. Not only will you likely have a much better first time but you two will have some pretty good evenings of sex discussing the different men who apply.

Have fun!

[fun4Ds]

I have to agree with the above posters. We swing with singles for MFM and FMF get together occasionally. Those we play with, were lifestyle friends first. The friendships have grown into more. But, that keeps things allot less complicated. I have no problem hanging out with Mrs.funs female friends in a non sexual way. However, she doesn't want to hang with my buddies. We never play separate. What happens when your husbands buddy stop over and he is not there ? Are you willing to play alone ? Most people think its all good, we have had sex openly now. Saying no gets more complicated.

We found even in the lifestyle we had to explain to swinger friends we don't play alone. I mean, after you have that initial sex with someone, it takes down some barriers. Its difficult enough when we are alone and around previous playmates. Even then, we found the offers of a threesomes or sex if we casually stop by their house. We had some difficult learning to do along the way.

We just like it the way it has worked out. Its allot easier doing fun vanilla stuff with our swinger friends, than it would be doing fun swinger stuff, with our vanilla friends.

Have you considered making new friends through the personal sites or visiting a house party or club ? It does have its rewards with making new friends in a different way.

[TNT]

As far as having a MFM threesome for your first experience goes...quite a few people start out that way so that's really not a problem.

Bringing a vanilla friend in for that threesome...hummmm.....When you bring vanilla friends into your sex life the dynamics of the friendship is changed forever. Sometimes it changes for the good but most times it's for the worst...i.e. you lose the friendship. We have brought vanilla friends into our bedroom. For us, we've never had any problems and are still friends with each one of them so, it is possible for it to be a good thing. However, it is NOT something that we recommend to anyone, especially newbies.

Body image: Two words..."Self confidence" There is nothing sexier in a woman (or a man) than self confidence, regardless of their body shape or size. If YOU are comfortable in you own skin, people see this and respond to it. There are a lot of "model perfect" women who sit at home alone on Saturday nights because even though they are what our society views as beautiful, they don't like themselves. Like yourself first and others will like you.


Teresa

[jjtrindc]

I think the group here has pretty well covered the idea of bringing in a friend and we would have to agree. We recently started seeing another couple that tried a threesome with a friend of theirs. The actual play was fine, but afterward things have been weird and that person is no longer their friend. I'm sure there are just as many folks out there who will recount positive experiences with a friend. But it all comes down to risk. Are you ready to loose a friendship, etc. Are you thinking about the variety of vanilla events you might see each other at etc. You must find your comfort level.

As for body image, I'll recount a piece of advice I've posted before about the attitude my wife as adopted. Whenever we go to a club or party, she simply feels that she'll look better than 50 percent of the other women, and that the other 50 percent will look better than her. It really just allows her to take a WTF attitude. If people like what they see, great. If not, no biggie...move on.

It's really about being confident in who you are as a person. What's great is that the lifestyle is full of really great people who are interested in all types of people and body types. We have no doubt everyone out there has a match, it's just a matter of finding it!

[Chicup]

Originally Posted by tradeja36

Okay this is the scenario: my husband and i have decided to go ahead and dabble in the swinging community, but because we have gotten limited info so far we have decided to do a threesome first.

I don't follow, what info do you need? MFM threesomes are common to start with because they are easy, not because they are better.

I am very self conscious about my body first and foremost and i am very apprehensive about someone rejecting me because of it.

Without knowing what you look like, no one can give you real advice here, but I don't know any women who are 100% ok with their body, no matter how good it looks. Regardless of how you look though, you WILL be rejected for your looks at some point if you become a long time swinger. Tastes differ, and even the semi-mythical 100% perfect people will get rejected for looks, most likely because they are too perfect and people will assume they are stuck up due to their own insecurities about their own looks. Rejection and swinging go hand in hand, just like dating. Never feels good, but you can learn to ignore it.

My husband on the other hand is very confident and he has actually participated in a threesome before so he mentioned one of his friends to do our threesome with. Since i am the (virgin) so to speak is this the best way to introduce ourselves to the swinging lifestyle? My husband has been friends with this person for over 5 years, and we haven't even discussed this with him as of yet.

Awkward. The problem as people said before is that while its maybe easier to get the ball rolling with a friend, its often they wont' be your friend after. The first time I did a MFM threesome with someone else's wife I felt very odd after and decided not to do it again (I relented ) but this was a swinger couple I'd been with as a couple before, as a swinger. Were it just a buddy of mine and I wasn't yet a swinger, odds are I'd have felt VERY uncomfortable and would not want to face them again. Another issue is that your husbands friend most likely knows other people in your husbands life. Often times people can't keep their mouth shut. Unless you don't mind other friends knowing about this I'd not recommend it.

[Edison Carter]

You're newbies and you bring in a third party newbie too. Also, I'm sorry, your husband's single threesome does not make him experienced. I'm with the 'golf' analogy here. If things don't go well, it's really awkward having hubby's buddy around who has 'ridden you into next week' as they say. Also, guys can be guys and he could end up bragging about having sex with you, which if it's fine with you, great.

The truth is, everything could go great. Yet, for a whole bunch of reasons, it could go wrong. I'd recommend not tempting fate and find a person already enjoying the Lifestyle.

[JustAskJulie]

How good of a friend are we talking about? Is it someone that you wouldn't mind losing if things don't turn out so well? Is is someone you know well enough to be able to trust that he will be discreet and not go off telling all his other friends what happened?

[Greg & Sheryl]

Most of our colleagues have recommended against bringing in a vanilla friend for your threesome, but we'd like to offer a dissenting opinion. Under most circumstances, we agree this scenario could potentially create an awkward situation, especially if the encounter doesn't go very well. However, we also believe that some vanillas do have the right mindset to have sex with one another and not let it get in the way of a good friendship.

It sounds as if this fellow is really your husband's friend rather than yours, so the risk to you in this regard should be minimal. Furthermore, you say that your husband has participated in threesomes before, so we presume he's well-aware of the protocol and the risks. We don't have a problem with you trusting him to seek an ideal threesome candidate for you, wherever he might choose to look.