Small Town - Playing in your backyard???

[Mr.LoveUbye]

Hello All!!! We are from a small town(about 4000 people). We have noticed on Swing Lifestyle there are a few profiles that spark our interest in our town. For you other small town folks out there...do you think it is a good idea to drive the 40 miles or so to meet someone from another town, or is it ok to "play" in your own backyard. My only worry is that in small towns people talk....it's all some of them have to do and Mrs.LoveUBye is a small business owner in this town. Your opinions would be greatly appreciated.

PS
Thanks for all of the information and advice we have already received from this forum! You guys rock and have made this a very enjoyable experience so far!

[2inSanDiego4u]

If you want to be very discreet you should do as much as you possibly can to stay very discreet. Don't use your real names, don't post face pics online, don't use your real address/phone number for anything swinging related. Same goes for meeting people in a small town, probably not a good idea!

[jjtrindc]

On the one hand, if they are posting on Swing Lifestyle then you can assume they are interested in the same things you are. One would hope they would respect your want for privacy and discretion as I'm sure they are looking for the same thing.

Given that you do live in a small town, then you have to gauge what you feel you can tolerate in terms of being "uncovered." If having others know you are in the LS would negatively impact your family and your business, then you should take many of the steps that 2insandiego4u suggests. That would include not meeting anyone in your town.

Best of luck in your decision!

[2inVT]

We're kinda lazy and don't like to drive far to meet people - so we would rather play close to home.

[curious_2for2]

First, welcome to the boards...

We have and had the same concerns as you. We do list on Swing Lifestyle, but we use the 1st big town down the road apiece as our home zipcode. It does give us some piece of ananimity, and a little breathing space.

Next, we came to the realization that anyone on Swing Lifestyle is there for the same reasons as us. We do have pictures posted, but without faces. If someone was to find us, and recognize us, because they were looking to see if they know anyone, we have the plausible deniability - "Oh, those? We were just checking out if we knew anyone on there, like you!"

Enjoy the freedom to play locally - we have and will in the future. Work through this with you partner, it's a great discussion opener.

~Curious2

[Chris&Amelia]

Good question.

It's really a matter of how much risk you're willing to assume. You have to balance "convenience of finding nearby playmates" with the risk of being outed.

Also, don't assume that everybody on Swing Lifestyle is there for the same reason you are. I would venture to say that the majority of people on Swing Lifestyle are either more curious then anything (not actively in the lifestyle, "researching", swinger wannabes, etc.) or pic collectors. I remember a thread here where some ambitious reporter did a search on Swing Lifestyle for local swingers and made a big story about it (I'm too lazy to look it up myself).

[ncmd_couple]

We live in a small town as well, and we met a wonderful couple just a few miles from us. If you have taken your precautions, like we have, then the risk isn't any greater talking to someone local than it is someone 50 miles away. After being on Swing Lifestyle for a year I can pretty much tell those that are genuine and those that are just curious. Pictures, current updates, well thought out profiles that make sense are indicaters that they might be for real. No pics, one line profile responses, and no recient activity except when they first signed in is an indicator of the curious.

Fortunately for us we have two swinger's clubs nearby. We look for indicators that they frequent either of those clubs. Sometimes people put in their profiles when they will be at the club. We plan on being there the same night, and if we see them, we approach them just like we would anyone else at the club.

Or, you can just be up front and contact them.

[PB&J]

We post an ad on a swinger's site which lists the "big city" an hour away as our location... got a hit from a single guy from same city, and arranged to meet him there... very soon after meeting him realized that we are close neighbours (7 mins apart!) and in fact he built our house for the previous owners. Apparently we have a lifetime warranty with frequent inspections... in other words, we decided that depending on the individual, playing close to home can be just fine.

[realcplub2]

Read your question, Let me ask is the 40 mile trip you propose to the next "big town" in the area?

We live in a small town now, (florida is weird, a convient store, post office and a fire house and BANG its a town).. we look in a area 50 miles around us..

As far as our experience, we originally are from Lower NY state, with plenty of whats reffered to as bedroom communities.. small towns full of commuters to NYC.. some 75 miles south.. In our experience, we met folks in the next again "big" town over from us, about 25 miles away. Plenty of things to do, as far as vanilla activities.. So sending a email or making a phone call saying lets meet at such and such, wasnt far fetched..

It all depends on some important factors.. When you browse Swing Lifestyle or any other site, whats your comfort zaone for traveling or possibly discretion.. two factors that tend to bump up against each other.

Other factors are what/who you are looking for.. Age range, and possibly race.. Its up to you both to decide these things and go from there.

The last point I wanted to make was, as I pointed out in my blog, Getting Started, Using one site is fine, but sometimes its a idea to do like we do in real life.. Shop a few different places.. You might want a plasma TV, but if you limit yourself to one store you pay what they want.. not nessicarily the best price. Using a few different places and knowing the "lay o the land" so to speak, will help a great deal as well.

Hope this helps

[midnightplayer]

"Get out of Town". I would never consider playing in the general area of your town. Make road trips and get out of town and expereince new ppl in other areas. It will make the play that more special and you have more chance of not interfering with the vanilla side of your life.

[Mr.LoveUbye]

Thanks for all of the replies! The town 40 min. away has a population of over 300k so I think that we may just do a little traveling. We do not post any face pics on Swing Lifestyle so that should not be a problem. And....who knows if we bump into one of the couples from our town no tellin what will happen Thanks again for all of your advice...this board has really helped us out as we start this journey together!

[realcplub2]

Remember, if it does happen, be cool.. They are there for the same thing you are..

They can't really expose you, without telling what they are doing there or vise versa..

Or as we say, Discretion expected and assured

[velbuzz]

Like others here, we use a different zip for our address to maintain a level of anonymity. Then if we see someone in a local zip, we figure, if they are there they will be discrete and can be approached.

[ic7175]

Playing with others from the same small town introduces some of the same problems as playing with fellow workers or neighbors. If things go bad, it's tough to just stop seeing them. For example, you're both going to shop at the same grocery store, you can't just go to the other grocery store because there isn't one. Or your kids become friends with kids of this couple's friends. Lots of things like this in a small town where the Kevin Bacon 6 degrees of separation thing is rarely more than 2 degrees in a small town. You do need to go into with the possible future complications in mind.

[HotMrsJane]

We never play close to home. We also don't meet others who live in our
general vicinity. The reason for this is privacy and discretion. What we choose to do in the bedroom really is no business of anyone we know LOL.

We actually know a couple who are swingers...they don't know that we are and we would NEVER tell them. The reason is...THEY are not discreet. They do not hide what they do at all. They sent us a message once on a swingers board. We had no face pics so they didn't know it was us. Needless to say...we said "not interested" and that was that. We know many people like this and just prefer to stay away from those who are too close or anyone we think we may know.

I've heard many a conversation at vanilla parties we've attended about people being swingers from our "area". I would never want those conversations to be had about us.