I want to go to a club but.....

[shy_tn_gal]

Hi there, I'm Catori. Fairly new to this lifestyle. My husband was in the lifestyle for several years before we met - and he has patiently waded through my apprehensions and now, to his delight, I am enjoying myself.

All of our encounters to date have been private affairs - we meet someone usually on Swing Lifestyle and talk - then we meet and if all feels right, we come back to our house for some hot wild sex.

This coming weekend is hubby's 50th birthday - and I would love nothing better than to take him to Menanges in Nashville. I want to join the club as a couple - my gift to him - showing that I accept and embrace this lifestyle with him.

However, as my screen name here shows, I'm a little shy. I'm also self conscious about my weight. I am a bbw - not horribly obese, but definitely in the category.

Having never been to any sort of club or social gathering, I'm wondering if there is a wide variety of 'body types' usually?

Every time I see someone post pictures from the gatherings, everyone looks like Barbie and Ken.

Also, if anyone on here actually goes to Menanges, tell me what sort of attire is appropriate. I've read the website - and I see the "night club" attire descriptions... but if someone could be a little more specific???

Any help to calm this shy girls attempt at breaking out of her shell would be greatly appreciated!!

Oh - and just a side note.... to date, it has only been MFM encounters... but I am now anxious to just sit and watch him with another woman.... He has no idea yet... but that is the 'major' part of this gift to him.

[NakedInSeattle]

You can be assured you will see all body styles and sizes. Ken and Barbie will be in the minority. I'll guarantee it!

[bbarnsworth]

Self image is a very common question on these forums. Yes, Ken and Barbie are out there. So what? Attractiveness spans a broad spectrum, and you have nothing to worry about.

That's a very nice surprise for your husband for his 50th! Way to go!

[two4youinswva]

I went to Bojangles the other day, and saw a picture of their Cajun Chicken Club sandwich on the board.
Damn, did that thing look big and extra tasty!

So, I ordered one. It was a good sandwich, but it didn't look like the one in the picture. I wasn't disappointed with my meal. I'm just saying it didn't look like the display shot.

So what does fast food chicken sandwiches have to do with pictures from a club website?
- Marketing.

All businesses try to paint what they believe is a pretty picture of their products and services. This includes those in the sex & swinging industry. Take a look at any ads for Swing Lifestyle or any of the other hook-up sites, and you'll see the same thing.

I've often believed that this marketing technique is wrong for swing clubs (and ad sites too). I think many would be more intrigued and interested if they knew the people attending these places represent a variety of looks.

Go to the club. Have a blast. Your fears will be assuaged soon after your arrival.

There are a few folks on the forum that have been to Menages, so I'm sure they will chime in with "what to wear".

Good luck and have fun!

[fun4Ds]

Welcome to the Swingers Board shy_tn_gal

Your husband is a very fortunate man to have such a wonderful wife. Thats really cool of you to give this surprise gift. Normally we wouldn't advise a surprise to someone going to a club for the first time. In this case, I couldn't think of a better thing to do.

Most of us who have been to Menages can tell you how great the atmosphere is there.
I wouldn't think your self image should be any less than a very caring and sharing partner. I think you just surpassed one fine and hot, desirable woman in my book

I know when we were there. We saw so many different women dressed in many different ways. All of them had my approval I cant say anyone looked out of place. When we ventured upstairs I really cant remember what anyone had on..... Oh yea, most didn't have anything on

By the way, What are you thinking of wearing ?

What makes you feel good ?

If you don't mind, give us an idea.

[SW_PA_Couple]

Welcome, new registered member.

JoAnn and I have two good friends, Bill and Shawn, whom we met upon the occasion of Shawn taking her husband to a swingers' club for his birthday. Shawn is what many people would call a Big Beautiful Woman. Most of the members who decorate this club are what people call Kens and Barbies. Bill, Shawn, JoAnn and I have, none-the-less, always been made to feel welcome at the club, even by the Ken and Barbies.

[iapr]

If you want to know what people look like at lifestyle clubs then go to a busy grocery store at a peak time and look around. what you are seeing there is a cross-section of society. There are a few beautifull people, a few hideous people and a whole lot somewhere in between. The same will be true at a lifestyle club because they too are a cross-section of society.

The same will be true with attire. There will be some in rags, some in formal and a whole lot somewhere in between. Each club may have a little different "flavor" as far as attire so if it will make you feel any better contact the club and ask them directly for any insight and advice that they can offer. My guess is they will tell you to where what you are comfortable in and will be yourself in.

The most important thing with clubs is to leave your hangups, insecurities and issues at home and go and have fun!!! If it makes you feel any better everyone there will have their own set of hang ups, insecurities and issues too so if nothing else it just gives everyone something in common so don't put it off any longer, just go and have fun.

[shy_tn_gal]

Originally Posted by fun4Ds

Welcome to the Swingers Board shy_tn_gal

Your husband is a very fortunate man to have such a wonderful wife. Thats really cool of you to give this surprise gift. Normally we wouldn't advise a surprise to someone going to a club for the first time. In this case, I couldn't think of a better thing to do.

Most of us who have been to Menages can tell you how great the atmosphere is there.
I wouldn't think your self image should be any less than a very caring and sharing partner. I think you just surpassed one fine and hot, desirable woman in my book

I know when we were there. We saw so many different women dressed in many different ways. All of them had my approval I cant say anyone looked out of place. When we ventured upstairs I really cant remember what anyone had on..... Oh yea, most didn't have anything on

By the way, What are you thinking of wearing ?

What makes you feel good ?

If you don't mind, give us an idea.

I was thinking of wearing the outfit that hubby loves to see me in... a denim mini-skirt and a black corset like top. The denim is what I'm questioning.... this is copied from the site re: the dress code:

"Our dress code is contempory cocktail, lounge or night club attire, except for our theme parties. Ladies maybe as provocative as you dare. We turn people away if they have on tennis shoes, work jeans, cheap T-shirts, jogging pants, ballcap's or any other combination of this. We have a coat check during the winter months."

So...should I search out another skirt? Or just go with the denim?

[shy_tn_gal]

Thanks to everyone who has posted so far. Your answers really help alot. This (surprising him) is something I've thought about for a while now. I know it is something he's really interested in, but he has been respectful of me in that he has never pushed the issue.

I've worked my way through the various mental questions and insecurities. He has patiently explained his feelings to me and this lifestyle time and again. When we reached a MFM agreement, he was ecstatic. Still, he has not pressed me about women.

I think he realized that I would work through this at my own pace, in my own time. He's just a wonderful man.

Though we have been married only two years, we have, most literally, known each other our entire lives. Our mothers were best friends from grammar school on up. In our adult lives, our previous marriages took us down different roads. Then, a few years ago, we "re-discovered" each other and have been inseperable ever since.

Though this is the last thing he'd probably expect, I know he will absolutely be blown away by this birthday gift. I want to make sure that everything is as perfect as it can be next weekend. I want to sit back and watch him have a great time.

Thanks again to everyone for your advice and support.

[fun4Ds]

Originally Posted by shy_tn_gal

I was thinking of wearing the outfit that hubby loves to see me in... a denim mini-skirt and a black corset like top. The denim is what I'm questioning.... this is copied from the site re: the dress code:

"Our dress code is contempory cocktail, lounge or night club attire, except for our theme parties. Ladies maybe as provocative as you dare. We turn people away if they have on tennis shoes, work jeans, cheap T-shirts, jogging pants, ballcap's or any other combination of this. We have a coat check during the winter months."

So...should I search out another skirt? Or just go with the denim?

I know how you feel. At the time we read the dress code I was in Nashville short on clothing options. I forgot my dress cloths back at home I was hoping so bad I wouldn't get turned away at the door. We rode with Aluras and didn't know whether to make a dash to the wall mart just north of Menages or try the door anyhow. Al was a real friend stating that If they didn't let me in, he wouldn't be going in either. But like I say we had directions to the nearest wall mart just in case . Well, they never even questioned the clothes I had on. I am sure you will be just fine.

Have you thought of a back up skirt, just for your own comfort ?

I think the denim would be fine. I'm personally turned on by corsets Excellent choice. Actually though Mrs.fun ended up in just the corset and panties by the time we were back on the dance floor while we were there. Once she was dancing on the pole I pretty much got really captivated you might say.

Thats the thing, even if you don't find a couple or woman for his special enjoyment you can have a great time together. You never know what may or may not happen. I think going and getting a membership will give you guys plenty to enjoy. But if something special happens..... well you will see

Maybe I misunderstood something when you said you would just sit back and enjoy seeing him. I know for us or at least me, I like Mrs.fun to show some togetherness and involvement on the whole deal. Though you said your shy, maybe you could help put things out there. As a team I think by my wife doing that, It helps me feel comfortable that she is O.k. with everything. Especially being your first time to a club.

[shy_tn_gal]

Originally Posted by fun4Ds

Maybe I misunderstood something when you said you would just sit back and enjoy seeing him. I know for us or at least me, I like Mrs.fun to show some togetherness and involvement on the whole deal. Though you said your shy, maybe you could help put things out there. As a team I think by my wife doing that, It helps me feel comfortable that she is O.k. with everything. Especially being your first time to a club.

Whatever happens, happens. Hubby will be thrilled just to be there. I am not at all opposed to being involved... but, I know I'd be very hot just watching him, too.

I'm realistic enough to know that anything could happen - or nothing at all. Like you said, we are going to have a great time together, no matter what may or may not occur.

I am, honestly, looking forward to just seeing his face when he realizes where we are going. He has no idea that I'm even considering this....

[fun4Ds]

Have you given any warning about a special night out at all, even in cognito ? Surprises are hard to pull off when the real world wont leave us alone sometimes.

I would hate to see someone from work or wherever set him in a bad mood of any kind before hand.

Keep him sheilded..... Now I wish we could meet you guys there or at least be present. This is soooo cool of you.

[shy_tn_gal]

Originally Posted by fun4Ds

Have you given any warning about a special night out at all, even in cognito ? Surprises are hard to pull off when the real world wont leave us alone sometimes.

I would hate to see someone from work or wherever set him in a bad mood of any kind before hand.

Keep him sheilded..... Now I wish we could meet you guys there or at least be present. This is soooo cool of you.

Ah, yes - he knows something is up - he's just not quite sure what it is.

He may be expecting something as 'wild' as a trip to a strip club and a visit to the local toy store or as tame as a night on Printers Alley.... but he totally has no clue otherwise.

It would be awesome if you guys were there to help us celebrate. It's not THAT far from Indiana. If you get bored, drive on down and look us up.

I'm thinking we may go Sunday night rather than Saturday night. Evidentally there is a huge Labor Day bash going on Sunday night. Atmosphere is alot more casual in attire. Besides, Sunday is actually his birthday. And we have Monday off to 'recoup'.

[cplnuswing]

Originally Posted by shy_tn_gal

I would love nothing better than to take him to Menanges in Nashville. I'm wondering if there is a wide variety of 'body types' usually? Also, if anyone on here actually goes to Menanges, tell me what sort of attire is appropriate.

First off, welcome to Board

You've picked a great club to go to, it' our favorite place to go. The outfit you have in mind is just fine, and in fact is very similar to what Mrs. Cplnuswing usually wears. You will see plenty of people in denim too, as long as it doesn't look like they were worn to work and then to mow the yard, no problems. You'll also see a whole range of ages, sizes, etc.

Originally Posted by shy_tn_gal

I'm realistic enough to know that anything could happen - or nothing at all. Like you said, we are going to have a great time together, no matter what may or may not occur.

You have just assured yourself of having a great time! Go with no expectations other than having a great evening out together, and it's bound to be a success. That's our approach too.

Originally Posted by shy_tn_gal

I'm thinking we may go Sunday night rather than Saturday night. Evidentally there is a huge Labor Day bash going on Sunday night. Atmosphere is alot more casual in attire. Besides, Sunday is actually his birthday. And we have Monday off to 'recoup'.

We've never been on anything other than a typical Saturday night. But talking to others, it does sound like the crowd varies a little bit from night to night. But since Monday is a holiday, Sunday night will probably be like a Saturday. If that Sunday does turn out to be a big night, one tip is if you want a good table, or a table at all actually, get their early, not too long after the club opens.

You can also look at the Club Reviews section of the Board, there are several Menages reviews there.

Good luck and have a great time!!

[oncewere]

Please tell us how it goes down once you've recouped.