Rules are set but do they ever change during the "FUN"?

[LICKADESPLIT]

My boyfriend and I have great communication and actually discussing "swinging" has even made us beter at sharing our thoughts, ideas and more importantly our fantasies The more we talk about the details and share our fantasies I'm noticing that our boundaries and rules are changing. Is this common?

Is it common for people to change their rules and/or boundries when they are participating in "indoor" (I think that is the right term but maybe not)?

[BiloxiCouple]

Rules normally change. I would not recommend normally changing rules during play. It may have some drama built into that situation. Plus your ability to communicate can go down. Over time you may realize the number of your rules will go way down.

Indoors? Never heard that term before. If you mean partying, playing, sex or fucking, then I have heard of that before

[good times]

I don't know what "indoor" is, but while our rules have changed over time, they never change during play. If we wish to change a rule we would discuss it before or after we are in the play room.

[LICKADESPLIT]

I guess I should use "play" not "indoor"........I looked on the site in the dictionary (yes, I am a bit anal comes with my profession ) was not sure how to refer to things. I'm learning slowly.........

[BiloxiCouple]

I don't know all the words in the dictionary either and it is there. With the general use of the language that is a term that is not used on a regular basis. Learn something new all the time.

[sweet_tna]

Originally Posted by LICKADESPLIT

My boyfriend and I have great communication and actually discussing "swinging" has even made us beter at sharing our thoughts, ideas and more importantly our fantasies The more we talk about the details and share our fantasies I'm noticing that our boundaries and rules are changing. Is this common?

Is it common for people to change their rules and/or boundries when they are participating in "indoor" (I think that is the right term but maybe not)?

YES, it's very common for the rules to change as you go along. That said, I wouldn't recommend changing a rule during playtime--it's too easy to have a miscommunication along the way, and really muck things up.

Any time you change a rule, it's a good idea to make sure it's what you and your partner want (or don't want, as the case may be), and that often requires a thorough discussion.

For example, let's say your rule is condoms only. And you meet this amazing couple (who prefers bareback, but will use condoms if you insist). You're in the playroom with them and the time comes to reach for the little foil packet, but you decide you don't want your partner to wear one. You look over at your boyfriend as he's reaching for a condom, but he misinterprets the look . . . you think all systems are GO, and you strap on and enjoy the ride.

Now you risk drama with not only your boyfriend, but very likely the female of the other couple, too. Since they understood your rule to be condoms only, she would have good reason to be upset.

So let's back this up a bit. You meet the amazing couple, and you really really want to go bareback, but you have your rule. So you grin & bear it. After you're all done, you say to your boyfriend, "Wow, that was great, but it would have been AMAZING without condoms." Ya'll discuss the issue, and make a decision together. Next time you hook up with that amazing couple, you can tell them you've changed that rule, and Giddyup!

So, by all means, keep talking about those fantasies and what you're comfortable with (or think you'll be comfortable with), and start living them. You'll soon learn what rules to keep and which ones to toss.

Best of luck to ya'll,

=)

[realcplub2]

I would say they EVOLVE..

Sweet TNA is absolutely right.. Its completely normal to set rules, and have them change in a heartbeat..

Its an Idea to throw a few What Ifs out there between you both and see what each of you thinks.. Its also a good Idea to have a rule or two that you are absolutely clear between you both that this rule or that WON'T evolve.. Great example, we started a LOOOONNNNGGGG time ago.. and rule one is, we dont seperate.. Same room, only. Ran into a situation a few years ago when we stayed at a suite in Orlando, and were playing with a couple.. He wanted to head to the bedroom, and She wanted to stay in the font room.. We both took the postition, somebody needs to make up a mind as to what room WE ALL are going to be in..

As far as the term Indoors.. refers to INDOOR SPORTS, a loose term for sex.. have heard it a few times..

[jjtrindc]

If you are with a couple that you click with there is no rush to quickly move to the next step. Harness that fantasy, take it home, discuss it with your hubby and have fun "living the fantasy" at home first. Perspective never hurts either. What may seem right in the heat of the moment after a couple of drinks may be something you reconsider the next day. It's a marathon, not a sprint...so enjoy the run!

[jdavisauto]

Rules are set for a reason, most time rules are set for the safty of everyone involve. Some rules are set for the comfort of a couple or couples and or single female. (Single males has no rules, he just wants some pussy)! It's never a good ideal to change the rules during game play, it confuses the quarterback and upsets the playing field. Rules just makes for better play. Set the rules and stick to them for safe and fun play. Our rules is very simple. No play without protection, No play with guys who has a horse dick, no play with women who has flies in her pants, no play with anyone who stinks, no play with anyopne who is dis-respectful to me or my lady and No play with anyone who just pisses me the fucked off!

[SecretAsianMan]

Hey now... as a "single guy" - I object to the statement that we have no rules and just want pussy.

Maybe I'm an exception - but most guys I know have SOME rules. I will not play without protection (unless it's with a "regular" partner whom I know & trust). If I'm at an event/party with a gal - my first priority is to ensure that she has a good time & is safe. I must be attracted to the people I'm with. I expect to be treated fairly & with some degree of respect (and I will always show the same to everyone I'm with).

There are some more flexible rules - certain rules I will enforce 'til I get to know you better (for example: a first time get together with a gal or a couple will always be with protection ... as I get to know you better - we may adjust that as we see fit).

[two42lovers]

A lot of the "rules" listed in this thread sound more like preferances. By our way of thinking, a rule is something your partner holds over you, something they require and you are obligated to follow. You might completely agree, and hold the same rule over them - for instance "condoms only". If your partner doen't want you to play with guys with big cocks, it's a rule. If YOU don't want big cocks for yourself, it's a preferance.

Only rule about swinging we have is do whatever turns you on, and nothing that doesn't. The last half is important. It means we never pressure each other and always have each other's back if either is feeling uncomfortable. The first part of the rule means we are free to follow our turn-ons and we both agree to accept and support each other in our sexual explorations.

Sounds like the OP has not played yet, but they are talking about it. (and it sounds like they are on a good path.) When we first started talking about swinging, we were thinking in terms of same-room play with other couples (no swapping or cross touching of any kind). By the time we actually got to it, we had decided we would prefer full swap. It took some thinking and getting used to the idea, and seeing where our comfort level would be.

[slevin]

I would say that during play it's ok to change your rules to be more restrictive, but not to be less restrictive. We met a couple and Katrina and I agreed we would be doing full-swap for the first time; when we got in the moment I realized I wasn't ready for that and I said so to everyone. Not a big deal, I just said I didn't think I was ready for that tonight even though I'd thought I was. Everyone shrugged, said no problem and we went back to what we were all having fun with. The fact that everyone was so cool about it made me so comfortable that I had no problems with doing full-swap the next time we met up with them and it gave Katrina and I some extra time to talk about the full-swap topic and get even more comfortable with the idea that we'd thought we were already comfortable with

[BiloxiCouple]

Originally Posted by slevin

I would say that during play it's ok to change your rules to be more restrictive, but not to be less restrictive.

That's where, "No means No" rule comes into play.

[jdavisauto]

Originally Posted by SecretAsianMan

Hey now... as a "single guy" - I object to the statement that we have no rules and just want pussy.

Maybe I'm an exception - but most guys I know have SOME rules. I will not play without protection (unless it's with a "regular" partner whom I know & trust). If I'm at an event/party with a gal - my first priority is to ensure that she has a good time & is safe. I must be attracted to the people I'm with. I expect to be treated fairly & with some degree of respect (and I will always show the same to everyone I'm with).

There are some more flexible rules - certain rules I will enforce 'til I get to know you better (for example: a first time get together with a gal or a couple will always be with protection ... as I get to know you better - we may adjust that as we see fit).

SecretAsianMan you are just so damn sexly. We all need rules.
The lady half.

[cocpl2007]

Yes it is very common for the rules and boundaries to change each time you either discuss playing or after having been involved in a play session.

You and your boyfriend went through that as you involved your relationship, within the two of you, to sexual play. Now you adding the dimension of others into that play. How accurate were you in anticipating exactly what being sexual with your boyfriend would be prior to actually "doing it?" You will experience those same evolutions, perhaps even many, many more as your play evolves to include others. After all "they" have likes, dislikes, "rules" too and all that has to mesh, for the body parts to mingle and have a rewarding experience doing so.

Our experience/s tell us the less choreographed your play is the more opportunity you (and everyone else) have to enjoy the experience.