Shaking the foundations of a relationship

[cplnuswing]

The following comment in another thread got me thinking:

If the bond is strong and both partners agree to try, there is little chance of a truly bad outcome. You may decide it isn't for you and give up rather quickly, or you may love it. But the experience won't shake the foundations of a good relationship.

For those curious about swinging but concerned it could shake the foundations and permanently alter your relationship, alter it in what way?

(Those who had the same primary concern but did it anyway feel free to chime in with your thoughts of how reality matched up with expectations.)

[sexcupid]

Well as far as what I would consider shaking the foundations:

Here you are in a pretty good relationship, and one day your partner says "hey babe! i think we should have sex with other people!" (I'm being a bit facecious here...but you know what I mean I hope lol ) Now, prior to the topic being brought up you might have thought things were perfect. But now, you may start second guessing your perception of the relationship...could things really be going all that well if the other person wants to have sex with other people? Why aren't you enough to keep them happy/satisfied? What does it mean for the relationship? Do they already have someone in mind to be asking this?

I mean, I think part of it is a fear of the unknown...possible abandonment... just not being comfortable with the idea of swinging period.

[realcplub2]

Well, beyond that fact that its a great SONG by AC/DC..

A negative swinging expereince really can only be judged by the people involved..

Its as simple as browsing the Bad Experiences threads, and imagining a newbie couple just getting thier feet wet, the people that seem great, but then once the clothes come off, HE or SHE has an ISSUE with what the OTHER is DOING..

How it could alter thier relationship, if they Cant get past the initail JEALOUSY.. It happens, sometimes

[tribbles]

We took a whole different view of this.

Of course it will change things and yeah, it will be permanent. The important thing was "Could we work together to prevent the change from harming our relationship?" (And maybe even make it better-which we did).

After all, would serious cancer alter our relationship forever? How about a heart attack? Job loss or career relocation alter things forever too!

Couples face things that shake the foundations and permanently alter relationships all the time.

It's what a couple does to work through all of lifes challenges that are the important aspect to it all.

IMHO

[sweet_tna]

Interesting question . . . I think swinging did permanently alter our relationship--in a good way. It has forced us to communicate better with each other, and helped Mr. Sweet learn to actually deal with his feelings. It's changed the way we see each other and ourselves.

If things had not gone well for us, I'd like to think we could have weathered the storm because we do have a solid foundation.

For couples who do not have a solid foundation, the permanent effects of swinging could be very negative. That's why communication and honesty are so crucial to a couple starting out.

=)

[2inSanDiego4u]

Originally Posted by sweet_tna

Interesting question . . . I think swinging did permanently alter our relationship--in a good way. It has forced us to communicate better with each other, and helped Mr. Sweet learn to actually deal with his feelings. It's changed the way we see each other and ourselves.

If things had not gone well for us, I'd like to think we could have weathered the storm because we do have a solid foundation.

For couples who do not have a solid foundation, the permanent effects of swinging could be very negative. That's why communication and honesty are so crucial to a couple starting out.

=)

We pretty much feel the same way. In our case, the Mr's communicating improved drastically and he is much more in touch with her feelings now. We've always been pretty honest with one another, but now we don't hold anything back at all!

[ic7175]

In those relationships where the communication style is to just throw any idea out there and find out what the other thinks, it's unlikely that the other spouse would take it as a negative. Just another idea tossed out for discussion. They'd give their opinion and move on.

In relationships where the communication style is to incrementally discuss a subject, the "let's do other people" comment wouldn't come out of no where. The communication would be open enough to discuss swinging/open relationships first before suggesting that they join in. After discussing it, both partners would have a better idea what the other might think before deciding to propose giving it a shot. And both would have a better idea what their spouse was thinking/feeling when they did ask.

With poor communication there might not be either the feeling out process nor the idea that any idea is fair game for discussion. Then the other spouse could easily get the wrong idea about the proposition.

[BiloxiCouple]

Originally Posted by cplnuswing

If the bond is strong and both partners agree to try, there is little chance of a truly bad outcome. You may decide it isn't for you and give up rather quickly, or you may love it. But the experience won't shake the foundations of a good relationship.

For those curious about swinging but concerned it could shake the foundations and permanently alter your relationship, alter it in what way?

Good experience or bad experience can shake a good relationship (there are no absolutes). You may try it and see your spouse with someone else and can't get the "picture" out of your head and it causes problems.

One of you wants to continue with swinging and the other doesn't. Or even just the fear of cheating of it afterwards.

There is a difference between fantasy (bedroom talk) and reality. Sometimes the two should never mix.

[des1re06]

Our first few dates didn't go very well, but it just provided an avenue for good discussions like what we do and don't want.

As we've changed in the past couple of years, it's just continued to enhance our relationship. We talk about everything, openly and honestly.

It's a wonderful feeling to have a partner who I can tell everything to, which I've never had before.

Yes, it shook our foundations, but in a good way. No secrets!

Mrs. D

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by cplnuswing

The following comment in another thread got me thinking:

If the bond is strong and both partners agree to try, there is little chance of a truly bad outcome. You may decide it isn't for you and give up rather quickly, or you may love it. But the experience won't shake the foundations of a good relationship.

For those curious about swinging but concerned it could shake the foundations and permanently alter your relationship, alter it in what way?

(Those who had the same primary concern but did it anyway feel free to chime in with your thoughts of how reality matched up with expectations.)

Perhaps a better analogy would be to say that swinging will probably SHAKE the foundation of any relationship regardless of how strong it is. But if the foundation is strong, said shaking will probably make it stronger. If the foundation is WEAK, it will make it crumble.

In the end I have to agree with most of the comments, swinging IS most likely going to permanently alter a relationship, it's just a matter of making sure that your relationship is strong enough that it alters it for the good.

If you are concerned about ways that it may perhaps weaken your foundation or even make it crumble then you seriously need to work through those areas that you feel are weak before you make any real moves towards swinging.

[iapr]

Originally Posted by cplnuswing

If the bond is strong and both partners agree to try, there is little chance of a truly bad outcome. You may decide it isn't for you and give up rather quickly, or you may love it. But the experience won't shake the foundations of a good relationship.

I do agree with that statement for the most part but I would change the ' "shake" the foundations' to ' "damage" the foundations'.

There may be some shaking going on (and if things are good and hot there may be A LOT of shaking going on) but sometimes a little shake up can be a good thing.

I would through in these "ifs"

- if the relationship is strong and healthy to begin with and there is a high degree of respect, compassion and equaility of power and decision making between both parities...

- If there is a high degree of communication and both parties feel free to openly discuss their feelings, concerns and aspirations...

- If each party is comfortable and secure with the intentions and objectives of themselves and their partner....

- if each party has full veto and decision making power..

- if each party has a fairly open minded view of sexuality and is not overly restricted by religious or other beliefs on how sex "should be" monogamous etc...

- if the couple is doing for the mutual benifit of their marriage and relationship and not doing for their own personal satisfaction or doing to make up for some kind of dissatisfaction in the marriage..


If all of those ifs are met then yes, I believe that couple can dip their toes into the swinging lifestyle and the relationship will not sustain any damage. Their experience may not be positive and they may choose to not continue in the lifestyle but there won't be any actual damage or harm.

And even in the case of negative experience(s) if the relationship is fundamentally strong and the couple has good open communication and is able to work through the issues they can still come out stronger and clloser in the end just as many couples do with other bad things that happen ie job loss, death of a close family member, losing the home etc etc.

[red96]

For the most part we have had a great marriage, we have had our share of trials and tribulations as most marriages do. We had discussed swinging for years but never pursued it. A few months ago the topic came up again and we both decided why not try it. We have only played a few times so far and MFM encounters only, but it seems we are even closer than we were before we started. There has been no jealousy or bad feelings involved at all. For us part of the fun is finding and screening potential partners. The Mrs. enjoys the flirting and seduction involved in the chase. The encounters that we have had were very erotic and enjoyable. Since we are new to this it has been somewhat awkward at times but as we gain experience things will get more "comfortable" for us, for lack of a better term. Swinging has also caused us to be more self aware and we are exercising and keeping ourselves in better shape than we used to do. We were homebodies for years and now we go out quite often whether to meet a new potential partner or just to spend time together and have some fun dancing and partying. I guess playing with others did Shake the Foundation of our relationship......in a good way and hopefully will continue to do so.