New and dont know where to begin

[TXCouple4fun97]

Ok, first off let me introduce myself. I am the female half of a happily married couple of almost 11 years. We have 3 chldren, and, well are the typical family , I guess. We are the couple, though that everybody says is different. He tells me when he finds an attractive woman, he flirts like a madman( he likes to talk shit, as I say),we have never been able to really find a couple to be friends with.....


My husband and i havent been totally on the same wavelength though. My husband , about 5 years ago felt comfortable enough to tell me that his fantasy was to have a threesome with another woman. I immediately got on the defensive.....you know, the why, am I not good enough kind of thing. I probably felt that way because I only had sex 3 times before him, and he probably had the fantasy because he only had sex 6 times before me......so we havent had much variety.......

So after the initial shock , I tried to keep an open mind and do some research, and even put up a profile on sls. We started chatting on msn, back when there was chat and played around on the webcam a little. The sex got HOT. We were closer than we had been ever. He said it was because I trusted him....I couldnt understand what that meant at that time.... Then I let my church of Christ upbringing give me the guilt trip, and stopped, and we grew apart again. He still brought up the threesome thing to tease me.....I just ignored it and said whatever.



In Aug/Sept of 06, we moved to south texas. He became involved at a local bar playing poker, and was being his normal self, coming home telling me about all the little college girls flirting with him, and his ego started to get stroked. I , well, was stuck at home with 3 children, no car, and no friends, so I let the jealousy show.......i got to the point that I was convinced that he was cheating......to make a long story short, he did.
I found out finally about 9 months later when he finally told me the truth. And to my surprise I was more mad about the lying than the sex.....in the back of my mind I was more upset that I wasnt involved.....

We are now a totally different couple now.....It took this to kind of make me realize what the has always said....sex is sex, love is love. I can seperate it now....We talk openly about everything now. I trust him more than anything now, and now I feel like a new chapter is starting, if that dosent sound wierd.

I am just apprehensive now because of the unknown. Is that normal? I guess its the change factor???? We were wondering how to even go about starting out...is it better to find a club?
Is it a good idea to get a nprofile on the websites to find a match that way? How do people react to people that arent the hot type???? That is mostly my problem. I have a stretched out belly due to 3 pregnancies and 2 c sections, and I feel really self consious about it.......

I know this is a long post, but I thought I would let you know some of the back story, so you could give better advice....


J

[sexcupid]

Most people in the LS are average/normal looking folks. Some prettier, some not. Apprehensiveness is normal when confronted with a new situation. If you are comfortable with clubs, that's a good route to go...but placing up an ad on one of the sites can be beneficial as well.

The apprehension is normal...and there is plenty of good information on the board and in the archives.

Welcome!

[fun4Ds]

Welcom to the Swingers Board

There are always going to be the unknown things. I think its about finding the faith and trust in each other to overcome the unknown. With couples in a relationship its very important to support each other at times of doubt.

We are not perfect by any means. We have lived life as well...... and it shows.

The club visits will show you that everyday people swing. Its not all about college girls gone wild.... In fact, you might need to talk about dealing with men flirting with you. It will and does happen. Its a very big boost for Mrs.fun.. How do you feel about that ?

[TXCouple4fun97]

To be honest.....I have forgotten what it was like to be flirted with! I havent been hit on one time in almost 11 years of marriage....sooo I am a little attention starved...lol.

I am actually looking foreward to the flirting more than anything.....my husband is also the type to get a big kick out of it because he looks at it as " Thats my wife , shes hot huh.......I am lucky to be going home with her every night!"

[Opportunists]

We were wondering how to even go about starting out...is it better to find a club?
Is it a good idea to get a nprofile on the websites to find a match that way?

We've done both clubs and dating sites.

IMO dating sites are a LOT of work, and have a small percentage of reward [meeting someone who is REAL, shares your interests and boundaries, and you connect with]. If you have three kids at home I'm guessing your 'grown-up time' is limited.

By going to clubs, you get to talk with many more people in a shorter period of time. The more people you can talk with, the more likely you are to meet a couple you have interest in...

We have kids and we've found that clubs make better use of our limited time for playing than the dating sites.

[fun4Ds]

Originally Posted by TXCouple4fun97

To be honest.....I have forgotten what it was like to be flirted with! I havent been hit on one time in almost 11 years of marriage....sooo I am a little attention starved...lol.

Yea.... I can kind of understand that. We have some similar life here. I think Mrs.fun was more on the level of understanding flirting, (giving and receiving). So you can guess I had to ask my partner Mrs.fun for tips . For me, I wore marriage blinders so long, I just missed any flirting . I kind of had to learn to catch the flirting. Then, sort out and interpret things. I'm not good at come on lines and usually blow things with a woman when I try to initially flirt. Mrs.fun has always encouraged me to just talk to women, be myself. The flirting comes natural

Then It was a learning experience indeed dealing with us as partners. Dating and flirting with others. Accepting the complements, and enhancing our partners feelings is something I think most people in the world should learn..... I see so many people miss out on that.

How would it make you feel at a club if a majority of men were looking your way, hoping you look theirs ?


Actually, I'm sitting here just wondering what you look like now. Your hair style, your eyes, even how your voice might sound.

And yes, I'm flirting. I like you. Hopefully you accept the flirting because you deserve it. Hell, we all do sometimes

I am actually looking foreward to the flirting more than anything.....my husband is also the type to get a big kick out of it because he looks at it as " Thats my wife , shes hot huh.......I am lucky to be going home with her every night!

Yes, he is a lucky man, not only because your attractive, sexual, and a really cool wife. But because he gets to see and understand, who you really are.

[olycouple]

Hi there and Welcome!!!

First off...I can totally understand where you are coming from. I was jealous at first about the prospect of my husband being with another woman, until I did my research and some soul-searching and came to the same conclusion you have - that my husband loves only me and sex is sex (and sex is fun). Just thinking about another woman doing dirty things to my hubby gets me hot. And knowing that he wants me to be pleased and see me pleasing someone else makes it an issue of equality. I think this is the very thing that makes it work or not. Some husbands/wives just can't separate the two. Or, they can't see past their own desires long enough to consider their partner's. In both instances, swinging is a bad choice. But, so is cheating. I certainly am not judging, and obviously you have worked past the circumstances that lead to it. But, my concern would be...if you say no to swinging, can he stay faithful still? Would he be okay with it? Because, in my opinion, swinging isn't the way to stay faithful, it's a way to explore your sexuality as a couple. That being said, I would do just what you are doing: research is a great beginning. As you read around this board and check out dating sites, you'll find that there are a lot of "normal" people just like you out there...and they are looking for YOU! I was surprised, and relieved, to see that! Also, going to a club isn't a bad idea. We did that right away in the beginning just to see what we were getting into and see how we felt "in the thick of it". It was a great way to really understand what it was like and to test our own reactions. Plus, it showed me that those stretch marks and extra inches are more bothersome and noticable to me than they are to others.

Good luck!
Mrs. Oly
.

[DarkenFreaky]

Welcome to the boards. Glad to see you all have worked through your issues and concerns. How to get started has to do more with what you 2 are looking to do and are comfortable with. Going to clubs, private parties or dating sites are all viable options. What is most important (in our opinion) is that you are doing it together and communicating honestly while you are doing it. Things can feel different or change as you are going through your experiences and constant communication will help avoid pitfalls.
As far as your 'stretched belly' there are all types of people in the world, and plenty of people, in and outside of the lifestyle, that love what you have. Those that don't won't so don't sweat them. Trust at a swingers club you will have the attention of several men, women and couples.
You all will be just fine as long as you continue to love one another, cherish what you have and communicate.

[ViSexual]

When 'Dark and Freaky' mentioned your stretched out belly I had to go back and re-read both of your posts.

Your intelligence and attitude made me completely overlook that statement and I'm sure that, in person, any intelligent man would do the same.

You sound like the sort of young woman that would make any man happy to be with you.

But I have to wonder how your lucky husband is going to react when you're the center of attention at the party? But, you just savor every minute and even enjoy his jealousy.