Newbies: MFM, then FMF for starters?

[LokisFemaleHalf]

OK, here is Loki's other half with her story!

I will try to consolidate so as not to make this too painful to read, because I am very interested in opinions from people who know!

I am 43, met now 22 year old on a sexual forum. I am flirtatious, he was not having it; we ended up talking politics thru email. We found common interests, one thing led to another, we started engaging in cyber-sex.

This person is highly intelligent, super-shy, and inexperienced. He has had sex a whopping total of 8 times with one girl in his young life. He wants to bang a friend he can trust and who can show him how to do it. I am the teacher, he is the student. The deal is, that my husband is totally turned on by the fantasy of watching me get off with another man, and I feel the same way about him with another woman. No problems there. We both have the need for not so much an emotional connection with the prospective partners as a "I like you, I know you a little, let's get it on" type scenario.

Bottom line: I talk to this young man on almost a daily basis. In chat, and on the phone, he nails me, and I am 43. This is his imagination working. In reality, he is nervous as hell about his skills, therefore he wants to be one on one with me to be comfortable, then pictures he and my husband giving me a good going over. I am all for it, mainly because it is exciting, new, and my husband talks about me doing this person all the time. I realize this is outside the lifestyle, but we are not even there yet. I want to do this. So, hit us with your best advice. I don't see a young man who is 200+ miles away as being a threat. I will say, that the fact that he "wishes more women his age think like me" is a red flag.

I am so glad this forum is here to guide us!

Love,
The other half!

[good times]

Welcome to the board LokisFemaleHalf,

Thanks for coming and giving us your perspective. Unfortunately, what you said only reinforces my opinion, we wouldn't touch this guy with a ten foot pole.

The fact is, he is not a swinger, so their is no way to know his motives or what he will ultimately do until it is too late. Sadly, the internet is full of stories of people hooking up with someone who seemed perfect over months of correspondence, then turned out to be a psycho in person.

As others have said around here before, if you want the best chance of meeting someone who will give you a good first swinging experience, "go were the swingers are". People already involved in swinging are doing it for the same reasons as you are. So you know what their motives are, and you know what you are getting ahead of time.

[CallMeLoki]

Hi folks:

Just thought I'd update our post. We haven't done anything yet, we are still talking about it. We've both thought over all the things said here, and we've given it careful consideration. One thing that folks say consistently on here is "do what is comfortable for you both as a couple". It just seems that the idea of having more of an "open relationship" fits us both better than "swinging" in the more conventional sense. Or we think so. I'd still like to go to a local swinger party soon and just watch and/or maybe fool around a bit (as in maybe some erotic play or petting for both of us, just to make sure we both really ARE comfortable with this sort of thing), but not actually swing while we're there. My wife has agreed this would probably be a good idea to just sort of "test the waters".

Even after considering all the things said, I still feel quite comfortable giving them one-on-one time without me there. For my experience, I'd much rather have my wife plus another lady for me to entertain/be entertained by, but a similar "fling" with the right person would be a good experience too (just not the one that really satisfies a fantasy for me...unless maybe I could let my wife listen over the phone or something. ). We've had to consider that having an FMF experience for me might be a difficult proposition (especially when limiting the candidates to only swingers from parties and swinger sites), so I think what we're arriving at is that we're both flexible...I'll push back some of my boundaries to let her have an unforgettable experience (like allowing one-on-one time, if that's what it takes to make the experience happen for her) and she'll push back some of her boundaries to let me have an unforgettable experience (like allowing a close long-time female friend, if that's what it actually takes to make the experience happen for me).

This doesn't mean that we are discounting anyone's suggestions or experiences here, in fact, all the replies really made us think about it all quite hard and have lots of discussions. In the end though, we still know each other best, and we trust each other's intentions. In reality, the only person I truly have to trust is my wife, and vice versa.

I really don't feel like either one of us truly has an interest in just meeting another couple at a swinger party and having sex with them, for instance. For both of us, it takes a connection...we have to really like something about the persons. We have both been very selective about who we've had sex with over the years before we met each other (I've had 7 partners, and she's had 4, I believe), so we might have to go to swinger parties for quite a long time before we met a couple that we both truly liked and they both truly liked us enough to move forward from that. Of course, I dunno...that's why we probably should just go try a swinger party at least once, even if we don't do anything but flirt and watch.

Anyway, thanks for all your thoughts. I'll update this thread as we go and/or if anything in our thoughts changes.

Thanks,
Loki

[arvcpl]

I think you two are sounding nuttier the longer this thread continues. The only half way sensible thing you have said throughout this whole discussion is that you may check out a LS club to watch and "test the waters." That is a rational and reastic thing to do.

Having some desparate 22 year old you never met drive 200 miles to get sex lessons with your wife alone is just downright dumb if not even dangerous. Haven't you ever seen "To Catch a Preditor" on TV? I guess 13 year old girls aren't the only ones that need to be warned about internet preditors.

You are even contridicting yourself. You say that can't see yourself going to a club together as couple because you wouldn't know someone well enough and have a connection with someone but yet you are going to have your wife meet a complete stranger by herself? Am I the only seeing the disconnect here or is there something I'm missing?

You have been given a lot of good advice here by people that are real swingers and have been out in the real world. They are telling you to reconsider this and you keep digging yourself deeper into this wacky situation.

I wish you well and I hope your wife doesn't get stashed into some crawlspace somewhere.

[CallMeLoki]

Originally Posted by arvcpl

I wish you well and I hope your wife doesn't get stashed into some crawlspace somewhere.

Wow...what a post. Ya know, if I thought there was ANY possibility of anything REMOTELY resembling harm coming to my wife, I would certainly say "No!" to the whole thing. My wife is a naturally suspicious woman, much moreso than me...she's even had difficulties trusting me at times (and with no concrete reasons). She doesn't have any concerns at all that she would be in harm's way...and I trust her judgement.

Regardless, thanks for the candid post.

Loki

[arvcpl]

Originally Posted by CallMeLoki

Wow...what a post. Ya know, if I thought there was ANY possibility of anything REMOTELY resembling harm coming to my wife, I would certainly say "No!" to the whole thing. My wife is a naturally suspicious woman, much moreso than me...she's even had difficulties trusting me at times (and with no concrete reasons). She doesn't have any concerns at all that she would be in harm's way...and I trust her judgement.

Regardless, thanks for the candid post.

Loki

Yeah and Ted Bundy used to walk Ann Rule (author of The Stranger Beside Me and personal friend of Ted's) to her car after work at night because "there are weirdos out there."

Ok we all take some risk when we meet someone online but my main point is if you are interested in the lifestyle there are several tried and true means of meeting like-minded people and the people on this board have been recommending those standard methods but you are stuck on some psycho 22 year old who's only form of sexual expression is cyber sex talk with a 43 year old woman 200 miles away.

Look, what you two do in the privacy of your bedroom is your business and if your wife wants to play school-marm with some socially awkward and sexually repressed nerd-boy that is between the three of you and whatever kind of twisted arraingments you come up with. But you came onto a swingers message board and are asking experienced swingers for advice and they are giving you their advice based on their experience and knowledge and you are choosing to ignore it. It's your choice.

[Geoduck]

Originally Posted by LokisFemaleHalf

This person is highly intelligent, super-shy, and inexperienced. He has had sex a whopping total of 8 times with one girl in his young life.

I'd ask this big question: Why has a male 22-year-old college grad only had sex eight times, and then with only one woman? I'd be seeing red flags. I could come up with dozens of scenarios that might explain it--he had an ultra-conservative background, perhaps, or maybe he went to MIT, a school famous for graduating a high percentage of virgins, and on and on.

You said he's shy, but apparently he wasn't too shy to have at least one semi-girlfriend. Why did they only have sex eight times? Questions, questions...

Good luck,
Geo

[CallMeLoki]

Ya know, I have to tell you that the guy in question reminds me quite a bit of me when I was his age. I was a bit shy and inexperienced, and if I'd had an opportunity to learn a few things with an older, more experience woman, I'd have taken it. (Actually, I did have a chance once and didn't take it...now, I can say I wish that I had.) He reminds me of me at his age...and I'm not someone who fucks women, murders them, and stashes their bodies in crawlspaces. I grew up around mostly women...I adore women.

It strikes me as so odd that folks would be so judgemental of something "unconventional". Isn't the "lifestyle" unconventional also by typical social standards? Have you ever been called "nutty" for what you do? How does that feel to you? Not being defensive here...just trying to make a point.

Loki

[suite91]

[fun4Ds]

A special welcome to Mrs.Loki


We are still glad you came to the board with your situation. We all have fantasies and desires in this lifestyle. If this is what you are set on then there is only one thing to do now. Its about Mrs.Loki's safety first. We are talking at least close range for her time with him. Then phone calls and check in times.

Can that all be arranged ?

[LokisFemaleHalf]

OK, Loki's female half here again. First and foremost, I am not talking to a serial killer. I did a thesis in college on those sorts, and my friend is not one. I am an intelligent person. I actually know how to check a person's credentials and see if they are really who they say they are, which I have done. In this case, in addition to sex talk and cyber sex, we talk about his family, his friends, girlfriends, politics, economy, all kinds of things. We are friends. Why is it odd that a young man wants an older woman? Have you ever heard of MILFs? That is what I am. I have experience, I know what I want, and I know how to fuck. Now, that being said, and not to knock the lifestyle because I am not in it, what makes a swinger so much more safe? Anyone can lie, just as anyone can be a psycho. I could walk out of my house today, get into my car, and find a sociopath in my back seat with a knife.

My point is, we appreciate your advice on the whole, but please do not judge people you do not know so harshly. I was kidnapped and raped by two men at gunpoint when I was 17 years old. If anybody has a "radar" for these things, it is me. I am working as a consultant for a start-up company, and I have had to meet men alone, in an office suite, and work on quotes for the upfit and for services. I could have been knocked off at anytime, or assaulted. The risk, to me, is the same.

So, I want to go to a very upscale hotel and spend a couple of days having a great time with a fuck-buddy. Is it risky? Well, isn't life? I find greater risk in the drive there. My husband and I have talked and worked this out. It is a fit for our sexual desires. Just because we are choosing not to start with the lifestyle does not mean we are doing anything wrong. Any single can get into a car with a first date and end up on the side of the road. Now, if this all goes haywire, you will get your satisfaction. I do not wish to offend anyone, but just because someone doesn't take your advice is not a sound reason to get snide. I truly appreciate the opinions, and respect your experiences. I will be more than glad to share mine when I am done!

[LokisFemaleHalf]

Originally Posted by arvcpl

Yeah and Ted Bundy used to walk Ann Rule (author of The Stranger Beside Me and personal friend of Ted's) to her car after work at night because "there are weirdos out there."

Ok we all take some risk when we meet someone online but my main point is if you are interested in the lifestyle there are several tried and true means of meeting like-minded people and the people on this board have been recommending those standard methods but you are stuck on some psycho 22 year old who's only form of sexual expression is cyber sex talk with a 43 year old woman 200 miles away.

Look, what you two do in the privacy of your bedroom is your business and if your wife wants to play school-marm with some socially awkward and sexually repressed nerd-boy that is between the three of you and whatever kind of twisted arraingments you come up with. But you came onto a swingers message board and are asking experienced swingers for advice and they are giving you their advice based on their experience and knowledge and you are choosing to ignore it. It's your choice.

You are out of line. Speak to what you know about, and you do not know me, my husband, or my friends. Sounds like you are more than a little paranoid. Any reason why? If there is, please share an EXPERIENCE with psychopaths that you have had. We came here for advice, not beligerence if we choose not to play just the way you want us to. I thought my five year old had the market on that!

[fun4Ds]

Damn Mrs.loki, I like you .

Seriously though, we all have to admit safety is at hand always. I think you know that. As for us, we can tell of the things a psychopath might do. Like you, we understand

Not that we ever could now, but in a twisted sort of way, we envy those that can play solo or alone.

As far as my real questions now. How will you deal with any emotional envolvement this new young man ( who should be known as lucky from now on)... might develop. Just courious

[fun4Ds]

Originally Posted by LokisFemaleHalf

So, I want to go to a very upscale hotel and spend a couple of days having a great time with a fuck-buddy. Is it risky? Well, isn't life? I find greater risk in the drive there. My husband and I have talked and worked this out. It is a fit for our sexual desires. Just because we are choosing not to start with the lifestyle does not mean we are doing anything wrong.

Ya know reading over your threads again I see more clearly where you guys are coming from. Maybe not the conventional swinging lifestyle is your goal but none the less an alternative lifestyle is at hand. I really hope this goes well, it sure looks like on your part you have your minds in the right setting. Your looking at having some experiences in life. Something to look forward to, then look back on as well. Like Mrs.fun always tells me, sometimes things change. Its those things we adjust to.

Looking at this I can offer advice perhaps that I haven't seen mentioned.

Sometimes people don't show up ! Honestly, single males on the INTERNET take the lead. So with that, have you made arrangements. I know we found out early. Rather than spend time worrying about all the things that might have happened or why this didn't happen the way we planned, its still about us.

I mean sometimes in the beginning. Making arrangements over the INTERNET. It was like, we were all pumped up and then a big olé let down. We actually had a few setbacks with our own sex lives over it . Were not perfect swingers. Hopefully this fantasy comes to life but its only our experience that keeps us prepared. We move on, chances may come again. We have had a few of those lavish hotel meetings not work out..... That room is for us now we don't worry about them. Just food for thought

[LokisFemaleHalf]

He and I have talked about this at length. He is super-intelligent (I have a brain fetish), a recent college grad, and very closed when it comes to getting to know him. As I stated before, we starting talking about subjects we both are interested in, and he decided that I was not just a shameless flirt, that I actually have value as a person. The only feelings we have, other than friendship, are those of hot mutual attraction and lust. He does not love me, not I him, at least not in the MF relationship way. He is aware that I am married, in love with my husband, and that there will be nothing more between us. He is a gentleman, and in college was not into sex for the sake of sex, but was discerning in that there had to be more to a person for him to "give it up". Sounds weird with what we are planning to do, I know, but we both know that it is only sex, neither of us have had casual sex, and we want to do this. He wants to gain experience so he can have confidence, and I am willing to give him that. I never thought I would ever do something like this, but with a little encouragement from the hubby, it is now a go. If I were even remotely worried that he would go gaga for me I would not do it. Right now we just want to bang each other furiously, which is exactly why we can keep it out of the non-emotional arena. It's just fun, an experience of a lifetime, and I am thankful for the gift my husband is giving me. No offense to the lifestyle, but I am the type that has to feel comfortable with a person before offering myself sexually. This means talking, sharing, trusting, and having fun. We have done that for five months. If I am wrong, then I deal with the consequences. I like you too, by the way. Sorry, but I speak my mind!