Are we too nice or just naive?

[30sfuncouple]

Hello all,
We have been reading the board for a couple of years and have been to a couple of swing clubs in the past but first we were intimidated and the second one spent a good part of the night with a couple that didnt pan out/ So now we are trying our luck on SLS.
Our profile clearly states our age/weight/experience level/desires. We made a detailed profile to avoid wasting our time and so anyone viewing would know what to expect.
A couple contacted us sent us a few pics and kept promising to call and after 2 or 3 promises did call so the wives could talk. When my wife spoke to the female 1/2 she said her husband had been trying to get her to call and she hadnt really checked out our profile. She said that they are fairly new but have had a couple of MFMs. T said she was polite and talked and answered her questions. Also T may have been a bit wishy washy with her comments/questions. The other female said that we might could meet sometime. They also discussed that they had always gone to someones house our their partners had come to their house. We dont feel safe with this arrangement and said that our first playdate would most likely be in a hotel (on our dime). She seemed to think this was silly but didnt offer resitance.
So the next day we gat an email saying that it was great talking and when would we like to set something up.
The impression T got was that the husband had been emailing up to that point and was pressuring his wife to contact us. She was not sure if the wife was just not into us or not into couples and that our inexperience and rules were a little too much for them.
We emailed back after carefully considering our word and told them thatwe also enjoyed speaking with them but it sounded like our experience level and limits were a little too strict. Considering our emails and phone coversation we wrer probably looking for different things right now. So immediatly we got a reply saying that they were sorry they had given that impression and would still like to see us.
Our concern is the husband is putting on the pressure and sending the emails and if we do meet up he might put pressure on her or us to do more than we are all comfortable with. We hope to have a positive first experience because it willprobably determine if we continue. We also realize that all the planning and preperations can still lead to a negative experience but we would like your opinions for our situation.

[JustAskJulie]

On one hand I would say trust your gut (it's usually right). On the other hand, it's really hard to read people via the internet and phone, so I would say perhaps give them a shot and meet them for a non-sexual meeting - dinner/drinks/something - with the understanding that you just want to find out if everyone is compatible.

The reality is that even if everything had clicked via email and phone you could meet these people at a hotel and discover that the attraction just isn't there or there is some other issues. So before you waste money on a hotel room, do something a little cheaper to make sure that they are really a fit for you (on all levels). If she is really being pushed you'll know when you meet them in person. Some people just don't do the phone thing very well and it's not really uncommon for one partner to do the majority of the emailing and online contact.

[socolais]

Here's my opinion: There's no harm in a simple meeting. I'd say keep it intentionally short and simple, like meeting for coffee and dessert some evening at a small quiet resturant - probably about an hour or so. (Dessert sample trays are a great way to generate some playful interaction with everyone eating out of the same plate.) That will give yall experience meeting and talking with folks about the possibility of getting together for some fun. You should be able to get a good reading about compatability and have some fun with the flirting. Make it known up front that play on the initial meeting is very unlikely because you two would like an opportunity to compare notes about attraction and chemistry. You can play the rest of that by ear....

By the way, welcome to the board. I'm looking forward to hearing more from yall.

[ncmd_couple]

I agree with Julie and Socolais, do a simple meet on neutral ground. I went and looked at your profile. Once question, you specified "tame" in your profile, what do they have in theirs? If their profile says "wild," then that is an indicator that you and they are not looking for the same thing.

S

[theflamekasters]

cant add anything to what the others have posted, but i must say i agrree with them You will get a good feeling after you meet them in person!!

[good times]

I also agree with what the others have said and will go further and say that we have yet to be able to get the correct impression of anyone we have met from an ad site without meeting them in person. If you find them interesting enough to want to meet them and they are willing to meet you, the only way you will find out if everyone is mutually attracted to each other is to meet in person. To try and second guess their intentions based on the correspondence you have had so far, is just a way to defeat yourself in my opinion.

One other comment I would like to make is that I wouldn't get a motel either. I would meet them at a neutral place like a bar and see if you hit it off with them. If you all click, then you can decide where you want to go from there. Personally, I understand your feeling about the motel, as that is what we thought when we first started out. Since then we have found that if we hit it off with someone good enough to have sex with them, going to their house to do it isn't a problem. Fact is, it turns out we have never gotten a motel specifically to have sex with someone since we started swinging. We have usually either had sex at one of the swingers clubs our at ours, or the other couples house. In fact, the only time we have had sex with a play partner in a motel was when it was someone we met at the club who was from out of town, or when we were on vacation and someone came to our room, usually because the motel room was closer to get to than the house.

[30sfuncouple]

My wording was alittle clumsy on the hotel. What my wife and I were talking about was meeting for drinks or coffee and IF we liked eachother and decided to play then get a room vs playing at one of our residences.

Thanks for your thoughts. My gut says that the 2 of them are not on the same page but a no pressure, no expectation meeting may be needed to judge everyones comfort levels.

[JinxCPL]

Your not the only one this happens to all of us.

Originally Posted by 30sfuncouple

Hello all,
We have been reading the board for a couple of years and have been to a couple of swing clubs in the past but first we were intimidated and the second one spent a good part of the night with a couple that didnt pan out/ So now we are trying our luck on SLS.
Our profile clearly states our age/weight/experience level/desires. We made a detailed profile to avoid wasting our time and so anyone viewing would know what to expect.
A couple contacted us sent us a few pics and kept promising to call and after 2 or 3 promises did call so the wives could talk. When my wife spoke to the female 1/2 she said her husband had been trying to get her to call and she hadnt really checked out our profile. She said that they are fairly new but have had a couple of MFMs. T said she was polite and talked and answered her questions. Also T may have been a bit wishy washy with her comments/questions. The other female said that we might could meet sometime. They also discussed that they had always gone to someones house our their partners had come to their house. We dont feel safe with this arrangement and said that our first playdate would most likely be in a hotel (on our dime). She seemed to think this was silly but didnt offer resitance.
So the next day we gat an email saying that it was great talking and when would we like to set something up.
The impression T got was that the husband had been emailing up to that point and was pressuring his wife to contact us. She was not sure if the wife was just not into us or not into couples and that our inexperience and rules were a little too much for them.
We emailed back after carefully considering our word and told them thatwe also enjoyed speaking with them but it sounded like our experience level and limits were a little too strict. Considering our emails and phone coversation we wrer probably looking for different things right now. So immediatly we got a reply saying that they were sorry they had given that impression and would still like to see us.
Our concern is the husband is putting on the pressure and sending the emails and if we do meet up he might put pressure on her or us to do more than we are all comfortable with. We hope to have a positive first experience because it willprobably determine if we continue. We also realize that all the planning and preperations can still lead to a negative experience but we would like your opinions for our situation.

[sweet_tna]

While your gut is probably right, it is tough to get an accurate sense of a couple strictly through electronic means (and/or phone calls). If you're still interested in this couple, I'd suggest a meeting on neutral ground, like a restaurant, a bar (vanilla) or coffee shop. You can meet for drinks/dinner and see what this couple is like in person and find out if there' any chemistry. If there is, and ya'll want to play that night, you can always get a hotel room from there.

It's not easy finding four people that all mesh well, especially through internet ads. So you'll probably go through a lot of these contact sessions and even in person meets before you find the right couple(s) for you.

Best of luck to ya'll,

=)

[realcplub2]

While the impression you get is possibly true.. At this point, going to dinner or anything else to simply meet is a mute point, you already have it set in your mind they arent for you..


In our normal course of things, I get the email, read the profiles, and bring my wife up to speed.. Because of her schedule, getting on the PC to chat isnt something she can do.. and getting free time with out kiddies floating around is a bitch, so simply talking on the phone can be like mobilizing the 7th fleet.

If because of these pre conceived notions, it puts some people off, there is nothing we can do about this.. we state plainly those we are looking for and those we aren't.. And we state plainly to anyone we "talk" to, that since we have other obligations, that this is our recreation.. not our pasttime..

Would we love to be independantly wealthy with nothing more to worry about but who we are playing with this weekend? Sure who wouldnt..

There is a simple idea that we have lived by/played by .. We swing at the speed of LIFE .. meaning when the rest of our world slows enough to allow it, we do.. when its whirling at 90mph with 16 different things going on.. its on the way back burner..