Are we in the right place?

[shags]

We're completely inexperienced, but want to watch and be watched with another couple--nothing else beyond that. Looking at SLS and here, we seem to be in a distinct minority.

Are there better venues for finding like-minded couples who are on the vanilla side of soft swap? We're definitely in the voyeuristic/exhibitionistic camp, but here and SLS tend to lean much more to the wild side, and I fear we'll never find an outlet for making this fantasy real.

Suggestions?

[BiloxiCouple]

Any club, website or venue that you may try only provides an access for you to do what you want. These places cannot make people do what they do not want to. Or a guarantee that you will succeed at what they are trying to do.

You will actually have to search for what you want and make an effort to do it.

So you want to watch and be watched? Go to a club and do that. Use SLS to find a couple that only wants to watch and be watched. They are out there. Now go find them!!

[SnowwwWhite]

Hi shags, that's exactly what I told my SO when I first started to warm up to the idea of swinging. After we spent some time at strip clubs paying for private lap dances I started to feel more comfortable being in the same room with naked women and seeing him get excited by looking at and touching someone other than me. But I hadn't reached the level where I could handle seeing him having sex with someone else, or even me having sex with other men. So I told him that we could start going to parties or clubs as voyeurs/exhibitionists.

We haven't gone yet due to some issues within the relationship but I look forward to the time when we will. I also feel it will be just a matter of time before we get more involved in swinging and more comfortable with stepping things up a notch (or two!).

Here's the thing to remember: Don't ever feel self-conscious about only wanting to be voyeurs or exhibitionists. It's all about YOUR comfort level and YOUR boundaries. If anyone tries to make you feel uncomfortable about your choices, they are not the kind of people you want to play with. Good people understand what it's like to be a newbie and will respect that you're still working things out. They won't want you to do anything that will jeopardize your relationship. And they'll continue to respect your decision if you're still only soft swapping 10 years from now. Some of them may eventually decide to play with other partners who are into full swap but they won't try to guilt you into doing something that's not right for you. They'll accept it and either compromise or move on.

So go ahead and find some parties or clubs where you and your wife can explore the possibilities. Don't worry about "being a fit for everyone." Sure, there will be couples who will pass you by or maybe even act frustrated. But there are plenty of people who will enjoy what you have to offer and welcome you. I know I'd be one of them.

As a courtesy, just be sure to always communicate your boundaries with other couples up front. You don't want to monopolize their time and then surprise them with your rules when it's too late for them to find another couple to play with.

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by shags

We're completely inexperienced, but want to watch and be watched with another couple--nothing else beyond that. Looking at SLS and here, we seem to be in a distinct minority.

Are there better venues for finding like-minded couples who are on the vanilla side of soft swap? We're definitely in the voyeuristic/exhibitionistic camp, but here and SLS tend to lean much more to the wild side, and I fear we'll never find an outlet for making this fantasy real.

Suggestions?

You probably are more in the minority but you aren't alone. I don't know of any site that really leans towards just soft-swap of that sort. Anytime you have a more narrow set of boundaries are interests you are going to have to work a little harder to find other couples, but it can happen. Just be honest about what you are looking for and take some time. And as BiloxiCouple said any on-premise club would be a good place to start as you can always go and just play with each other. That is how we started as well for the first few months we went we only played with each other.

[ownerspet]

My suggestion is go find an on-premise swing club attend it a few times to get a lay of the land. And, then if you are comfortable going into a group play room where there is an empty couch or piece of furniture. Do your thing and enjoy the view , but don't just go be voyeurs, many swingers will find voyeurs to be rude.

[Pepper & Drew]

I agree with the others...going to an on-premises club may be your best bet. You could also go to a resort like Hedo or Desire, where there are definitely opportunities to watch and be watched, but not everyone there is a swinger.

I also think you're right about SLS not being the best option for you. It's difficult enough to meet compatible folks online if you don't have a lot of restrictions. With being very soft-swap, it's going to be a smaller pool of couples and a much harder time to meet people.

And, of course, to the board!

Pepper

[shags]

Thanks for all the replies. Sounds like an on-premise club would be the way to go, although that presents some logistical challenges on its own, as I'm not aware of any nearby.

The sentiment that it is harder if you're soft swap is interesting. You would think that there'd be fewer people at the "extreme" and progressively more people the more vanilla you get. Either that's the case (and what makes people want to stay soft swap also makes them harder to find), or it's full swap that's more prevalent and it is actually the soft swappers who are farther from vanilla!

Thanks for all the responses.

[cupl4fun]

I looked and couldn't find any on premises clubs in you area either. Like everybody else I think this would be best for you guys but maybe not possible (unless you plan a weekend trip). But, I imagine you could also go to an off premises club (which you do have in your area) and just be up front with the fact that you are soft swap only and what that means for you guys. You might find someone who is looking for the same thing or someone who will play by your rules. Mrs. Cupl and I would probably prefer to full swap but the one time we've played it was with a soft swap couple. We played up to a point and had lots of fun but only had sex with our wives (even though we're more full swap). So don't give up to easily. It might take a little more time to find very soft swap couples but that doesn't mean it's impossible. So, no your definitely not in the wrong place.
P.S. Even if you go and don't find somebody; the party, dancing, and meeting new people are lots of fun anyway.

[2insandiego4u]

Another possibility is to look for a low pressure party to attend. There is at least one regular house party in our area which is known to be low pressure. In fact, the hosts even encourage you to come to watch and be watched the first time. Food for thought...

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by shags

Thanks for all the replies. Sounds like an on-premise club would be the way to go, although that presents some logistical challenges on its own, as I'm not aware of any nearby.

The sentiment that it is harder if you're soft swap is interesting. You would think that there'd be fewer people at the "extreme" and progressively more people the more vanilla you get. Either that's the case (and what makes people want to stay soft swap also makes them harder to find), or it's full swap that's more prevalent and it is actually the soft swappers who are farther from vanilla!

Thanks for all the responses.

For most, swinging still involves actual swapping... or at least soft-swapping (swapping for all but intercourse). You might actually have more luck finding others who want to watch and be watched in the vanilla world (friends you know, etc). Folks who are more vanilla may be open to such without any thought that of it being swinging (and to most it barely qualifies as soft-swing), therefore those who get to the point where they consider themselves swingers and go looking for others are more likely to be interested in actually participating with others.

We started out with just going to on-premise clubs and playing with each other, but it was with the knowledge that we hoped to get more comfortable to the point of wanting to actually involve others and eventually we did just that.

[newmajor00]

Try an on-premises club. Sometime we only feel like playing exclusively with each other, but we enjoy the audience. Find a spot off to the side in a group room when it's not too crowded. We've never had a problem with anyone being too persistant.

[Pepper & Drew]

Originally Posted by shags

Thanks for all the replies. Sounds like an on-premise club would be the way to go, although that presents some logistical challenges on its own, as I'm not aware of any nearby.

The sentiment that it is harder if you're soft swap is interesting. You would think that there'd be fewer people at the "extreme" and progressively more people the more vanilla you get. Either that's the case (and what makes people want to stay soft swap also makes them harder to find), or it's full swap that's more prevalent and it is actually the soft swappers who are farther from vanilla!

Thanks for all the responses.

Soft-swap is kind of like being bi-racial. There are lots of people who are of a certain race, but a lot fewer who are the combination of the two. Being soft swap, especially long-term, is the in-between spot. You're not really vanilla, but you're not really a full swinger. It just means you'll have to get more creative to meet people who are into what you're into.

Plan a weekend, find an on-premises club, and have a mini-vacation. You may find exactly what you're looking for. Or, as I mentioned previously, go to a resort, an make a big, fat vacation out of it.

Pepper

[sexcupid]

Originally Posted by shags

The sentiment that it is harder if you're soft swap is interesting. You would think that there'd be fewer people at the "extreme" and progressively more people the more vanilla you get. Either that's the case (and what makes people want to stay soft swap also makes them harder to find), or it's full swap that's more prevalent and it is actually the soft swappers who are farther from vanilla!

I wish you much luck in finding what you are looking for.

Basically what you are talking about is same room sex...for us I'm not sure that would even register as a soft swap since there is not even a hint of interaction between the couples (even a fondle or kiss). Like others have said, some folks start by just playing with each other in the play areas with only each other...but that is used as a stepping stone so to speak towards a different goal. Most people are involved for the "extreme"...more the 'in for a penny, in for a pound' mindset. Ours was, 'We want to do it...let's do it and see how we feel later and work through things as they come up'.

Agreed that SLS is probably not the best site to try to find what you are looking for...either just going to a club and playing in the main playroom where you can see and be seen...most people are pretty respectful and will not just jump in on what you are doing. Or there are plenty of vanilla folks that, once they get a few drinks in them especially, might get a kick out of same room sex.

to the SB...hope to hear more on how your search is coming along!

[realcplub2]

Originally Posted by shags

We're completely inexperienced, but want to watch and be watched with another couple--nothing else beyond that. Looking at SLS and here, we seem to be in a distinct minority.

Are there better venues for finding like-minded couples who are on the vanilla side of soft swap? We're definitely in the voyeuristic/exhibitionistic camp, but here and SLS tend to lean much more to the wild side, and I fear we'll never find an outlet for making this fantasy real.

Suggestions?

WELCOME

First off, let me say there are plenty of couples out there that want this sort of fun.. most are just starting out, like yourselves..

The best suggestion I could make is to think in terms of visiting a on premises club, you dont have to swap partners but can certainly watch the action and engage in whatever you feel comfortable with yourselves..

Beyond that, the next best thing is to browse the profiles using the term soft swap as your guide