New to the Lifestyle

[petra6998]

Exactly you are always going to be attracted to someone.

[2insandiego4u]

It sounds to us like there might simply be a sexual mismatch here. He likes to have sex a lot more often than her. We've been together for over 20 years and have only been in the lifestyle a few months. The first few years we were together we could not get enough of each other. She never said no! We don't think the lifestyle is a good substitute for a sexual mismatch. You have to decide how important this is and accept it, or move on and find someone more sexually compatible. You could try to be more romantic, more helpful around the house - we have awesome sex every time he cleans the bathroom for her! Find her buttons in and out of the bedroom, and press them! Good luck.

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by 2insandiego4u

It sounds to us like there might simply be a sexual mismatch here....You have to decide how important this is and accept it, or move on and find someone more sexually compatible.

This is a very important point that I'd like to address.

I feel finding a mate who is sexually compatible is very important. Sexual compatibility should be at the top of the list when deciding on who you're going to marry and - hopefully - spend the rest of your life with.

I think too many couples downplay the sexual match and instead focus on how one fills in the blanks for the other: one's a good cook, the other isn't, one's a great organizer, the other is a slob, one's patient and calm, the other is impatient and quick to react. You get the picture. Sometimes you can be so comfortable with someone that you think they must "be the one" for you, and that's all you focus on.

As others have said, look inside yourself and make sure you know who you are and what you'll need sexually in the years to come. You are young and there are likely other women who could make you as happy as the woman you're now so comfortable with, except these new women will also match your sexual drive and openess to explore sex with others.

Sometimes your love for someone is greatest when you know it's time to say goodbye.

LM

[bryanlee]

My opinion for what it's worth is that not only will you need, but this lifestyle will demand that your relationship have a rock solid foundation, trust and communication among other things.

I make no attempts to judge your relationship, but from what you have written it would seem that you guys may not be in a position to make the best of this lifestyle.

I would also say that you should be as honest with yourself as you have been with us. Your wants and desires are not going to just go away. They are in fact just going to become stronger. If your mate cannot meet all of your needs both emotionally and sexually then you are not going to fill that hole with this lifestyle.

I hope what i said makes sense. Good luck to you in everything.

Bryan & Sharon

[fun4Ds]

How soon is the wedding ?

I see you know about yourself and even acknowledge your mixed emotions. But, I don't see you posting about her feelings. Her weight is perhaps a small step to overcome.

What will happen if and when you do ask her to get involved with the lifestyle. She says she wants to fuck you and another man at the same time. And likes is.... Allot! It does happen.

Or after you join and find out its her that will be making allot of the decisions about who you get to fuck ? What happens when you have someone you are really attracted to and she says "Nope, not her, sorry. I just don't like her she gives me a bad vibe"

I think you need to consider what you may be willing to give. Your asking for advice on the terms of needing more pussy. Don't overlook the fact that she may have desires you are not aware of.... Be prepared to answer her every question about how you feel. Then be prepared for the shocks she may not have told you yet, about herself.

You need to have an honest relationship that you can each be willing to speak freely about your sexuality, without judgments, before bringing this up ! Understanding that no means no on actions... not your thought about sexual fantasies.

Your main question is how to bring this up to her ?

Be yourself, just say " Honey, we need to talk about my sexuality before the wedding, there are some things you don't know about how I feel.... and you should know "

There are alternatives.

[olycouple]

Originally Posted by Unregistered

Hey all, I'm a new guy here. I've just recently become interested in
swinging. First let me tell about myself. I am a 23 year old college
student living in North East Indiana. I am very interested in learning
more about swinging and possibly joining the lifestyle. I am engaged
to the most wonderful woman in the world. She is a latina BBW that is
the love of my life.

WELCOME!


The question I wanted to ask is, what is the best
way to broach the subject of swinging to your significant other. I am
worried that my fiancee will think that I do not find her attractive,
which is not the case. She is very self concious about her body and
does not beleive me when I tell her how beautiful she is. Any advice
on the best way to ease her into the idea of swining would be
appreciated.


The best way to ease her into the idea? Well, everyone else seems to have already hit on some of your other possible "problems" so I'll just go for this one. I didn't even really know what swinging was when I met Mr. Oly. I think the only reference I'd ever heard regarding swinging was on an episode of "That '70s Show". But, over the time Mr. O and I were dating, we were pretty open about our sexual desires (have you guys been sharing your fantasies all along? Otherwise, it might seem like a huge WTF if you bring this up out of the blue). I always knew from the beginning that Mr. Oly thought two girls together were hot (well, duh! I've seen my share of porn)...later I found out he thought a MFM situation would be "nifty"...over time, we both just kept divulging more and more information. I gasped with mock horror at times...but, I always knew that he had these fantasies. When he started really thinking about swinging as an option, he brought up the idea one night, showed me this board, and suddenly my horror was no longer "mock". I thought to myself..."oh shit! am I not enough for him? does he want to cheat? what will happen to our marriage?" In short, I freaked out, thought of all the things that could go wrong and all of the scary things that could've have led him to this desire, and took the whole issue as a personal attack of sorts. Then I breathed in and out and a few times, reigned in my pouty lip, and wiped the tears away. We had some of the best conversations about our relationship over those next days. We really discussed our true fantasies and what we wanted out of our sex life. So, I'd suggest sitting her down, laying it all out on the table, really explaining why you are interested in the LS and try to address all of the fears you expect she will have (guaranteed, she has some you will not expect and won't know how to field, so be prepared; don't patronize her, and take all of her fears seriously.) Don't push, don't prod, and don't try to make excuses. And don't expect her to believe that swinging is a normal way for men to get more sex without cheating...and that this is why people join the LS. For most of us, this is a couple's deal. Sure, there are singles, but most of those singles truly are "single" and are doing this for themselves and to please others. Be ready for her to completely freak out. She might cry, she might get up and walk out. When she comes back, be calm...let her ask her questions...and be honest. My husband was so adorably humble when we went through this. It was so amazing to me to hear that he wanted to do this to see me pleased...and the more we talked about it the more self-sacrificing it appeared. Of course, it's about him, too. Make no mistake...he didn't try to convince me it was all about me. But, he was honest. And he made sure I knew it was just an idea...not something we had to do or he'd be disappointed. He let me take it all in and deal with it in my own time. We took things very slowly. He's held my hand through it all and we are continuing to learn together.

I get the self-image stuff. But, if she decides she wants to do this and you both together decide that this will simply make your love life hotter and that she is just as into it as you are, then those issues will subside. My worry is that in your post, you don't mention anything about her desires. You simply say she doesn't want to have sex as much as you so you want to swing. Mr. Oly was interested in swinging because he primarily wanted to see me pleased. Swinging for you should still be about her. She should be your focus. How she feels is more important than your sexual needs right now...after all, you are about to put her before every other woman by slipping a ring around her finger.
[/b]
And I agree with everyone else...if you aren't sexually compatible, swinging ain't gonna fix nothin'...in fact, it won't be any different than cheating if she isn't right there doing the same thing for the same reasons.

Maybe you should try heating up your own bedroom before you head into anyone else's. Or are you hoping that what you do and learn in someone else's is going to heat up your's?

If she isn't into this, are you going to be okay with that? Can she satisfy you enough sexually that you won't need or even want a break during your marriage? If you answer no to either of those, then you have another issue entirely. I can honestly say that Mr. Oly probably wants sex more often than I do. But, we talk about it. And we deal with it. And we ammend the situation. That's what marriage is about, with or without swinging.

Thank you for taking the time to read this rather long
message and i look forward to further communications with you all!

Okay...so join already! There's a lot of very valuable information here for newbies and pros alike! I'd definitely point your fiance in this direction. I did a lot of researching on here before I decided to get involved.

I do believe that you can broach the subject tactfully and successfully with your gal as long as you have the right intent and listen to her needs. Good luck! Let us know how it goes.

Mrs. Oly