Common Newbie Swinger Mistakes

[JustAskJulie]

In the thread on Good Profiles.... Bad Profiles... LikeMinds321 posted

This feels cold to me too. Yet, I can understand how easy it is to make that mistake when writing your profile...I even did that at first. It icks me out thinking back to that time.

This got me to thinking about how we all did things early on that we look back and now and wonder "what were we thinking", "why did we do that" and it came down simply to we didn't know any better.

For me/us it was jumping in too fast and driving 45 minutes to meet the first couple we found within 2 hours of us that was interested in meeting and then (despite the lack of connection) attempting to play with them. (We are good friends now and laugh about it, but that didn't happen till 2 years later).

So what was your major faux paux? What do you look back at in your swinging life (even if it was only a month ago) that you cringe at?

[robnbarb]

I am still to new to know what most of our mistakes are, but I wanted to add We have changed our profile 7 times now.

[sensuality]

As time goes on, we've had to ammend our profile quite a few times, usually after someone writes us and we realize there's something we need to add or be more specific about. We still have yet to meet that elusive couple we actually want/get to "play" with, but hey...all in good time.

[EvilMJ]

I think (even though we are Newbies) that our biggest mistake was going to far to quick. We should have started with more of a soft swing approach instead of jumping right in to full swing. We also went into separate rooms which was a real mistake. Live and learn I guess

[good times]

For us it was similar to your experiance Julie. We met a couple at the club that was obviously interested in us and while Mrs. GT found the male attractive I was pretty unattracted to the female. But like it might be the last offer we would ever get we went ahead and played with them. I couldn't get it up to save my life and it turned out to be a pretty embarrassing experiance for me. The next day we made a no more taking one for the team rule and our rules have continued to evolve as we have continued to learn.

[CB_n_Red]

Originally Posted by EvilMJ

I think (even though we are Newbies) that our biggest mistake was going to far to quick. We should have started with more of a soft swing approach instead of jumping right in to full swing. We also went into separate rooms which was a real mistake. Live and learn I guess

That was pretty well our biggest mistake early on - in fact it happened the first time we played with another couple as opposed to a single male. We went along with the intention of it being a purely social meet. Inevitably, after a few drinks (and then a few more) it seemed like a great idea to go for it there and then. Not that we were planning soft swing though. Anyway, it ended up in separate rooms - not a good idea as it turned out. We put it down to inexperience and didn't worry about it.

CB

[adventureUS2]

I think our problem was we found a couple that make great friends socialy but not sexualy. This is a hard line to draw when you meet under the pretence of swinging. You really like the other couple (just not sexualy) and dont want to loose a friendship or hurt any ones fellings. So you go along with a relationship thats just not working at all. Its hard to say can we just be friends to another swinging couple.

[fun_pairTX]

Originally Posted by adventureUS2

Its hard to say can we just be friends to another swinging couple.

It has worked out that way for us on a couple of occasions and the people have remained great friends for the past couple of years. It can happen if you open your mind to it.

[LikeMinds321]

Back in February 2004 we made our first step towards going public with our interest in swinging when we attended a local off-premise club.

Our first mistake: We told every person we met our REAL first names--we even gave some people our last name since the hostess had already bellowed it out when we walked in. We will never use our real names again and will go by first name only until we decide we'd like to meet the people outside the club.

We moved around for an hour and a half, got disenchanted with what we were seeing and sat down to eat since we paid $40 to get in--why not get our bellies filled? facelick

Our second mistake: We should have never stayed at the table after we were through eating. Should we make it to another club, even if the pickings look sparse, we will always keep moving to meet people.

LM

[BradAndJanet]

#1: Being overeager to have our first experience. We took on the first decent guy who contacted us. Then, we got a room before we'd really decided we liked him. The sex was terrible for J. It took about a year for us to try again.

#2: Not trying clubs long ago. Ads really became frustrating. We couldn't meet anyone, or so it seemed and it was such a slow process. When the few real prospects didn't pan out, we were disappointed because of how much work it had been to get to that point. It's much simpler to just smile and say, "Hi, we're Brad and Janet!" to someone at the club. It works for us anyway.

-B

[Spoomonkey]

Our mistake was probably the same as EvilMJ's. We thought we were going very slow - but when we actually went through with things, we obviously weren't ready. There is a big difference between going ahead slowly and going ahead wisely. The funny thing is - we didn't even swap... I am not sure how we could have gone slower, but maybe going through it was what we needed. We talked on a completely different level after that - and maybe that was meant to be.

Anyway - we are all happy now - and if anyone wants to put us to the test, I'll gladly forward our street address

Spoomonkey

[Botcpl]

Originally Posted by LikeMinds321

Our first mistake: We told every person we met our REAL first names--
LM

I have to say that hit me like a brick. My first thought was: what else will you lie to me about? I always hear about communication and trust, but now I'm not so sure. I can understand not giving out too much, like last names and where we work or even the type of job sometimes (if I told you what I did, well there are only a half dozen or so of us even though my "company" has over five thousand employees....), but is this much caution really needed?

I can understand if you are from a small town, but since most of us live in metropolitan areas, is it really needed? Maybe this isn't the right place for this comment, but I don't know where else it should be. Usually I agree with what Likeminds321 says so you can see why I'm walking around with a big question mark on my forehead.

One reason I am (and we are) looking into swinging is so we don't have to lie. I don't want to lie to my wife and I (we) don't want to lie to the people I'm (we're) with.

Signed,

Confused and Dejected

[EvilMJ]

Originally Posted by Botcpl

I can understand if you are from a small town, but since most of us live in metropolitan areas, is it really needed? Maybe this isn't the right place for this comment, but I don't know where else it should be. Usually I agree with what Likeminds321 says so you can see why I'm walking around with a big question mark on my forehead.

I guess everyone has reasons for wanting to keep their secrecy. I live in a city, and while it is no where near the size of New York or other large American cities, you would be surprise how many people you run into on a daily basis. My husand grew up here and I think he knows everyone ( I tease him that he is like the mayor waving to his people ). I have a child that I want to protect, and my employers are very religious people and have no doubt they would not approve or understand of this lifestyle. THey may not fire me from my job, but it would probably influence how they treated me. In my mind there are just too many chances for disaster for me to give out too much personal information. To each his own I guess.

Mr. Spoo....I am sitting at my desk counting my meger pennies trying to figure out how I can scrounge together enough cash to catch a flight down to your country.....hmm...guess I am going to have to lay off lunches for a while

[misterbates]

Originally Posted by LikeMinds321

We will never use our real names again and will go by first name only until we decide we'd like to meet the people outside the club.

You Lie about your names?!?!?...and i suppose you expect people to have sex with you and be honest about themselves??...hmm.."yea i dont have to tell em about my herpes..after all they lie about their name"....that is a great way to think.....another example of why we are so disgusted with swingers and swinging.......

[biblonde]

our first mistake was meeting and playing with a couple that niether of us were really attracted to sexually. We really liked them as people but not as playmates. Our worst mistake was a couple months ago..and nope not a newbie then..lol I have been played by so many men pretending to be single females that when I got an email from a female I went to yahoo to chatt and IT sounded so much like a man I told them...Look prove to me you are female, I am home right now here is my phone number CALL ME! Within a couple days I was getting calls (and my boys were getting calls!) from perverts saying I had promised to do this that or whatever to them in a chatt room. Now these people didnt care when my kids answered the phone and told them I promised to do certain things! I had to change my phone number!! I will never give out my house number again unless I know you and have played more than one time.

We never lie about our names but usually dont give out last names till we know you better. If I find out someone has lied about what their name is ...they get a bubye!!