Common Newbie Swinger Mistakes

ShellyM · 07-04-2007, 09:07 AM

Trapper,
I read your post and I'm sorry to read that. You know, its not as uncommon as you think. With couples its easier because you have the other person there as a checks and balances. Jay knows that if he feels I was online with someone too much, or is just uncomfortable with someone he has full veto rights, and vice versa. We are there to keep each other grounded. Some people you don't click with, some you do...then there are those that you just really click with. Those are the ones that you should proceed with caution.
Anyways, best of luck to you in finding someone that makes you very happy.
Shelly

twoforone100 · 07-14-2007, 12:34 PM

The screening process. We did not know how to weed out the crazy ones at first. We both were in situations we were not happy in. We never did take one for the team but we did get up and leave a few times. Patrick Pattie

lovestheponys · 08-07-2007, 03:18 PM

As a newbie is it ok to ask about swingers where you live.

Tybee Swing · 08-07-2007, 08:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lovestheponys

As a newbie is it ok to ask about swingers where you live.

Do you mean, ask them what town or general community they live in? I would think that most people would be comfortable with that. If you meet them through an online profile, you know their general location by their zipcode.

starryeyes · 08-07-2007, 09:24 PM

This has to be one of the Top Ten topics!!!! Thanks!!!

lovestheponys · 08-08-2007, 04:41 PM

Thanks Tybee. I do mean by state or city.

LOL_OMG · 08-08-2007, 08:35 PM

Chicup

To narrow in a bit more on your 'friends' comment. Your clarification did help. It's not essential that we be friends with someone first, but, both of us need to get the solid vibes that we 'can' be friends with that couple. If either one of us has doubts then it's a no go. Also, we have made some really great friends that we have never touched, the reasons vary, usually it's because they are into things we are not or vice versa. We have made what we consider to be friends just from two SB meet n greets, we may end up playing with some we have met or not, either way it's all good. To us friendship has always been important and always will.

Mr. Lol

sereneiders · 08-08-2007, 09:57 PM

Chicup,

We disagree so ofthen that I have to tell you when I agree 100% with you.

This is a great thread. Thank you!

funfun31 · 08-09-2007, 10:53 PM

Never take one for the team. Never let your SO take one ofr the team. Be prepared to say (in the nicest way possible) "I'm willing to have sex with anyone in the house but you." The first time we went to a little get-together, my wife ended up having sex with the host, although she really didn't "want to." She just didn;t want to hurt his feelings cuz it was his house and his hot tub, and we were new... After that, we decided that even if you haveto hurt someone's feelings, you don't "have to" have sex with anyone you don't want to. We actually showed up to meet the cpl that was also gonna be there (there was only 5 of us...and was literally willing to have sex with anyone there but him....he was kinda creepy and had a bad comb-over).

funfun31 · 08-09-2007, 10:57 PM

I agreee about the screening process. Chat with them as much as possible before meeting....at least for a cpl of weeks.....that should give u a chance to sniff out any craziness. The times we broke that rule, we lived to regret it. Those are known as our "WTF were we thinking" playdates.

**LFM2** · 08-10-2007, 09:25 PM

A few people have already said it, but I'll repeat.

1. Don't take rejection too seriously. People will reject others because the color of their hair is wrong.

2. To not research what you're doing. I think I read until my eyeballs were dry. I asked questions until my fingers hurt from typing. It helped me establish guidelines and helped me communicate with Mr. LFM on a much more equal basis. Little did I know that he'd been researching much longer than I had.

3. To not talk about things with your swing partner. Big mistake. Not talking to your partner will lead you down a road of hell.

SirDavidandhalo · 08-10-2007, 10:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ShellyM

I think that if we were to do anything different it would be 2 things.

1. Never take one for the team. Why, when the sex we have together is great?
2. Do NOT take this seriously. This is FUN, a hobby. You can turn fun into a 2nd job or a competition.

Shelly

Ok I will admit my ignorance.....I have no idea what "take one for the team" means. Can someone explain?

lovinher · 08-10-2007, 11:40 PM

That's when you invite a whole football team over for.......

When you have sex with someone you are not really attracted to for whatever reason so your partner can have fun and you don't want to spoil it for them. Something like that.

FloridaFlirt · 08-11-2007, 08:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ShellyM

I think that if we were to do anything different it would be 2 things.

1. Never take one for the team. Why, when the sex we have together is great?
2. Do NOT take this seriously. This is FUN, a hobby. You can turn fun into a 2nd job or a competition.

Shelly

Ditto to all of this, especially #1. Unfortunately this may mean it will take longer to find a couple that is compatible four ways....but if you are patient, it will be worth it!

KentuckianaCPL4 · 08-11-2007, 06:13 PM

Ours was using a Local Swingers Publication. What a bunch of, pardon the term, white trash losers. They were dirty and nasty. Not knowing anyone in the lifestyle and not knowing where to look. We gave up trying for a few months. We stumbled up a mailing list site called onelist that later became Egroups which became yahoogroups. Anyway we found one list in our area for swingers. We joined, and we were befriended by several couples who had similar problems finding compatible playmates.

Everyone makes mistakes in the lifestyle starting out, learn from them and move on.

Your best bet is to find a club near you and start attending and let things progress naturally.

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07-04-2007, 09:07 AM	#91 (permalink)
ShellyM Jay's Bumper Buddy Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 2,299 Location: San Marcos, TEXAS Status: On the prowl for man meat Swing Lifestyle Name:lost_j1	Re: what would you do different? Trapper, I read your post and I'm sorry to read that. You know, its not as uncommon as you think. With couples its easier because you have the other person there as a checks and balances. Jay knows that if he feels I was online with someone too much, or is just uncomfortable with someone he has full veto rights, and vice versa. We are there to keep each other grounded. Some people you don't click with, some you do...then there are those that you just really click with. Those are the ones that you should proceed with caution. Anyways, best of luck to you in finding someone that makes you very happy. Shelly __________________ Merry Christmas and a Ho Ho Ho Shelly

07-14-2007, 12:34 PM	#92 (permalink)
twoforone100 Swingers Board Addict Join Date: May 2006 Posts: 203 Location: Richmond Status: couple Swing Lifestyle Name:twoforone100	Re: what would you do different? The screening process. We did not know how to weed out the crazy ones at first. We both were in situations we were not happy in. We never did take one for the team but we did get up and leave a few times. Patrick Pattie

08-07-2007, 03:18 PM	#93 (permalink)
lovestheponys Registered Join Date: Aug 2007 Posts: 4 Location: Northglenn Co. Status: s male Swing Lifestyle Name:lovestheponys	Re: Basic newbie swinging mistakes. As a newbie is it ok to ask about swingers where you live.

08-07-2007, 09:24 PM	#95 (permalink)
starryeyes Here to Stay Join Date: Aug 2004 Posts: 78 Location: El Paso, TX Status: Couple Swing Lifestyle Name:starryeyes	Re: Basic newbie swinging mistakes. This has to be one of the Top Ten topics!!!! Thanks!!!

08-08-2007, 04:41 PM	#96 (permalink)
lovestheponys Registered Join Date: Aug 2007 Posts: 4 Location: Northglenn Co. Status: s male Swing Lifestyle Name:lovestheponys	Re: Basic newbie swinging mistakes. Thanks Tybee. I do mean by state or city.

08-08-2007, 08:35 PM	#97 (permalink)
LOL_OMG Retired Mod Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 1,000 Location: where we're at Status: Couple Swing Lifestyle Name:LOL_OMG	Re: Basic newbie swinging mistakes. Chicup To narrow in a bit more on your 'friends' comment. Your clarification did help. It's not essential that we be friends with someone first, but, both of us need to get the solid vibes that we 'can' be friends with that couple. If either one of us has doubts then it's a no go. Also, we have made some really great friends that we have never touched, the reasons vary, usually it's because they are into things we are not or vice versa. We have made what we consider to be friends just from two SB meet n greets, we may end up playing with some we have met or not, either way it's all good. To us friendship has always been important and always will. Mr. Lol __________________ Somebody better go back and get a shitload of dimes!!!

08-08-2007, 09:57 PM	#98 (permalink)
sereneiders Some sort of user Join Date: Oct 2005 Posts: 1,131 Location: Argentina Status: Couple	Re: Basic newbie swinging mistakes. Chicup, We disagree so ofthen that I have to tell you when I agree 100% with you. This is a great thread. Thank you!

08-09-2007, 10:53 PM	#99 (permalink)
funfun31 Here to Stay Join Date: Aug 2007 Posts: 11 Location: Lancaster, PA Status: Couple Swing Lifestyle Name:funfun31	Re: what would you do different? Never take one for the team. Never let your SO take one ofr the team. Be prepared to say (in the nicest way possible) "I'm willing to have sex with anyone in the house but you." The first time we went to a little get-together, my wife ended up having sex with the host, although she really didn't "want to." She just didn;t want to hurt his feelings cuz it was his house and his hot tub, and we were new... After that, we decided that even if you haveto hurt someone's feelings, you don't "have to" have sex with anyone you don't want to. We actually showed up to meet the cpl that was also gonna be there (there was only 5 of us...and was literally willing to have sex with anyone there but him....he was kinda creepy and had a bad comb-over).

08-09-2007, 10:57 PM	#100 (permalink)
funfun31 Here to Stay Join Date: Aug 2007 Posts: 11 Location: Lancaster, PA Status: Couple Swing Lifestyle Name:funfun31	Re: what would you do different? I agreee about the screening process. Chat with them as much as possible before meeting....at least for a cpl of weeks.....that should give u a chance to sniff out any craziness. The times we broke that rule, we lived to regret it. Those are known as our "WTF were we thinking" playdates.

08-10-2007, 09:25 PM	#101 (permalink)
LFM2 ~~Happy Valentines Day~~ Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 3,480 Location: State of Confusion Status: Couple Blog Entries: 11	Re: what would you do different? A few people have already said it, but I'll repeat. 1. Don't take rejection too seriously. People will reject others because the color of their hair is wrong. 2. To not research what you're doing. I think I read until my eyeballs were dry. I asked questions until my fingers hurt from typing. It helped me establish guidelines and helped me communicate with Mr. LFM on a much more equal basis. Little did I know that he'd been researching much longer than I had. 3. To not talk about things with your swing partner. Big mistake. Not talking to your partner will lead you down a road of hell. __________________ Dave & Holly

08-10-2007, 11:40 PM	#103 (permalink)
lovinher Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Aug 2006 Posts: 878 Location: cleveland area Status: married to lovinhim	Re: what would you do different? That's when you invite a whole football team over for....... When you have sex with someone you are not really attracted to for whatever reason so your partner can have fun and you don't want to spoil it for them. Something like that. __________________ I know I was born. I know that I'll die. The in between is mine. (PJ)

08-11-2007, 06:13 PM	#105 (permalink)
KentuckianaCPL4 Here to Stay Join Date: Apr 2004 Posts: 27 Location: Southern Indiana Status: Couple Swing Lifestyle Name:KentuckianaCPL4CPL	Re: what would you do different? Ours was using a Local Swingers Publication. What a bunch of, pardon the term, white trash losers. They were dirty and nasty. Not knowing anyone in the lifestyle and not knowing where to look. We gave up trying for a few months. We stumbled up a mailing list site called onelist that later became Egroups which became yahoogroups. Anyway we found one list in our area for swingers. We joined, and we were befriended by several couples who had similar problems finding compatible playmates. Everyone makes mistakes in the lifestyle starting out, learn from them and move on. Your best bet is to find a club near you and start attending and let things progress naturally.

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