Common Newbie Swinger Mistakes

[Newbies46514]

Originally Posted by CB_n_Red

That was pretty well our biggest mistake early on - in fact it happened the first time we played with another couple as opposed to a single male. We went along with the intention of it being a purely social meet. Inevitably, after a few drinks (and then a few more) it seemed like a great idea to go for it there and then. Not that we were planning soft swing though. Anyway, it ended up in separate rooms - not a good idea as it turned out. We put it down to inexperience and didn't worry about it.

CB

As someone who does not want to make a similar mistake...

We've not had our first experience yet and as I stated in another thread, we are going to our first club this coming Saturday. Now we've said that we're just going to go and meet people, check things out, etc. But we've also said that we won't 'do' anything unless we really, really want to...but we are both so turned on by just the concept of all of this. I know being turned on and fantasy is completely different that actually doing these things though.

So why is it bad to 'jump right in' and why is separate rooms bad? And what is 'soft sing'?

Thanks!

[CB_n_Red]

Originally Posted by Newbies46514

As someone who does not want to make a similar mistake...

Well...it wasn't a really bad one! Certainly livable with and it didn't put either of us off.

Originally Posted by Newbies46514

We've not had our first experience yet and as I stated in another thread, we are going to our first club this coming Saturday. Now we've said that we're just going to go and meet people, check things out, etc. But we've also said that we won't 'do' anything unless we really, really want to...but we are both so turned on by just the concept of all of this. I know being turned on and fantasy is completely different that actually doing these things though.

That sounds like a pretty healthy approach. The good bit about clubs is that lack of pressure to do anything. We've only attended one once and we did nothing with anyone else (except sharing the sauna). We still had a great time though. We know a couple who went to a club 5 times before playing with others. Not a problem!

You're right though - be sure about what you want out of the experience. It's guaranteed you'll both be turned on by it anyway.

As it says in large friendly letters on the cover of the book : Don't Panic!

Originally Posted by Newbies46514

So why is it bad to 'jump right in' and why is separate rooms bad? And what is 'soft sing'?

Thanks!

Soft swing is usually taken to mean any sort of interaction with others short of penetrative sex, though different people do have varying definitions. It can be as mild as playing with your own partner in the same room as others are doing the same, though more often it will include some touching with others and maybe oral.

We don't think it's necessarily bad to jump straight in. Probably depends on just how well you and your partner have talked it all through beforehand. Same goes for same vs separate room. We like same room because we like to see each other enjoying themselves (and being on hand if something isn't working quite right) but separate rooms can work fine as well. All depends on how well you get on with the other couple. Of course there is always the possibilty of indulging in a bit of both!

The key thing I reckon is to stay with whatever feel comfortable with. Go with no expectations and just enjoy yourselves! Hope it goes well.

CB

[EvilMJ]

Originally Posted by Newbies46514

So why is it bad to 'jump right in' and why is separate rooms bad? And what is 'soft sing'?

Thanks!

I know just in my own experiance the separate rooms was bad because the men were not as ready as they thought they were to share their wives and should have started with just soft swing to make it easier to move into the whole switching partners thing. They both experienced performance issues while in the separate rooms as well, however when we were in the same room there was no issue and everything went well.

It seems to be a matter of working your way into things slowly so you have a chance to work out any issues that may arise. The husband of the other couple thought he was mentally ready to swing (in fact we all thought he woudl be the one most suited to the lifestyle) but when it came down to it he had the most problems sharing his wife. We took a step back and did soft swing, first having sex with our own partner in the same room, the next time we played a bit with each other partners and then had sex with our own, and then went with a full swap, and by that time we were mentally able to handle it. I hope that helps a little bit.

[UsAtHome]

PM #7
UsAtHome
Registered User

Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Michigan
I am a: Couple
Posts: 6

Default Re: Best situation for first time
ok, we are somewhat 'newbies'......what all do you consider to be newbie mistakes??
I am sure we have made our share and just do not know it

[Spoomonkey]

Top Ten Newbie Mistakes:

10. Putting on the "Strap On" backwards
9. Ruminating on how much it "tastes like chicken"
8. Putting pictures of your Social Security Card on your personal ad
7. Putting flyers in all the neighborhood mailboxes
6. Asking the other husband, "So how's this bitch work, anyway?"
5. "Assuming" they're into watersports
4. Asking if you can get the "rode hard and hung out wet" discount
3. Screaming, "I'm CUMMMMING!" in that funny Elmo voice
2. Telling your new playmate she kisses like your sister

And the number one newbie mistake:

Explaining how you plan to tattoo all of your "conquests" on your impressive three inch weiner...

Spoomonkey

[intuition897]

Cute Spoo.

Newbie mistakes... hmmm...

Well here are some of the first few things we learned the hard way, and we learned them all at the same time.

1) Don't meet a couple at home for dinner with their kids there on your first meeting.
2) The OTHER couple's relationship is just as important as yours.
3) If the other couple can't be civil and respectful of each other, do you really want to hand YOUR spouse over to their charms for the evening? I think not...
4) Come up with a 'yea or nay' code to communicate discretely with one another. Ordering a tequila shooter (which tends to make your panties fall off) might be the thumbs-up, while ordering beer (which makes you puke) tells your partner "I'd rather roll in horseshit before I'd have sex with this clown. We're outta here." It could be a phrase, a particular topic you discuss, a gesture... whatever you like. Just make sure you can recognize it and others can't.
5) Don't travel 9 hours for a first meet-up.

There's soooo much more, but you can read the book.
You know how your driving instructor told you to drive defensively? Well my advice is, "Swing defensively." That doesn't mean you don't have to be courteous and charming, it just means don't assume anything! People can be really weird about sex.

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by intuition897

5) Don't travel 9 hours for a first meet-up.

Don't we live roughly 9 hours away???



Spoomonkey

[intuition897]

I don't know. Check Yahoo maps.

We had to drive 1 1/2 hours to drop the kids off, 3 hours to meet the couple (for an evening that was a total train wreck), 3 hours back to pick the kids up, then 1 1/2 hours back home, kids in tow. It was the stupidest thing we've done to date.

[good times]

Gee Intuition, you should have just drove on to Reno.

I think the three biggest mistakes we made at first were.

1. We had way to many rules, it quickly became apparent that a lot of our boundries just weren't workable if we intended to be able to loosen up and have fun at this.

2. At first we thought it would be really hard to find willing play partners so we weren't very particular. We both ended up "taking one for the team" because of this which culminated one night when on the way home discussing the evening we realized we had both taken one for the team with the same couple thinking the other was really into their partner. We have since become more particular about our play partners and have learned to communicate better before agreeing to play.

3. Be very careful who you confide in about being a swinger. We learned the hard way that it is real easy to confide in the wrong vanilla (non swinging) friend and become the topic of the week in the gossip circle.

[janaandjames]

6. Asking the other husband, "So how's this bitch work, anyway?"

i love this one, gotta try that lol

[feelin_froggy]

7. Putting flyers in all the neighborhood mailboxes



They were all funny, but this one REALLY cracked me up!!

[just1gurl]

11. Work really, really hard to keep your posts here and your posts on the PTA board separate.

(i'm developing a complex about my spelling)

[twoferfun69]

Originally Posted by good times

2. At first we thought it would be really hard to find willing play partners so we weren't very particular. We both ended up "taking one for the team" because of this which culminated one night when on the way home discussing the evening we realized we had both taken one for the team with the same couple thinking the other was really into their partner. We have since become more particular about our play partners and have learned to communicate better before agreeing to play.

OMG GT, I can just see the "after play conversation"..........GT:What do you mean, you weren't really into him? I thought you were loving it. Mrs. GT: No, I thought YOU were really into HER? Then the moment of contemplative silence.....looking at each other with that "oh shit, did we just.....?" look on your faces.

[MrXxotic]

1. Not communicating your own thoughts and feelings with your partner.
2. Going too fast.
3. Letting the lifestyle take over your relationship.

[honeygirl1054]

Y'all are cracking me up! I'm so glad I found this thread before making any of these blunders. This fncpl is plodding along doing the online thing. Are there mistakes that are specific to the club scene? Part of me says that it would be easier to do the club thing,but I've heard that it is kinda rough for the shy.