Common Newbie Swinger Mistakes

[sweet_tna]

Originally Posted by Willing29

Well, The thing I liked about the archived thread was all the others comments about what they did wrong or right. Anyway here is a try although I am sure I will forget some so I will ask my wife to fill in the blanks when she is available but here's a start.

soft swap only
couples only
always same room
chatting with other couples and such is only to be done as a couple
no cheating or cheaters
if is dosen't work either spouse can pull the plug
no kissing
GO SLOW TO START!!!

I'll tell you now that you probably will forget something or just won't think up a scenario in which you'll find yourself wondering how to proceed. But as long as you and your wife have great communication between the two of you, it won't matter.

That said, it looks like you've got a good set of "starter" rules. Most of us have discovered that as we've gotten more experiences under our belts, we didn't need quite as many rules. Which is fine, as long as ya'll sort them out before or after playtime. NEVER try to adjust the rules during playtime. It's too easy to get caught up in the heat of the moment, and/or miscommunicate. Of course, you're GO SLOW rule may just cover that.

Best of luck to ya'll,

=)

[JustMrJ]

I guess, we are a little strange in that the only rules we have are what we will and won't do with others, but because of our individual comfort levels and not that we feel it will 'hurt' our relationship.

Examples: My wife is not ready for anal play. Even with me it is still in it's infancy. So our rule is 'the back door is closed' for her. My rule is that my tongue stay firmly attached to me, so one of the ladies I played with in the past will not be getting repeat business as she tried to suck my tongue from my head with her mouth. Pain + me = no play.

If my wife or I are comfortable with a playmate, then we can play... that simple. (generally most applicable at a house party or club) When we have 'play dates' we usually already know the couple or pair we are getting together with. When we are meeting a couple only for the first time, then we do so for either dinner or through mutual swing friends at a kind of mini party so we can get to know them. Only then do we decide to play or not.

There will be situations come up where one of your rules will seem... well, silly and you will want to throw it away... make that decision BEFORE play starts. As someone else said, only change the rules away from play with your spouse/partner.

The advice about the play bag is complete gold... follow it!!! Ours contains condoms for me, lube for us both, a robe for each of us, some sexy lingerie for her and our 'play cards' (business cards for our playmates).

[warrencouple]

Trying to get too much done on a club day.

Things like:
1. Kids B-Day party 4pm-6pm at Jeepers (think Chuck E Cheese with more young kid stuff)
2. Run niece / nephew home
3. Run Mother-in-Law home
4. Go to club (canceled due to forgetting kids b-day parties NEVER end on time)

Even worse when it's going to be your "maiden voyage" at a club (first time, joining that night)

Been here, done this, didn't get a t-shirt though.

Jason
PS The evening still went well, even if we didn't go to the club!

[CXXC]

Losing your wife at a club only to find her in a teaming mass of female flesh with her as the target. Not really a bad mistake but that could have ended badly! In her defence, she did ask the gathering crowd to "GO GET MY HUSBAND!"
It ended wonderfully! And the night was quite young so all went QUITE well!

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by warrencouple

Trying to get too much done on a club day.

Things like:
1. Kids B-Day party 4pm-6pm at Jeepers (think Chuck E Cheese with more young kid stuff)
2. Run niece / nephew home
3. Run Mother-in-Law home
4. Go to club (canceled due to forgetting kids b-day parties NEVER end on time)

Even worse when it's going to be your "maiden voyage" at a club (first time, joining that night)

Been here, done this, didn't get a t-shirt though.

Jason
PS The evening still went well, even if we didn't go to the club!

I think that one is pretty common, even for non-newbies. I know it's happened to us a time or two. The social starts at 7 and we are leaving the house at 6 and still need to get dinner AND the social is 45 minutes away (in good traffic and with no dinner stop). We ended up getting dinner then deciding to just go on home.

[NCfuncouple98]

Thinking "if we build a profile, they will find us". Umm, no. And we're still working on overcoming the shyness to make initial contact more often. And in the beginning, when we did contact other couples, we made the mistake of having a very impersonal opening email. Also working on this area.

[ktimephoenix]

Originally Posted by EvilMJ

I guess everyone has reasons for wanting to keep their secrecy. I live in a city, and while it is no where near the size of New York or other large American cities, you would be surprise how many people you run into on a daily basis. My husand grew up here and I think he knows everyone ( I tease him that he is like the mayor waving to his people ). I have a child that I want to protect, and my employers are very religious people and have no doubt they would not approve or understand of this lifestyle. THey may not fire me from my job, but it would probably influence how they treated me. In my mind there are just too many chances for disaster for me to give out too much personal information. To each his own I guess.

hang on, just using your first name will let them track down your boss and tell them you swing? that's a bit far fetched... if your husband "knows everyone" then a good chance is that they'd recognise HIM with or without the "fake name". how is using "julie" instead of "maria" going to protect your child???

i understand not giving out addresses, employment history, or banking details, but this sounds a TAD paranoid.

[nudieflirts]

Originally Posted by misterbates

You Lie about your names?!?!?...and i suppose you expect people to have sex with you and be honest about themselves??...hmm.."yea i dont have to tell em about my herpes..after all they lie about their name"....that is a great way to think.....another example of why we are so disgusted with swingers and swinging.......

if youre so disgusted,why are you on this site????

[nudieflirts]

Originally Posted by biblonde

our first mistake was meeting and playing with a couple that niether of us were really attracted to sexually. We really liked them as people but not as playmates. Our worst mistake was a couple months ago..and nope not a newbie then..lol I have been played by so many men pretending to be single females that when I got an email from a female I went to yahoo to chatt and IT sounded so much like a man I told them...Look prove to me you are female, I am home right now here is my phone number CALL ME! Within a couple days I was getting calls (and my boys were getting calls!) from perverts saying I had promised to do this that or whatever to them in a chatt room. Now these people didnt care when my kids answered the phone and told them I promised to do certain things! I had to change my phone number!! I will never give out my house number again unless I know you and have played more than one time.

We never lie about our names but usually dont give out last names till we know you better. If I find out someone has lied about what their name is ...they get a bubye!!

you gave out your home phone number????? major mistake

[Chicup]

It was 6 years ago. They are not on the site.

[Pleasure King]

Allowing your sex life at home to deteriorate. Getting off on the intense feelings during encounters but not allowing your mate be the benefactor of that increased level of passion. Masturbating in private over recent swing partners/ex-lovers but not having that desire carry over into your bedroom.

[Learning]

Traveling with other couples without your own car for the whole weekend without establishing that you are just friends, not playmates.

[Cajun2Step]

Several years ago at a club on the Mississippi Gulf Coast we had our first attempt at swinging. A lonesome looking single guy was alone at the bar. Lady C2S went over and asked him to dance. That simple act of kindness, friendliness on her part got us started in the lifestyle. However it turned into a less than great experience. The rest of the "clique" in the club avoided us like the plague.

Bottom line is take your time and make sure you know and understand the ramifications of becoming the too friendly newbies would be our #1 thing to avoid if you invade a new club. Make sure you are accepted by the group before you hit on one of the available boy toys.

[exploringRM]

Originally Posted by Learning

Traveling with other couples without your own car for the whole weekend without establishing that you are just friends, not playmates.

Or the other way round, you get along great as playmates but an extended time together is not a good idea!

[swinging83]

Originally Posted by good times

We were nervous as hell the first night we went to a club, and the one we chose was the wildest club we have ever been to, many of the things we saw that night wouldn't even be allowed at most of the clubs we have attended. It didn't overwhelm or intimidate us in the least though, because the people we met were great and made us feel welcome.

As newbies, how do we know what is allowed at a club? and other clubs?

R&C