How did you start swinging?

[mrandmsxx]

(This is Ms XX)

I was curious to find out how everyone got their start into swinging. Recently my live in boyfriend and I decided we need to spice up our sex life. We experimented with the usual things like dress up, sex toys, and porn but found we wanted something more. We've been together for 7+ years and are very comfortable with each other. The only problem is that neither of us really "played the field" or explored our sexual sides much before we got together. We felt a bit lost. Somehow we found out we both get really excited having sex in front of other people and like watching other people have sex as well.

Last night we went to a local fetish event that allowed us to indulge.
The event is a one night a month event that is held at the local swingers club. I've spoken with the manager of the club, and found him to be very friendly and welcoming. We are considering joining the club because the manager mentioned that people often go to "watch and be watched." This is enticing to us. Neither of us feel that we want to play with others, but love enjoying each other around other people.

I've read some of posts in the board, BF and I have been lurking for a while. And after speaking to the manager at the club, I keep hearing him say, "It all starts somewhere." If we are clear that we are only there to watch and be watched, in your expericence will that go over ok with other club members? Have we stumbled onto a building block to becoming swingers? (We've talked about it and right now neither of us has the desire to play with someone else. Then again I never thought I'd have sex in front of other people.)

Ms XX

[ncmd_couple]

Ms XX,

People in this lifestyle have a wide variety of desires, and for the most part they are accepted. The key is that you need to be honest with people that you meet in the club. Let them know what your desires and boundaries are up front. Quite a few folks will be disapointed that you aren't there to play, but to be watched and to watch others.

Go to the club on a regular swingers night and check out the environment and see if that is something you two want to do. But you just never know in a club what is going to happen.

S

[screaminggood]

I agree with the previous post. Most people in clubs don't mind if you're watching as long as you two are: 1) in the appropriate "watching allowed" area, and 2) make it clear to potential partners that you're just watching that night so they don't get upset that they spent time coming on to you with no results. Some of us are natural exhibitionists who love to be watched!

[Hot Raleigh Cpl]

In my case, it started with a couple who picked me up in a Denny's in the wee hours one Sunday morning back in the 70s....

A buddy and I were having coffee at Denny's. An attractive couple with a certain air took the booth next to us and chatted us up. Told us they were on their way home from a swingers club. He said, "She did 6 guys tonight, but wants some more before calling it an evening." She replied, "No I did 7 guys, one while you were out of the room." Either way, she wanted some more, and we were on the menu. My buddy freaked out, mumbled about being married, and left.

I had always been curious about swinging, and was something of (I thought at the time) a sexual adventurer. So I said heck, yeah!

I followed them to their home. As I was a first timer, they started with us gradually undressing as the husband and I played with the wife. After very few minutes -- less than 10! -- she announced she was ready, and led us to their bedroom. Big king-sized canopy bed, with mirrors above. The action happened from there.

They played with me a few more times before we lost touch, always threesomes with the husband and me pleasuring her. They answered all my myriad questions about swinging.

I related this to a woman I was dating at the time. She was excited as heck and wanted to try it, too. Through some swingers she knew, we got to sample several flavors.

Over the years, I've introduced most of the women I've dated to swinging. Every one I've told about it has tried it and LOVED IT! When L and I initially got together, it made sense to mention it to her. She loved it more than any woman I had dated or played with in the past. Obviously, we are still at it.

Clubs are great, if you fit in with the crowd and the culture there. They're a good way -- but not the only way -- to get started.


We wish you all the luck as you take your first tentative steps, and we hope it works out for you as excellently as it has for us.

S and L, Hot Raleigh Cpl

[socolais]

It sounds like you and your boyfriend are in agreement about preferences and boundaries - thats a great start!! There's LOTS of opportunity for variety here. Explore what you want to and ignore the rest. And feel free to revisit an activity you passed up before but now find interesting. You're the pilot of your own ship and this is all about doing what you want to. If you have difficulty connecting with other folks with compatable interests, keep looking or maybe think about exploring what you do find available.

We did a little "watch and be watched" at a local house party where we had never met anyone before as our first adventure into swinging. That excited us and convinced us to explore other opportunities. Go at your own pace and be prepared to enjoy the journey.

[mrandmsxx]

(MsXX again)

Thanks for the input, I really appreciate it. The last thing I would want to do is take advantage of a club if watching and being watched aren't received well.

Late last year we began experimenting with different things and had a friend staying with us. She is much younger but has always been WAY more adventurous than us. She became a sort of sex counselor giving us ideas of new things to try. Weekends were anticipated drinking parties followed by Mr and I retreating to the bedroom We would listen to old music and get nostalgic. Then we all decided we wanted to have a bit more fun and got some weed and salvia. It worked well for Mr and the only thing he wanted in the world was to make out, right here right now. I am a "serious high strung type" so I was resistant, not because I didn't want him but because I was afraid to get undressed in front of someone else. Mr is the sweetest man I've ever met, and patiently coxed me out of my shell. Boy was I glad he did! We had sex in front of our friend a few times even venturing out onto the patio at 2 am. We both got very excited and started feeling like we were alive for the first time.

We came to a road block trying to find out what we were into and where to explore; this isn't a topic in the local entertainment section of the newspaper. Mr remembered attending a fetish easter event when I was out of town a while back and looked the group up. He discovered that they have a monthly gathering at the local swingers club.

We went on Sunday, and actually ran into a few people we knew. Both of us felt like we spoiled their fun and were very shy about playing in front of them. It became apparent to both of us that we are shy about playing in front of people we know. We had decided to wear costumes, we both love them. I wore a gypsy costume with a long skirt and an under bust corset, Mr wore a tunic and a cape with nothing underneath. I think my eyes must have gotten big at some of the things we saw, but it was so freeing! The idea that people get together and play with out any of the facades in typical clubs. Mr and I found a nice "den" area that seemed to be for couples and got cozy. It wasn't long before we were both flustered and started going at it. We quickly learned we were way overdressed. The club was hot and my corset was too confining to really enjoy the moment. We played off and on through out the night, with me giving him a blow job at a table near the dance floor at the end of the night.

Both of us are excited to presue this new interest. But we are at another road block.


Recently my teenage son moved in with us. At the moment he is visiting his dad in another city. How do you handle balancing going to clubs with older children? Any tips or ideas on how/where to dress for the occasion?

[WeUse]

Has anyone else had that experience of running into someone you didn't want to be seen by under those circumstances, i.e., your mother-in-law, boss, etc.?

[driveajeepnaked]

How do you handle balancing going to clubs with older children? Any tips or ideas on how/where to dress for the occasion?

MsXX-

Let me start by referring you to a story from a few years back that I posted here. That is a very important point to remember...

How old is your teenager? The younger teens and tweens make it difficult, as they haven't yet developed much of their own social life yet, so they tend to be hanging around the house, or might still need a sitter to come over. When my daughter was younger, we kinda planned our nights out when she had plans to stay over a friends' house or something. If she was going to be home, we would usually dress completely, including a long coat, in our room, then head out for a final goodbye...

Also, don't be afraid to let the teen know that you guys need your adult time and privacy as well, as as long as they can reach you on your cell phone, they really don't have to know where you're going, what you're doing or who you're doing it in front of

Val

[mrandmsxx]

(MsXX)

Val thank you so much for that piece of advice. I couldn't even imagine what it would be like walking into an ER wearing some of the costumes we dream up! Mr and I are already scheming to put a bag of regular clothes in the trunk.

That was the most hilariously painful story. I'm glad the kiddos are doing well though.

My son is 14 years old and unfortunately does hang around the house since he hasn't made a lot of friends here yet. I like the idea of him being able to call in case of an emergency though.

MsXX

[TarnishedAngel]

Hello,

Back in 1959 when I was 18 years old and I started having sex with different guys, it was called having sex.... Of course some people had other names for it, but I never let that bother me.... I was doing what I wanted to do and I never heard any complaints from the guys that I had sex with.... Swinging wasn't a term that was used as far as I know.... If it was, I never heard it where I'm from....

It didn't take me long, once I started having sex to know that I enjoy having sex with different guys, and I found sticking with one guy wasn't for me.... So, before I married my first husband, I made sure that he understood that I liked having sex with other guys, and if we got married I expected him to support me in my enjoyment of having casual sex with guys that interested me.... He said that he had no problem with it and that I was free to have sex with other guys as long as he was aware of it at all times....

So after we got married, if I run into a guy that I wanted to have sex with, I would either call my husband and tell him I was going to drop by the guys house, or I would invite the guy to drop by our place.... If I went to the guys house and had sex, as soon as we were done I would always go straight home and most of the time had sex again with my husband....

If the guy dropped by our place, my husband would always give the guy and I our privacy while we were in the bedroom having sex.... When the guy was done he would leave.... Sometimes my husband and I would have sex afterwards, sometimes we wouldn't.... But that's the way we did things, as far as my having sex with other guys....

My first husband got into drugs after we were married for about six years, something I wanted no part of, so our relationship ended as a result of his drug use.... I went on the meet my present husband and to this day I continue to have sex with other guys whenever I have the time.... I still don't call it swinging, to me it's just sex....

Most of the time, I invite guys that interest me over to our apartment for some sex.... My present husband as my first husband did, always gives the guys and I our privacy while we're in the bedroom having sex....

Once in a while I will go out to a club such as the Red Rooster by myself for two or three hours, have sex with two or three guys and then go home.... But I don't do that as often as I used too.... And of course there is still the occasionally guy that I run into while out shopping, that I will invite to drop by for some sex....

Sincerely, Verlene