Snubbed meeting People Online

[cupl4fun]

Okay new question. Is it common having a hard time meeting people online?
We've had two people that took us off their chat friends list for no apparent reason (I swear we weren't bing rude, freaky, etc.) Another couple we went to meet (nonsexual) and she got all fatal attraction on us when we weren't able to chat everyday. Is this normal? Crappy Luck? Newbie mistakes?

[sweet_tna]

Even experienced couples seem to run into problems like this. We've had folks pull disappearing acts on us too, and we can only assume at some point they decided we weren't their cup of tea after all. Yes, it would be nice if they at least took the time to tell us that, but . . . oh well.

And those fatal attraction folks are out there, too. More experienced couples may be better at sniffing them out. But now that it's happened to you, you'll be more on the alert now, too.

From what you've said, you're just having a run of bad luck. Try to hang in there, and remember to have FUN with this.

=)

[ncmd_couple]

Cuplrfun,

I get that all the time. The reality is that hubby might contact you then the wife says no. Instead of being honest and telling you, they just drop off the face of the earth. Don't take it personal, you have likes and dislikes also. Just take it as a lesson and don't treat others the same.

S

[Edison Carter]

Ed here-- When we've talked to a couple from online we always make a point of talking to THE COUPLE. Not just the husband, not just the wife, but both of them. Phone calls are fine, but web cams are better for an intro. Then it's easier to meet them because you know what they look like. This prevents a lot of miscues and problems. Lastly, we're never bothered by rejection and never wondered why. We just laugh and move on.

[Dynamar]

Originally Posted by Edison Carter

Lastly, we're never bothered by rejection and never wondered why. We just laugh and move on.

I think this is the best piece of advice. Keep focused on the fact that you're doing this to have fun for yourselves, and as a part of that, just remind yourselves that people who do the kind of things you mentioned are probably drama-balls waiting to happen and you don't want to be involved with those kind of folks anyway. All the best to you.

[Playful1]

I'd say it's not uncommon. I have an easier time meeting people in person. I find online that people spend a lot of time looking for reasons to say no. Don't take it too personally. The internet is great for some things, but for this, it seems to cause a fair bit of problems.

[ownerspet]

I wouldn't worry about it too much. Because we've had people block us without ever contacting us before. Some people must have strange motivations for their responses, lack of responses, or change of stances towards you. It probably is because most of us form an expectation of what to expect in interaction, and sometimes it just doesn't pan out. Then many people don't want to worry about your reaction so they don't ever respond to you or email you, And then there are people that turn psycho by demanding a reason other than, we just don't click. We've changed our minds about people after realizing they had racial comments in their profile, but because we know people are sensitive about their views on this subject we would rather tell someone that we think we aren't as compatible as we first thought. It is easier to meet people in person, because if everyone doesn't click or there are obvious clashes of personalities, they present themselves more quickly than if you are meeting by emailing back and forth online.

[tribbles]

Originally Posted by Playful1

I'd say it's not uncommon. I have an easier time meeting people in person. I find online that people spend a lot of time looking for reasons to say no. Don't take it too personally. The internet is great for some things, but for this, it seems to cause a fair bit of problems.

Agree. We may say Hi online but then we say "we will be at club XXX on this date if you want to meet". After that, if we don't meet and they email again, the reply we give is the same. What club and what date we will be there.

If you can go to a club or party, go and see the difference it can make.

[cplnuswing]

Don't sweat it. As others have said, if they act like this, did you really lose anything by not meeting them?

We have had some success online meeting compatible couples, but we have gotten to where we prefer to meet people in person at clubs, etc. to avoid the back and forth emailing, chatting, and everything that goes with online interaction. Now, send us an email, we'll respond back either a polite "no thanks, good luck on your search" or else "yes, we are interested in meeting too and here are some dates that work good for us, how about y'all?." A second email questioning the "no thanks" just gets deleted and they go on the blocked list.

When it comes to chatting, maybe a brief chat somewhere along the way if they want to, but we're not into constant chatting. When we first started, we chatted extensively with a couple before we met them, but quickly learned that five minutes of face time is worth hours and hours pecking away on the keyboard to truly get a feel for someone. Chatting can be a pleasant diversion, but we just don't get into it big time like some do.

Last but not least, I firmly believe your profile has a lot to do with the kind of contacts you get. A well-written profile that actually gives a feel of the couple may not generate as many contacts, but they will be better contacts. The three or four line profiles that just say Hey, Let's Meet for Fun! are bound to attract more contacts from people that behave in the way you are describing.

It does happen some to everybody though. Just shrug and say oh well and move on. Like Sweet_tna said, this is supposed to be fun , so don't let it not be fun .

[DecaturAreaCpl]

And don't lose sight of how many people create profiles, then sign on and post or e-mail every day without ever intending to meet anyone. Just the thought could be a turn-on for some, while others may be in a situation where one half of the partnership is interested and the other is not. When the fantasy starts turning into reality, they freak. We have had people lead us right to the edge of meeting, then delete their profiles or block us. Or plan to meet and not show up, or come up with a sudden headache... Then there is the bad behavior of one variety or another. There is nothing wrong you. All of these things are parts of the equation. It is the very reason we are quick to say that this is about fun, and is not to be taken very seriously. With more time you will learn to roll with it.

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by tribbles

Agree. We may say Hi online but then we say "we will be at club XXX on this date if you want to meet". After that, if we don't meet and they email again, the reply we give is the same. What club and what date we will be there.

If you can go to a club or party, go and see the difference it can make.

This is our preference as well. I hate the back and forth of emails and such so I'd rather get right to the point. We'll be there! If you can be there then great. If not, see ya some other time.

[two42lovers]

A lot of you really love the party & club scene - and it has us scratching our heads, because we've never had much luck meeting new-to-us couples at parties. On the other hand, we've been very successful meeting couples online.

We approach online contacts similar to cplnuswing - emailing & chatting (with new-to-us people) is for setting up face to face meetings in the near future. If someone has trouble meeting, we aren't going to keep emailing or answering chat requests. If they can't find free time to meet right away, we ask them to contact us when they do have time. Where we draw the line depends on the situation, the person, and our mood at the time. The more we absolutely know they are real and really play, the more slack we are likely to give them. Sketchy profiles without glowing certs don't get a second thought.

Hard to say how many couples we've met - maybe 50? - but we've never had a couple set up a meeting and not show. Maybe because we always talk on the phone before we meet? - esp the two women. The more unsure we are about someone, the more we will only meet them at a time and place convient to us. (Like at a bar 5 min from us, where we like to go on Friday nights anyway, regardless if we are meeting someone or not.)

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by two42lovers

A lot of you really love the party & club scene - and it has us scratching our heads, because we've never had much luck meeting new-to-us couples at parties. On the other hand, we've been very successful meeting couples online.

I think it's just a matter of different personalities gravitate to different things. We've always enjoyed going out and dancing together at vanilla clubs so swinger clubs are just in the same vein. We go to the clubs and socials and we make an effort to actually get up and walk around and introduce ourselves to new (to us) people. Niether of us are really online chat type people, or back and forth email people. So the club/social scene works better for US and allows us to meet many couples in a given night and get an instant feel for whether or not they would be a good fit for us. We may or may not play with them that night. Sometimes we meet people at the clubs/socials then we check out their profiles and find that either a) they aren't really people we want to get to be friends with or b) that they are someone we still think we can mesh with in which case we will email them and try to set up a one on one date with them.

[Pensacolapair]

The good thing about the Internet for the Lifestylers is that it allows for easy access to communication with other's of like mind.

The bad thing about the Internet for the Lifestylers is that anyone who has a computer can communicate (to an extent) with them!

One of the many things that someone new to the Lifestyle has to find out is which form of meeting others works best for them. As is evident from the responses to the OP, there are quite a few variations on how Lifestylers prefer to meet..and the truth is that they all work to varying degrees. In our opinion, what makes one 'better' than another is based purely on individual personalities.. perhaps better described as what each individual is comfortable in doing. You will see the debate about methods tossed around in any venue where Lifestylers converse and if you ignore the trees, you'll see the forest - for those who have success with the method they champion, it's by default the one they will feel works best or is 'easiest'. Try the various methods on for size.. you might be suprised at what works for you.

The starting point for anyone should be don't take it personal. The first place that many people tend to turn to when someone else rejects or ignores them is inward - "what did we do wrong?. As has been pointed out, there are some 'fantasy folk' out there who have absolutely no intention of meeting anyone..they are just killing time at work or getting a rush from being an Internet Swinger. Then, of course, there are people who have 'issues'..such as those prone to fatal attractions. The simple fact of the matter is, for the most part, it doesn't matter. For whatever reason, these types are out there ..and that's not going to change. Yes, it could be something about you or your approach; but it could just as easily be that they are simply assholes.

Keep in mind that you are going to be approached by people that you aren't going to be interested in too..let your experience being on the receiving end guide your choices as to how you will respond to them.

[two42lovers]

Could it be the kind of clubs/parties you frequent, Julie? We do host play parties at our house, and our parties are very much an exception, (of course, since we know everyone attending) but of the "donation for admission" parties & clubs we've tried, most people don't seem to play... or maybe they just didn't want to play with us -lol! We have seen the same thing as you - lots of couples go to those kind of gatherings to see and be seen, but perhaps not so much to play. Maybe they contact people they've met at the party at a later time?

The last party we went to (last Sat) was about two and a half hours drive each way for us. Apparently, we met a couple that night and socialized with them a little, but if they were attracted they didn't show it. Two days after the party they wrote us on SLS saying they liked us, but were too shy to say it. LOL! Have to say the odds of us meeting up with that kind of couple are pretty much nil, unless they plan to drive all the way to our place. Maybe that kind of thing works better when everyone lives nearby?