male performance problem?

[couldBfun]

My wife and I have been very open minded in our relationship. We began by having a friend film us for no apparent reason having sex... This was a long time friend of mine. (and even had a 3 some with another guy who couldn't perform well) We have made private videos on several occasions. The next step was swinging. We wasted no time... We posted our pictures on an adult web site and was viewed by 70+ couples in less than a day. 24 hours after our post we had a full swap... all involved were sexy and attractive. The other couple has had many experiences before us.... this was our first time and it happened very fast but we felt as if we were ready(there was no convincing on either side). The problem came in where I was unable to get hard for the first time in my freaking life... Let me set the stage here, my wife was right beside me and I had a beautiful woman wanting me... there was a lot going on in a short time and it certainly didn't help that this guy was packing a crazy weapon... How do I prevent this from happening again? was it the situation. It was hot seeing my wife have such a good time but I NEEDED to be involved... It quickly went from the best experience to the worst feeling in the world. My wife never, ever said I could fuck another girl....In fact she has stated many time "that will never happen". that was in my head, he was huge and I felt like I was somehow doing something wrong. Or at the very least was worried about our relationship in the morning... We are moving ahead in our relationship and its as strong as its ever been but if I have another experience where I cannot perform I wont know what the hell to do... all the girls have to do is moan and enjoy, the men have to be hard to play! otherwise if sucks bad.....

someone help me please

CJ

[sexcupid]

If your wife is saying you aren't allowed to play with another woman, then why are you meeting with a couple?

You did jump into things pretty quickly, but you need to talk about parameters with your wife. What is ok, and explain to her that you weren't sure if it was actually ok for you to play with this other woman and it contributed to your anxiety. I mean, your're worried that she will be upset if you play...but she's having a grand old time.

Lots of men do have perfomance issues in the lifestyle (I would wager from nerves? When my SO and I are having sex, he has no problem getting and maintaining an erection...and it's getting better with swinging and being used to being in that situation with a new partner).

Personally, if Jeff and I were to meet up with a couple where the female could full swap, but the man isn't allowed to...we would pass you by. I'm not here to watch my sweetie get his, while we're just sitting by watching and you aren't 'allowed' to fuck me. But that's JMO.

I would clarify things with your wife to make sure you are on the same page.

Maria

[muzzi]

A similar thing has happened to me. We'd been with several couples before this particular evening, and we'd met this couple previously for a drink and gotten along famously. Anyway, it's our second meeting and we're getting cosy next to the fire at their place, a glass of wine or two between us, lots of foreplay and some of the hottest action I'd been witness to was happening live right in front of my eyes... but the little guy just didn't want to play!

I was lucky because they were very understanding, after talking about it with my SO, and writing them an email about it and having a bit of a laugh, we went back a week or so later and I was back in action.

I still don't know what happened.

I guess this is a long way of saying that these things can sometimes just happen, too much external stimulus (I thought it was impossible!) perhaps anxiety in some cases, but don't make it a big deal and it wont be.

Stay honest with everyone, especially your wife, have a laugh about it, and next time you'll be back better than ever

[SamuiCouple]

Well, you can analyze it minutely, agonize and ponder (which will prolly worsen the problem). Or you can simply relax and use Viagra.....

My golf only stank after I practiced and analyzed my swing, before that it was comfortably slightly below mediocre.

[sexcupid]

Originally Posted by sexcupid

Personally, if Jeff and I were to meet up with a couple where the female could full swap, but the man isn't allowed to...we would pass you by. I'm not here to watch my sweetie get his, while we're just sitting by watching and you aren't 'allowed' to fuck me. But that's JMO.

Ok, so I'm quoting myself...

I just wanted to add...if your wife really does have issue with you doing anything besides soft swap/or even touching...yet you have advertised yourselves as the whole enchilada...that is just wrong.

If we're at the club and things don't work out...mkay, there are still other possibilities for the night. If we've met you at a bar/restaurant/hotel...and the clothes come off and THEN we're told the male can't fully participate. Well...we won't be participating either.

Now, if the other female just assumed you were having a case of the jitters and that's why you were having performance anxiety...that is a whole different ballgame.

Maria

[couldBfun]

I'm sorry, thats not the way it went down... she and I knew (without saying it) that we were going to fully swap..... she never said the words.... its ok or your going to really have fun with her or anything like that.(I did everything I could with her including fucking her with my wife right there) she was ok with the whole thing. We are even looking to go again. I must admit I was not very interested in the other girl and I'm not sure why. I felt like it was wrong maybe. looking back I wish I could have rocked her world. After looking at his weapon I may have felt as if what the hell can I do for his girl... its all in my head I know, I have never had a confidence problem or a women that was not satisfied. this really bothers me though..... should I use some male enhancing stuff of some sort.... I don't like being compared not that she's doing that but she knows there's bigger out there.

what the heck... what a mess

oh yea, when we swapped back after a few minutes I was able to get hard as a rock and eventually climax...

thanks for the help

cj

[sexcupid]

Originally Posted by couldBfun

After looking at his weapon I may have felt as if what the hell can I do for his girl... its all in my head I know, I have never had a confidence problem or a women that was not satisfied. this really bothers me though..... should I use some male enhancing stuff of some sort.... I don't like being compared not that she's doing that but she knows there's bigger out there. cj

You need to focus on your positives. Hypothetically speaking, how do you normally function knowing that there are bigger dicks out there?

My sweetie has a nice dick, I enjoy it quite a bit. I have had bigger and smaller. My ex-hubby had a 9 inch dick and was well proportioned. Did I enjoy him? You betcha. Do I see a guy that is not as blessed and think, 'oh boy...this isn't going to do me any good...' Um, no....I wouldn't have had any enjoyable experiences since we got divorced 3 years ago (and I assure you that has not been the case).

Part of swinging is the variety...if the other wife was a size queen of any sort that would be what they are advertising for. Just relax a bit.

Maria

[couldBfun]

thank you all for your input.... it helps

cj