Newbies looking for advice...

[CouplesFun71]

Hi there,

My wife and I have been married for almost 10 years now, and have recently been talking about ways of adding some new "spice" to our sex life (which is fantastic already...though it has always involved just the two of us). We both feel that we aren't ready for full swinging, and have been toying with the idea of a more timid approach - sex in front of another couple, while they do the same. Here is the question - we both independently said that a couple we have been friends with for years would be the people we would most feel comfortable trying something like that with. We have never discussed anything remotely like that with them, and have no reason to think they live some wild, secret life. Which approach do you guys think is better -1.) bring it up in conversation the next time we get together - sort of as a - hey...would you guys ever be interested in this someday (i.e. making future plans to try it)??? or 2.) Wait until the next time we get together (there is always drinking involved!) and take a more "caution to the wind approach" and try for it that night???

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

[ShellyM]

Proceed with caution in dealing with vanilla friends in swinging. The old saying you can make good friends from swingers but not good swingers from friends is the truth in most cases....most people walk away from this experience feeling very awkward around their vanilla friends, and I have talked to more than one couple that actually lost friendships over it because it was just too awkward for them. So really think and ask yourselves if the sex is worth the possibility of losing the friendship....not trying to be negative OP, just honest.
Take care, Shelly

[lovinher]

Unless you are getting some kind of signals from them, I'd say forget it. If you are, then joke about it or make subtle comments without being too specific and see where it goes from there. Even that is risky. My friends and I joke about things like this all the time but we all know it isn't going to happen. Are you prepared to be outed if they turn you down? People gossip and it's not a gamble I would be willing to take.

[good times]

I agree with the others, we actually approached some of our vanilla friends about six years ago about it before we got started swinging. They didn't take it well at all, in fact, they haven't spoken with us since. These were folks we hung out with almost every weekend before that.

So, if you value them as vanilla friends, and for all of the above stated reasons, I would recommend you proceed cautiously. Where I in your shoes, I wouldn't even consider approaching them. Finding compatible couples that are all ready swingers is so easy now days that it isn't worth it to mess up an ongoing relationship with vanilla friends.

[Trace Ekies]

We typically hear "Oh, you're one of THOSE people" when non-swingers find out about our hobby.

We say find friends who are already lifestylers and spare yourself the drama.

We have not replaced our non-swinging friends...just added a few swingers to the list.

[BiloxiCouple]

Dito

[des1re06]

Non-swinging (vanilla) friends are the worst possible scenerio. We wouldn't go there, ever.

I can recommend LS clubs and/or resorts. Lots of fun can be had without swapping at all. We did that our first few months.

Mrs. D

[CouplesFun71]

Thanks to everyone for the helpful advice. As many of you have stated, it is not worth risking the loss of a friendship with some great people. The Mrs and I will keep an eye out for any playful hinting/joking on their part....

[iapr]

Don't do ANYTHING untill you both sit down and read as many of these threads and posts on this board untill your eyes start to go crosseyed. One theme you will see over and over and over again is DON'T FUCK YOUR FRIENDS!!

It is understandable that you want to find people that you are comfortable with and for many people just giving swinging the first considerations it is common to think of some friends to break the ice with. DON'T DO IT.

Get logged on to a swinging site or check out some lifestyle clubs and start to make new friends that are already involved in the lifestyle. The vast majority of swingers are just normal everyday people just like you that have the same interests, the same concerns as well as the same fears and insecurities.

Leave your friends, coworkers, drinking buddies and bowling teammates alone and find some real swingers for your bedroom activities. Once you get out and start meeting people you will be amazed how easy it is to make new friends when you are all the same sheet of music and you all know that you are there for the same reason.