What to look for in another couple to swing with...

[mncoupleforever]

Well, I am going to be honest. My boyfriend and I are new at this. We have been looking for a couple for a while but have had no luck.

We're getting better at "Findind people, but nothing has gone any farther than talking on the phone.

There was one couple that we almost met up with. They were approximately a year difference in age with us, they were both quite attractive, and shared similar hobbies as us so they were easy and fun to talk to.

At first they seemed really cool.

Then the male in the couple starting coming online late at night wanting to cyber with me. I told him I felt uncomfortable doing that because I felt like I was almost cheating on my boyfriend doing that behind his back. He couldn't understand my reasoning. He told me, "If we're going to be screwing, and your boyfriend is okay with it, then you can cyber with me."

I always steered the conversation elsewhere because I really didn't want to.

Then my boyfriend was having problems with the girl in the group. She seemed to be snippy with him. My boyfriend tends to forget things and one day he forgot that we talked about meeting in a specific town (he knew the date and time we picked up, but we were meeting half ways in between and he couldn't remember the name of the town) and she got really mad, threw all 4 of us in a chat conversation together and was like, "WHAT is going on!!!"

I guess she also asked my boyfriend what he would do if she pulled a knife on him during sex because she was into that kind of kinky domination stuff.

He told her he wouldn't like it and she said she wouldn't because she could get arrested for assault and such.

So we felt that passed.

But then I found out that the man was bi-sexual. My boyfriend is straight. This wasn't going to bother us at all just as long as they didn't expect my boyfriend to do anything with the guy. I told the man that my boyfriend was straight, he acknowledged it, and then it didn't come up again.

However the next day the female gets upset at my boyfriend about how he was playing the ignorance card about what she was talking about. I had not yet told him that the man as bisexual. He had no idea what she was meaning by her comments and wanted to elaborate. But she was upset basically, "Don't play stupid with me."

She then went to explain how she felt it would be "hot" to see her man with my man together.

Also, I asked them if it was common to have voice verification or webcam to make sure everyone was the real deal. They said no and basically changed he subject. That made me feel kind of weird.

So the day before we actually are going to hook up happens and I get scared. They told us that they could not host. We told them that we could not host either because my boyfriend had a small efficiency and I wasn't living in town. They insisted that we just have sex on the floor.

I told them no, because not only did that not seem like fun, but also I hurt my back last winter from falling on the ice. I hurt my tailbone. I had sex with my boyfriend once on the floor a month ago before he moved in his bed, and it hurt a lot for me. They just tried to convince me that if I switched up positions I'd be fine. I told them no, but they kept pushing the issue.

I told them that we should just get a hotel, split it 4 ways, and be merry. And though they agreed, as the days got closer they pushed it more and more how we had to do it at my boyfriend's place.

Then they didn't seem to have time to meet for food before hand like I had wanted. The man just kept saying, "All I wanna do is meet at the hotel and have sex. We can have food later."

So the day before it happened, I got scared. I e-mailed them stating that I did not have time to hook up at the hotel, but instead we should just meet each other for a couple of hours at a restaurant or bar.

I got a short e-mail reply, "If you don't want to do this with us, tell us."

I e-mailed them saying I wanted to meet them at least, and see if we can get to know each other a bit. But I got no reply after that.

So days pass and I see them online. I had my status set to Offline and I saw that the woman's MSN message after he name was, "And you thought we weren't real, lol." I felt like it was pointing at us.

Then I talk to the man online and he was basically pointing fingers at me. I felt like I was almost being attacked because as he said, "the ball was in your court."

I feel like I'm going about all this all wrong. What do you feel about this situation?

I guess I have talked to so many old guys claiming to have a woman, but the woman is always "gone" and pic collectors, and guys who are single who try to convince me to do stuff behind my back alone with them. I get so tired of it. For once I thought I found a couple that seemed cool, but then I just got scared of them.

The other thing that concerned me was those two were in an open relationship. And the woman basically told me, "As long as he comes home to you at night, who cares what he does in between."

I asked her if she meant that it was okay to screw other women without me, just as long as we didn't break up and he told me about it later.

For some couples this is okay, but this was not how we roll.

What are things to look for in another couple? What horror stories to you have? What makes you run (and run very fast) away from couples? What are some red flags?

I just felt like we should be able to talk on the phone or even meet up in a public place first so that we at least know that a man and a woman is coming, and not just some single man coming into the house.

We were afraid that since the woman seemed so pushy and angry at every thing that she would make a huge scene to my boyfriend making him feel uncomfortable that he should do stuff with her boyfriend.

Any advice to a newbie? Is it also good to try to find stable couples with same values? Meaning, if my boyfriend and I feel like it is wrong to play alone, we should find couples that feel the same way.

[socolais]

It sounds like you've had a run of tough luck. We also avoid folks that we feel have "too much" need for sex only. We've been very lucky to meet several friendly couples that understood our beginners concerns. I think if you keep looking, you'll find a friendly couple that won't pressure you into activities you're not ready for. "Meet & Greets" are low pressure gatherings, perhaps there's on in your area.

I think it's not necessary to find other couples who have the same values we do, just ones that respect our preferences and we can respect theirs. The whole idea is to have fun together and pushy folks are not fun to be around.

[lovinher]

You were way more patient with them than I would have been. Don't beat yourself up over it. They were/are assholes, not to mention the knife thing...scary.

[BiloxiCouple]

This is what you tell them

This is what you are looking for

You are here for what you want. Stick with what you want and a couple will appear that fits your personality.

[mncoupleforever]

Yeah I think they were a drama couple.

We talked about it more and we felt like if we did do anything with them, they'd add even more drama to our lives.

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by mncoupleforever

Is it also good to try to find stable couples with same values? Meaning, if my boyfriend and I feel like it is wrong to play alone, we should find couples that feel the same way.

I don't think you have to find couples that share your interests (I wouldn't call them "values").

We have friends who may play alone. That is their right and we only wish them the most exciting of times when they do that. We don't "roll" that way either, but it doesn't mean there is something wrong with their "values".

I think what you want to look for is people who respect your comfort zones and are basically good people. It doesn't sound like that is what you found the first time out. In fact - those people sound a bit on the psycho side.

Just find couples you like. Let the rest fall into place

Spoomonkey

[Tybee Swing]

Stick to your guns and settle for no less than what you really want. At the very first sign of trouble (late-night secret cyber proposal), it would have been "pass" right then. After that, there are at least half a dozen more reasons we'd pass on this couple. They really made it easy.

Originally Posted by mncoupleforever

They told us that they could not host. We told them that we could not host either because my boyfriend had a small efficiency and I wasn't living in town. They insisted that we just have sex on the floor.

I told them no, because not only did that not seem like fun, but also I hurt my back last winter from falling on the ice.
....They just tried to convince me that if I switched up positions I'd be fine. I told them no, but they kept pushing the issue.

I told them that we should just get a hotel, split it 4 ways, and be merry. And though they agreed, as the days got closer they pushed it more and more how we had to do it at my boyfriend's place.

We never, ever host strangers in our home. Never have, never will. It's very normal and very common to do it this way for a variety of reasons. Your suggestion for a motel/hotel and splitting the cost is very common, very normal, and I'm sure the hotel idea isn't news to those two pushy freaks. You "HAD" to have it at your boyfriend's place? They are either the cheapest swingers I've ever heard of, or they were really up to something sinister.

You don't have to tell them your back is hurt or any other reason for not hosting in a private home. No excuses or reasons needed. Non-pushy, cool couples will understand this 100%. (We have never had a problem with this.)

Best wishes!