fantasy vs reality

[debambam]

Hi everyone.

I've been reading, reading, talking and then doing some more reading over the last couple of days since signing up and haven't come across a thread to answer the one question that I have....

Just how much difference is there between the fantasy and reality?

I've been greatly turned on by the idea of sharing sexual experiences with other people and whilst on one level -mostly emotional -I don't think I could handle seeing Tony with another girl at this stage - there is a photo of him with another girl and two guys that I've seen - and it turned me on!

Our initial foray into this world is most likely to be me playing with the girl in the photo I saw. I love the idea. I'm bi-curious..and have had one experience many years ago that whilst went completely wrong and should never have happened, I did enjoy the girl/girl action.

I guess my question is this - is the fact that we are both hot and horny after looking into the idea an indication that we will infact enjoy it? Fantasy's are always great because they always turn out the way we want them too, after all they only occur in our minds, and we control it. But in reality, we are dealing with REAL people..I love the idea of watching Tony play with himself while I'm getting hot and heavy with another girl. But I'm worried that the reality may be different.

If there is another thread dealing with this please point me in the right direction!

Thanks in advance, Kelly

[playinginmacon]

Sometimes I wonder about that too, even when meeting a new couple. Or like the idea of a FMF, rather than a couples play makes me nervous just cuz of the competition. I think when it comes down to it tho, I'm in it for the sex and I love to see people get so worked up, especially when I'm the reason for it. So long as that's all there is to it, that's all there is to it and life goes on as hot and horny as it was before, with the bonus that you get to have hot sex with cool people.

[ShellyM]

OP, there is a difference in the fantasy of swinging and the reality of swinging. Usually in fantasy everything goes the way we want it to, or planned. In reality you are dealing with real people, real emotions. Lets face it, not all people are going to rock your world. You aren't going to walk away from every play date with a smile on your face. Some are okay, some are good, some great and a few do rock your world. But the okays vastly outnumber the rock your worlds in my personal experience. Not trying to discourage you girl, just being honest in what I have experienced. As far as fmf. This is good so long as your husband really is into this. Jay would never go for it and we are a both play or no play kind of couple. Anyways, best of luck to you.
Shelly

[socolais]

The most interesting questions are also the most impossible to answer.

It sounds like you want to get with long term friends and you're confident they would be into it too. Experience in at least some of the players is a good thing and it sounds like it may be limited. Probably the biggest remaining variable is the communication. I would think if everyone was able to communicate well then it should be at least enjoyable. If someone starts to get uncomfortable, everyone recognises it and takes appropriate action - thus, minimal pain. It's an adventure for everyone and an opportunity for new experiences. Decide clearly for yourself, yes or no. If it's yes, go for it with gusto.

I enjoyed my fantasies and I enjoyed a house party as our first experience. I didn't last anywhere near as long in reality and I didn't even make it to the hot tub. On a couple of instances, I felt a bit euphoric and not fully aware of everything and at other times I felt very calm and collected. In short, it was a damn good time.

[sexcupid]

Originally Posted by ShellyM

Some are okay, some are good, some great and a few do rock your world. But the okays vastly outnumber the rock your worlds in my personal experience.

Totally agree here, even in our somewhat limited experiences.

And while I don't doubt that Jeff would mind kicking back for a little while and watching the girls play...I don't think he would be overtly thrilled if that's all that was on the agenda.


Maria

[BiloxiCouple]

Fantasy is about what I want with no complications or problems.

Reality is involved.

[The Fuse]

Originally Posted by debambam

Just how much difference is there between the fantasy and reality?

Great question!

I think it's very important to approach a flesh-and-blood experience with hope and a good attitude, but low expectations. If you have your fantasy on the brain when you get to the actual experience, you are bound to be disappointed. But sometimes, things happen that you didn't expect that are better than your fantasies. If you are open to stuff happening that doesn't fit your script, you will enjoy yourself better than if you are trying to recreate something that's happened inside your head.

Good luck, and please let us know how it goes!

[sereneiders]

Besides the fact that you can control whatever it happens in a fantasy, as opposed to what happens in reality, you also have to think that not every fantasy you have is devised to become real.

As a text book example, many women have the rape fantasy. This fantasy enables the woman to enjoy thinking of certain sexual activities while depriving herself from the responsibility for her desire about those activities: it is someone's else who's desiring that and "forcing" her to do it "against her will". But none of these women would ever wish this fantasy to become true!

So, besides having control of the scenario within a fantasy, it enables many other protection mechanisms to happen under the table, and probabily for those mechanisms to be effective you shouldn't be so aware of their existence (if the woman fantasizing of her rape takes a moment to think thoroughly this way she's expressing her own desires, then she'd be turned off inmediatelly... or she wouldn't require this sort of fantasy to get turned on at all).

Fantasizing the good things and outcomes is a piece of cake. I dare you to fantasize of the unwanted outcomes, and how you see yourself dealing with them. Should the latter, way less exciting fantasies, lead you to an scenario where you'd be able to regain control and turn the tables, then you may start thinking of giving it a chance in the real world.

[SW_PA_Couple]

Originally Posted by debambam

I guess my question is this - is the fact that we are both hot and horny after looking into the idea an indication that we will infact enjoy it?

You have posed an excellent question. When JoAnn and I first created on-line profiles at various Web sites, we filled in the information under the "Tell us a little about you fantasies" categories as if the question had been asked in a literal sense. Well, next thing we know, people are lining up with offers to "fulfill" these fantasies. Where did it say we wanted them fulfilled? So we no longer display fantasies at Web sites. Some fantisies are dearly held for the fact that thay are not fulfilled or could not be fulfilled.

Michael

[debambam]

Thanks for the thoughts everyone!

I do totally understand that reality is very far removed from fantasy for a number of reasons. I guess I just wanted to see from some experienced people just HOW different they are!

We don't want any fantasies fulfilled btw...this isn't about doing that. I guess what I meant was is the intense arousal factor of just talking about it an indication that we are indeed going to enjoy it.

Again, thanks for your thoughts everyone, they are most appreciated from these newbies

Cheers, Kelly
p.s I noticed that at the bottom of the page there is a 'similar threads' section, never noticed that so I'm off to read those too!

[sereneiders]

Well, I have to say, when we engaged in swinging it wasn't after sharing fantasies on how it'd be to be with someone's else in bed.

I mean, we have our fantasies and shared them, but this isn't a necesary ingerdient for our sex life. From time to time some of those brings up, we tease each other with it, and that's all. We had our fantasies, of course, but when my wife bring up the idea of swinging (after refusing 15 years ago), it didn't happened to me that I began to build up the senario in my mind to put my wife inside to develop the fantasy, it was more like admitting "we know each other enough, we're confident enough in the relationship and our love, we're not jealous, we don't have any moral issues, and it could be fun to share oure sexuality involving others".

We didn't make plans based on a fantasy, and now that I give it a second tought, I guess I avoided to do it because I didn't wanted to create false expectations about the whole thing.

So, we were eager to do it, and yet not fantasizing of doing it. I suppose it could be different for each one of us, sometimes it may be related, sometimes it may not. I wouldn't say fantasy is, necesarily, an indicator.