HELP!!! Over my head!!!!

[NewToTheScene79]

I am 25 and my husband is 28. We just started looking into the swinging thing recently in order to fulfill a fantasy. We are interested in swinging but want to start slow with just a woman and move from there. Everyone calls this the "Unicorn". Is it really that hard to find? Do we even have a chance of getting started this way? I do not think that I am ready for more just yet, I need to test the waters, ya know? I think that once we test everything out we will love everything that the life has to offer but I am a slow mover. (Hubby moves a little faster than me but wants to start here too.) Any help is appriciated! H of A & H (NewToTheScene79)

[Lovethenights]

Is it really that hard to find? Simply... Yes. On the other hand, one way to "test the waters" would be to attend a lifestyle club where you could party and be sociable with others much the same way as you might enjoy a vanilla bar. This would let you be among lifestylers who you can observe and chat with, not being under any pressure to do anything with anyone. Your minimal reward should be a nice evening out and your maximum reward might be meeting that "unicorn" and finding out not only does she exist, but she's attracted to you! Just set your limits before going to the club and know what each other finds acceptable should things get interesting and exciting. Happy hunting.

[VegasLee]

Lovethenights gave you some great advice.

Something else you might find at the club is a couple that will be into just you two women playing and the men watch and then join with their own spouse.

Finding that bi single women that wants to be with both of you is going to take a great deal of work. They are out there but they are the ones in control and you will need to be something special to find the one that wants you both.

Good luck!

[NewToTheScene79]

Thanks for the ideas. Now to work on a babysitter and ....... what is the proper attire for these kinds of clubs? Don't want to stand out too much.

[Mr. Truelove]

Originally Posted by NewToTheScene79

Thanks for the ideas. Now to work on a babysitter and ....... what is the proper attire for these kinds of clubs? Don't want to stand out too much.

I don't care what you wear, you standing out in the club is all going to be in your head on your first trip there. I know we wore simple khakis / Skirt and I felt like we were the sore thumbs of the place. Not because of attire, but because we were new to the club. I think after a couple visits you'd be more relaxed.

I looked up your profile on SLS and it looks pretty decent. I'm in Fort Wayne here and I've been to our local club once. It was great. It's called Club Utopia, they have a website, I think it the links section.

The website will tell you how to get access and what to expect/rules, as well as pictures of the inside of the club.

We went with another couple the first time to break the ice, but even on the first time there I was digging some other people, and it was a very flirtatious enviroment.

Oh, and welcome to the lifestyle.

-Mr. Truelove

Edit: oh and to add a thought... Your profile featured a picture of the male half of your couple. That is a huge positive for many couples. After all, my other half's opinion is just as important as mine.

[iapr]

For starters I would say to try to approach everything with an open mind and try to not set specific goals or try to pursue a specific fantasy or scenario. Swinging is a very dynamic and personal situation and things have a tendancy to just ebb and flow. If you try to pick a specific situation and try to make it happen you will come away disappointed every time at best and at worst you will get goal oriented and miss red flags and other warning signs and something actually bad can happen.


My suggestion is to talk talk talk talk with your partner and get used to sharing thoughts and ideas and learn each others feelings and hopes and fears. Learn all you can about the lifestyle by reading as much as you can on this board as well as other forums. In doing that you will see what a lot of problems and issues and other things that people are dealing with.

I also agree with the others that have said to check out a couple clubs and go with no other plans or intentions other than to meet and talk with people and mingle. While there you can also dance and flirt with your partner and start to flirt with others as well. Go in without any expectations and you will not leave with any disappointments. Contact the club ahead of time and let them know that you are new and ask them things about attire and codes of conduct and things like that and ask them to show you around and have them intoduce you to some couples that they think will be good for you to meet. Any club host worth their weight in rat poop will be glad to do that.

Now as far as the unicorn thing, they do exist and having threesomes with them is fun. HOWEVER, in my never to be humble opinion saying that you are thinking about swinging and wanting to be with a unicorn and starting "slowly with a woman and move from there" is like saying you are a kinda interested in car racing and wanting to be handed the keys of an Indy car and racing in the Indy 500 and seeing how it goes from there.
Unicorns are in fact quite rare, unicorns that will meet a newbie couple just because they want one are even more rare and unicorns that are attractive, sane, sober and without a lot of baggage and personal demons and issues are one in a million.

Let's face it, it is not natural for a single female to want to enter into a couples bedroom and be with both members of a couple. The vast majority of women want a partner of their own and bedroom of their own and not have to share someone else's. For that reason there are very few single women in the lifestyle and of the ones there are many of them are there to explore their bisexuality and there interest in the male half of a couple can range anywhere from zero to fleeting. Many of them are only temporarily single as well and are in between relationships following a divorce or a break up or something like that.

My recommendation is to go to some clubs, mingle and get to know some couples and in so doing learn more about how to flirt and interact with members of the opposite sex and if you are a bi curious female also learn how to flirt and interact with other women as well. Explore your and your partners interests and boundries. In time you will quickly learn a lot about the lifestyle as well and get to know yourself and each other. In interacting with couples you may very well be able to have FMF and MFM type situations within a 4-some. Eventually you will meet a unicorn and by then you will have the experience and the know how and the confidence to deal with that type of situation.

[Tybee Swing]

Originally Posted by NewToTheScene79

what is the proper attire for these kinds of clubs? Don't want to stand out too much.

It varies a great deal, you'll see a little of everything. Some are very casual and look like they'd fit in at the church picnic (capris, flat slides). Some are wearing stripper shoes and very skimpy outfits, something like this: http://summitfashions.com/product/CC006474 I usually like to wear something like nice jeans (lowrise), high heels, and a sexy, feminine top. I suggest that you wear something that feels both sexy and comfortable to you. Wear what you feel good in, what makes you feel confident and social. What do you wear when you're out at regular nightclubs?

Some clubs have dress codes and ask people to "dress to impress". This means no grungy jeans, too-casual clothes, regular slogan-printed t-shirts, ballcaps, etc. The club's website will help. Good luck.

[NewToTheScene79]

Lots of new info here! Thank you everyone! I guess we are reaching a little over our heads with the FMF thing, huh? Hubby and I are checking into all the aspects of the lifestyle but we got here because of the fantasy. A dream maybe but just the same, a goal, if you will. Maybe we will find that one in a million and maybe we won't but we do intend to have as much fun as we can in the mean while.