Hello From Lonely in SoCal...Is there any hope?

[tofuinca]

I'm in a tough spot here. I've always loved sex and swinging and had experienced it before marriage. Swinging isn't just about the sex for me, if I want to cheat I'd go to a bar. My wife has no real interest and is barely beginning to get a sex drive, which is a dramatic turn from dating and pre-kids. She's really a great person and perfect aside from the lack of sex. Is this normal? I focus on it all too much I guess and can't wait for each opportunity. I've thought of pursuing the lifestyle alone, but have issues with deception. I couldn't do that to her, but I think I might implode! I've had MFM several times in the past, before her and it would really turn me on to do it with her as well. She's got no interest in it of FMF. Is there any hope?

[BiloxiCouple]

I believe you have answered all your questions yourself.

[BCinIN]

You never know what time may bring, but I would certainly advise against forcing the issue.

Swinging isn't just about the sex for me, if I want to cheat I'd go to a bar.

That's just confusing. Do you mean swinging is about emotions for you? To me, swinging + emotions = whoa bad. Those two things are like nitroglycerin and shockwaves. Heh heh, if you have one, keep the other FAR away from it.

You also imply that sex is cheating. I would argue that sex itself is not cheating--cheating is the desire of or act of giving oneself to another person. Merely enjoying an activity isn't cheating.

[curiousswingers]

If you get into the lifestyle alone, you are not really in it, you are cheating. To answer your other question about this being a fase for her, it probably is but the only way you will know that is to talk to her some more, tell her how you are feeling. You never know maybe she will come around, don't give up on her just yet.

[tofuinca]

Thanks so much for the feedback. The encouragement is unexpressably appreciated.

[ht805cpl]

You are in a tough spot, what I would fear for you is you are destin for a divorce. You want sex with other people, and she don't even want sex with you, a little lone with other people. I was very lucky, we always had a wild sex life, before we were married and after too. We did have our ups and downs, but we had talked alot about swaping, as it was called in the 70s', and I finally found a woman who I knew was bi sexaul and she seduced my wife, one night when we were all out together, and the rest just fell into place. I feel you need to talk to her, be truthful and honest about your feelings and what your desires are. She may not be willing to go all the way, but maybe she will be willing to try something. Try a nude resort, where swinging is optional. They are all over now days. Perhaps watching others without having to partisipate may bring her along.
Good luck, and at some point you have to make a decision what is most improtant to you.

[Merric]

When my wife hit forty-eight, menopause followed and unfortunately it had the effect she lost absolutely all interest in sex. Though to her benefit. And I surmise because we’ve always been liberal with our sexual practices and the fact she realizes I still crave and enjoy sex, that without my asking she volunteered if I have sex with other women to just be sure and wear a condom and not bring anything home. So I'm wondering how old your wife is and if menopause might not have something to do with her lack of sexual interest. And if so like my wife and I, you two might not be able to work something similar out so you won’t be doing any sneaking around behind her back. Though admittedly even though I have this accord with my wife she assures me she doesn't want to know anything about any women I might sleep with, but would rather it remain a don't ask don't tell arrangement.

[LAG]

I have some advice for you. I just posted a question yesterday wondering if my boyfriend could really love me yet still want to swing. He's interested and I'm terrified. But, reading these posting, reading other stuff on line and even getting a few books has made me somewhat curious where I once thought it was down right repulsive. The more I read, the more I understand. The more I understand, the more interested I get. Thus, I would first and foremost share with your wife that you adore and cherrish her. Then you might tell her that you know she's not interested and you can accept that but would she be willing to just puruse a site like this on her own. No pressure from you. Just read a little. That's all you ask. If she can do some investigating on her own, privately from you, she may very well slowly become interested. If she agrees to read a little, I wouldn't bring it up to her for a while. Let her sit with what she learns for a while before you tenderly broach the subject again. For me it was fear of the unkown. When my boyfriend mentioined it, I thought it meant we'd be going to crazy parties with lots of me fucking me. I didn't realize how slowly you can begin. You can just go to a party and be with eachother. That has been VERY reassuring to me. It's working for me so far. I'm not there yet, but I think I'm on my way.