Asking one partner to play solo

[2inVT]

There's no harm in asking. Unless she is told "no" and continues to try to convince him, I don't think you've been disrespected.

In one way, it makes sense for her to ask him quietly - gives him an easy out if he doesn't want to, or if it's not part of the way you swing - and doesn't get her brushed off in front of others.

If she doesn't ask, she won't know.

[des1re06]

She and I played then went back to our partners

This is the key statement I picked up on. Maybe she just wanted to let your hubby know she was interested, and went about it in a way you didn't care for. When the ladies play, it's hard for a man to know if the other spouse finds him attractive too. I am thrilled when ladies find hubby attractive, and would have had no problem with the wife calling hubby (but that's just my opinion).

I'd make a date to talk to them, and let them know your rules. Obviously, there is some chemistry or you wouldn't have played in the first place. It's not easy to find 4 who are in sync.

If you don't feel comfortable after your talk, then let them know you're not compatible and move on.

Good luck,

Mrs. D

[good times]

Just based on what you have told us so far, and assuming their isn't anything more to it, I would have to say that this isn't unusual and happens all the time. As someone else said, the only way a person would know is to ask. We have been asked this same thing, and we just tell them that we only play together and neither one of us will go and play separately. Never had a problem or had anybody take it personally yet, nor has it effected our decision on whether we would play with them again or not. Everybody has different rules, and a lot of people enjoy playing separately. As long as, once you inform them of your rules, they respect them, I don't see the problem. While I expect everyone to respect our rules, once they know them, I wouldn't expect everyone to have the same rules that we do. And if we were to limit our play to only those people who's rules are the same as ours, I don't think we would have very many playmates.

[lovinher]

The OP was upset by her calling her husband for a solo house call. That tells me that they only play as a couple because as she said, she expected her husband to say no. Unless this was at a club and they had just met, I find it hard to believe that this wasn't touched on. Who knows, maybe not. Also, from the way the OP worded it makes me think there was more than one call. As in "started calling". Sounds plural to me. One call I would blow off but after that you're done. Also, let's not forget that the OP used the word "cheat". Now why would she say that?

So we need to know a few things.

Does this other couple play solo? If not then she attempted to cheat on her husband unless he was in on it also. Even if they do play solo, IF the OP made it clear that they only play together she attempted to get the OP's husband to cheat.

Were the OP's "rules" discussed with the other couple? Again, based on what she posted, they only play together. To me, if they were discussed this would be a slap in the face and that would be end of that. If they didn't discuss it then I would give her a pass on one call after being told no.

Des1re06 and Goodtimes and agree with you both but there are better ways to find out if he is interested. This isn't about a friendly phone call. It's about going behind her back to get her husband to play alone

What am I missing here? A call on the sly like this goes against some of the great advice usually given on this site. I'm willing to take any advice or comments as long it isn't done with a smug attitude as some like to do.

[The Fuse]

We've run across lots of people who simply have different assumptions than we do. Sometimes the things we take for granted are simply not observed normally by others. Some people assume playing together is the only way, some don't... we know couples who routinely play alone.

The OP didn't say whether this discussion took place before the phone call, so we don't know whether their rules were disregarded.

I think that if you have a good feeling about people, and they are already playmates who have earned your trust, they ought to get the benefit of the doubt until they prove they don't deserve it anymore.

We've learned recently that sometimes there actually IS a good explanation. Much of the time there isn't, and people deserve to be sent packing. But occasionally there is one. If you don't give people a chance to explain and clear up misunderstandings, you could mess up something good.

[spectraschain]

I'm willing to take any advice or comments as long it isn't done with a smug attitude as some like to do.

Priceless!!!

What am I missing here?

Well, ma'am, when it's you and another guy...it may very well be the other guy.
However, when it's you and everyone.....well....................

[good times]

Well, I think that unless the OP gives us a little more background info all we can do is speculate.

I would ad though, that we normally give our play partners our cell phone numbers. So, if a play partner calls my cell phone it would never occur to me that they were trying to talk to me on the sly or behind Mrs. GT's back. In reality, we have play partners call one or the other of us almost daily, so I guess that is why none of what the OP said seems out of line to me.

But again, this is all speculation based on unsupported assumptions.

[lovinher]

Well, ma'am, when it's you and another guy...it may very well be the other guy.

I hope you're right.

[DBL D]

Originally Posted by spectraschain

...Well, ma'am, when it's you and another guy...it may very well be the other guy. However, when it's you and everyone.....well....................

Sorry, I'm late in chiming in on this very interesting thread. I don't understand the above and what it means.

The OP said that "She and I played then went back to our partners." To me this could imply that they played in another room, without their spouses present.

Really, this is something that should be easy to deal with. What was her tone when she spoke to the hubby? Was it, "are you able to come over at times when your wife can't?" or something clearly sinister? What was her demeaner when she was playing with you? Did you think she liked you too or just putting on a show? She didn't get to play with your hubby. She wants to it appears.

I think you're getting worked up about something that can be solved by a phone call. We really can't tell you how you should react, because as you can read here...we all have different feelings about something like this.

Male D

[spectraschain]

I hope you're right.

Touche, young lady...

[LikeMinds321]

kerrimyberry ~

It's been four days since you posted your thread and you haven't been back to the Board since. I hope you will because everyone could use a lot more information in order to provide you with the best advice.

I decided to see if you have an SLS profile. I found one under 'kerrimyberry' located in upper new york state so I'm guessing it's you.

Odd thing to me, you're listed as a single female profile. Your husband is mentioned in the profile, but it doesn't seem necessary that he be with you.

Your female playmate may presume he plays independently, because apparently you do if you want to.

LM

[Thrax]

Lovinher, are you going to start a separate thread to tell us about your apparent sex-change?

Thrax

[Lovethenights]

Clear the air with the other woman by calling her and discussing your feelings and asking her about her feelings. If she becomes defensive and obviously feels distress at your call, then she may have made a mistake and may not be someone with whom you guys will want to play in the future. If she acknowledges making a wrong assumption and apologizes, you may end up with a great friend and another couple with whom you can obviously have a great time. Whether your paths diverge or merge, you'll feel better than letting the issue hang...

[spectraschain]

separate thread to tell us about your apparent sex-change?

Oops! I'm glad you said something....

Gee, Mister Obvious, I never made the connection...

[lovinher]

Lovinher, are you going to start a separate thread to tell us about your apparent sex-change?

Thrax

We'll we haven't been able to find that unicorn for Lovinhim so I figured what the hell! I love the boobs but now how do I get my penis back?
Thrax, You would be one of the first I'd tell, I promise!

Oops! I'm glad you said something....

Gee, Mister Obvious, I never made the connection...

I guess it would be funny if without the sarcasm.