Puzzled Help!

[Tinydancer]

Ok I have been reading and I signed us up for two sites. Now my guy ( who started this) is getting cold feet ! I asked that we only be a part of couples , this way no one gets hurt .From what I read about 3somes it can get sticky and I don't want that for me or the other person. Now he is having issues with another guy seeing me or touching me . He really only wanted a bi women to join us . I wanted the best of all worlds and thought he did too . So now what do I do ?

[havefuninsun]

Hi Tinydancer,

Just keep talking .. talk about your fantasies, talk about your feelings and desires.

This isn't something that has to be done on a time table. If he's not quite ready for it, don't push the issue.

Be thankful that he spoke up now, though -- and not get into a situation that made him feel very bad and this be a non-pleasant experience.

[Tinydancer]

Well he is making me feel bad because we have talked about our fantasies and mine is that of having him being inside me and another guy touching and going down on me . He said he wants to see me & another women go down on each other while he watched. So i was ok with trying that . I think he feels insecure and not thatI have given him reason I am real old school up to now . But guys come on to me all the time and he doesn't like it. I guess the double standard is kicking in. He wants another girl with me but I can't play with any other boys! lol

[AllTiedUp]

The best thing to do is sit down and discuss what his hang ups are. Ask him why he feels he isn't ready. AND LISTEN TO WHAT HE SAYS!!!!! If he isn't ready, then you aren't ready. You are in this as a couple and have to respect your Sig Other's feeling more than anything. The last thing you want is for him to freak out in the middle of a play session. Then it is all over with. Better to talk about problems before they happen and not when you are both way passed hurt or pissed off. Good luck.

[Tinydancer]

Thanks ,I am going to let the dust settle and then talk about it. I gues because it has taken him 2 yrs to get me to this place I just figured he was in a hurry and sharing was on his top 10 . Could it also be that old saying comes into play " be careful for what you wish for " ! LOL I am sorry this is too funny for me cause I am such a good girl and in our 8 yrs together for me to be doing this is so not me , but I want it !

[AllTiedUp]

Maybe he is nervous about your sudden change in attitude...The male ego is very fragile and he may feel like all of a sudden you need something else, other than him. I know that sounds so silly, but it isn't unlikely. Talk to him and insure him he is #1 in your book and you just want to experience this lifestyle WITH him and you want him to have just as much fun as you. Good luck and Happy Hunting...LOL.

[Tinydancer]

That's the way I was when he first came to me ,I am 4 yrs younger and like a cork waiting to pop . My exhusband was real old school sex at bedtime only ! Anyway i said to him "Iam not enough ?"
I understand I will go slower and see what he wants to do . Hey what if I get into the girl on me thing and always want that too ?
it could go both ways here !

[Chicup]

I know this seems like a big deal to you but its hard for me not to chuckle a bit about your situation.

Your dilemma is quite common.

You see the problem is your boyfriend/husband isn't acting like a swinger, hes acting like a male.

Talking about fantasies is one thing, but while a vast majority of men would jump at the chance to watch their wife with another female, far fewer would be able to handle her with another man.

Now if you were a bi-furious female, this could work for you, and its found in swingers circles. Its annoying to 'real' swingers that sometimes these couples act like normal swinger couples at first, which wastes our time, but thats another issue.

Since you sound like you want to be a true swinger, you need to talk with him and see where he is at. If he feels pressured into doing it, its going to be a bad thing. Hell it might take you a few years before hes 'ready' for that kind of thing if at all.

[Tinydancer]

Well that stinks for me ! lol
All the talk doesn't get me off cause I am the kinda person that said shut & put up or let it go . He thought I was insecure when I was first asked , now that our lives have changed , kids are teenagers and my role has gone from mommy/wife to "get out and enjoy myself with out guilt " It's hard for me to stop thinking & wanting this now after all the time I put into it. But Iam hearing
all of you and I will wait. Does this mean that my first I might not be called a newbie ??? lol

[LOL_OMG]

Originally Posted by Chicup

Now if you were a bi-furious female

I've met them and they're very scarey.

Chicup is right tho, this is very common and happened to us both in the beginning. It's when fantasy and reality collide. He's apprehensive and I would guess that you are even a little bit as well.

Time and talking will help, and with us just the swinging experience brought it to a new perspective. What I mean is talking to people, going to clubs, asking alot of questions pretty much set our minds at ease.

Mrs

[Tinydancer]

I understand , I don't think I am Bi -Furious , I want to be able to really enjoy all the new experience this will bring to me . I studied dance all my life and the human body be it male or female when taken care of is such a beatiful thing , It's art and should be treated in the manner of a priceless work of art.

[iapr]

Originally Posted by Chicup

I know this seems like a big deal to you but its hard for me not to chuckle a bit about your situation.

Your dilemma is quite common.

You see the problem is your boyfriend/husband isn't acting like a swinger, hes acting like a male.

Talking about fantasies is one thing, but while a vast majority of men would jump at the chance to watch their wife with another female, far fewer would be able to handle her with another man.

Now if you were a bi-furious female, this could work for you, and its found in swingers circles. Its annoying to 'real' swingers that sometimes these couples act like normal swinger couples at first, which wastes our time, but thats another issue.

Since you sound like you want to be a true swinger, you need to talk with him and see where he is at. If he feels pressured into doing it, its going to be a bad thing. Hell it might take you a few years before hes 'ready' for that kind of thing if at all.

Yup I am in agreement with this one. Every male on the planet fantasizes about a FMF but the thought of another man touching their woman makes them squeemish in a hurry. There is a reason pretty much every single culture in every country practices maritial monogamy as it's official sexual paradigm and this is it right here.

When ever a woman suggests swinging it is a FMF scenario that pops into the man's head but once she brings up MFM or a male/female couple his tail may dip between his legs pretty fast. Being secure enough to allow your female partner to experience other men is what separates the true swingers from the "girl/girl play while I watch and maybe some day I'll get a FMF" dreamers. The truth is many men will talk real big about wanting to be a swinger as they only see it in FMF terms, but then once the female states she wants to experience other men then the male half decides monogamy isn't such a bad thing at all and doesn't really go anywhere.

My advice, keep talking and each of you be open and honest with each other, this may not be for you. The way I see it, if he doesn't want you with other men and you are unable to resolve that your options are -

#1. remain monagamous and leave it all in the realm of fantasy (not necessarily a bad thing at all)

#2. Enter the lifestyle as a fem/fem play while men watch couple (there are millions of those )

or #3. settle for FMF and realize you will never get paid back without a lot of drama and problems in your relationship.

[Tinydancer]

Ok, now your talking to me! See at first when he brought up this whole thing. I said am I not enough , now keep in mind the man is 4 yrs older than I and we did it like bunnies 3 4 times a day ! Play! baby I let go !!! lol
There are other things we still have not done together like live out simple fantasy stuff .
Last nite he brought up the subject , so I said I would write to all of you today and ask where do newbies start ? No one wants us! lol You all had to start somewhere right ? So I was going to ask one of you to take pitty on us ! LOL
Well .... Now he is saying that he might not be able to do it in front of anyone and wants a sigle girl only . I think that is asking for trouble . Why should he be allowed to have his cake and eat it too and I just get to look at the cake ? Why would you want cake if you couldn't have it ? Stop me if I am making sense !
Ok and I got to tell ya that I am studing Phsy . And my teacher & classmates feel that he is missing something from me to want this . I don't feel that way .I think he is getting tired and knows that I am so active and hungry for him all thime this will give him a break and there is no man to tak eme away that might be better than him. We have talked about our past history and my last lover was very well hung and un afraid to expore with me . My guy is slow and I have to work hard . I say it's from jacking off so much on his own . I am no beauty queen but I do look good for my age and I do get picked up from both men & women daily in my business. So I have something . Dancing all my life I learned to keep fit cause , dancing weather it be teaching or an actual job is my passion and you have a certain look .
Anyway I think I just rambled . Give me feed back please !!!!

[lovinher]

Ok and I got to tell ya that I am studing Phsy . And my teacher & classmates feel that he is missing something from me to want this .

Holy shit!
This comment and some others tell me there is more going here than we know.

[Menage_a_Trois]

Originally Posted by Tinydancer

Well .... Now he is saying that he might not be able to do it in front of anyone and wants a sigle girl only . I think that is asking for trouble . Why should he be allowed to have his cake and eat it too and I just get to look at the cake ?

Here is how I see what is happening. He was all up for the lifestyle until reality hit for him that you might be with another man and he feels threatened by this. I've seen this ALL too often and frankly have experienced it personally more than I care to have.

We have a saying, that if one plays we ALL play, simply put, no girl girl only and leaving the men out..........as for us and threesomes (MFF), well we have done them, both Mrs. Menage and I are bi. But to be perfectly honest other than with each other we just don't really enjoy them and get VERY little out of them other than watching Mr. Menage have his fun. We are in the lifestyle for variety and for us girls that also means dick......not just pussy.

Frankly if you are feeling the whole bi experience for you is more to please him then by all means DO NOT settle for only this!!!!!!!! Stick to your guns on this one because you will only end up feeling resentment when those experiences end up being less than enjoyable for you.

Hope that helps a little.

The Other Mrs. Menage