Any other "Accidental Swingers" landing here?

[Texasfuncouple]

I am a little curious of how we all ended up here? Here is how we got here!

Let me begin by saying I have been an absolute sex maniac since I learned how to spell it. As I guess most men are, but I just seemed to really, really, I mean really love it. That being said, I was raised very religious, and for most of my life, until my mid-twenties, felt very guilty about it. I was probably relatively prude compared to many of my classmates, but only by way of lots of guilt and pleading for forgiveness.

My better half was raised even more religious than I with even stricter views on sex. This left her with little sex drive, and absolutely no spirit to explore sexuall fullfillment, except in a dark bedroom of a married couple with only the heads above the sheets. (She will have to forgive me for the slight exageration)

As you can tell, we were not the prime candidates to have a successful marriage much less a fulfilled sex life. So we did what all intelligent 18 year old kids do.... we got married and had a couple of kids. The aforementioned time bomb, along with my shifting religious views during college led to a rough five years and eventually a divorce.

ENOUGH with the BAD NEWS let's get to the good stuff!!!!

After a couple of years apart we reunited and remarried. We knew we had issues, but we absolutely loved each other (always had) and loved our kids. Fast forward a couple of years, a lot of "coming of age" moments for both of us, and a departing of our self-imposed overly conservative religious handcuffs and you find us hot-tubbing with several "couple" friends when one of the ladies (with an alcohol induced nudge) takes her top of in the tub.

HOLY COW (keep in my I had been married most of my adult life so I did not get a lot of opportunities to see breasts of a woman other than my wife) I was enjoying myself, but a little worried about my wife. Only to find her as well as the rest of the ladies joining in. An absolute great time was had by all.

Needless to say we, from then on the words "hot-tub" became code for "get naked" to our little group and especially one other couple. Then one night we took it a little further. The wife of the other couple in the tub started giving her husband oral, my wife,(yes, the same wife described in paragraph 3) without missing a beat starts going down on me. It was officially the fourth greatest night in my life, keeping in mind marriage and kids. I smiled for days afterwards.

But, as great as all that was in the moment, it was nothing compared to the lasting effect all of these experiences have had on our marriage. My wife and I now have a tremendous healthy and exciting sex life, with an extremely adventerous spirit of exploration. At least for our backgrounds. All of this leading to a new level of love and respect for each other like we have never had before.

We have had a number of great experiences since then with the same and other couples, each one better than the last. We may never be more than a soft-swap couple, but we have definitely turned the lights on in the bedroom! Maybe I shoud retrace my thoughts on religion, as I beleive I have just landed in Heaven...

I would just like to know did everyone start this way? I am curious how others got here? Are we the only Accidental Swingers?

(not sure if we qualify as actual swingers yet, but no need to make this post any longer)

J of J and A

I apologize for the long post and the absence of my fairer half. She will play strip poker with 15 people in a room, but a little shy to type on message boards still.

[gordonshemway]

Sorry, I've never actually done the swinging thing yet, but your story has intrgued me greatly. Not sure what you mean by Soft swinger, but I may have an idea.

This is the type of experience that I am interested in with my wife. Are there places you now go to find couples for this, or do you just hang out with the same friends you intially played in the hot tub with? Do you feel more comfortable with really good friends or would you rather it be kind of anonomous?

I guess I am still curious whether or not to persue this with my wife. Thanks for the story, it was great!

[gatorvol64]

First, I understand about your wife. You'll find I do most of the posting on this board...not because he's shy but, just that he isn't on the internet and such as much as I am. He doesn't even read the board quite as much as I do for the same reasons.

Second, I have to say that we didn't accidentally join the lifestyle. It was a conscious decision on our part. But, your way sounds like you've had a great time and that's what it is about. Good for you both.

Vol

[sereneiders]

As for us, it was a consious decision, or better say, we consiously decided to give this a try, and we loved it.

As for your way, it seems to be pretty usual, even when, if you look around, it's one most of us advice against: to attempt to swing with friends. This is because there are too many "ingeredients" to take care of. Often (and the adviced way), people look for others who already swing or who at least share the same thrilling about swinging, but without any previos attachment with them, as to allow themselves a way out from whatever bad experience they may have with a minimal lose (compared to losing friends because you cannot face them anymore, because they become a reminder of such a bad experience, or so).

However, this doesn't meant what happens to you is wrong. It just happend this way, one of many possible ways. All I can say is, you're lucky!

As for being swingers, I believe you are. There isn't a milestone to reach to "become a swinger". IMO, swinging is a couple's activity where they share with others some activities otherwise preserved as part of their intimacy, providing them a new level of awareness of the relationship, of each other needs, fears and so, as to be able remain inside a "confort" zone while turning this into a relationship enhancement. It doesn't matters how "wide" this confort zone is, for as long as you find your way to remain inside it. So, in my book, you're a swinger.

[clutch]

I think that sereneiders stated your situation succinctly and eloquently.

I think you definitely qualify as a soft swinger (by most everyone's definition) although I don't know if there is an ISO approved definition. And as sereneider says to paraphrase, "Being a certified swinger is not the end goal."

The part where you expressed your enjoyment with the description:
It was officially the fourth greatest night in my life, keeping in mind marriage and kids. I smiled for days afterwards.

... That's really the bottom line.

With this particular group, your swinging may go farther, or it may already be as far as it's going. Either way is okay. I recommend slow and easy... be sensitive to the women's inclinations... don't push any personal agenda... and whatever happens, above all, enjoy each moment!

Well done, sir!

And, by the way, to answer your question... we did not get into swinging this way. My wife swung with her ex; I didn't swing with my ex. And my wife introduced me to swinging almost as soon as we met. We connected famously with swinging and with the exception of a few haituses, haven't stopped since we've been married which is several years.

[Swingercast]

I absolutely love this post! It made me smile too Thanks so much for sharing...and welcome to the L/S. I definitely consider you two swingers and agree with sereinder's very well thought out response.

xoxo
Allie

Wishing you two many more heavenly hot tub experiences!