What is Pushy??

[daisy girl]

Just wanted to get your thoughts on what defines a swinger as pushy. So, please complete the sentence...

a pushy swinger is...

[prettylady]

......someone who grabs your chest on a first date with out permission.
......kisses you with out permission.
......puts his/her hand down your pants with out your permission.
I see a trend here.
On a first date, I think, The one making the first move really should check that you are ready for that move to be made. Just assuming because you are all out on a date that gives them the go ahead to touch, kiss, or anyother activity with out the "is it ok" comment is a bit pushy.
Then again I am still quite new to this and have plenty to learn. Maybe I am a prude.
Your friend,
Prettylady.

BTW. Great question.

[good times]

...someone who is trying to compel us to proceed faster than we are willing to with them.

So, sometimes one persons pushy swinger is another persons enthusiastic play partner. In other words, pushy is more often than not just in the eye of the beholder.

[Mrgomer]

good times said
"sometimes one persons pushy swinger is another persons enthusiastic play partner. In other words, pushy is more often than not just in the eye of the beholder."

Ain't that the truth!!
I've been accused of not liking someone or not seeming "interested" just because I'm NOT real aggresive.
I need to KNOW someone likes me because the last thing I want to do is upset someone
I don't mind the ladies being aggresive but we guys need to stay Gentlemen.

MRG

[twobears]

When you meet someone and as you talk they just want to jump right to it. You will know you will feel uncomfortable.

[The Fuse]

I think "pushy" is as hard to define as "sexual harrassment". It's essentially any unwanted or inappropriate attention or interest, except IMO the first or maybe second time it happens. We don't think someone is pushy the first time they try, unless I think it should have been obvious that we weren't interested, or if they are just entirely too forward. If another couple wants to move a lot faster than we do, we're just clear with them and have had good results with that.

But it's difficult... some people perceive pushy where others would welcome the same actions with open... arms. Some people invite advances and then call the advancer pushy.

I don't think we've been accused of being pushy yet. Mr. Fuse is fairly shy and doesn't make advances easily. Sometimes, women he likes a lot have to wonder whether he likes them at all, but he's improving in that area. He's always left it up to me to get things started... which I usually do if we're interested facelick and if we're sure the interest is mutual.

But really, there's a huge gray area. I wouldn't call someone pushy unless it were a slam-dunk.

[curiousagain]

"Did you ever notice that anyone driving slower than you is an idiot and anyone driving faster than you is crazy?" George Carlin

edited for misteaks.

[prettylady]

Originally Posted by curiousagain

"Did you ever notice that anyone driving slower than you is an idiot and anyone driving faster than you is crazy?" George Carlin

edited for misteaks.

Hey I was both an idiot and crazy today. Do I win a prize?
I was crazy until the ditch taught me a thing or two about winter driving, then I was an idiot because apparently I was the only one who learnt a lesson today.
Your friend,
Prettylady

Now back to the original thread

[lookingfornow]

I also think this is a GREAT question. Look at all of the discussion so far. Adding to it...

A pushy swinger is....

...one who is obviously annoyed, unhappy, or dissatisfied and wants you to know it when things don’t go their way.

...one who will not abide by the rules that have been discussed.

...one who repeatedly tries to do things that they have been told not to do.

Thankfully, we have run into very few examples. Most recently, a couple who wanted to meet and play but objected to meeting in a public place before committing to play. Before that, the couple we met who wanted to get together the next weekend and was plainly pissed that we didn’t make it happen (hey, we have kids and a busy schedule).

I can see where “prettylady” is coming from. I don’t think I would ever presume to grab a chest on a first date without expressed permission, or kiss someone without knowing it was OK (run into too many people with a rule against it), or stick my hands down someone’s pants. But, unless some rule had been set against it, I would brush a thigh, or rub a shoulder, or nibble an ear, or (certainly) grab an ass (assuming the person appeared interested in me). And, I might do almost anything on a second “date” depending upon the couple and the setting. I think it only gets “pushy” after the first date if someone repeatedly tries to do something that they have been told is off-limits or expresses dissatisfaction with the decision (to place it off limits).

[curiousagain]

Originally Posted by prettylady

Hey I was both an idiot and crazy today. Do I win a prize?
I was crazy until the ditch taught me a thing or two about winter driving, then I was an idiot because apparently I was the only one who learnt a lesson today.
Your friend,
Prettylady

Now back to the original thread

It was a feeble attempt at humor. A funny way of saying anybody progressing faster than you want seems pushy, anybody slower, seems backward and halting or whatever term is usually used.

[prettylady]

Oh I got it, and I found it funny.
That is why I commented on it.
It is just that it fit so well with what a difficult day I was having (nice way of saying I had a shitty day).
Bad weather, driving too fast, big ditch, sudden stop, SLOOOOOOOW drive home.
Your friend,
Prettylady

[curiousagain]

I'm sure if you just got out and stood beside the car you had plenty of help really, really fast.

[havefuninsun]

Very interesting question, Daisy Girl.

I can't think of a time when I felt another couple was being pushy; however, there are times when I felt like Mr. Fun was being pushy. Where I tend to dance around the flag post some before getting into any "fun" type conversations with others, he's more of the jump on the pole and let's get it on. -- he sometimes thinks I'm being too passive, and sometimes I think he's being too aggressive. We've learned with trial and error to meet somewhere in the middle.

I certainly would describe the current thread where the one couple met a very rude male 1/2 of another couple as being EXTREMELY pushy. What a shame. IMHO, no one gets to act like a jackass.

[daisy girl]

Thanks for the responses...yes, I am sometimes accused of not being assertive enough with setting playdates, etc. LOL

[DBL D]

Anyone who belabors a point...Like..."Are you wanting to play tonight?" over & over.

Yikes!

Male D