Newbies: Who would you rather play with?

[justussj2009]

I would prefer to play with a new couple. I think it would be less stressful since it would be both of our first time(s) ...

[dlflorida]

We just played for the first time Friday night and it was with a couple who had only been with one other couple. We (my wife) had been with a SM with me watching but this was our first full swap. It was very fun but strange for me as it has been 18 years since I kissed / fondled / went down on etc. another woman. I know what my wife enjoys and am able to please her with ease but with a new woman there is a learning curve.

[SheLovesTheSun]

I think I may prefer someone with a little more experience than me, but not too much more. My boyfriend's been swinging for a couple of years now, but I have no experience whatsoever and I admit, I'm a little nervous. I know that I definitely want it to be a soft swap, at least for the first time
It does make me feel better that my boyfriend has experience because he's told me some stories. It has helped so far to know what I want for a first experience and what I don't want.

[giveoral2women]

We have yet to have our first experience with swinging. Our attitude is that we would not enjoy the experience if there weren't a good relationship first. Some may call this "good chemistry" but we enjoy sex not only through the physical action but the emotional responses and feeling that arise. To us any thing otherwise is more equivalent self gratification. We want to as uninhibited as possible and since we both are open for nearly anything not involving pain, and is mutually agreeable - another newbie couple may not be ready for that. But more experienced couples more likely would. Still till we actually have our first experience its a bit academic.

[TaylorNAries]

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

There's another thread asking experienced swingers the reasons why they may not want to swing with newbies, the thoughts there led me to this question.


As a newbie looking for your first experience, who are you looking for? Would you rather play with another first timer? Someone with a little experience? Or a couple who is very experienced? And why would you prefer one over the other?

To me it really doesnt matter. I have some pretty good ideas on what can be done. I just wonder or hope I can do a good job at it. And would love for this experience with my husband be totally worth it.

[lovegeneration]

I would prefer to play with an experienced couple/person!

[DigginIt]

Our first two couples were as green as we were when we started playing. It was a little awkward in moments but those moments passed quickly and we had fantastic times with them. One became a repeat couple.

To date, we still don't have a variety of people under our belts because we tend to stick with a single couple or two for a long time before moving on but I definitely think that having someone experienced is the way to go because I think we were lucky. If both couples are still a little awkward, it could make the evening a little too strenuous.

[sxmcouple]

Our first time was with our best friends which was also their first time. We all had very good times. I was surprised by how much my wife enjoyed the experience. It has really opened some new doors for us and we are much better for it. So I think we weren't so much concerned about the experience level of the other couple but more so our comfort level.

[DocWill]

Okay, so from our limited experiences- we’d have to say that being with another couple with some experience can make all the difference in the world if you just take a little time to get to know them first- and I think that can go both ways.

Just from what I’ve read here, and from wasting countless hours in sex-psychology books, there are MANY different swingers out there who swing for MANY different reasons. Some like to be chased so they can take their pick. Some like to be aggressive and get right down to the nitty-gritty. Others like to meet, evaluate and plan, while others like to develop friendships first. With some couples only one partner really likes to swing while the other is just doing it to make the other happy. Some couples like to watch each other with another, while other couples like to go behind closed doors. Then there are couples who just let the chips fall where they may. There are just too many variables for new LS couples to experience and understand- and I think that’s a major issue when dealing with any potentially new playmates-regardless of their experience.

Mrs. Will and I agreed to a specific vetting process- and here’s how it works (this is for e-play hookups):

First we READ the profile and form our own picture of what the couple may or may not look like (yes, we cover the pictures). If it’s poorly written with elementary spelling mistakes, or consists of just two or three lines of text- we pretty much just move on

The second thing we do IS look at the pictures- I think that needs any more of an explanation, however, if the pictures don’t show the couple or just ONE person from the couple we raise a little flag- ONLY because there are some one-sided cheating liars out there. Case in point: Mrs. Will and I found a profile where the woman on it was hot- so we decided to IM them. After 10 minutes it was apparent that the “husband” had either lost any pictures of them together, or had completely forgotten to get permission from his wife to post her pictures on the site- because he also lost his “wife” and didn’t know when she’d be able to speak with us. Lesson learned.

The third thing we do is send them an e-mail about us, what we’re into, and we also add a tame picture of what we look like. If they take the time to send us a GOOD e-mail back- we try to evaluate their responses to some of our stupid questions like, “Do you have kids?” or, “What do you guys do for a living?” and, “How experienced are you in the LS?” We do this so we can get a basic feel for the couple we’re interested in. Having kids shows us responsibility. Having a good job also shows us responsibility, but it also gives us a baseline on social class. Experience simply allows us to sense how comfortable they may or may not be if we decide to take it any farther. Obviously the more experience, the higher the comfort level- with us as well.

The fourth thing we do is set up a no pressure, no expectation, meet at a nice bar or restaurant. If the couple agrees to meet us, we’re up front that nothing is going to happen that night. If that’s fine with them, we meet, break the ice, talk about trivial crap for a while- and then get to the nitty-gritty. What do they like? What are their limits? What were their past good/bad experiences like? Etc. Of course we share the same information about ourselves and answer any questions. Like any business deal, we get over the “taboo” talk and go back to having a good time with a normal “getting to know you” conversation. At the end of the night we ask them if they’d like to play with us- if they do, we leave it at that and tell them that we’ll be in touch. After about a day, either they’ll call or IM us, or we’ll do the same to make arrangements for the play date.

So far we’ve used this format twice- and we’ve met two GREAT couples in the past three weeks where naked bodies get lost amongst the sheets, the sweat, the chairs, the loveseat, the bath tub, the deck, and the fun.

In any case, that works for us. Here’s why:

We can tell a lot about a couple from the combination of just their profile and their first e-mail. When we meet, we get to put the mental picture together with the faces and behaviors. If it all works out- experience really has nothing to do with it. It’s about making an honest connection that MUST work between four people. Sex is, contrary to popular belief among new swingers, a very deep and personal experience-- but so is war. Too much and you might lose who you are, or worse yet, forget how nervous, scared, or pleasantly anxious you were when you started. Sometimes people lose the sensitivity and can turn something extraordinary into something mundane- therefore they’ll only look for what excites them- and newbies probably won’t excite them as much as an experienced couple with a swing, bareback rule, or live-in unicorn. Sorry for the generalizations- I’m just saying some overly experienced people can, and do, build a tolerance that newbies just don’t have- YET.

Bottom line: find and build some kind of connection between the parties, even if it’s just lust. If that happens, experience is an afterthought.

Oh, and we would prefer couples who had experiences like ours, but newbies who meet our vetting process get to earn some experience as well. Personality goes a LONG way.

[Pleasure King]

As someone newer to the lifestyle I've come to the realization that my ideal partners are women whose husbands/bfs are really eager about swinging while they themselves are needing a more patient male. Being an introverted sort clubs and parties are not my ideal venues. But I still have a lot to offer the right woman.

[Cajun2Step]

It does not matter to us. Sex is more mental than it is physical to many couples. We like to explore and find what mentally turns on all involved.
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Sex is better than cake.

[Naampc]

She has told me that she would prefer someone with a little bit of experience, but not so much that they expect us to have any kind of clue as to what's what and everything else. I agree with her. We'd like someone with some experience to take our swinging virginity, but the right kind of someone. You know? I am unsure of how to describe it any better than that. Someone who has played a few times but isn't a player. GAH! Words! I wonder how poets and writers find the right words!?

[MN Tom]

At this point we are looking for someone with experience, although an even higher priority than that is just someone who will listen and cares about what we say.

Another facet which we need to agree upon is progression, we don't want to go hog wild on the first meeting and we will make sure they know and accept that ahead of time. And hopefully not in one of those "oh they say they don't want this or that, but we will turn them to the dark side.. bwahahaha" types of deals.

[virgin swinger]

I would like it to be a couple who have had experience but if we met the right couple and they didn't have much I am sure we wouldn't turn them down! The most important thing to talk about it our ground rules right?

[BearNakedOne]

At this point it's kind of hard to say. We are swing virgins and only know what we fantasize and talk about. The couple and/or individual M/F are always perfect in the fantasy. That being said, reality is not fantasy and visa versa. So, I'm thinking I would like our first to be with a semi-experienced couple that we have a lot in common with. My second preference would be an MFM with a semi-experienced male because it would probably be the perfect ice breaker for my wife. She is still a little weirded out about seeing me with another woman and is unsure how it will make her feel. She says it's not a deal breaker because she loves me and does not want to keep me from something that might make me happy.
She has no problem though with an MFM at least in theory.