The morning after - is it awkward?

[ultimatecouple9]

Hello everyone, my wife and have never swung or introduced another person to our sexual relationship (yet). We have talked about the risks and the advantages several times. The real big question we have is what happens the very next day after your first time? Do you feel auckward, and if we do, how do overcome the auckwardness? We are very interested in the swinging lifestyle, swapping and threesome!! You just never really know as a couple how the response will be in our marrige the following day when real life kicks back in and we have to make dinner, pay bills!!!

[Tybee Swing]

We were concerned about that before we started, too. Since neither of us had ever witnessed each other kissing or being sexual (in any way) with another person, how could we know what we would feel when we got into a situation? We didn't want to freak ourselves out, or get other people involved and freak them out, either.

What we did: We went to strip clubs together, which we'd never done. We thought we'd see how that felt, and then go from there. We visited two in one night - the gentlemen's club type, and then later that night, a full-nude club where things went a little further (so we heard) with the private dances. We had a lot of fun and went from nervous to relaxed at the first club. We were getting horny by then, and it was time to visit the other club. We met a dancer there that was very attentive to me, and seemed especially interested in couples. Later on, we had a private dance with her, and it was extremely sexy. She told me I could do whatever I wanted. We made out, touched each other, etc. It was my husband's first time seeing me kiss a woman. She was a very sensuous woman, and actually seemed turned-on. She was giving me all of the attention, so I moved her to my husband's lap. She grinded on him, while he touched and kissed her. Then, we all three kissed. It was the most amazing experience for us! Of course, we (he and I) had mind-blowing sex later.

I know now that we just got extremely lucky that night. We've been to lots of different strip clubs since then, and the dancers might as well be made of wood - including in the private dances. LOL

Anyhow, my husband and I discovered through that experience that we didn't feel awkward at all, we were very turned-on by including somebody in a sexual way, and we knew this was going to work for us. We moved on from there, gradually - and it did work out.

Also, we found that by starting swinging gradually, such as same-room sex with our own partners and another couple in the room (soft swing), this was a good next step. It worked out well for us to not move into too much, too fast.

Best wishes to you!

[intuition897]

Originally Posted by ultimatecouple9

Hello everyone, my wife and have never swung or introduced another person to our sexual relationship (yet). We have talked about the risks and the advantages several times. The real big question we have is what happens the very next day after your first time? Do you feel auckward, and if we do, how do overcome the auckwardness? We are very interested in the swinging lifestyle, swapping and threesome!! You just never really know as a couple how the response will be in our marrige the following day when real life kicks back in and we have to make dinner, pay bills!!!

Here's a good tip: If you go into the experience expecting to be hurt, you will be. If you go into it having agreed beforehand that both of you will be extremely conscious of each other's feelings, and anything that happens that night doesn't count, you'll be okay. You're just experimenting here, and you understand that the only way to find where your boundaries are sometimes is to accidentally cross them. It smarts a little when this happens, but it isn't unmanageable. Your success will depend on whether you are ruled by your emotions, or whether you can "own" your emotions and remain objective.

For example, let's say you see your wife holding another man's hand as they're flirting at a club, and you find this extremely hurtful. Maybe you don't understand why just yet, but you know it hurts. You could either "take your ball and go home", or you could politely interject their conversation and ask to speak privately to your wife. Then, without resorting to pouting or accusations or demands, you simply tell her that YOU are experiencing some very negative feelings about her holding the other man's hand. You're not sure why just yet, but you'd like her help in sorting this out. Your emotions are not her responsibility, just as her reactions to your actions are not her responsibility. You are only responsible for not actively hurting one another. Perceived injuries are an entirely different matter. Your wife didn't mean to hurt you by holding the guy's hand! She didn't realize that it would. If she had, and she was keeping her end of the bargain (to not hurt one another), she wouldn't have done it.

Hope this helps some.

[Pepper & Drew]

After our first swing experience, we anticipated that we may feel strange or awkward, but for us, it felt like the most normal thing in the world. We talked about how we felt and decided that we could definitely handle it. It has changed our marriage, for the better. We now are in a place of COMPLETE honesty, whereas we weren't before. In order to swing, you have to be upfront about your feelings and desires, or you wil quickly have problems in the lifestyle. Because, once you've told your spouse, 'gee honey, I'd really like to pin her legs behind her ears', you can tell each other anything.

Pepper

[starryeyes]

Communication. You will see this through virtually all replies. You have to continuously communicate with your wife and vise versa. We have found that to be a great benifit to our relationship of course the mind blowing sex is the cherry on top.

Our first time, we (the other couple included) went very slow. They didn't want to put us off. We were very respectful of the boundries set, you have to determine them... through communicating with your wife. Like Pepper & Drew said, it felt natural. It was great and afterward it continues to spark our intimacy with eachother. Remember to go at the pace of your wife or vice versa. Its a wonderful experience... but you both need to decide.

[djsexyass]

This is a question we had ourselves!

Communication is key, along with taking it slow!

My honey and I had talked about every possible aspect, prior/during/post our first experience (girl/girl play). We later met a couple (full swap couple) and after meeting up and having a good time with them decided to swap. The experience was great! But for me (DJ-the female half) a few days after, I started feeling all sorts of things (insecurites, the image of Jimmy with this other woman, the "did we do the right thing" moral dilemas). We had to step out of the lifestyle, communicate, and be with one another. We since have decided that full swap isnt for us.

So take it slow. Enjoy the horniness it creates for the both of us. The both of you is whats important!!! If one of you isnt into it.....then dont do it!

Good luck, have fun!

DJ

[wetpanties]

What you have to remember is that this is for sex and only sex - just physical gratification - not for love or emotions being involved. As long as you remember this is strictly for physical pleasure for BOTH of you, then the only thing that should happen is that you'll both have lots of things to talk about, get horny about and have a lot of good sex when you rehash those moments!

[Mike and Jan]

One other thing to consider.

If one of you absolutely loves the new adventures and the other finds they don't it can lead to a long-term problem.

We had some experiences over 30 years ago. I remember thinking that if this is what heaven is like then I'd turn religious. She did enjoy during but couldn't deal with them after each experience so we stopped.

Over the years we've talked and she's agreed to try different things at different times, but each time she's gone back into her shell again.

I sometimes wonder if the ups and downs she's put me through with her attempts to join me have been worse than if she never tried at all.

[Edison Carter]

Susan here--After our first foursome we went to the car and high fived each other and laughed oursleves silly. Then, we fucked like mad minks in March.

[DBL D]

Originally Posted by Edison Carter

Susan here--After our first foursome we went to the car and high fived each other and laughed oursleves silly. Then, we fucked like mad minks in March.

There ya go!

I don't think communication at that time will help. Fem D had a difficult time and she never has let me in on what she felt. There were some tears...which was the exact opposite reaction I was hoping for. Not saying you shouldn't make yourself available. The thing that seems to have happened with us is that time had to pass. She had to eventually see that this is really just to enhance our relationship and then discover how it really could. If she never would've seen this aspect then it would've been curtains for the lifestyle.

Originally Posted by intuition897

...Maybe you don't understand why just yet, but you know it hurts. You could either "take your ball and go home", or you could politely interject their conversation and ask to speak privately to your wife...

I think he knows why it hurts, what he is going to need to do is find out a way to not have it hurt.

Male D

[intuition897]

Originally Posted by DBL D

I think he knows why it hurts, what he is going to need to do is find out a way to not have it hurt.

Male D

I'm sure he does deep down. I just mean that sometimes the obvious answer isn't the real root cause. Why was he hurt? Because she was paying more attention to the other guy than to him, or because he was afraid it meant she was getting emotionally involved. But here I go with the onion peeling thing again. He'll need to ask "Why?" a few more times before he gets to the bottom of the problem. Why does it upset him that his wife is giving more attention to the other guy? I mean, was she actually ignoring him, or was he just seeing that way? Anyway, my point is you have to ask questions like a busy-body 4-year-old would do. You might lose your mind asking so many questions, but getting those answers - even the ones we don't really want to hear - is a blessed relief. No more wondering. No more emotional anvil hanging over our heads.

[NUDEWOMBAT]

It definitely changed our marriage, I felt more affectionate towards my wife but my wife took this to mean that I was feeling guilty about being with another woman, she is starting to gradually come around to the fact that my love for her has been renewed & I feel it is because she shared a special fantasy with me.

My wife still has misgivings about what happened, but we have had cuddles in bed with our friend since the first threesome & I played with both girls again (breasts only but) but a couple of days later my wife stated that she did not want to do things every time our friend came over which I understand.

I would never pressure my wife into doing something she did not enjoy, I am letting her set the pace & if it never happens again then so be it!

[Jaz Kansorka]

Originally Posted by ultimatecouple9

Hello everyone, my wife and have never swung or introduced another person to our sexual relationship (yet). We have talked about the risks and the advantages several times. The real big question we have is what happens the very next day after your first time? Do you feel auckward, and if we do, how do overcome the auckwardness? We are very interested in the swinging lifestyle, swapping and threesome!! You just never really know as a couple how the response will be in our marrige the following day when real life kicks back in and we have to make dinner, pay bills!!!

We try to make love when we go home from the club or an encounter. Assuming we are not too tired. Then the next morning we take our coffee to the hot tub for debriefing time. We talk about the experience, what we liked and enjoyed as well as what we did not care for or totally hated. Any jealousy that rose is dealt with by lots of reassurance the night before when making love as well as during debriefing. For a few days we go out of our way to be more touchy/feely/flirty with each other, making sure we both feel the love between us. This seems to work very well for us to maintain our focus that we are the couple, they that we played with were the icing on an already outstanding cake. There is no way to always know how you will feel afterward so we keep in mind that its water under the bridge, learn from the experience for the next time.

Jaz

[MichSexyCpl]

communication is always the most important factor, and i consider being aware of and considerate of, your partner's feeling to be a big part of communication...and with communication also comes honesty...

[TeamSoBe]

Originally Posted by ultimatecouple9

The real big question we have is what happens the very next day after your first time? Do you feel auckward, and if we do, how do overcome the auckwardness?

No, in our case there was no awkwardness. By 'awkwardness' I think you're asking whether people literally coming between you sexually make you feel like people have come between you emotionally. My wife and I felt much closer after our very first time because we were on the same page and it felt like an accomplishment that we had made together. Not more distant in any way.

I agree with another reply that if you go into any experience, the first or the 100th, expecting something dreadful to happen, then something dreadful will happen. If you go into it just going 'well whatever happens hopefully my little wife and I will have a blast tonight' then that's what will happen. Other people around you read your energy and you're a self-fulfilling prophesy whether you want to be or not.