Single female swinging for the first time

[AuroraDD]

So glad I found this board! I've been lurking for a bit to make sure I would feel comfortable asking questions, so here goes...

I am a single female, 30, that's been friends with a guy for almost 8 years. There's always been an attraction, but he was married, so I figured end of story - traditional, I know. Well, a few years ago he told me he wanted to sleep with me, which was cool but you never know how these things are going to work out...

Anyway, his wife is totally ok with this and might even get involved later. And I am fine with that too. A couple of nights ago he and I made out - nothing too involved, but it was awesome! and I can't stop thinking about it, or him and I together.

But this is the first time I will be dealing with a couple. I have never been in a FFM before, so I don't know what to expect or how to handle it so everyone is comfortable. My guess is that he and I will probably have sex, and then another time (day?) we will all get together. I just want to make sure everything goes well and we can all still be friends/hang out together after the swing/affair/play is over.

Any suggestions? Advice from people who have been there before? This will be my first time, but I am really excited about it!

[Edison Carter]

Susan here-- Don't improvise or 'wing-it'. If she's into it great, get together )the three of you) over dinner and have fun with the idea and talk about things. Discuss the fun things you'll do and proper boundaries and most of all be adults about it. No question is taboo. A great question for his wife would be," So, when he's inside me and making me cum like a freight train, you'll be happy for him ?" Emotions are the toughest things for newbies to sort through. Also, is his wife (or you) looking to play bisexually ? Regardless, have fun.

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by AuroraDD

...Anyway, his wife is totally ok with this and might even get involved later...A couple of nights ago he and I made out - nothing too involved, but it was awesome!..My guess is that he and I will probably have sex, and then another time (day?) we will all get together.

Something tells me to ask: Have you spoken to and/or met his wife and discussed all of this?

Was it his word that it was okay or did you hear that from her mouth?

I'd feel bad for you if this guy was leading you astray.

LM

[AuroraDD]

That's the thing - I need good advice to know how to approach this thing, so keep ideas coming. I don't want to screw this up for any of us by not doing it right.

I like the idea of meeting for dinner - that's good. I want to get some questions answered... how do I ask? Do I bring it up bluntly? What's the best way to phrase some delicate questions without offending anyone?

[AuroraDD]

Originally Posted by LikeMinds321

Something tells me to ask: Have you spoken to and/or met his wife and discussed all of this?

Was it his word that it was okay or did you hear that from her mouth?

I'd feel bad for you if this guy was leading you astray.

LM

Well first he told me it was ok, and then I overheard a phone conversation (oops - never put a celphone on speaker) where she brought it up to him. There's also been other references, but nothing so blunt as "please screw my husband" or anything like that.

[LOL_OMG]

Hello and welcome

I do not post here very much(the Mrs. is usually at the helm), but I do read quite a bit and this line caught my eye.

Well, a few years ago he told me he wanted to sleep with me, which was cool but you never know how these things are going to work out...

What he was saying then was he wanted to cheat on his wife, with you. I cannot read anything else but that fact into this. I think doing anything with this person without him telling his wife he wanted you years ago will lead to disaster for his marriage. Him telling her may do the same thing, I hope you get my point. If you want to play in the lifestyle as a single female you have an open road. Read through the boards and go on from there. I wish you well.

Mr. Lol_omg

[intuition897]

Originally Posted by AuroraDD

I am a single female, 30, that's been friends with a guy for almost 8 years. There's always been an attraction, but he was married, so I figured end of story - traditional, I know. Well, a few years ago he told me he wanted to sleep with me, which was cool but you never know how these things are going to work out...

Actually, it's pretty safe to assume that most married couples are monogamous. Call it traditional if you like, but it's just good manners.

Originally Posted by AuroraDD

Anyway, his wife is totally ok with this and might even get involved later. And I am fine with that too. A couple of nights ago he and I made out - nothing too involved, but it was awesome! and I can't stop thinking about it, or him and I together.

[enter sound of screeching brakes]
I hate to break it to you, but this is not supposed to be about you and him. You are a guest in their bedroom. If you read any more into it than that, you're setting yourself up for heartbreak. This is (supposed to be) about him and his wife. If he starts using lovey-dovey speeches on you, or starts treating you like a girlfriend or second wife, it ain't swinging. He's just cheating out in the open. I really don't want to rain on your parade...truly...but I think it's important to understand that, while you deserve as much respect and recognition as either of them do, in the grander scheme of things, he will put his wife before you. If this bothers you, go no further.

Originally Posted by AuroraDD

But this is the first time I will be dealing with a couple. I have never been in a FFM before, so I don't know what to expect or how to handle it so everyone is comfortable. My guess is that he and I will probably have sex, and then another time (day?) we will all get together. I just want to make sure everything goes well and we can all still be friends/hang out together after the swing/affair/play is over.

Aurora, my first suggestion would be to continue reading up on swinging, and also really meditate on your feelings about swinging, and what sorts of people are best suited to swinging. What is your ideal scenario? Because you've used words like 'affair', it raises some concerns for me. If you don't understand how this is not the same as an affair, you should NOT be doing it. Because in real swinging, you would not be a threat to their relationship, as you would in an affair. Not because of anything you refrained from doing...but because you would not be allowed to interfere with their relationship.

Sorry if I seem harsh in this post at all, but you did express your desire to keep from screwing things up for all of you. Trust me, this is stuff you need to know.

Just know this: his wife has absolute veto power. He is only able to play with you because she allows it. If you disrespect her in any way, if you do not defer to her, expect to be dropped like a rock. Just realize that when you're making a proposition, you should be approaching the man's wife... not him.

[meandher2go]

intuition897, how do you hit it sooo right EVERYTIME ?

well said

[AuroraDD]

I'm sorry, I guess because I don't know the terminology well I'm not explaining things well. I don't mean affair like I'm trying to take him from his wife, just multiple times together. I'm not looking for anything other than fun from them, and to stay friends afterwards (as in, no terribly awkward moments.)

And as far as the situation years ago, I didn't realize at the time that they had an open relationship/were swingers (sorry, terminology again) and I thought the same thing - that he wanted to cheat on his wife, and I was kind of uncomfortable with that. It wasn't until later, when his wife and I were talking, that I figured out their relationship better. At that time, I put the stop to the "date" because I knew *I* was not mature enough to handle it, although I have always been interested. Now I finally feel I can take the next step because I am way more confident with who I am.

Does that make a little more sense? (I hope.)

And like you said, intuition, I absolutely don't want to disrespect his wife. I like her and think she's great! And because I don't want to make a mistake, I will take your advice and talk to her, either alone or as a group in the interest of manners.

What other guidelines and questions should I be thinking about?

[Randies']

Originally Posted by Edison Carter

No question is taboo. A great question for his wife would be," So, when he's inside me and making me cum like a freight train, you'll be happy for him ?"

Like a freight train??? Really???? I need to try that!!

[AuroraDD]

Ok, I am bumping this up because I still have some questions, and an update.

I talked to my friend's wife today. I told her we had gotten together and made out (she already knew - he told her) and I asked her how she felt about that. Her response was that they both had sex with other people, and it was a fundamental part of their relationship. I told her I in no way wanted to disrespect her and would not allow things to pursue if she felt uncomfortable. She said she was absolutely fine with it, AND that the two of them had discussed this before several times in great detail. (about me.) I didn't know that... anyway, then she asked how *I* felt about the situation and their relationship, and being with both of them. I told her flat out I had never done this before, but was open to the idea. I offered to have all three of us talk this over in person, so that's our next step.

So I really need some encouragement and advice (and if you think I handled things ok) to make this positive for all of us. Thanks again to everyone who had replied so far!

[sexyshelby]

You're on the right track. Just keep on talking. Talking to both of them together is a good next step. Make sure you talk about rules...what you are comfortable with and what they are comfortable with.

Good luck and keep us posted!

~SS

[intuition897]

Excellent example of good communication! Now that you've clarified your situation, Aurora, it does seem that you have a pretty good handle on things. So many people get into this with preconceived (and misconceived) notions about it, they don't bother to find things out, and then they wonder why they're only speaking to one another through their attorneys. :rollseyes But I admire the care and caution that you're showing. The fact that the people involved are more important than what they do together, is one that is unfortunately missed all too often.

The next step is to just have fun with it. It's simply a matter of exploring your own fantasies and communicating them, and keeping in mind that they have fantasies that involve you, too. As long as you do everything with everyone's best interest's in mind, and be true to yourself, you'll have fun. Maybe ask his wife (privately ) if there are any fantasies that her husband has that you could help her out with. What are their preferences? Do they play together only, or are they more of the 'kiss & tell' type? What would she like to see happen? You'll also be invited to share what turns you on and what you've been fantasizing about.

Be sure to keep all of us slobbering perverts updated, will ya? We're anxious to know how things go. Spare no detail lol

[AuroraDD]

Thanks for the encouragement! I feel much better about everything having talked to the wife - I just took the plunge and called her up. (Later on, she told him, and he told me I have balls. ) They were both impressed I was so open and honest about it. Which I am really glad I did, since I figure if I can talk the talk, the sex should be easy!

We are all going to meet later this week to talk in the open. And guess what? She stopped by my work yesterday and brought me hot tea and a cookie! Very cool of her. We chatted for a bit and I wasn't getting any uncomfortable vibe from either of us - a very good sign.

I will absolutely keep you posted. I will probably have more q's along the way, but if this works out... there might be pics!