She has no interest in swinging, how do I change her mind?

[garky261]

Hi, I'm a 29 yo WM, married to a very conservative coloured lady. She has no interest in the swinging scene or swapping.She is possessive and although I have suggested many times that we have a 3-some or something, she always refuses. i can't say I really blame her, but I'd love to see my wife with another man. Any ideas/advice?

[NandTfromCA]

Originally Posted by garky261

...married to a very conservative coloured lady...has no interest in the swinging scene...She is possessive...she always refuses...but I'd love to see my wife with another man. Any ideas/advice?

You mean like GHB or a jedi mind trick?

If you have asked several times, and she says "no" every time, then it sounds like a non-issue. If you respect and love your wife, you will respect her feelings about living out YOUR fantasies.

If drop and let her approach you about it if she ever changes her mind, there’s a chance, although a slim one, that you may get to explore things after all.

If you don’t drop it, you are guaranteed to hurt her, frustrate yourself, and cause problems with your marriage.

TO JULIE AND THE REGULARS- Does it make sense to have a thread titled "How to get my spouse to swing" and sticky note it to the top of the Neew Swingers area? That way people with that question can get their answer from the previous posts.

[angelrose85053]

I agree with NandTfromCA I was once the womann who didn't want to swing. I had before in the passed and had decided it was a phase that I was done with. For 2 years my husband begged me. We did go back to a threesome scenario here and there but I was only doing it for him. Finally he stopped bugging me about it and one day, it clicked! I realize this doesn't work for everyone and given my past experience with swinging before, it made me more accepting of it again. However, there is truth in the approach...Stop bugging and let it be her decision. She knows you want it and maybe someday she will feel like trying it with you.

[sexyshelby]

If she always refuses, why do you keep pushing it?

If she's not into it, then she's not into it and you need to respect that.

~SS

[Sweet_Candy]

Originally Posted by garky261

She has no interest in the swinging scene or swapping.She is possessive and although I have suggested many times that we have a 3-some or something, she always refuses.

So what's the problem here? She said NO more than once. She's also possessive which implies jealousy. Also there appears to be a lack of communication because you're not listening to her. Wow 3 strikes and you're out. This would be a No Go in the lifestyle.

[intuition897]

I always wondered why I didn't feel comfortable with the "Three No's and You're Out" policy that swingers tend to profess. I'd say the "No" doesn't count unless she understands what she's saying no to. I mean, if neither person has a very good idea of what swinging is all about and it's just one half guilting the other half into swinging because he/she isn't getting enough at home (or some similar scenario), then one "no" should do it...at least until their understanding of it changes.

Now if he is asking her, explaining that it is his fantasy to see her sexually fulfilled and fully satisfied, and it is his way of celebrating the incredible sexual creature that she is...and she understands this...yet has NO interest in exploring swinging...then one conversation is enough. No means no.

But coming around to accepting the idea of swinging through all the years' worth of monogamous brainwashing that we've received, is not a simple thing. It's going to take some work. If we took our parter's unwitting "No" and simply dropped it, none of us would be in the lifestyle. While maintaining a respectful distance, we need to tactfully explain why we are asking this of our partner, and give them the time and gentle support they need to think it all through. If they consider it at length, and are certain they are NOT interested in it, then this should be their "final answer".

[DBL D]

Originally Posted by garky261

Hi, I'm a 29 yo WM, married to a very conservative coloured lady. She has no interest in the swinging scene or swapping.She is possessive and although I have suggested many times that we have a 3-some or something, she always refuses. i can't say I really blame her, but I'd love to see my wife with another man. Any ideas/advice?

Sorry man...but until she decides what she wants...your desires are out of the picture.

M.D.

[JnCC]

Originally Posted by garky261

Hi, I'm a 29 yo WM, married to a very conservative coloured lady. She has no interest in the swinging scene or swapping.She is possessive and although I have suggested many times that we have a 3-some or something, she always refuses. i can't say I really blame her, but I'd love to see my wife with another man. Any ideas/advice?

Sure... Keep bugging her about it! Eventually, she'll dump you and find some guy who doesn't ask her to swing, and you'll get your wish of "seeing your wife with another man."

Problem solved...

[sexyshelby]

Originally Posted by JnCC

Sure... Keep bugging her about it! Eventually, she'll dump you and find some guy who doesn't ask her to swing, and you'll get your wish of "seeing your wife with another man."

Problem solved...

Nice, I like this approach.

~SS

[JustAskJulie]

Actually the question is addressed in the FAQ, as are many of the most commonly asked question. There is also an entire archive dedicated to the question (just as there are to many of the most commonly asked questions). But, no matter how many times some questions are addressed, some people just won't look for answers that are already there, they want an answer of their own, so we let them keep asking and sometimes we even get a new take on the question/answer or idea.

[NandTfromCA]

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

...no matter how many times some questions are addressed, some people just won't look for answers that are already there, they want an answer of their own, so we let them keep asking and sometimes we even get a new take on the question/answer or idea.

Great point!

[JTcamp05]

I have to say the "JEDI MIND" trick always does the trick for me...... Sometimes the the answer is so clear.....how do you respond?

[NUDEWOMBAT]

Don't want to get your hopes up too much, but sometimes you think you know someone & then suddenly they change.... when I started dating my wife we watched some porn movies with her girlfriend which contained some FFM threesomes.

She was turned on very much, I know this because after the movie was over her friend left the room to shower (she was obviously turned on too!) she tore my clothes off & we made love on her friends bean bag!

The subject of threesomes came up over the years & she always responded in a negative way, but then suddenly it happened with our long time female friend

Maybe you could test the waters so to speak & get a threesome video for you to watch?

[xxhale]

Originally Posted by sexyshelby

If she always refuses, why do you keep pushing it?

If she's not into it, then she's not into it and you need to respect that.

~SS

ditto if she says no, leave her alone otherwise she will leave you alone how would you like if she kept asking you to have gay sex with a guy from her job but you keep saying no ....do you want be talked into it ;you my friend are foul or clueless and insensitive