Wife Does not Enjoy

[pakidesires]

Hello everyone,

I am not sure we will be counted as new swingers or not but after some sessions I still have many basic questions so I count ourselves as NEW.

Scenario:
I love to see her enjoying, whether it is her solo or with another male. Watching her enjoying sex is a great turn on for me, as so come the idea of swinging.

She got agreed for this but made it clear that she is it only for my pleasure. We have done MFM 4/5 times now, mostly oral. After each session, she always mentioned that other then very very short periods of time she did not enjoy it at all. But she always agreed to do it for my pleasure, but as i said my actual pleasure and fantasy is to see her enjoying. I continued doing it in a hope that sooner she will overcome her tension and will get involved and eventually will enjoy it.

She never allowed other male for full intercourse, but in our last session we achieved that as well with a help of a condom. She was very much afraid that other male will cum in her, and condom gave her confidence i guess to let him in even for longer period as well. (we were not expecting that she will let it in, so that was a great surprise for us).

But her post-sex session comments are still the same, that either she does not enjoy at all of just very short period of times and only when I was involved as well.

I used to speak to her a lot about the topic making her mentaly relax are prepared, which I would say working becuase in our last session she was not as tense as was in the first one.

After, our last session, when she let him in, we were expecting that she will deny any further sessions only becuase insertion was never discussed before and we thought that she at that time let it happen just for me but will not repeat it. But, aftermath is she is quite normal and ready to do the next session as well, which means mentally she is okay with full insertion as well, but with a comment that she does not enjoy and doing it for my pleasure only.

My Questions:
1. If we continue doing with her, do you think she will adopt it and will start enjoying it as well.
2. Should I continue doing it, even if she does not enjoy it in future as well?
3. Is there anyway to make her enjoy the sessions.

We dont just start sex session by the way, we sit talk play (all this she enjoys she mentioned) and then gradually move towards sex sessions and according to her she enjoys very much everything prior to sex session which involves soft sex games as well.

[sexyshelby]

I would not recommend continuing. It sounds like your wife does not enjoy this and is very uncomfortable doing it.

You may not think you are pressuring you into this (and you may not be), but it seems to me that she FEELS pressured into this. She's doing it for your pleasure, not for her own. This is not healthy. You need to stop and talk things over. If she doens't want to continue, then don't.

~SS

[BradAndJanet]

Originally Posted by sexyshelby

I would not recommend continuing. It sounds like your wife does not enjoy this and is very uncomfortable doing it.

You may not think you are pressuring you into this (and you may not be), but it seems to me that she FEELS pressured into this. She's doing it for your pleasure, not for her own. This is not healthy. You need to stop and talk things over. If she doens't want to continue, then don't.

~SS

Dito that. Y'all need to stop.

-B

[VegasLee]

Originally Posted by pakidesires

Hello everyone,

My Questions:
1. If we continue doing with her, do you think she will adopt it and will start enjoying it as well.
2. Should I continue doing it, even if she does not enjoy it in future as well?
3. Is there anyway to make her enjoy the sessions.

1. No. she has given it a fair shot and does not want to do this.

2. If you do, chances are you will end up losing your wife.

3. You can not "make" anyone enjoy something. Either they do or they don't. Your wife has been very honest with you and told you she does not enjoy doing this. If she keeps doing it for you someday she is going to do for herself and out the door she will go.

Time to call it quits on the playing and repair your relationship if you want to keep your wife.

[twobears]

Just to put in may two cents, it sounds like me but my husband would not let us go into swinging until I had reach a point thought talking and we also done solf-swing until I was able to face the fact that sex is for pleasure and that I was worthy of pleasure,that is one outlook I had. I would tell my husband that I would do it for him because it was hard for to say or face the fact that I wanted to have sex with another male for just fun and pleasure. It take a lot of long talks and reassurance that nothing could change his love for me. I call this, the old negative out look that we women are told as girls sex is dirty, to look for pleasure I felt guilty and really afraid to let go and enjoy sex with someone else. Now I have said all of this to say she most open up with you in conservations and really talk about how she feels just talking about it and she will begin to understand what she is feeling (hopefully). I did not realize all of this at first, I just felt confused,stressed and did not know what all was bothering, it was just feelings,so this could be some of what your wife is doing. It was easlier for me to do it for my husband,than face the fact and say I wanted to swing,full swap or whatever. I wanted to have a 3som with my husband this is why we got into the lifestyle FMF. In here on this site is questions you both should answer and then compare your answers, look on this site for the information you need to try. One thing I remember it is funny now but then I would get mad and cry some, my husband would tell me "they will be no swinging or FMF unto you can look at sex as something to do for fun, and seperate sex from love!!!! This is hard for a woman to do but with love,tenderness,reading books on the lifestyle. We read this site together it took all winter just before we had our first date.(with playmates)It was another year before I was able to be comfortable to have intercourse with a playmate. We always do same room,just read on here that is the best thing to first do after you stop trying to swing. This is the best trip you and your wife will take it will make you more in love with each and really fully understanding each,it is well worth the trouble. Good Luck I know you will both do great in time. You and your wife read this let her see your post and she will really how much you want to see her really trully enjoy herself.

[sereneiders]

Originally Posted by pakidesires

I love to see her enjoying, whether it is her solo or with another male. Watching her enjoying sex is a great turn on for me, as so come the idea of swinging.

She got agreed for this but made it clear that she is it only for my pleasure.

(...)

But, aftermath is she is quite normal and ready to do the next session as well, which means mentally she is okay with full insertion as well, but with a comment that she does not enjoy and doing it for my pleasure only.

I agree with VegasLee here.

Moreover it seems you're doing this because this turns you on, exclusivelly, and your wife is up to do anything in order to please you. You're the only one pursuing her pleasure but for your own fulfillment, and it seems the only way you're thinking of would be by means of another guy who'd be giving her such a plasure. She pointed our she didn't got any pleasure so far, after doing what most wifes in her situation wouldn't: give it a try... and another try... and another try, so it seems she get pleasure from you and, more important, that she ONLY WANT the pleasure that you, alone, may provide her.

So far, it doesn't seem to me you seek for her pleasure at all, but for your own pleasure when watching her servicing other guys. If this became so obvious to me, why do you think it wouldn't be obvious for your wife, who know you better?

If I were your wife, after giving it a try and telling you it didn't pleased me, I would be expecting you to give up, not to keep insisting. I would be even affraid to enjoy some of this (or to tell you that I enjoyed it) because this way I would cheer you into make me do further things I don't want to. There's no way to "relax" in this scenario, where you claim you're doing something for her when in fact, you're concerned just about yourself.

And if she keeps trying, even after pointing out so enfatically she doesn't get pleased (in other words, that you WONT get what you want from her this way), I suspect you may be very pushy, no matter how subtle you think you are when you keep talking her into this over and over, sort of, if you don't win the arguing by KO, she may be ending up bitting the dust from being too tired to oposse to your will.

Watch out, man, you may lose her for good. Start looking AT HER. If it really turns you on her pleasure, PAY ATTENTION and BELIEVE IN HER WORD, it is her own body, her own soul, SHE KNOWS BETTER. If you keep doing this, she may start perceiving that you're not only too selfish, also too arrogant, to the point of turning her in a hole surrounded by meat whose purpose is provide you pleasure in any way you want, no matter how much painfull this could be for her.

Be carefull.

[pakidesires]

First of all, thanks a lot for the replies. I was really eager to read others opinion on the issue, i logged in using my mobile device to read the replies last night. There were 3 replies by then only. I tried to reply from my mobile device as well but typing on that was not much easy so i quite.

First of all I must clear that I dont intend to continue if she never enjoys it, but I dont agree that i must fear of losing her this way. Infact, its other way around, she is doing it becuase she does not want to lose me. I have never pressurised her that i will leave if she does not participate. I must admit that i may be a bit pushy sometime but its not a hard way. I feel lucky to have such a lovely wife who can do anything for me even if she does not like it. We have kind of relationship where we can talk on any topic openly. I know all her fanticies and so does she for mine. She has a fantacy of watching a girl being gang banged, she likes to watch MFM movies, and certain scenes does arouse her as well. During our sex sessions (me with her), she manytimes fanticised about a girl enjoying more then one cock and she cums great flashing such scenes in her mind.

What I think is due to her very conservative up bringings (like all other eastern muslim girls) it will take her some time to mentally accept it. She has been fair in telling that she does not enjoy it which i never doubt, but this shows that we do not have communication gaps, but what i think that gradually she will swallow it mentally and will start enjoying it, like many other things e.g. at initial period of our marriage, she used to think licking and sucking and dirty act and never enjoyed that but now she loves that. Before she never sucked more then few seconds but now I sometimes have to stop her . And i see a difference already from our first session to the last session we had.

I might be proved wrong, and it may be true that she never enjoy it but i think to experience it a little more before closing the chapter forever.

What you people say.

[fun4Ds]

Well from the way you posted this. You and another guy, are choosing her to participate in something she doesn't enjoy. You need to STOP. Your either not hearing her say (NO) or you don't care for someone who gave you a wonderful experience for you to just have as a wonderful memory. I'll give you the benefit of the doubt, that your a dumb ass guy like me..and you lost some of the text of the typing. We sure would like to hear her side of this. But, she has definitely been taking one for the team. Does she even have any choice in picking the other guy? Maybe, the other guy is a real turnoff for her, but its just convenient for you. The way things are written, it doesn't sound good to us. Let us know if you can give her control of the situation.

[pakidesires]

Originally Posted by twobears

I call this, the old negative out look that we women are told as girls sex is dirty, to look for pleasure I felt guilty and really afraid to let go and enjoy sex with someone else.
...
I did not realize all of this at first, I just felt confused,stressed and did not know what all was bothering, it was just feelings,so this could be some of what your wife is doing. It was easlier for me to do it for my husband,than face the fact and say I wanted to swing,full swap or whatever.

....
You and your wife read this let her see your post and she will really how much you want to see her really trully enjoy herself.

Yes, thats what I think as well. I might be wrong but to me its very early to conclude.

And yes, in future,whether i stop or continue, i will let her read not only this post but the board as well. Infact I have already told her that I have found this board very interesting and may tonight we might have our weekend exploring this forum together.

Thanks for the reply.

[pakidesires]

Originally Posted by fun4Ds

well from the way you posted this you and another guy are cohorsing her to particepate in something she dosent enjoy.you need to STOP.your either not hearing her say NO or you dont care for someone who gave you a wonderfull experiance to just have as a wonderfull memory.ill give you the benifet of the doubt that your a dumbass guy like me and you lost some of the text of the typing.we shure would like to hear her side of this.but she has defanitly been taking one for the team. does she even have any choice in picking the other guy?maby the other guy is a real turnoff for her but its just convient for you. the way things are writen it dosent sound good to us.let us know if you can give her controll of the situation.

HEY GUYS SHE IS NOT BEING FORCED TO DO THIS.

I discuss, discuss and discuss with her before almost every session. Most of replies here are like she is being FORCED to do this, which is not the case.

I know I cannot make her enjoy something which she does not, but if read "twobears" post, u will know how SOME womens take this initially, when they think sex with others is dirty.

Here, at our part of world, girls take some time to actually enjoy with their husbands becuase sex is something NEW in their lives. So should we men stop having sex with them coz they dont enjoy or take sometime to realize that its something to take pleasure.

Can anyone give me an advise how make her realize that she can enjoy if she opens her mind's lock to think that its dirty.

[sexyshelby]

Like I said in my first post, you may not be presurring her. But I think that she feels pressured into this. If she is not enjoying it, then why else would she keep on doing it?

~SS

[fun4Ds]

Ok, maybe I'm not correct in the translation here. We are definitely from different parts of the world. I'm seeing that you care for your wife to be happy, all men want that who care. I am glad that you have many discussions. Or, what we call good communication. Do you mean she likes to do this and it is what we call having fun. Does she ask to do this? is she having fun but doesn't reach orgasm, climax? Do you let her make choices of who or who not, to be with. Can you say to your wife ( this time I will do as you wish.) and do that for her? Can you show her the freedom of sexuality? Sorry if it seems like you are being bashed on this board but we have different customs here. Stay around and let us know how things progress. Maybe you can let her communicate with some of the women on this board. We would like to hear her side of this. It might help.

[VegasLee]

By reading your replies you are really kidding yourself.

You say that she does this to keep from losing you. If she even thinks that then someday you are in for a major surprise when you come home from work and find out that she has found someone that respects here and does not ask her to do things she does not enjoy just to "stay with them."

I discuss, discuss and discuss with her before almost every session.

You don't see it but in a way, this is force. Force her to keep listening to you do nothing but talk about YOUR DESIRES over and over and over until she goes along to get you to shut up and leave her alone.

You have a submissive lady that you are taking big time advantage of. I have seen this many times in the lifestyle. I have also seen those wonderful ladies wake up one day and figure out they deserve more from life then being taken advantage of by some guy that has no respect for them. You want your way, that is all over your writing here.

I hope you see someday that you have a good lady and stop taking advantage of that before you do lose her.

[TNT]

I think everyone may be being a tad bit hard on pakidesires...As he states in this quote ....

Originally Posted by pakidesires

Here, at our part of world, girls take some time to actually enjoy with their husbands becuase sex is something NEW in their lives. So should we men stop having sex with them coz they dont enjoy or take sometime to realize that its something to take pleasure.

They are in a totally different part of the world where their culture is totally different from ours. The women do not have the freedom of thought that we here have and open sexual discussions...i.e. magazines, movies, television, is not as prominent there as here. Although, I find it fascinating that regardless of culture/religious background, sexual desires and fantasy fulfillment always finds its way to the forefront no matter how hard some may try to stomp it down.

Can anyone give me an advise how make her realize that she can enjoy if she opens her mind's lock to think that its dirty.

I'm not sure I have any constructive advice for you. You are dealing with your wife's lifelong teachings that what she may desire is wrong. It's not easy for some women in our society to over come their early life teachings that sex with anyone but their husband is wrong, and I would imagine that for your wife it would be doubly so.

Bring her here to the board. Let her read over all the post here so she can see that she is not alone and that there are numerous women/couples who believe that what we do is not wrong and we find much joy and pleasure in it.

Above all else, be patient and understanding. She may never be able to have a paradigm shift in her thinking.

Teresa

[VegasLee]

Ok, Teresa has a point. I have to admit I did not notice they are in Pakistan. I now understand a bit better what he is talking about but honestly, does not change my personal feelings on this matter.

No matter where anyone lives, the wife should not be going along just to make the husband happy.