How to open up more at initial meetings

[Mr. Fuse]

My question to the more experienced swingers out there (especially the ladies) is this: what qualities are you looking for in the other couple (especially the man) when you have your first face-to-face meeting over drinks or dinner? Where is the line between flirting and plain old creepiness? I'm pretty shy and unexperienced at flirting, so I tend to play it safe and I'm afraid I'm just coming across as boring. We've had a few meetups to date, and in subsequent email exchanges they always show obvious interest in Mrs. Fuse but rarely any acknowledgement that I was even there. Any tips on ways I can open up some and be a little more attractive to the ladies without being phony? I'm not trying to be whiny, I'm just trying to keep from holding us back.

[The Fuse]

I'd just like to say I think Mr. Fuse is doing fine during our meetings. Of course I am slightly biased.

Poor thing...dating was hard on him before he and I got together for good, and now he has to go through it all over again.


I'm a little more outgoing than he is, so talking to people comes a little more easily. To compound the problem, it seems like with all the bi women out there, more of the energy is naturally focused on the female half of many couples anyway. My beloved deserves to have some of that energy focused on him...so how does he attract it, without changing who he is?

Thanks for any help...from both of us.

[CharmedBiU]

I'm watching to see how the man is treating his wife. Does he have his arm around her? Being attentive to her? But it is also important that he make eye contact with me and smile a lot. That is my clue that he is attracted to me. Actually I look for that from both people. If they are looking around the room or yawning- I figure they are not interested, even though that may not be the case at all. So smile, make eye contact, be sweet to your wife and you should be good to go!

[BiloxiCouple]

So at dinner or the bar where is everyone sitting? Kind of hard to flirt with someone when they may be out of arms or foots reach. Just an idea.

[VanHlebar]

Wow, this one is tough for me, as MrsVan says I flirt all the time. I don't really notice it, it is just part of who I am and to be honest, I really don't even know I am doing it until either she says something or even worse, the kids say something. Yes it is that bad..

We are a bit different, MrsVan was the one that used to be a bit shy, but she has learned really quick how to just be herself and talk with the other couple or single we are with. So far all of our meetings have been great and we usually forget about the time and end up staying way longer that we should have..

My only issue that I keep running into is that I was raised to be very respectful of others, man or woman. So I usually extend my hand on the way out to say good bye. This last time when we met with a lady, it was very comical, because again I extended my hand and she looked at me and said you are not seriously going to shake my hand are you? Instead she just walked up and gave me a hug good bye. It caught me a bit off guard but all was good.

I would say that MrFuse should just try to relax and enjoy himself and be who is normally is. If that person is normally shy and reserved, explain that to the couple or single before going out. Let them know that he sometimes comes off as not interested but that is not the case. For me, I don't think flirting is something you can turn on and off. You either have it or you don't. It isn't a bad thing, just some people are more comfortable doing it than others.

-Van

[meandher2go]

just be yourself. its all you really ever should be.

i (me) am pretty flirtatious by nature but i try to just go with the flow and like said above, take a look at what the other guys doing with his wife and do a little less if you feel comfortable doing it. i like to touch a girls hand,arm and late when all comfy a girls shoulder lightly. but its a fine line between creepy and fun. i have seen a few guys get too comfy with "her"

[Jamie&Kieth]

Ok, I like to know the other couple fairly well and yes I (husband too) need to be physically & mentally attracted to each other.

We are not a couple that will go to a club for the purposes of swinging but rather get to know other couples and if it develops into a sexual relationship GREAT, if it does not then it is NO BIG DEAL.

We basically only swing with people we know and care about.

[kingdruman]

this thread speaks to how i always thought swinging should be.

some other boards we have visited ......perhaps it is the intelligence level?

dating as a couple

this is how i view swinging....

you folk are the first i haVE EVER SEEN

who also hold this view.

i just wanted to tell you all ...i cancelled all of our memberships on other boards

yall are so real and i feel more a kinship here.

i haven't yet explored your profiles!

hope the cool people i have met on other boards soon wing their way here....

i wanna meet a couple who wants to go bowling!

i have never been bowling.....it looks like so much fun!

i do not even know if king has posted a profile for us here! LOL!!!!!

we shall take care if that forthwithly...~giggle~

any ole way....

i enjoy hangin out with yall on this internet thingy

so i sure would enjoy hangin out with yall face to face



sexy & gorgeous i see

linda

[Mr. Fuse]

Thanks everyone for your excellent suggestions. The Fuse and I don't have any qualms about expressing our affection for each other in public, so we have that going for us. I'm not very touchy-feely with other people (in platonic settings ) so I tend to make up for it by holding hands, hugging, etc. with her. She doesn't complain too much.

We've always sat on our respective sides of the table when we meet a new couple. Do other people mix it up? We've been working on under-the-table signals so that's one advantage of sitting together .

Mrs. Fuse suggested I make more eye contact with the lady, so I'm gonna work on that. Our first meeting, all I could think of was the fact that we were getting together to see if we wanted to have sex together, so I was very self-conscious when trying to make eye contact with her. I spent most of the time looking at the other guy instead, so I'm glad they didn't get the idea that I was interested in him!

[kingdruman]

i am rather

fer real

as in

i may irritate the hell ouuta


i dunno

i even been known to fart

in a court of law

i feel comfy fartin

in a court of law

eh?

takes 1 heck of a soul to b with a woman who feel cozy doin the fart thingy

in a court thingy

eh?

tennis anyone?

i do not do tennis by the by



even seasoned attorners

are wild when i phart

in court

when i hang with a couple

they must be in a comfort zone

so do we

nuff say?

[The Fuse]

Originally Posted by kingdruman

i even been known to fart

in a court of law

kingdruman,

I'm sure you'll understand why Mr. Fuse won't be applying this advice in our platonic meetings.

Meeting someone in a court of law would probably not do much for our chances--oh, and the farting thing too...

Originally Posted by kingdruman

takes 1 heck of a soul to b with a woman who feel cozy doin the fart thingy

in a court thingy

eh?

Congratulations on being proud of yourself.

Originally Posted by kingdruman

when i hang with a couple

they must be in a comfort zone

so do we

nuff say?

We'll find another way to get comfortable, thank you .

Thanks for moving my sweetie's thread to the top of the list, but we were hoping for pointers on how a shy guy can more easily show interest in a woman. I think he said he didn't feel comfortable flirting...if you read "farting", I suggest you check your reading prescription...Plus, he's not gassy. That's my role in the relationship -- but I do it in private.

[kingdruman]

actually.....

my post was to give an inkling of my sense of humor.....

neither farting nor meeting in courts of law are encouraged

yet...a zany sense of humor can be fun, at times...do you not agree?

for some...not their cuppa tea

[kingdruman]

my question...what would you do if someone flatulated?

~giggle~

i just allowed the cream to float to the top ....

i got mail

if ya cain't handle my humor

then ya cain't handle linda

i am the one who writes

i linda do truly have a sense of humor

that humor attracted king to me in the first place )

'whose on first...'

who can name that quote?

)

[intuition897]

Originally Posted by kingdruman

my question...what would you do if someone flatulated?

~giggle~

Hi kingdruman, glad to see you're jumping right in and posting. But the original question was: "what qualities are you looking for in the other couple (especially the man) when you have your first face-to-face meeting over drinks or dinner? Where is the line between flirting and plain old creepiness?" and, "Any tips on ways I can open up some and be a little more attractive to the ladies without being phony?"

If you want an honest answer to your question, it's a good idea to start by searching for other threads that might answer it first (using keywords in the search feature in the drop-down menu at the top of the page), and then posting a new thread if that doesn't get you anything.

[graygo98]

We've always sat on our respective sides of the table when we meet a new couple. Do other people mix it up?

We usually split up ... sit opposite each other ... with Mr. & Ms Newfriends to either side of each of us. It seems to make for a more natural four way conversation and its easy to see how comfortable they are with us and each other in the situation. Also its a lot easier to flirt and touch when you are sitting right next to each other rather than across a table.