How to suggest a "Swap" but not "Lose" ?

[lovedoctor]

I will venture out into the minority here.

Our very first swing experience was with a couple we have been friends with for a long time. We have remained friends and it has been really good for all of us. Let me also comment that like any other swinging relationship, it has to be the right mix. We sensed it would work with them. Trust your intuition and go slowly. Stop if it doesn't feel right!

[WesternSwing]

Originally Posted by NuCpl

We are very interested in swapping with a couple (or rather pairing Mrs off with Mr2, with the oh-so-obvious chemistry between the two) that we have been freinds with for a long time.
The big question: How do we raise the topic, without loosing our friends?
Or loosing face because they turn out to be old-world-ethical?
Please help.

This is tough. Some you think wouldn't, will... And others you thought for sure would, won't. That said, you just have to feel-out the situation closely. As I've said before, you have a better chance making friends of swingers then swingers of friends.

Mr. WS

[Alura]

We've played with friends, NuCpl, and found it very rewarding. Your success depends largely on your friends.

From your description, y'all get along well with your friends and they are open conversationalists with you and your wife.

It's not what one asks, but how he (or in this case, she) asks. Over a period of weeks (y'all will know what amount of time is right) open subjects by asking questions that cannot be answered with "yes" or "no." Ask, "How do you two feel about the tsunami/Kashmiri Independence/a recent movie." The object is not just to learn but to get them accustomed to talking in depth with the two of you and answering your questions.

(The next time y'all are in Oklahoma, stop by our house and we'll play. Now, that makes the following true.)

Mrs. NuCpl should say: "Can we ask y'all for some personal advice? Of course, everyone will agree.

"We've been invited to swap partners for sex by a couple we know via the internet. We don't know what to tell them. How do y'all feel about swinging?" (Y'all might not want to say "y'all"; that's kind of Okie. How does one say y'all in Hindi? I don't think I ever learned that when I was in your country. )

We've found it's very important that the wife actually ask the question. Men are known as lechers; women not so much.

If they say, "Why, we'd tell them to go to hell!" then just say, "Good advice. Thank you very much!"

If they ask about your decision in the future, just tell them y'all decided the other couple is too far away/too old/too crazy. All of those are true.

If their response is more open, take the conversation deeper and try to learn more. If the conversation gets positively hot, Mrs. NuCpl might ask, "How do y'all feel about exchanging partners and just kissing for awhile?"

We think friends make the best playmates. Good luck to y'all!

Mr. Alura

[imsnowman]

Alura, Yall are great! Funny and right-on. But, I don't think there's a hyphen in Yall. I know what it's short for but I think it's just one word now. And it's definitely not just Okie

[NuCpl]

We've played with friends, NuCpl, and found it very rewarding. We think friends make the best playmates.

We anticipate as much. Hence, despite the well meaning posts here advising against making playmates of friends, we want to take the risk. Although, making friends of playmates might be the right thing to do, chances of finding a match among the few swingers in our community (most either fake or in hiding) are statistically very low.

It's not what one asks, but how he (or in this case, she) asks. Over a period of weeks (y'all will know what amount of time is right) open subjects by asking questions that cannot be answered with "yes" or "no." The object is not just to learn but to get them accustomed to talking in depth with the two of you and answering your questions.

Excellent advice. Might take a while to learn and put to practice, but a necessary skill in other walks of life too.

Mrs. NuCpl should say:"Can we ask y'all for some personal advice? Of course, everyone will agree.

"We've been invited to swap partners for sex by a couple we know via the internet. We don't know what to tell them. How do y'all feel about swinging?"

If they say, "Why, we'd tell them to go to hell!" then just say, "Good advice. Thank you very much!" If their response is more open, take the conversation deeper and try to learn more.

Exactly the kind of tips we are looking for. Thank you. More will be welcome.

We've found it's very important that the wife actually ask the question. Men are known as lechers; women not so much.

Men are known as lechers - Everywhere! But women are EXPECTED to stay within their society defined strict sexual confines - in India.head bang

If the conversation gets positively hot, Mrs. NuCpl might ask, "How do y'all feel about exchanging partners and just kissing for awhile?".

Uh Oh... This is where the conservative upbringing is going to kick in!! head bang

If they ask about your decision in the future, just tell them y'all decided the other couple is too far away/too old/too crazy. All of those are true.

That's exactly why we got some excellent advice. "Namaste" Allura. Thank you for gracing this thread with your presence.

[Alura]

Imsnowman wrote:

Alura, Yall are great! Funny and right-on. But, I don't think there's a hyphen in Yall. I know what it's short for but I think it's just one word now. And it's definitely not just Okie

Actually, I don't hear a real big difference between Okie and Texican, Imsnowman. You may be right about the spelling, but we have had heated arguments (with a grin) on this board about that and whether or not y'all can be singular. It can't!

Oklahoma and Texas have a lot more than the Red River in common. I mean, how famous would Bob Wills and the Texas Playboys have become without both states and, of course, Cain's Ballroom?

In my hick Okie opinion, y'all needs the apostrophe to indicate the missing "ou." A missing OU? OHMIGAWD! What would the Longhorns find to do during the Texas State Fair???


Mr. Alura

[Alura]

NuCpl wrote:

"Namaste" Allura. Thank you for gracing this thread with your presence.

Thanks for the vocabulary lesson, NuCpl. The next time I visit Kashmir, (my favorite part of your country) I'll know one word of your language.

BTW, Your command of English, particularly the idioms, is impressive! I know most folks in India speak the language for the same reason the "Indians" in this country do — the English overwhelmed us.

Thanks for a lovely compliment. Y'all've made my day!

Mr. Alura

[NuCpl]

Allura wrote: The next time y'all are in Oklahoma, stop by our house and we'll play.

Allura wrote: Thanks for the vocabulary lesson, NuCpl.

If nothing else, how about we exchange your swinging advise for our vocabulary lessons?

Allura wrote: Your command of English, particularly the idioms, is impressive!

Thank you. Until others learn Hindi, English is essential to growing our circle of friends.

[Alura]

NuCpl wrote:

If nothing else, how about we exchange your swinging advise for our vocabulary lessons?

Sounds like we got the bargain on that exchange, NuCpl. Our advice is free, which may be some indication of what it's worth.

Mr. Alura

[Sandyb]

Thanks NuCpl,

You have brought out very basic question which will be faced by any person who is staying in conservative society especially country like India.

I appreciate the posting by Intuition897; you have given in very details of consequences

I would like to repeat as NuCpl says

The problem with us, is that we come from a very conservative society. So, besides crossing the uncharted waters of swinging (we are newbies), we have to muster enough courage to break societal taboos.


When I came to know about swinging I became very curious and started reading, this site is excellent place to learn about swinging.

The most important thing I feel there should be same wavelength of thinking of both partners to try swinging.

Lest see how far I go………………………………….happy swinging to all.

[voyager39]

The problem with India is that "swinging" is very poorly organised - I mean its neither approved as a lifestyle option nor openly discussed ever except here in the anonymity of the www, there are obviously no clubs or forums. Basically you are on your own trying to discover a like minded couple and half the time you'll end up with a pimp and a pros who are more interested in your money.

[JustMrJ]

My wife and I have talked about 'swapping' with one of my oldest and best friends and his wife.

Now, that being said, he and I grew up together and I had dated his wife at one point before he did. We both (he and I) had a wonderful time with her together once. We were all very good friends at the time.

As my wife is the only one who has not been in any kind of 'casual' relationship, this is our only barrier. However, she has stated to me on more than one occasion that she wouldn't mind at all as she likes them both very much and we have so much in common.

We haven't 'swapped' yet, but it could happen some day. It's just distance that keeps us apart (we live about 2000 miles away )

Hope that helps... good luck!

[Alura]

Originally Posted by voyager39

The problem with India is that "swinging" is very poorly organised - I mean its neither approved as a lifestyle option nor openly discussed ever except here in the anonymity of the www, there are obviously no clubs or forums. Basically you are on your own trying to discover a like minded couple and half the time you'll end up with a pimp and a pros who are more interested in your money.

India has a wonderful tradition of sexual indulgence. Where was the "Love Temple" I saw... in Agra, I think...

Anyway, it seems the Indians certainly had a taste for group sex...


Alura

[ViSexual]

You mentioned that the husbands have had explicit conversations before. Well, husband, simply tell the other husband how much your wife has said she enjoys his flirting. True, and no harm done!

And, go further by saying how you think it's actully cool and enjoy seeing her enjoy it.

Then, hubby, when you have an opportunity and your wife and the other hubby are flirting, ask the other wife how she feels about it. Now you can do this in a cute or joking manner.

If she says she thinks it's OK then that'd be the opportunity for you to suggest the two of you should have fairplay.

Nowhere in that would put you in an irreversable situation and it'd actually be putting the ball in their court