Emotions - the first time you saw your partner with someone else?

[jennandjamesinm]

In the vanilla world, I am what I would call "territorial". I don't consider it to be jealously at all. It is sort of what is mine is mine in the real world. James and I are approaching swinging with "our eyes wide open." I see that just talking about swinging has brought us closer, we are open and honest with each other, and I'm finding that we communicate very well - about the positive and negative things. It would be so hot to see him with another woman giving him pleasure (not even full swap), but I wonder about my reaction. Where I won't be jealous, I'm wondering about the emotions that go along with it. We've discussed it, almost to death, and for me the sensual aspect far outweighs anything else. Also, I know that I will be there because one of our "rules" (thanks for the great advice!!!) is that we are a same room couple. The first time you saw your partner with another person, how did you feel, what was your reaction to it? I'd like input from women and men......Thanks ya'll!!!

Jenn

[Pinmonkey]

Jenn, the first time I've seen the Mrs. with someone it was great. Suck a turn on. I wasn't at all jealous. As far as I'm concerned, as long as there aren't any secrets, everything is fine.

[J&C39466]

Hi Jenn, glad to see some more people from Mississippi joining this site. I too have had alot of thoughts concerning emotions when it comes right down to seeing the wife with another man. We have talked and talked and well,you get the picture. To fantasize about this is one thing,but to actually go through with it is another matter. I guess you never really know how you are going to handle it until it happens. But rest assured,you have come to the right place. These guys and gals are very friendly and informative and their advice and expertise are very helpful. Oh by the way,we're in south MS. So maybe we could hook-up some time. J.

[jennandjamesinm]

Originally Posted by J&C39466

To fantasize about this is one thing,but to actually go through with it is another matter. I guess you never really know how you are going to handle it until it happens. But rest assured,you have come to the right place. These guys and gals are very friendly and informative and their advice and expertise are very helpful. Oh by the way,we're in south MS. So maybe we could hook-up some time. J.

I agree J - I'm never going to fully know until it actually happens. And you are so right - These guys and gals are SUPER informative, I truly learn something new everyday.

Mr. Pin - Thanks for the insight, it helps knowing from both sides.....

Having said that, can anyone else add to this?

Jenn

[lovefest04]

Hi Jenn,

I can only speak for myself (male half) so here it is.

The first time was very erotic and I experienced a lot of negative emotions. Watching and participating in her blossoming as a sexual being was amazing. She was in control, but not in control, she was sexy and playful in a way I hadn't seen, she was flirtatious and much like a cat in her movements. She is an amazing woman.

That said i was nervous and scared. I had a lot of shit that started going on in my head. Why would she want to be with another man, why did she smile like that etc etc. I definitly had to process the experience over a few days to get a handle on my feelings. Bottom line is that, for me, a lot of my feeling were about me. Insecurity, feeling left out (i wasn't), feeling vunerable.

Her consistent love and attention after the first, her willingness to be open to my concerns and my insecurities without just brushing them aside helped a lot. As i said shes and amazing woman.

Fast forward to today. We've had at least 8 encounters over the past 14 months, some with couples and some with single men. It's been wonderful and we feel closer than ever. Swinging has added a new dimension to our relationship without changing what we already had.

It works for us because we communicate and we both know that nothing can come between the two of us, ever. We are a team and no matter what happens late some Friday night we will always be a team.

Hope this helps.

[intuition897]

Originally Posted by lovefest04

Hi Jenn,
...i was nervous and scared. I had a lot of shit that started going on in my head. Why would she want to be with another man, why did she smile like that etc etc. I definitly had to process the experience over a few days to get a handle on my feelings. Bottom line is that, for me, a lot of my feeling were about me. Insecurity, feeling left out (i wasn't), feeling vunerable.
...Swinging has added a new dimension to our relationship without changing what we already had.

It works for us because we communicate and we both know that nothing can come between the two of us, ever. We are a team and no matter what happens late some Friday night we will always be a team.

You'll never know what kind of soldier you are until you're in the trenches and under fire, unfortunately. What lovefest said about a lot of shit going on in your head is true. It can and does happen. When it does, it's important to remain objective and not let your emotions overwhelm you. Emotions should be listened to, but don't let them push you around. If you normally trust your partner with your life outside of swinging, and truly believe in your heart of hearts that he would never knowingly hurt you, it's pretty safe to assume that the panic that you might be feeling, the feelings of sadness or aloneness or being left out or hurt, are the product of your own imagination playing on your insecurities.

The first time I saw Mr. intuition with another woman, I was strangely unemotional about it. I was just so fascinated with watching it happen that I didn't really do a lot of thinking about it. I never once thought that he might have ulterior motive, however; we went into full-swap swinging after we had a bit of a revelation in our relationship, so we were very close to one another. Swinging only intensified those feelings of closeness for us; how could it not? I see him doing the unthinkable, the most horrible thing that could possibly happen to a standard marriage, and realize that this other woman, no matter how awesome she is in bed or how beautiful, will never take my place in his heart. And we love each other for giving each this kind of freedom. Sex is just a paper tiger for us now, there is no threat left in it at all. Hope this helps

[jennandjamesinm]

Originally Posted by lovefest04

It works for us because we communicate and we both know that nothing can come between the two of us, ever. We are a team and no matter what happens late some Friday night we will always be a team.

Hope this helps.

Lovefest - yes it does help - ALOT!!! I think you put it perfectly, because we feel the same way - being a team no matter what.

Originally Posted by intuition897

You'll never know what kind of soldier you are until you're in the trenches and under fire, unfortunately. What lovefest said about a lot of shit going on in your head is true. It can and does happen. When it does, it's important to remain objective and not let your emotions overwhelm you. Emotions should be listened to, but don't let them push you around. If you normally trust your partner with your life outside of swinging, and truly believe in your heart of hearts that he would never knowingly hurt you, it's pretty safe to assume that the panic that you might be feeling, the feelings of sadness or aloneness or being left out or hurt, are the product of your own imagination playing on your insecurities.

The first time I saw Mr. intuition with another woman, I was strangely unemotional about it. I was just so fascinated with watching it happen that I didn't really do a lot of thinking about it. I never once thought that he might have ulterior motive, however; we went into full-swap swinging after we had a bit of a revelation in our relationship, so we were very close to one another. Swinging only intensified those feelings of closeness for us; how could it not? I see him doing the unthinkable, the most horrible thing that could possibly happen to a standard marriage, and realize that this other woman, no matter how awesome she is in bed or how beautiful, will never take my place in his heart. And we love each other for giving each this kind of freedom. Sex is just a paper tiger for us now, there is no threat left in it at all. Hope this helps

Mrs. Intutition - WOW - well put. What you said DEFINETLY helps. I trust James implicitly, and I think you hit it on the head for me - no one will ever take my place in his heart. He tells me that all of the time, even tells me that if I just wanted to drop swinging altogether, it wold be fine with him, becasue I am all he needs. Thanks for bringing this home to me.........

Jenn

[Utopian Couple]

Still really do not consider ourselves "swinger's" per se, but we have a couple we met through SLS with whom we are very good friends. Our friendship just happens to have an extra-added dynamic! I wasn't exactly sure how I would feel during or after "things" until, well, during and after.

Last Friday night was our first time to really do much of anything, and we stayed up until like 3 or 4 am laughing, drinking, hanging out, listening to music, with plenty of teasing, making-out, groping, nakedness, and oral sex thrown in for good measure. I told my wife as we talked over the next few days about how it felt for me. I didn't feel like it was me with the other female or her with the other male, but rather my wife and I sharing a sexual experience together. We could watch each other...I loved watching her and seeing things I had so often experienced from a different angle, we could talk, we could look into each other's eyes, and even still touch(some of the time anyway!). During one particularly intimate moment with this four in-line thing(with the girls in the middle of the line facelick ), we were holding hands and I was stroking her hair. Wow! Very intimate, very connected... Being with this other couple enhanced a sexual experience for us as a couple, not for me and for her, but for us. It was as it should be, or the way we think it should be anyway. No jealousy, no insecurities...well, my wife had a couple of the little,"Did she____better than me?" things, but they were easily reassurred. Why should there be insecurities? No one can ever be better than my wife because of the emotional, psychic bond we have and because I love her. And as for jealousy...our bodies and even our minds to a lesser extent might be "on loan" for a brief time, but our hearts belong to each other... So there is my diatribe on emotions! Sorry to get so windy...

Mister half of Utopian Couple

[DaveNSheila]

Mr Utopian Couple said it best. The part about being able to see what she does to me from a different angle. When S and I have sex or make love when I am ready to orgasm she rolls her hips now that may seem small but so far she is the only one that I have been with that does that. She just naturally does it. So the first time we swapped it was neat to watch her body movements and to finally see how her body moves when she does what she does. I feel it and now I know what it looks like when she does that. That was the first thing for me about swapping. We both know that we have each others heart and no matter what at the end of the night or the end of the play session we are going home together. It is just fun a way to pass time and a different recreational sport. Now my think of different things and try to do different things all of which has to meet S's approval. Our thing lately has been driving along the Interstates naked and giving a show of some sort.. Ok sorry got off track and went off into left field. The emotions will be there and just ride through them sounds like you both know that you love each other and well talk afterwards and you will both see that you are still both there for each other. D

[djjwp]

Depends...

The first several times I seen my first wife with another man was wild and wonderful. We did separate rooms and I got to look in on them when his wife and I took a break. I was so excited by what I seen that his wife enjoyed round 2 better than round 1!

Negative emotions entered the picture when he came over alone and she did him with me sitting there. I’m NOT a cuckold and had no intentions of sitting on the bench but she said she could not handle two of us at one time, OK for a while but after they had played for a while, we took a break and then when I got back to the room, they were in more of a romantic play than sex. This hurt as I was excluded. My advice is to NEVER lock your spouse out of the event and always do what you are going to do as a couple. Your spouse should always be treated as number one unless they express otherwise.

[clit pro poet]

JennandJamesinm wrote "...for me the sensual aspect far outweighs anything else. Also, I know that I will be there because one of our "rules" (thanks for the great advice!!!) is that we are a same room couple. The first time you saw your partner with another person, how did you feel, what was your reaction to it?"

(Mr. writing this one) I've wondered why something that most couples wouldn't be bothered with - or worse, somethng way over the top (sic) - feels comfortable, natural and fun (!) to me. In the way-back past, Mrs. experienced loss of affections in couples that she knew as close friends. I did not. My experiences ranged from same room with a small crowd of acquaintances and friends, to private visits. That was then.
Nowadays, the satisfaction of past, present, and future life with her has lead me to think sexually as a couple almost all the time. This was surprising to realize, and nice, and, potentially, comfortable to share, if that's what we feel like. The sensual aspect IS a wonder, and if tricky emotions come up, you have familiar, loving, hands right there to let your concentration get back to what you're doing.
Good thread! Enjoyed every post. 'Hope this one helps too.

Originally Posted by jennandjamesinm

The first time you saw your partner with another person, how did you feel, what was your reaction to it? I'd like input from women and men......Thanks ya'll!!!

Jenn

For me it was AWESOME!!!
But you have to understand, it wasn't just my fantasy to form a Mrs Naughty sandwhich, it was both of ours facelick .

The first time we had an MFM, we said to ourselves afterwards, "Why did we wait so long?"

As far as Mrs Naughty seeing me with another woman, I don't think it was quite as hot for her as what I experience when watching her. She was okay with it, but it really didn't do anything for her either way.

But on the same token it wasn't as hot for me either. Fun? yes!

But it wasn't the fantasy that we both get worked up over:

The Amazing Mrs Naughty Sandwhich facelick

[cuteIDcouple]

One thing that came to mind (sorry if this has been mentioned elsewhere)

Our first mfm experience Mrs kept looking at me as if concerned about what I was thinking or feeling, so much so I could tell she wasn't enjoying herself fully.

We talked at great length that night after we were alone, and I expressed to her I wanted her to disconnect from me, totally get into the moment with the other guy. I wanted her to fully release and enjoy herself. It meant more to me to see the pleasure in her face and actions than for her to be worried about me.

I wanted her to disconnect from me because we always come back together at the end and after the other guy leaves, then we stay up talking about how great it was. I want her to give me every detail as if she was talking to her best girlfriend, I want to know if she had the best sex ever, and what was better about it. after all I know there will always be some one that can do things better than me, and if she lets me know about it then I can become her best. If she were to keep that from me and make me believe I was the best when I wasn't then the other guy will always be better.

On our second encounter she was able to experience her first orgasm with intercourse, it was AMAZING to watch, I even helped hold her legs up.

Now she has no problems letting go and instead of a look of worry she gives me a look of thanks, of 'you're amazing' , and 'I'm so lucky this is awesome' ... we have a lot of eye contact but it's sensual and reassures ourselves that we are sharing each other in a much higher level.

[CandTinLorainCo]

Well Jenn....Our first experience was, lets say, quite shocking to say the least for all involved. We were with "Vanilla" friends having a wonderful evening in the hot tub relaxing drinking nothing else, so after a few drinks, the women decided to get more... comfy? No big deal, kinda cool actually. None of us had ever discussed or thought "swinging" at least aloud anyhow. Once we got inside the 2 couples had split off, the guys were rubbing baby oil on thier respective wives when out of no where one wife reached to help rub the oil on the other wife. Ok. No harm, no foul. All of a sudden now we have one wife with the other husbands cock in thier mouth sucking away..... again mind you...this was with Vanilla friends...... so needless to say all for of us were shocked to death at first(especially me) the husbands looked at each other like "uh, dude your wife has my cock in her mouth?" With the suprise of this we all four realized that "hey this is kinda cool" and the rest is history as they say... now were full swap with them and have no thoughts of ever turning back, it's a wild, thrilling,exciting adventure that has helped us all as couples and as friends. But inital shocks and learning thru process's and mistakes along the way that feeling of jealousy or that ache in your gut....it goes away, and you just enjoy it for what it is...... utter pleasure!

-T

[NtyKittensMan]

Last two nights we have met this very nice couple. Its only been kissing and a little petting, kinda building up the sexual tension between us. Which is a real turn on.

Seeing my wife kissing another man and woman for the first time was just totally hot. I was completely comfortable with this and relaxed, and best of all happy to have such a wonderful couple to make me feel this way.