Emotions - the first time you saw your partner with someone else?

[JustAskJulie]

Even though I'd had a good bit of experience before I worried about the first time I would see Pet with someone else. We'd made it through him kissing and fondling other women and it hadn't really phased me. What I found when we finally had the opportunity to be with another couple was surprising to me, I felt excited and VERY turned on seeing him with another woman.

Even with all my past experience I had never felt that way seeing my partner with someone else, I'd always felt a bit ambivelent about my partners actions. Every relationship is different.

[Tia Vampire]

We were both jealous as hell. I could not stand watching his penis slide in and out of another woman and he could not stand to see me give another guy head. We had to end up trying being with others in seperate room, which was better for the both of us. Now after a year, we are better at being able to watch each other without those jealous feelings.

[lakeluvrs]

The first time was fine for us. I could tell the Mrs. was totally owning the other guy. (My wife has muscle control that can reduce grown men to tears.) So I was really enjoying watching him try to last longer than 30 seconds. It was extremely arousing to see her doing that to him. My wife had a little bit of jealousy because the girl was very petite and pretty and was one of those that looked even better naked than partially clothed. But that jealousy went away quickly and it was a great night.

The problem for me was a year or so into our swinging career when we were with a couple we'd played with once before and in the middle of it my wife quit her moaning long enough to scream that she was coming. That's when the jealousy siren went off in my head. I can only make her come from intercourse with no other help about once every 50 times, and here was this dude doing it on his second attempt. And it wasn't just any old come, this was a walls-falling-down orgasm. When the initial shock wore off, I realized the jealousy part of the brain must be wired to the arousal part, because while I was worrying about the fact that this guy had just given her better sex than I ever had, I was also thinking "I hope we can meet these people next weekend so he can do it again!"

Now I hope to have that jealousy/arousal every time. It's one of the greatest highs I've ever had.

[ktimephoenix]

not having experienced a full swap, i can only go on the soft aspect. I walked out of the bathroom to see mrs phoenix hooking up with the male of the couple. shocked at first? yep. i felt a little empty. but i quickly realised that the empty feeling was the lack of jealousy that i was expecting to feel. after that it was just hot.

[des1re06]

Turned on and yes I knew why she was screaming and moaning.

Mrs. D

[tangyspecial]

I love this thread, so I am going to post 4 different firsts and the emotions we had with each of them.

Our very first experience was a MFM with a vanilla friend. The Mr. was VERY turned on and not the least bit jealous. I, on the other hand, couldn't really enjoy myself because I was too busy looking to the Mr. to make sure he was ok with things every step of the way. Afterwards, we talked about it a lot and he made me realize I had no need to worry and he wanted me to just enjoy myself.

Our second new experience was FF with the hubbies watching. The other female and I got naked in the hot tub out of view of the hubbies while they talked. We played around in there for a while before getting out to get on a bed and noticing the hubbies were gone. We were on the bed with her face planted between my legs when the hubbies returned. The look on my Mr.'s face was priceless. His arousal made me even hotter. A few hours of playing later (and so many O's later we lost count), the Mr. and I went back to our hotel room. We didn't really talk much that night because we were too busy having our own wild fun. I felt more relaxed in that situation because I didn't even have to ask if he enjoyed it. His expressions made it obvious. Once we did talk about it, he said that he was incredibly turned on and loved being able to finally see me expressing my bi side. (I have always been a 4 on the Kinsey scale, but he never witnessed it because we were monogamous.)

Our third new experience was a full swap with the same couple. I was originally worried how I would react to seeing the Mr. with another woman, but I knew I loved the idea of it. Seeing it in person was incredibly HOT!!! I absolutely LOVED seeing him work his magic. I got so caught up watching, that it ended up being mostly me watching the 3 of them together, but I didn't mind one bit. That time it was his turn to worry if I was ok with everything, but I was. The only "jealousy" I felt was wishing I could hurry up and have him all to myself again so I could ravage him.

The fourth new experience was a FFM with a vanilla friend of mine. I was a tad concerned going into it because she had told me she was only socially bi, only had one FFM experience before, and she didn't enjoy it but was willing to try again. I knew I wanted to be with her, and I knew that the Mr. did as well. I was pretty sure I would end up only playing with the Mr. during the experience and was trying to prepare myself so I wouldn't be jealous of him being able to touch her. Luckily, once we were all together, she ended up being more bi than she wanted to admit. We ended up tag teaming her (for lack of better words), and everything was incredibly HOT. No issues arose from anyone over it.

Now we have experienced every situation we have wanted to experience and discovered no issues with any of them. Now we can roll with whatever situation presents itself and just have fun.

Sorry for the book of an answer. heh

[JustMrJ]

I will answer from the male point of view and pass on a few things my wife said after our first event.

When I saw her beginning to get pleasured by another man I can honestly say the first thing that came to mind is "Is she okay?" Then she got more comfortable with the first guy, saw there was another whom she at spoken with just observing and proceeded to invite him to join the first man in giving her 'service'. I was just enjoying seeing her writhe and moan slightly in response to these two gentlemen. After they began the 'full treatment' I saw she was smiling and beginning her 'singing', then I thought "yep... she's okay."

I had absolutely no jealous thoughts about this as we have a very strong 'love' bond and friendship bond as well. Seeing her being pleasured like that was extremely enjoyable and a heck of a turn on!

Later she told me that when she first saw me start to play with the hostess with her observing, she said that she got a twinge of jealousy at first, but then thought... "It doesn't matter... he's coming home with me."

Hope that helps. *HUGS*

[Cpl2share]

We had engaged in a lot of soft play over the 5 years preceding our first swap. Mrs. Cpl has always been able to seperate sex and love, I have not. I started out being that guy who gets pissed off (at her) if some other guy gave her a second look. Over the years I mellowed out (at least in that respect) and it was actually me who brought up swinging in the first place. When we decided to do our first house party and knew for a fact that we would be swapping we dealt with the reality of sex with others. It turned out that I was not only okay with Mrs. Cpl playing and screwing another man, but found it a turn on. Mrs. Cpl on the other hand had trouble with seeing me with another woman. In fact the hardest part for her was to see me going down on another woman. We have learned that even though I am the posessive one in the rest of life, she is the one who is posessive of my body. Guess that means that she does like me. LOL

[nhcpl1968]

mixed emotions but then we talked and felt alot better

[jimnjan]

Even now, my reaction is the same. I love watching him melt a woman! But we have learned that her partner better be melting me or its a no-go.

[blondie77]

Our first time playing was definately not the best. Hubby and I thought we had discussed everything and covered every possible thing we could, but nothing can prepare you for the first time you see your S.O. with someone else. For our first time it was with just one woman and I definately felt jealous. There wasn't any sex involved that first time, but some very serious soft play. I had such mixed emotions afterwards, mainly because I was the one who initially brought up swinging and then I was the one who had second thoughts about the whole thing. I didn't really get jealous about anything sexual they did except the kissing. I don't know why that bothered me...but it really did. Just seeing my husband kissing another woman about stopped my heart...but nothing else he did with her had that same effect on me. I think it was mainly shock, at first; perhaps I thought I'd bitten off a little more than I could chew. One positive thing came out of that situation though: Hubby and I had the most heartfelt talk afterwards and I have never felt closer to him than at that moment. It really brought us closer, gave us new things to talk about, and an opportunity to reassure each other. I am happy to say that now him kissing another woman totally turns me on...but really I don't think you can know how you'll feel or even really prepare for it until it happens. Just remember that anytime either one of you feels uncomfortable you can stop. Communication is the key and I really can't stress that enough. Good luck!

[cupl4fun]

For both the Mrs. and I we didn't feel much. We were like on sensory overload. When we woke up the next morning though it was like "Holy sh*t, did we actually do that?" But I didn't have any jealousy at all (and I was worried I might) I was a little freaked out by it all though. Had I just done something terrible? Are we going to get a disease? When I walked into work I felt like everyone would know or find out. But funnily enough, fears about our relationship never came up. I'm not sure what it will be like next time though when I'm less in shock.

[daddynbabygrl]

So much insight in this thread.....

Our "first time" was a MFF experience and I was in a state of "Shock and Awe" but in a very good way. Too good as I had performance anxiety and what made it more frustrating is "Babygirl" was motioning for me to join in on the fun.....willingly wanting me to partake of this other woman.....and I couldn't. So it was fun, enjoyable, but the evening ended up with me extremely embarrassed, frustrated and feeling "alone"......but many talks later (after i picked up my bottom lip and ego off the floor)....and we are closer and more communicative and I just know when she has her playmate over again, I *MIGHT* be able to redeem myself......

- Daddy

[willyoats]

Male perspective:

For me, it was a kind of warm and fuzzy feeling. I already knew that I would not be jealous, since I knew all about the other sexual adventures she had had without me, and hearign about them was a big turn-on for me.

I was delighted that she enjoyed it. That meant that we woudl keep on doing it, which was what I was sure I wanted to do.

She says that she had very little emotion seeing me screw another woman. She was glad I was having a good time fulfilling a fantasy. However, unlike me, she did not care if she watched me. I always liked to watch her.

[herpob]

Wow great insghts for the newbie - people - great job!

Both my husband and I had multiple partners before we married many 3somes, many groups. When we began dating we stopped it all. We were monogamous and for quite some time. By the time we were ready to enter back into this lifestyle we had told it all, described it all, acted it all out, and retold it all many times. We knew more about one another's sex than ourselves. We made certain that it there were NO secrets.

We also did everything a couple could do without others, we had sex constantly. Then one day we were discussing a group of baseball players I had performed oral on in group, for the first time my husband made the comment seriously, "I sure would like to see that." Well by that point we had developed some good friendships with other couples who were very open about there sexual lifes and we all shared stories openly. I learned a great deal from them.

We discussed our conversation with 3 of the guys one night and they said if their wives were good with it they'd love to be involved. Next thing you know I'm on my knees sucking three other men. My man was too busy masturbating the entire time. He said he had so much fun. I said the same and he was thrilled for me.

Over the next several months we found more couples eventually ending with eight where as typical the men were more sexually active than the women. The wives didn't want them to go outside the marriage so much (for safety), the guys wanted more sex, the women didn't, and so on... That is how we became an exclusive six couples and eventually eight. Of the eight women I was by far the most active so I became the go to gal it was several years before we even had our first couple swap. Up till now the other women had watched some, a few had female play, some couples had swapped same room and some moved to separate rooms but my husband and I had not.

So when the first same room swap took place I was a bit nervous. All this time he hadn't been with another woman and those inhibitions tried to creep in. I simply made up my mind using logic that I was being stupid, after all I had been doing my mind had to be kidding. So I laughed and got over it. When the first lady sucked him I nearly creamed. It was soooo HOT! When they went 69 I quit with my partner to watch from all angles. Then the intercourse, oh WOW! It was so fun to watch him make love to this lady and see what it was like off camera all real and close up. I now became the masturbating voyeur, it was simply fascinating.

So keep it real – discuss everything, be open, honest, NO secrets, no hiding, keep yourself in control of you, prepare mentally, and love that your mate will be having a blast! So pretty much keep it unselfish and you will never have a problem. I visualized him doing her all which way before we ever got with them, the real thing was then like seeing the movie LIVE and it was amazing!

I love for my husband to watch me with other men, I love to watch him with other women, and it is just as much fun in separate rooms now because the story telling gets HEATED! I like to watch sometimes just to see how a person's body moves and learn from it.